by Stefania Gil
It had only been half an hour since I arrived and there I was trying to control myself so as not to burst into spontaneous orgasm in public. It was very difficult to contain myself.
I took another sip of wine.
“How was your day today?” He asked me curiously.
“Great,” I said, smiling and out of nowhere, I told him everything that happened, even about how Holly might build a work room for her specialty desserts in the garden by her house.
“I know someone who knows a lot about construction,” he said, stroking my arm with the tip of his finger.
I swallowed thick.
It went from bad to worse. Not only could I not tear this charming man out of my head, but I also told him about my plans to continue soliciting his services as if giving me an excuse to see him more often.
“Yeah, me too,” I winked, “I'll get in touch when the time comes.”
“I'd love to meet Holly,” James said, I felt dizzy. Occasional friends, never, understand well, never want to meet your lifelong friends. Never. That always complicates things “in due time, of course,” he said as soon as he saw the expression on my face and continued: “I’ll remind you that I am not only a builder, an ability I learned from my father. I am also an architect and I can help you design a comfortable useful work environment.”
He took a lock of my hair placing it behind my ear.
While I looked like a deer and he a lion, of course.
“I've learned not to ask women what they're thinking since it can lead to problems,” he sighed. “But right now Jen, I'm dying to know what's going on inside your head.”
I sipped my wine smiling.
“A pretty clear picture of you and me, without clothes, in one of the rooms of this hotel.”
He took me by the neck, eliminating any space between us placing his lips on mine.
It started with light kisses barely skimming my lips, sending shivers all over my body. Then he caressed them with the tip of his tongue. The chills morphed into electric shocks and with the warmth and moisture of his mouth entering mine, my panties began to gather moisture.
His mobile interrupted our magnificent moment.
It was sitting on the table with our drinks, and for bad luck-or good, according to how you want to look at it-my eyes were fixed on the device before he could remove it.
The call was: “Little Mouse”
How many mice would he have in his life? Would I be one of them?
What do you care, Jen?
He answered the call with the naturalness of someone who had nothing to hide.
“Hello, sweetheart.” He smiled as he listened to “Little Mouse” and I tried to determine the intent of his smile because it looked sweet. An expression she'd never seen in James. “Yes, I'll take care of myself, I promise. Love you too. Bye.”
He hung up the phone and viewed me with a smile. This time his smile was mischievous.
“I'd like to talk to you about this call,” he said, not taking his eyes from mine.
“By God, James, you have nothing to talk to me about. You and I are not going out to the point you have to explain anything to me. We had sex and we will continue having it if we learn to leave our lives outside when we are together. I am not looking for a stable relationship. Each one does with his life what he wants.”
James sighed.
“You're sure that...” His cell phone rang again.
“Yes,” he said. “All right, I left it at Aurora's house. Umhum... I talked to her a while ago. She said she was going to bed. If it is okay. Enjoy your trip. Kisses. Bye.”
My mind went over these words: I left it at Aurora's house and talked to her a while ago, she told me she was going to bed.
“Are you married?” Yes, I asked him without further ado, even after I told him everyone was doing what they wanted with their life. It is one thing to have many relationships and another very different to be married and, as I was able to deduce, with a daughter. Children and dogs are the only ones you leave in the house of “someone” —in this case “Aurora”— to be taken care of when you are not at home and dogs, can’t speak to say they are going to bed.
So, two plus two...
He was married, with a daughter and his wife was traveling.
He studied me smiling.
“You're putting a story together in your head, right?”
“Answer the question, James. I don’t give a damn about your life and the less I know about her, the better, but if you're married I want to know now because I won’t do what was done to me.”
“Come on, let's go upstairs.”
He said as he took my hand and the room key from his trouser pocket.
“No, you need to answer me now.”
He turned around grabbing me by the neck and kissing me like the first time he did it at the florist's.
His tongue was desperate to find mine and his hand on my neck applied the necessary pressure so I couldn’t shake him off. Of course, there was always the option of pushing him making those around us give me a hand, but at this point it was more than obvious I was crazy about James. No doubt, it was obvious to everyone, except me.
When he finished invading my mouth, he whispered in my ear:
“I'm a gentleman, Jen, I would never do you or any other woman, like what Carl did to you.”
***
I got home and I sank into the tub. I filled it with bubbles, lit some aromatic candles, and stayed there for a while.
I had a strange sensation in my body.
I remembered everything we had done inside the hotel room.
I also remembered the words I had whispered before going to the room.
Without realizing it, I began to cry.
Damn hormones!
I cried as a last resort. The pressure in my chest hurt like hell.
He is a good man, fall in love. Said my inner voice.
Don’t even think about it. He’s too good at everything to be real, another voice said.
It was like having an angel and a devil, on each shoulder. Like the ones in cartoons.
And me, in the middle, crying like a fool since I didn’t know what I should feel or how I should act.
I wanted to know James. I wanted to know everything about him. However, at the same time, I refused to accept what he wanted to tell me. I noticed his reaction when I told him I didn’t want any explanations from him.
He had been surprised considering it was very clear he was willing to explain an important part of his life.
Of course, I didn’t want to get involved and that's why I stopped him.
I was tired of being so alone but I didn’t want any ties.
Damn hormones! I thought again.
I hated the fear of love I harbored in my mind. I hated it because, yes, I liked to be in love but love hurt and according to me, I didn’t want to get hurt again.
So there I was, crying like a fool because it hurt to be alone.
How complicated women can be!
It was not the first weeping episode I suffered in the solitude of my home. Perhaps for that, the necessary thing was being at home. The silence overwhelmed me, despite telling everyone solitude was good for me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I remembered Dr. Rose and all the time I attended her appointments. Sometimes I thought I needed to visit her again, but then I thought for what. She would tell me things I didn’t want to hear. I would mention what I should do and what I, in the midst of my stupid fears, refused to do.
I got out of the tub a couple of hours later, wrapped myself in a bathrobe and got into bed to continue crying like a teenager who didn’t know what she wanted out of life.
When exhaustion overpowered me, I slept.
When I opened my eyes, the clock on the nightstand informed me I had slept almost half a day.
My eyes scratched like sandpaper with each blink.
I could hardly open my swollen eyes.
I sent a message to Rick telli
ng him I had other things to do and I might not have time to stop by the florist shop.
Rick was my personal blessing. I trusted him and knew my business was in good hands when I was not there.
I couldn’t go to work. In fact, I couldn’t leave the house with my eyes like this.
I went to the kitchen to prepare some toast with cream cheese and marmalade.
I lay on the living room sofa with a few slices of cucumber over my eyes for about an hour. I had to do something to reduce the swelling.
The emptiness in my chest was still painful... And not to mention the little voice in my head was already turning into a nightmare.
“You're a real fool,” it said. “Give yourself over to the adventure”
I had to find a way to extinguish that voice.
My cell phone rang.
It was Holly. I had completely forgotten to watch out for her during the day. She was supposed to talk to Susan and Caroline about not working with them anymore.
“Holly, how are you? How did it go with Susan and Caroline?”
“Very good. We need to talk.”
“Oh, my God! By the tone of voice I can deduce I will love what you are going to tell me.”
“Ummhmm, that's the way it is.”
“Don’t cook dinner. I’ll bring Chinese food for everyone,” I said enthusiastically. Suddenly, I was grateful for the good news.
“Very well. Thank you.”
“See you in a while. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I got into the shower and let the water take away all my worries regarding love. However, I was going to need a lot of water, considering as soon as I closed the shower curtain, James returned to my thoughts.
***
I showed up at Holly's house with enough food for three days with the excuse that I didn’t know what everyone wanted. I had almost ordered the entire restaurant menu.
We ate dinner while talking about how our perspective days had gone. It was a custom in my friend's house. Of course, I didn’t participate much in the conversation. I just said I had visited some clients and made some bouquets with Rick.
Over dinner, Holly mentioned she would no longer work at S & C in light of new orders for dietary desserts coming in and she would need to dedicate all her time to this new project. I knew some information had been omitted and if I knew my friend well, she had done it so as not to excite her children with something she was not certain of yet.
Claire and Jason were very excited about their mother’s news. They were very good children, and I was sure they would always be Holly’s pillar of support. They trusted her and would do anything to make her happy.
After dinner, Holly asked the children to leave us and go do their homework.
“Well, tell me everything,” I said sitting down on the living room sofa with my cup of coffee.
“After having made the desserts that were scheduled to be made at Susan's house today, we sat at the kitchen table and I informed them I could not continue with them. It occurred to me to take some of the remaining desserts I had, so they understood I wasn’t leaving S & C to become their competition.”
I smiled. Holly was always looking for a way to make sure people didn’t think the worst about her.
“So they were trying the sweets while I explained how this whole new project had come up and you can’t imagine what they came up with.” She paused, opening her eyes in surprise, and smiling at me when she said, “They proposed a partnership to open this type of bakery in the city.”
It was not what I expected. It thrilled me; however, emotions and business didn’t go hand in hand. I knew Susan and Caroline a little. I knew they were responsible women passionate over their desserts but talking about a partnership with someone you barely know was something else. Holly wasn’t in the position to form a partnership with a couple of strangers if the business failed and everything came crashing down.
I am not only thinking of the investment money, also of the time dedicated to building that type of business along with the illusions of everything going well.
“Mmmm,” I said after sipping my coffee. I was analyzing everything she said. “Without a doubt, I also had to admit a partnership with a pair of famous pastry chefs would be of great benefit. If you associate with them, it would be an advantage to gain customers, Holly. Why—”
Holly interrupted me in annoyance.
“If I join? No, Jen, if I go into this business, you go too. We are going to share equally.”
I sighed.
“Okay, okay, fine. If we associate with them.” I smiled.
“Isn’t it convenient to have a partnership with them? Aren’t you excited about going into another business?”
“Of course, Holly, both things. Of course I'm excited to have a new business and especially if it's with you. Whereas them, for you and me, are perfect strangers and establishing a working partnership with a stranger, is something to be contemplated thoroughly. Look at what happened to me and I'm not associated with a stranger. He was my husband,” I reminded her.
“You're right,” she said, her mood deflating a little. “What do you think about this proposal?”
“I think,” I stated, “Like I said before, it is an advantage to have them as partners. What you have to establish very well and make clear from the beginning, is how everyone will participate in the business and how much they are willing to invest. The money they have far outweighs what we possess.” Holly nodded. “It is an opportunity I do not think we should pass up, but we must examine everything very carefully before we meet with them. They will be doing the same. I assure you.”
“So what's the plan?”
I took out my notebook, a pen, and began to make a list.
“I'll call my lawyer tomorrow to advise me a little. I will explain the whole proposal so they can tell me what we must do in order for us all to win with a balanced compromise between the four of us. It would be good, when you have some spare time, to look for potential vendors selling special ingredients such as: almonds, oatmeal, sweeteners, etc. That is something you should know from the beginning. Then you have to establish the desserts to be made from the beginning. According to the recipe of each one, how much raw material we will need. A shop like S & C would be ideal. It has a comfortable size and the rent, shouldn’t be exorbitant. I can look into that.” She was taking notes in a notebook of things to do. “Remember we have to start working on the orders we have. Surely, next week, new orders will come in.”
She sighed.
“Leave the fear,” I said, smiling, not looking up from the paper I was taking notes on, “everything will be fine and you will be able to do it.”
The situation was ironic, wasn’t it? There I was telling my friend to put aside her fear of starting a new business, when I was terrified of love and determined to be terrified all my life.
I sighed too.
“I will not call my friend the builder yet,” and there I was talking about James again. I'll wait until we talk to Susan and Caroline because if our meeting is positive, you won’t have to build anything at home. I'll call him-of course I was going to keep calling him to make my life more complicated- to go to the new place to make the necessary arrangements and without a doubt, you have to think of a good name for the place.
“Do we have to go to the meeting with them already prepared with a name?”
“Yes Dear. They have been in the media for a long time. Their TV program makes them increasingly famous and as you will see, they know how to negotiate. So we must be prepared in order to show them they are not dealing with fools.”
“Sometimes I think you're too suspicious.” Holly gave me a funny smile.
It was the truth.
We laughed together.
“Speaking of,” Holly continued. “I think you should stop putting strange ideas in Claire’s head.”
I looked at her with surprise.
“What did I do? I wouldn’t be able to, Holly. What happened?”
Holly gave me an anguish look that worried me. She was looking for an answer and I was not really understanding what was going on.
She turned to the armchair in front of us and her expression changed, as if she were answering someone else's eyes.
“What is it, Holly? What's happening to you?” I asked worriedly.
Holly cleared her throat.
“You won’t understand,” she said, opening her eyes in surprise while looking me directly in the face.
“Who are you talking to, Holly Morgan?”
She sighed deeply staring me directly in the eyes.
“With Sam.”
Let's just say that seemed like complete madness to me. So, as expected, I let out one of my best laughs. Upon seeing that Holly was still and very serious, I stopped laughing at once. I remembered Claire saying something before about listening to her mother talking to herself. Now, with this confession, it was more than obvious Holly was still in shock and thought she could see Sam.
“Friend,” I said, placing my hand over hers, “I think I know what I said to Claire that bothers you. What you just told me, confirms you need help getting over Sam's death.”
Holly whirled around in the chair, just as she had done minutes earlier, but this time, her gaze was angry.
“You did what?” She asked the air. I became even more worried. My friend needed help urgently.
“You were spying on her?” She asked the air again.
She folded her arms finally looking me in the eyes again. However, this time, her look was inquisitive.
“Sam says he saw you crying at home because you are or you feel alone.”
I put a hand to my chest and my eyes became wet.
“Oh, God!” I said with surprise. “Really, you can see him?”
“Yes.”
“Since when?”
“Since the day of his funeral. When the children were giving a speech to honor him.”
“I need a glass of wine, then you can tell me all this madness from the beginning.”
After talking for a couple of hours and drinking an entire bottle of wine, I was still astonished.
“Is he here with us, now?”
Holly nodded.
I drank more wine.