by Nita Wick
Fletcher shook his head. “Believe that if it eases your conscience, Reynolds. But Adelaide says she can’t marry me. And it’s because she loves you.” He stepped forward, pointing at his own chest. “I care about her, Reynolds. I could easily love that woman, and I want her for my wife. I’ll be good to her. I’ll take care of her. And I sure as hell won’t throw her away like you have.”
“Now wait just a minute, Fletcher.”
“No. You listen to me. Divorce papers aren’t going to be enough. You’ve got to tell her you don’t love her, Reynolds. It’ll break her heart, but she’ll recover. I’ll make sure of that.” He shook his head once more and spun on his heel.
Josh watched him walk away, unsure if he should believe the man. Did Addie love him? There had been so many times when he’d thought he’d seen that emotion in her beautiful eyes. Maybe she did love him. The memory of their parting kiss assaulted him. She’d kissed him as if nothing else in the world mattered. There had been love in that kiss. He could still taste it.
Josh wasn’t good enough for her, but hell, neither was Fletcher. Not really. Addie was more than any man deserved.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Striding toward his horse, he pondered how he could convince the woman to remain married. By the time he mounted, icy snow fell, and a cold wind stung his face. Neither bothered Josh at all. No matter the weather, a ray of sun had broken through to warm his heart and plant the seed of hope.
Addie loved him.
* * * *
Josh tied his horse to the post and climbed the steps. The big porch spanning the front of the house lay quiet, the rocking chairs bare and still. He drew a deep breath. Odd that he could feel so unsettled. Now that he’d decided he didn’t want a divorce, doubts about whether Addie would agree nagged him. Had he only imagined she had feelings for him? Could Jimmy be wrong? Was Fletcher wrong? Maybe he should test the waters. She might need time to adjust to the idea of remaining married to him. She’d insisted several times they’d be divorced as quickly as Foster could manage it. But did she truly want to be rid of him? Or was she only giving him what she thought he wanted?
He shook his head and knocked on the door. There were too many questions. And only one way to get the answers.
The door opened. The housekeeper’s eyes widened. “Oh, Mr. Reynolds. Thank goodness you’re back.” She grabbed his arm and ushered him inside.
“Is something wrong?” He removed his hat, his stomach twisting with worry.
“Everything is wrong. The poor dear is working herself into an early grave. She won’t eat. She doesn’t sleep.” She wrung her hands. “You’ve got to do somethin’.”
“Where is she?”
“In the study, first door down the hall.”
“Has she eaten lunch?”
The little woman frowned and shook her head. “She won’t eat breakfast. And when I asked what I should make for lunch and supper, she told me not to cook.”
Josh bit his tongue to keep from swearing. “Will you fix us somethin’ for lunch, Mrs. Simmons? Anything will be fine. Dr. Jennings will eat if I have to feed her myself.”
She smiled. “I knew you’d take care of things.”
He hung his hat on a peg and shrugged out of his coat. The coat joined the hat, and he wasted no time getting to the study. Addie sat at the desk, her head in her hands. She looked up as he stepped inside.
A look of surprise flitted across her face, and a smile lifted her lips. “Joshua.” She stood, moving around the desk.
Anger tore at him. The beautiful woman he’d left less than two weeks ago was all but a memory. Translucent skin stretched across the fine bones of her face, gaunt and colorless other than the dark shadows beneath her eyes. Her dress hung loosely against a skeletal frame. In some ways she looked worse than she had when she’d been sick with cholera.
He stepped toward her. “Damn it, Addie. I should turn you over my knee.”
Her brows drew together. “What?”
Grabbing her shoulders, he gave her a shake. He wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled, but he stopped himself. The feel of her thin shoulders beneath his hands frightened him. “I told you take care of yourself. Look at you. Have you eaten at all since I left?”
He didn’t give her time to answer. Lowering his head, he crushed his lips to hers. Rage battled to overcome the worry tearing at his gut. Her lips softened almost instantly, and she melted against him. The fury died away. Her immediate surrender stole his need to punish her. The sweetness that always tempted him beyond reason spilled over him. His groan echoed in his ears, and he gathered her in his arms to deepen the kiss. God, she was perfect. How could he have ever considered giving her up?
His tongue delved deeply into her mouth, exploring and tasting, finding the honeyed flavor he’d come to need. Her hands tangled in his hair, and she returned his kiss.
The truth filled his senses. He found it in her kiss. It had been there all along. She was his. This woman belonged to him. He was part of her; she was a part of him. But did she know it? Would she fight him for the independence she’d struggled to achieve? Would her stubborn pride keep them apart?
Josh broke the kiss but did not release her. He rested his cheek against her hair and breathed deeply of her feminine scent. He couldn’t let her go. The only question now was how long it would take him to make her realize it.
She sighed, a soft contented sound. “I missed you.”
He leaned back to look at her face. Her cheeks held a touch of color now, but her drastic weight loss still disturbed him.
“What’s wrong, Addie? Why have done this to yourself?”
“I just…. It’s all too much. I don’t know how to run a ranch. I’m a doctor, not a rancher. The hands have tried to help, but my father didn’t have a foreman. Uncle Rick says that even when he took to his sick bed, Papa managed the books and gave direction. Then there’s the store.” Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Slipping his arm around her shoulders, he guided her toward the door. “First, you’re going to eat.” She looked up at him and frowned. “Don’t even think about trying to argue with me, Addie. I’ll help you with all that later.”
She sniffed. “You don’t mind?”
“Don’t you know I’d do anything for you, darlin’?”
Relief spread across her face. Gratitude sparkled through the sheen of tears. “Thank you, Joshua.”
They entered the dining room. Mrs. Simmons brought in a plate of ham and biscuits from the kitchen. “I’ll be right back with some tea.”
“Tea?” Joshua asked when she’d left.
Addie shrugged. “I prefer tea with honey, but I’ll ask her to bring you some coffee.”
Josh held the chair for her and seated himself next to her. He offered the platter to Addie. She took a biscuit and slice of ham. Josh retrieved his fork to put another piece of ham on her plate.
Her lips thinned, and she shot him an irritated look but didn’t complain. “So tell me about the train. Were there any problems?”
Josh shook his head. “Cooper broke an axle and almost turned his wagon over, but no one was hurt.” He buttered a biscuit. “Good thing since our doctor wasn’t with us.”
Addie offered a weak smile and took a bite of her biscuit. “Anything else?”
“No. The icy weather didn’t help, but we managed.” Pointing his fork toward her plate, he issued an order. “Eat. We’ll talk later.”
She sighed but obeyed. Stilted, stiff motions made it clear she didn’t enjoy the food, and he wondered if she even tasted it. After eating all the ham and most of her biscuit, she sat back in her chair.
He nodded toward the plate. “You should finish your lunch.”
“I can’t eat another bite, Joshua.”
He took one last sip of his coffee and stood. “All right.” He held out his hand. She stood and laid her palm in his. “Now you’re going to take a nap.”
Her eyes widen
ed. “No. I’m fine.”
Wrapping his arm around her waist, he steered her toward the door. “You don’t look fine, Addie. Anyone can see you haven’t been sleeping. You need to rest.”
She shook her head and turned away from him. “No. I can’t. I….” Her voice cracked with emotion. “Every time I go to bed I just lie there. I think about Papa, the ranch, and….” She wrung her hands. “I can’t,” she finished weakly.
Josh moved behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and bent to rest his chin on her shoulder. “You need to rest, darlin’.”
Addie stiffened, and her stubborn streak appeared. She’d been compliant until now, obeying with little more than a token resistance. “I’m not going to bed, Joshua. I am not a child and I won’t be treated like one.”
Despite the irritation caused by her refusal, Josh smiled and nuzzled her hair. He’d come to love her stubborn determination to do things her own way. “All right. You win. Can we go sit on the sofa and talk for a while before we start work?”
Moments later, they seated themselves on the plump cushions of the couch next to a warm fire. Addie rubbed her arms, apparently still chilled in spite of the fire.
“Sit closer, darlin’. I’ll keep you warm.”
She gave him a grateful smile and scooted closer, her thigh just touching his. He settled his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. Addie laid her head against his shoulder and sighed. The contented sound washed over him. For the first time in years, he felt as if he’d come home. It was odd that he could think in those terms here in a house built by a man he’d never even met. But it wasn’t the house. It was Addie.
“So did the Coopers get their wagon repaired?” She snuggled closer, rested her hand on his chest, and turned her body toward him. Her chin lifted, and her midnight blue eyes gazed up at him.
“I always have an extra axle on the wagon Jimmy drives. We were able to repair Cooper’s wagon fairly quickly, and we were back on the trail within an hour or so.”
“Where’s Jimmy?”
“As soon as we delivered Cooper and Fleming to The Dalles, I headed back. Jimmy will rest a while and sell the wagon. Says he’s ready to settle down somewhere. He thinks Baker City looks like a nice little town.”
She smiled. “Good. I hope he’ll be happy here. So tell me everything I missed. I thought about you and the others every day.”
“Well, the travel was a mite slower without you there to lead the train. You always set a quick pace for us. I can’t blame it all on Evans, though. He had the lead, but the weather got plumb nasty ’bout the third day.” Addie’s eyes closed, and she relaxed against him. Josh continued talking softly about the sleet and freezing rain. He started to tell her about the two days of warm sunshine they had had, but he looked down at her and discovered her sound asleep.
Josh watched her sleep, contemplating the best way to convince her to cancel the divorce.
Mrs. Simmons entered. “Do you—?”
He placed a finger over his lips.
The woman smiled and whispered, “I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.”
Nodding, he thanked her. Josh refused to move. Resting his head on the back of the sofa, he allowed himself to doze. His back began to ache from sitting in the same position, but he remained still to keep from disturbing her. She needed sleep, and he’d make damned sure she got it.
She stirred and lifted her face to his. “How long have I been asleep?”
“Not long.” He smiled.
She sat up, rubbed her eyes, and looked at the clock on the mantel. Gasping, Addie fixed him with an accusatory glare. “It’s been two hours.”
“Didn’t realize it had been that long,” he lied. “I reckon you needed a nap after all.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You planned this, didn’t you?”
He chuckled. “I’d have to be loco to admit it.”
Addie smiled and shook her head. Already her pale complexion looked better. With regular meals and a few nights of sound sleep, she’d be the strong, healthy young woman he’d come to admire.
She stood and stretched. Joshua stood as well, resisting the need to pull her into his arms. “I supposed I should get back to those records. My father has a book of his breeding schedule for the horses. He was crossbreeding several different mares, but I’ve not been able to understand his reasoning. And I can’t decide which stallion should be put to which mare. I’ve also found orders for two mares from France. They should arrive next spring. And—”
“There’s somethin’ I want to talk to you about first.”
Her dark blue eyes widened. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” He took a deep breath. How should he put this? Should he just tell her that he didn’t want the divorce? Or would she rather hear a declaration of his feelings?
She tilted her head to one side. “What?”
“Well, I’ve been thinkin’. I—”
The rumble of approaching horses drew their attention.
Addie crossed to the window and pushed back the heavy velvet draperies to peek outside. “It’s Uncle Rick. I wasn’t expecting him.” She let the curtain fall. “Maybe he’s received the approval for the divorce from the circuit judge.” A crooked smile graced her face. “You could be a free man tonight.”
His jaw clenched. “Addie—”
Boot heels clacked on the porch, followed by a knock. She hurried to open the door. “Hello, Uncle Rick. Oh, Dr. Fletcher. Let me take your hat.”
Josh stood in the doorway of the salon and shoved his hands into his pockets, watching the two men shed their hats, coats, and gloves. They acknowledged his presence with a short nod.
The older man clutched Addie’s shoulders. “How are you?”
“I’m fine. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”
Josh watched in fascination. Trepidation colored Foster’s expression. Whatever the older man planned to say would not sit well with Addie. He sucked in a deep breath. “I’ve asked Dr. Fletcher here to examine you.”
For an instant, Addie’s eyes widened. Her chin rose, and she folded her arms. “I’m fine, Uncle. I don’t need a doctor’s attention.” She turned her back on both of them, brushing past him into the salon.
Josh moved away from the door, careful to give Addie and her guests plenty of room. He could almost feel her anger in the air. The two men entered the salon, determination and concern written on their faces.
Fletcher spoke. “We’re worried about you. You are thinner with each day that passes.”
Foster nodded his agreement. “And the bruises beneath your eyes get darker and darker.” He tilted his head. “Although I think your color is a bit better today. That’s an improvement.”
“I’m fine.” Addie faced them, putting the chair between her and them. “My symptoms are not some kind of illness. Women, and men, too, often have a loss of appetite when mourning the loss of loved one.”
Fletcher grunted. “Agreed. But it’s been more than two weeks. And it’s more than just your appetite. You’re obviously not sleeping either.”
The muscles in her jaw worked before she nodded. “True. I’ve been restless. Again, that is a result of my father’s death. I’ve been uncertain. And my usually well-ordered life has become....” She shook her head. “I’m just not accustomed to feeling so overwhelmed.”
Foster stepped toward her, palms up. “Then what do you prescribe, Doctor? Clearly our patient needs help.”
She offered him a small smile. “Help has arrived.” Lifting her arm, she gestured toward Josh. “Mr. Reynolds has agreed to help me run the ranch. I will sleep much better now.”
The men pinned him with a skeptical glare. Fletcher spoke first. “How long?”
Josh looked at Addie. “For as long as she needs me.”
This time, her eyes held a smile. She pressed her palms against the back of the chair. “I suppose this is as good a time as any to let you all know. I’ve made a decision.”
Foster and the do
ctor exchanged a curious glance.
Addie continued. “I’ve decided to go to San Francisco.”
Josh couldn’t contain his shock. He rested his hands on his hips to keep them still. “Why? What’s in San Francisco?”
“I don’t know. A new life, perhaps?”
Before he could ask the question foremost in his mind, Foster spoke the words. “What’s wrong with the one you have? Your father built this ranch in hopes that you would one day live here, make your home here.”
Sadness spread across her face. “I know. But this doesn’t feel like home. It’s so big. And it’s empty. I can’t stay here alone.”
Fletcher moved toward her, stopping only a few feet away. Addie stiffened, and her hands tightened on the chair. Fletcher didn’t seem to notice. “You wouldn’t be alone if you’d marry me. We could fill this house with children.”
“Your persistence is admirable, Dr. Fletcher.” Her head fell back, and she stared at the ceiling. “I can’t. I’d make a terrible wife. I’m not like other women.” She looked first at Fletcher, then at Foster. Her gaze settled on Josh. “I’m far too stubborn.”
She paced toward the fire. “And I can’t in good conscience vow to obey a man for the rest of my life. I’m too independent for that.” She paused, pointing at Foster. “You know full well how contrary I can be. You used to tell me I would argue with a fencepost. I’d make my husband miserable. And…and I’m not sure I like the idea of being a man’s possession.”
Foster opened his mouth to argue, but Addie held up her hand without missing a step in her pacing. “Besides, now that I’ve had time to think about what I want to do with my life, the possibilities are almost endless. I could practice medicine. Granted, I’d have to find a place in desperate need of a doctor. Women doctors aren’t usually welcomed.” She paused near the chair, cut a glance at Fletcher, and shrugged. Her pacing resumed. “Or perhaps I could open an orphanage. There are so many poor children without parents. I’ve plenty of money. I could give them a home and medical care.” She stopped again and stared into the fire. “And another thing, I find that I very much agree with the women’s suffrage movement. I’m thinking perhaps I might find a way to join the women involved. There is an organization in New York. Or maybe—”