“I should get you home,” I tell her.
“Before we go, can I ask you something,” she says.
“You can ask me anything. It doesn’t mean I’ll be able to answer,” I tell her.
She doesn’t ask the question right away, which tells me this isn’t going to be something I want to answer.
“Never mind, it’s nothing,” she says, and stands up.
I stand up as well and face her taking her shoulders in my hands.
“Are you sure?” I question.
“I’m sure,” she replies.
Maybe it was for the best that she doesn’t ask. I hear her gather up the blankets, then she takes my hand and we walk back toward my house. We walk up the stairs to the back deck and I hear Kate’s loud music filtering out of the pool house.
“Just one minute,” I tell Joss.
Back on comfortable ground, I take Joss’s hand and walk toward the pool house. I knock on the door, but Kate can’t hear it over the loud music she’s playing. I try the handle and the door opens right up. Instantly the music is lowered and Kate walks toward us.
“Hi, River. Hi, Joss,” she says.
“I’d like to not receive complaints from my neighbors about the loud music. You’re going to have to switch over to headphones,” I tell her, knowing she needs the noise to function.
“Sure, sorry River,” she says.
“Good night, Kate,” I tell her, and take Joss’s hand again.
The instant we’re in the house, Josh makes an appearance.
“We’re ready for you to drive Joss home,” I tell him.
The drive back to Joss’s house is quiet. Her description of the things she saw is still fresh and vivid in my mind. Josh pulls up to Joss’s house and he stops the car in the driveway. He walks around the car and opens the door. I scoot out after her and take her hand as I walk her to the door.
“Thank you for not having to condition your hair tonight and spending the evening with me instead,” I tell her.
I run my hand down the back of her arm and pull her into me. She smells like a mixture of strawberry and nutmeg. I slide my lips down her cheek until I reach her smiling lips. I kiss that smile right off her lips as I thrust my tongue into her mouth. She gently wavers back and forth, as I remove my lips. I run my index finger down her cheek to make sure her smile has returned, and then I walk back to the car.
The entire ride home my lips tingle with the memory of her kiss. My mind is reeling with long lost visions I thought my brain had closed the door on. I also find a need to get a dog. A black lab. When I come home from work and walk in that front door, I’d love to feel their tail whipping against my legs as they wag it with excitement because I’m home. What would it be like to have Joss waiting for me at home? If she were, would she be happy that I just walked in the door, or would she plaster on a fake smile? I’ll never know because I’ll never see it.
Today was a confusing day. I couldn’t let my weakness rear its head because I showered at Joss’s house this morning. I saw things through Joss’s eyes and it was spectacular. Yet, lingering in the background are my demons. I know they’re there and I know I can’t control it. I know in the end I’ll only ruin the woman that Joss is, and the fact that I still want to see her only confirms that I am a monster just like my father.
Tonight was amazing. I was stunned when River asked me to describe what I’d seen. I had been studying the sunset, the beach, and the dog for quite some time. When he asked me to tell him, I recited it from memory. I was looking into his eyes the entire time, studying his face as I spoke. The way his throat bobbed up and down and the way his eyes glistened broke my heart. I almost couldn’t get it all out. It was as if he had forgotten what they all looked like. How much can you remember from the age of ten? It makes me sad to think of all the things he’s never seen and the things he’ll ever get to see.
I could kick myself for not asking him what I wanted to ask him. I know River has issues going back to his childhood, even before the accident, but I wanted to ask him about his uncle Sebastien and Fawn. God, I can’t even bring myself to say her name in my mind without a nasty taste in my mouth. Please tell me that’s not her real name? Of course, it’s not her real name, she’s a prostitute for crying out loud!
Nina is already in bed asleep as I walk into a completely dark house. I lock the front door, leave all the lights off, and head to my room to crawl into bed. I reach in my nightstand and remove River’s tie, then place it on the pillow next to my face and fall fast asleep.
The next morning, bubbly Maddy walks into the house carrying a gorgeous bouquet of red roses.
“Oh my gosh, those are beautiful! Do you have a secret admirer that we don’t know about?” I ask, on my way into the kitchen.
“Nope. These were on your doorstep. There’s a card on them and it has your name on it, Joss,” she replies, with a happy smile.
“They’re for me?” I ask, surprised.
God, River is such a sweet man. What did he do? Leave here and pick up roses, then bring them right back? Or, is he already up and dropped them off bright and early.
I take the card and sure enough, it has my name on the outside. I open it, and there’s only one word written on the card - faiblesse.
It must be a foreign word. I’m sure River probably speaks a dozen languages in his line of business. I don’t have time to look it up right now. Nina and Maddy are already in the office waiting for me to have our morning meeting. I have a bunch of deliveries today and three chef clients, I’ll have to look it up later.
After our meeting, Maddy and I grab our bags and get ready to load our vans. I glance at the flowers sitting on the counter and I pout. I really should put them in water. They’re absolutely beautiful and they must have cost a fortune.
“You go. I’ll put them in water for you,” Nina says, coming up behind me.
“Thank you! You’re the best,” I say, but before I go, I take one red rose from the bunch to keep me company all day.
I load the back of my van, and then I help Maddy load hers. I close the back of her van, and then bang on the back telling her she’s all set to go. I watch Maddy drive down the street and I smile. I still can’t believe we have a full time employee. Before I turn around to get into my van, a black limo driving down the street toward me comes into view. Since I’ve known River, I’ve never seen him in a limo. I know he uses them from photos of him at gala’s and events, but I’ve never seen him in one in person. How sweet that he’s stopping by before work, he must have dropped the roses off last night right after he dropped me off. Then the limo driver comes into view and it’s not Josh.
The limo pulls up to the curb and the tinted back window slides down. I instantly recognize the silver fox seated behind the window. Funny, I was just thinking about him last night. Why is Sebastien at my house? How does he know where I live?
I walk from my van over to the limo, and Sebastien plasters on a grin that sends shivers up my spine. Not the good kind of shivers either.
“I see you got my flowers,” his smooth voice says.
The flowers are from Sebastien? Why the hell is he sending me flowers?
“I just thought you should know, since it’s the beginning of the month, that I’ve scheduled all of River’s…monthly meetings, with Fawn, Paris, and Autumn,” he says.
It’s like toxic venom to my heart. I grip the flower in my hand so tight the stem breaks in half.
“If you want to be scheduled as well, I’ll need you to make an appointment to sign some papers at my office first,” he continues.
His index and middle finger lazily come out of the vehicle with a business card pinched between them, and I just stare at it.
“Well, go on. Take it,” he says, moving his fingers back and forth impatiently.
I don’t know why, well I do know why, because my feet are traitors, that’s why, walk me toward his car and my traitor hand reaches up, and then takes the outstretched card. He smiles another sl
ithering smile, then the window is rolled up and the car pulls away.
I watch the limo disappear down the street, and then I stomp to my van and toss the broken flower and the business card on the passenger seat. I fold my arms over my chest and stare at them out of the corner of my eye. I can’t even look at them. I take my purse and throw it on top. I have shit to do. I don’t have time for this right now!
My entire day is soured. I’m again grumpy. I hate being grumpy. I overcooked a delicate salmon dish that made me even grumpier.
I haven’t heard a word from River all day, either. I haven’t reached out to him, but that’s beside the point. Instead of heading home after my last client, I head downtown to Mason Group. I don’t care that I have food slopped all over my clothes from a hard day’s work, or that my hair looks like Medusa. I grab the flower and the business card and I march to the elevator and push the button to River’s floor.
I’m met again by the brunette floosy sitting behind her dark, wooden desk. The second her eyes hit mine, the three names that Sebastien rattled off this morning hit me like a ton of bricks. It couldn’t be. Autumn isn’t that common of a name. Surely, this Autumn isn’t the same Autumn that River has…meetings with. Right? Good thing she’s not filing her nails. I think I would have marched over there, ripped the file out of her hand, and then stabbed her through the heart with it. Oh, all right, I wouldn’t have, but I would rip it out of her hands and toss it on the ground like a two year old.
I march down the hall to River’s door and throw it open. My bull-on-a-mission attitude comes to a screeching halt. Sitting in a chair across from River’s desk, is none other than Sebastien himself. He turns around in his chair and his eyes immediately come to mine, then go to the items clenched in my hand. One side of his lips turns upward into a grin, like I just played right into his hand, which is just icing on the cake. Josh is immediately out of his chair next to Sebastien, and he quickly walks around the desk and leans down to River’s ear. He quickly whispers in his ear and his someone-spit-in-my-food face immediately lights up into a killer, sexy smile. River stands as bitch-face Autumn walks up behind me.
Josh quickly reads my face, walks toward me and motions for Autumn that it’s all right and for her to leave. He closes the door, and then he walks over and stands in front of me. He looks at my face again, and then at my hands and he looks at what I’m looking at. I’m staring death rays at the silver fox who I wish good old Autumn had been filing her nails, so I could ram it into his chest.
Josh’s hand comes to mine and removes the flower and the business card. His expression turns angry when he reads the name on the card. I haven’t had a free second in my day to look up what the word means on the card that came with the flowers, but I’m sure as hell going to find out.
“Sebastien, you need to leave…now,” Josh says, turning around facing him.
An angry and surprised look comes over River, and it’s like he’s reading the emotions emanating from both Josh and myself that are bouncing off the walls. Not taking my eyes off Sebastien, I rip the flower and the card out of Josh’s hand and crumple them in my own.
“Out,” River’s stern voice orders.
Josh holds open the door and Sebastien leaves. But not before he walks up to me and passes me a smile that says ‘I’ll always win, little girl.’ Josh saw it, too, and growls in the back of his throat. River straightens an inch taller when he hears Josh’s growl.
Josh closes the door, and then he turns back around and faces River. River has his hands balled into fists and they’re resting on top of his desk. His head is down and I can tell he’s trying to compose himself. Josh walks over to River and whispers in his ear again. River’s knuckles crack on the desktop as Josh whispers.
Josh finishes talking to River, then without a word or another glance at me leaves his office. I’m still rooted to my spot holding a broken rose and a business card, and it feels like they’re burning a hole in my palm.
“What did he say to you?” River asks in a scary, shaky, angry, calm voice.
The anger oozing from his pores is palpable. I can tell he’s trying to rein it in, and even as hard as he’s trying, his words scare the hell out of me. I don’t answer him. I’m still rooted to the spot on the floor, and truthfully I’m not sure I should speak until I’ve clearly thought about what I have to say.
River pounds his fists onto the desk making me jump, and then he walks around his desk directly toward me. He stops just inches in front of my face. He runs his hand through his hair, and then places it on my shoulder. His hand runs down my arm until it reaches the dead, limp rose and the business card in my hand. His hand feels the flower and the card, then his fingers wrap firmly around them and he removes them from my hand.
He drops the flower to the ground and runs his fingers across the raised letters on the business card. He crumples the card in his hand, and then drops that to the ground as well.
He runs his hand over his five o’clock shadow, and then takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.
Of all the words running around in my head the only one that I can manage to speak is, “Autumn.”
The second my office door opened, the room filled with anger and hurt. Josh quickly came to my side and told me Joss had walked in. I knew it was her even before he said anything. But he said that she looked really upset. He also said once she saw Sebastien in my office, she couldn’t rip her eyes from him.
Josh shocked the shit out of me after he walked over to Joss and ordered Sebastien to leave. Josh doesn’t know the terrible things that Sebastien has inflicted on me over the years. But, he doesn’t have to. I think he knows even without having to know the details.
Josh came back and told me Joss had a death grip on a wilted rose and business card with Sebastian’s name on it. The fucker had the balls to see her? Sebastien has had one leg inside the coffin for years now and as far as I’m concerned, this just sealed the lid over his cold, dead body.
Josh left us, and even a fool with eyes couldn’t miss every emotion coming from Joss right now. She’s always had this magnetic pull, and I follow it straight to her and stop. I told her I’d hurt her. I never expected Sebastien to do it for me. Half of me hopes that what he’s told her is a straight up lie. I’m not ready to let Joss go yet. I’m not done being selfish.
I take the limp flower from her hand and I let it fall to the floor. Then, I reach for the business card. I was taught Braille shortly after the accident and I also learned to read raised printed letters. My fingers feel like they’re running across a smoldering fire as I run them across the puffy raised letters in Sebastian’s name. I crumple it in my fist and I swear I see smoke in my mind trail it to the ground as I let it fall.
I run my hand on my jaw and squeeze it almost to the point of excruciating pain, and then I reach for her hand.
The one word that she finally speaks is like a dagger.
“Autumn,” she says.
She rips her hand from mine and for the first time since I met her in my kitchen, that magnetic force between us disappears.
“I told you I wasn’t a good man. I told you I wasn’t good enough for you,” I tell her.
“Yes, you did. I should have listened to you,” she says in a calm voice from the doorway.
I didn’t even realize that she wasn’t standing in front of me anymore. I’m not ready to let her go. This isn’t a reason for her to leave. The door handle is turned, but she pauses.
“I haven’t slept with Autumn since the day I met you. She’s been made aware that I only employ her as my receptionist. Honestly, Joss, since the day I met you in my kitchen, I knew my life was in for a change,” I tell her toward the door.
It’s the truth. Since the day I’ve met Joss, I cancelled all three of the girls’ services. I haven’t seen Paris at all. I haven’t seen Fawn since the night of the party at my house. And I can’t fire Autumn. That’s a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. I can’t say firing her hasn’t crossed m
y mind. I told Josh to dig into her work conduct and look for legal ways to fire her the very morning I met Joss in my kitchen.
“What about Fawn?” she asks.
“I haven’t seen her since the night of the party,” I tell her.
“And Paris?” she questions.
Damn fucking Sebastien, he didn’t need to tell her about Paris.
“I haven’t seen her,” I tell her, truthfully.
Her hand slowly slips back into mine, and with it that magnetic pull returns in a rush.
“Sebastien said that he’s scheduled all three of them for you for the next month. He also said he can schedule me in, but I need to make an appointment and sign some papers at his office first,” she says. “I don’t think I like your uncle,” she continues.
I can’t help it. The grip I have on her hand instantly contracts when she refers to him as my uncle. That fucker is not in any way, shape, or, form related to me.
“That bastard is not my uncle. And I can guarantee that you’ll never see him again,” I tell her.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’ll threaten his ass within an inch of his life, or because I’ll take that life with my bare hands the next time he dares show his smug face again.
“But, he called himself your uncle at the party?” she questions.
I lead her back to the set of chairs across from my desk and sit her in one. I take the seat next to her and I briefly tell her that Sebastien was my father’s best friend. He was both his personal and business lawyer and upon my parent’s death, he was placed with all of the power over me, my brother, and sister until we each turned eighteen, and that he holds the majority of power of Mason Group until I turn thirty. I also tell her that I’m doing everything in my power to make sure that happens way before I turn thirty.
She gets quiet. I hear her lean back in the chair and cross her legs. I imagine what she looks like. I imagine her in the dress she wore last night. I haven’t felt what she’s wearing today, but I’m sure it’s her standard chef uniform of a button up shirt and work pants. But, I imagine her in that dress as the light fabric slides up her thighs as one leg crosses over the other. I imagine her exposed thigh that leads down her leg and disappears in the dark shadows. I find myself wanting to run my hand up her dress to her ass and rip her panties down her legs.
I See...Love (A Different Road #1) Page 15