by Maria Benson
“Look, you have no business telling me–”
“Aimee,” Dustin said, “I’m not here to browbeat you. I’ve caused you enough pain over the years. Look, the main reason I have so many chaotic relationships with women–from your mother, to my long-suffering Kim, to the women before and between–is because I initiate the relationships under false pretenses. You ask your mother sometime: the first few months, before we conceived you, I gave her the Best of Dustin Fineman. Sure, she knew I was married, but aside from that red flag I was patient, I returned her calls promptly, I thoughtfully planned the details of our dates. Hell, I even served her taste for digital–”
“Dustin, no.” I knew from Mom’s desperate expression that my eyes had expanded in horror. “Don’t even go there.”
“I’m sorry. The point is, your mother made a baby with me, and Kim married me, thinking they were getting a comparably angelic Dustin. I hid all the warts, all the things that should have sent them screaming in the other direction. I look at you and Michael, and it seems like you have an advantage over them.”
I tugged nervously on a strand of my hair, my lower lip curled. “You’re saying I can make an educated decision about whether to go forward with Michael or Ian.”
“Yes, hell yes,” Dustin replied, sounding more emotionally invested than I imagine even he suspected. “Look, I can’t read your mind, but it looks like you have strong feelings for both of these guys. You know what you’re walking into with either of them–a psychopathic ex-wife, a couple of kids for sure, and a nosy press corps with Wallace; then with Michael, a possible love child and maybe a few women scorned.”
He cleared his throat. “You know all this now, and that’s an advantage. You can start a life with either of these guys with your eyes wide open–whether they intended it or not, they’ve already revealed their good, bad and ugly to you. When you know all of someone’s issues and still want to be with them, that smells to me like the right one.”
I crossed my arms, refusing to meet Dustin’s eyes as I replied. “Wow, you’ve really solved it all for me, Daddy.”
Dustin grunted, then stood suddenly. “I suppose I deserve that. I’m taking a quick piss before they call for us.”
Once it was just the two of us, Mom reached over to embrace me. As we hugged, I deposited Dustin’s words but refused to dwell on them. Out on that stage with Ellen, my job was to talk about my past in a way that connected with her viewers. Everything else would have to wait.
CHAPTER 49
I drove into the parking lot of the south suburban Prenatal Genetics Center that Olive, Carlos and I had agreed to use. I cursed under my breath as one aisle of spaces after another proved to be full, knowing that my anger had little to do with parking inconveniences.
My stomach was in absolute knots, proving I had failed at my attempts to mentally downplay the significance of what we were doing. At least I wouldn’t have to see the happy couple today; Carlos and Olive had already come and gone earlier this morning to have their blood collected.
I sat in the Audi, inhaling deeply and exhaling aggressively as my car’s digital clock ticked off the minutes to my appointment time. The diverse emotions coursing inside convinced me that most of my family and friends who claimed to have nonchalantly weathered this experience–waiting to learn if you were father of an unplanned, out-of-wedlock-conceived baby–were liars. I knew that the results of these tests mattered–to me, to the child, to Olive and Carlos, and ultimately to whatever woman I eventually built a life with.
Stepping from my car, I strode toward the center on autopilot, legs pumping and arms swinging as if ready to conquer the world. Emotionally, though, the walk to the front door was a crawl through broken glass.
Too embarrassed to look to my left, where a dozen or more people sat in a large waiting room, I went straight to the reception window. After checking in, I found the nearest seat I could without raising my head. Settling in, I grabbed my iPhone, desperately seeking distraction.
“You know, you don’t have to take the test now.”
My eyes still on my phone, my eyebrows hiked in disbelief. The voice sounded like one I had longed to hear for weeks now, one that certainly wouldn’t have found its way into this waiting room. Yet and still, I raised my eyes and followed the words a few yards to my right.
Aimee lowered the Tribune print edition behind which she had hidden. “I mean,” she said, shrugging, “from what I read there’s good odds the result could still be murky. They get the cleanest result once the baby’s actually here.”
I walked–very slowly–over to her chair and took the next seat. “If I’m not the father,” I said, keeping my eyes straight ahead, “this test can tell me that now.”
Aimee, legs crossed as if she had not a care in the world, bit her lower lip in a tell-tale sign. “Are you taking the test now for yourself, or for anyone else?”
I smiled despite my best efforts. “Like you? Well, if you still care about the results, yes.”
She turned in her seat, placed both hands on my arm. “What if I said I don’t care about the results, whether now or in six months?”
The question popped out, unfiltered. “Who convinced you not to care?”
She shrugged. “Just a guy, one who’s kind of an expert on the redeeming qualities of sleazy men.”
I swung around, facing her head-on. “Say no more. I just can’t believe you’re here.”
She grabbed my shirt collar, pulled me close. “Is there anything else I need to know?”
Sobered, I took both of her hands in mine, realizing that we were attracting some onlooker attention but also not caring. “Ask me any question, I’ll answer it. We can start right here.” I meant every word; Aimee’s presence declared that we had a bond that could survive any of the unspoken events in our respective pasts. “I’ll share everything, Aimee. You can judge for yourself.”
“No judgments here,” Aimee said, pulling me close so that our lips literally rested atop one another’s. “Just honesty.”
READING GROUP GUIDE
Do you think Aimee could have fallen in love with Michael if he hadn’t adopted the habits and swagger of friends like Scott and Bobby? Have you experienced more natural cases of friendships evolving into something romantic? Can you ever guess in advance which friendships have potential to become something more and which don’t?
Why do you think Michael reacted to Aimee’s rejection with such an extreme attempt to transform himself? To the extent he was motivated by pressure to live up to certain expectations, do you think he was driven more by his family’s opinions of him or those of popular culture/society?
Aimee’s relationship with her father Dustin has infected her expectations of the men she dates. What role has Dustin played in Aimee’s decisions about whom she dates? How do you think she counteracted some of these patterns while becoming a self-help speaker and building a relationship with Michael?
In your experience, do most women like Aimee naturally “outgrow” youthful fascinations with bad boys? Why or why not?
If Aimee had never reconciled with him, do you think Michael would have continued in his newfound playboy ways or reverted to his “good guy” behaviors? Was he committed to being as ruthless as Bobby or Scott, or just trying something new in hopes of getting the attention of Aimee or someone comparable to her?
Should Aimee be willing to risk a committed relationship with Michael when it may require her to watch him help Olive raise a child? How have you or women you know dealt with such challenges?
In part, Michael began the journey which may have complicated his future in reaction to a dating game where he felt like the only genuine, honest player. Do the norms and “rules” of today’s dating scene generally lead to healthy relationships? Why or why not? What do you think is the most healthy approach to the dating landscape?
Over the course of the story, Sydney appears to grow increasingly comfortable with public displays of her sexual orientation. Were Aimee
and Tara right to let their friend inch her way out of the closet, or by not encouraging her to do more were they contributing to her shame?
Michael and Aimee each want to find love, but for a long time neither truly understands what it is. Aimee views the concept with cynicism and fear, while Michael seems to think of it as an unearned birthright. How do they come to understand the true meaning of love, to the point that their relationship survives Olive, Ian and other revelations?
Scott decides to marry his fiancée Ava despite learning that her baby is not his. Is this evidence of his emotional maturity, an indication that his claims of years of playboy behavior were all lies, or proof that he’s just “whipped?”
Continue the conversation! Join me at www.authormariabenson.com
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Maria Benson is a licensed therapist who has dedicated her practice to helping women find their personal identity and voice in the face of adversity. Through this work, Maria has been deeply moved by the capacity for human resiliency in the face of significant obstacles. These experiences serve as the inspiration for her writing.
A high technology marketing professional, A.L. Ford is the previous author of seven critically-acclaimed novels published by Random House, Penguin and Grand Central. He and his family live in southwest Ohio.
Read more about the authors’ work at www.authormariabenson.com.
Table of Contents
CHAPTER 1 Aimee
CHAPTER 2 Michael
CHAPTER 3 Aimee
CHAPTER 4 Michael
CHAPTER 5 Aimee
CHAPTER 6 Michael
CHAPTER 7 Aimee
CHAPTER 8 Michael
CHAPTER 9 Aimee
CHAPTER 10 Michael
CHAPTER 11 Aimee
CHAPTER 12 Michael
CHAPTER 13 Aimee
CHAPTER 14 Michael
CHAPTER 15 Aimee
CHAPTER 16 Michael
CHAPTER 17 Aimee
CHAPTER 18 Michael
CHAPTER 19 Aimee
CHAPTER 20 Aimee
CHAPTER 21 Michael
CHAPTER 22 Michael
CHAPTER 23 Aimee
CHAPTER 24 Michael
CHAPTER 25 Michael
CHAPTER 26 Aimee
CHAPTER 27 Michael
CHAPTER 28 Aimee
CHAPTER 29 Michael
CHAPTER 30 Aimee
CHAPTER 31 Aimee
CHAPTER 32 Michael
CHAPTER 33 Aimee
CHAPTER 34 Michael
CHAPTER 35 Michael
CHAPTER 36 Aimee
CHAPTER 37 Michael
CHAPTER 38 Aimee
CHAPTER 39 Michael
CHAPTER 40 Aimee
CHAPTER 41 Michael
CHAPTER 42 Aimee
CHAPTER 43 Michael
CHAPTER 44 Aimee
CHAPTER 45 Michael
CHAPTER 46 Aimee
CHAPTER 47 Michael
CHAPTER 48 Aimee
CHAPTER 49
READING GROUP GUIDE
ABOUT THE AUTHORS