by Jolie, Meg
“Yes!” Tyler said as he threw a little punch into the air.
Caleb laughed. “Well, I hadn’t really agreed…”
“You have no reason not to stay. Mom makes the best lasagna,” Riley said. “I mean, she uses like double the amount of cheese. So of course I think it’s fabulous. But really, you should stay. Right, Emory? He should stay?”
She held my gaze for just a moment. If she was trying to silently convey something to me, I had absolutely no idea what it was. First, she roped Noah into dessert with me. Now Caleb, for dinner?
Or maybe I was being ridiculous. Maybe Caleb had nothing to do with me. It was possible she was just trying to be polite. Or maybe she was doing it for Tyler.
What were the chances, two awkward dinners in a week? I hadn’t told Riley about dinner with Noah at Adelaide’s. I didn’t want her to read too much into it.
Riley gave Ty a nudge. “Let’s go inside. You need to scrub the puppy germs off your hands and I need to add another setting to the table.”
“Wait,” Tyler said as he looked up at Caleb. “I told Emory she should come with us this weekend. You think she should come, right?” He leveled his big, questioning eyes on Caleb.
Caleb lifted his gaze to me. I made an apologetic face. If I tagged along, it would probably be uncomfortable for everyone.
“It sounds like that’s a guy thing. Maybe some other time?” I suggested.
Tyler’s smile turned into a pout.
“Okay,” I relented. “I’ll think about it.”
“I don’t think she has it in her. Your sister’s not quite as tough as you,” Caleb said.
I knew Caleb was nowhere near the male chauvinist that he was pretending to be. His comments were made purely for my benefit.
Noah and I were barely talking, but we were talking. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. The last thing I needed was for him to hear I’d been out with Caleb. Ashton was small enough that it would likely get back to him, one way or another. Really, I knew that it probably wouldn’t even matter.
In fact, I should probably just go.
I just couldn’t bring myself to take that chance.
“She said she’ll think about it,” Tyler told Caleb.
“I think you should go,” Riley said. I swung a questioning look her way. She shrugged. “What? It sounds like fun.”
“It is fun,” Tyler said.
“Let’s let the two of them talk,” Riley said as she gave Tyler a nudge. Then she pointed a finger at Caleb. “As for you, I better see you at the dinner table.”
Tyler didn’t argue as the two of them bounced up the steps and disappeared into the house. I turned to Caleb. This was the first time I’d been alone with him since…well, since the night he told me he couldn’t see me anymore.
“Riley really doesn’t like to take ‘no’ for an answer, does she?” Caleb asked with a small chuckle.
I shook my head. “No. She’s pretty used to getting her way.”
“I don’t have to stay. I mean, if it makes you feel uncomfortable.”
Was I that obvious? I didn’t like to think that I was.
“I’m not uncomfortable,” I said with a small scoff. “If you want to stay, stay. In fact, you should. Riley’s right. The lasagna is great.”
I smiled, hoping it looked sincere. Hoping it didn’t look uncomfortable.
Which I wasn’t.
At least, not really. I didn’t think.
“Yeah, I think I will,” he said with a small nod. “A home cooked meal sounds great and I’m starving.”
I turned away, anxious to get back inside. I tried telling myself that was because I was hungry. Not because I didn’t really want to be out here alone with Caleb.
He had a different idea about that. His fingers encircled my wrist, pulling me to a stop.
“Do you think we could talk for a second, before we go in?”
I wanted to say ‘no’. I didn’t feel like talking. It felt like the time for talking had passed. It had passed during all of these months that had been filled with silence. The silence had been perpetuated by Caleb walking out on me the night of what should’ve been our first date.
Of course, it hadn’t been as simple as that. That was the night that Noah had shown up.
“So how have you been?” Caleb asked.
“Good. You?” I crossed my arms over my chest, then wondered if that made me look uncomfortable. I hoped it simply made me look cold because I thought it would look silly if I immediately dropped them.
I stuffed down a sigh because I realized then that Caleb did make me uncomfortable. I hated that he made me feel that way. I missed talking to him about Evan. I missed sharing stories and sharing laughs and maybe even a little bit of heartbreak.
But I’d given all of that up in one night.
To be honest, it made me a little bit angry as well.
Though he might’ve meant well, it had still hurt when Caleb had walked away from me.
“Can’t complain,” Caleb said.
“Ty’s sure excited about the puppy.” It was a good, neutral topic.
He laughed and scraped at the back of his neck. “Yeah. I’m not real sure what I’m going to do about that. I have a feeling a puppy is one of those things that sound good at the time, but then you find out what a mess they can make and you end up regretting it later.”
I nodded, realizing that pretty much summed up our relationship.
“Riley said you and Noah are finally making some headway.”
“Did she?” I asked with what I hoped was a polite smile. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. I also wasn’t sure why she felt compelled to share that with Caleb, of all people.
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said. “I figured it would take you two a little bit of time to work things out. It’s good to hear that you’re finally getting there.”
I pushed my lips into what I hoped would pass as a smile. I wasn’t sure where this conversation was headed. Either Riley had given Caleb greatly exaggerated information—which wouldn’t be beyond her—or Caleb had inferred her comment to be something that it wasn’t. I didn’t feel like correcting him.
The front door swung open and Tyler appeared. “Are you two coming in or what?”
“We’ll be right there,” I said.
He closed the door again and I returned my attention to Caleb.
“I’m sorry that things didn’t end on a high note with us. I really did think I was doing the right thing by backing out. I do want us to be friends though,” Caleb said. “I miss you. Ty talks about you all the time. I don’t spend quite as much time with him as I used to. I’ve been busy with work…and other things. But when I do take him places, he usually complains that you’re not with. I know he’d love it if you did the rock climbing wall with us. Will you really think about coming with us on Saturday?”
I shrugged, already knowing I wouldn’t go, but not wanting to make a big deal out of it. I had to wonder what he’d meant when he’d said he was busy with other ‘things’. Was he seeing someone? I thought it was possible, even likely, because why wouldn’t he be?
I wasn’t sure how I felt about him saying that he missed me. I wasn’t ready to admit that I missed him too. That seemed like a can of possibilities that didn’t seem wise to open.
Instead, I compromised with a neutral comment.
“Saturday sounds like fun. So, sure, I’ll think about it. But you do know, you weren’t wrong,” I said, trying to lighten things up. “I am not athletic. The rock wall might not be the best time for me to join the two of you.”
Caleb laughed at that. “Don’t worry about it. If you decide to come along, I’ll make sure to catch you if you fall.”
***
“So…?” Riley stated as we walked out to our cars.
“What?” I asked.
“That went well, didn’t it?”
I nodded. “It was fun.”
“You and Caleb both seemed to have a good time,” Riley said as we
stopped at the end of the sidewalk. It was twilight and the air had taken on a bit of a chill. I was anxious to get home.
Caleb had left at least an hour ago. Riley and I had stayed longer to get some family time in. I’d read to Tyler and tucked him in but it was getting late and I had a paper to write.
Tyler had made dinner easy and enjoyable. His nonstop chatter had chased away any awkwardness. I found myself talking with Caleb, discussing multiple topics. It had been a bit like old times. Laughter had been easy and talk had been light.
I realized how much I missed him. Or at least how much I missed his friendship. He’d been there for me at a time when I hadn’t let anyone else in. I didn’t want to go back to that, depending on him that way. But maybe we could get the friendship back.
“You and Caleb?” Riley wondered. “Do you think there’s any chance there’s still something there? The two of you seemed really…I don’t know. It seemed like the two of you just really clicked.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes at her. “So that’s why you had him stay for dinner?”
She shrugged guiltily.
“That’s funny because he said you mentioned to him that Noah and I were working things out.”
“I didn’t exactly put it that way,” she argued. “I know you haven’t spent any time with Caleb lately. I thought maybe if you did, it would give you a clearer idea of your feelings.”
“I didn’t realize my feelings were unclear,” I stated. “I don’t think of Caleb that way anymore. Even if I did, he made it clear he’s not interested.”
Riley sighed. “That’s not true. He was, and probably still is, very interested. He just thought backing off was the right thing to do.”
“He told you that?”
She nodded.
“That’s funny because he’s never given me that impression.” Even tonight, I didn’t get that feeling from him at all. Dinner was civil, fun even, but I hardly got the feeling that he had feelings for me.
“Of course he’s not going to tell you that,” Riley admonished. “Look, I know how you feel about Noah. I also know that you had strong feelings for Caleb. I just want to be sure that you’re trying to make things work with the right person this time. That’s all.”
“And which person do you think that should be?” I asked.
“What I think is irrelevant,” she said. “I just want you to be sure. All along, I thought it was Noah. But I’ve never really seen you and Caleb together.”
“We were friends and I miss him. It was nice spending time with him,” I said. “So I guess, thank you for that.”
She laughed. “You didn’t really answer my question.”
“What was your question again?”
“Do you think there’s still something between you and Caleb?”
“Sure,” I said. “We got to know each other pretty well last fall. Really, I’ve known him almost my whole life. So yeah, I guess there’s something there. I’m just not at all sure what that something is.”
Riley rolled her eyes at me. “You are impossible.”
“And you,” I said, “are a meddler.”
“I am, aren’t I?” she asked with a grin. She tossed her arm around my shoulder. “And that’s why you love me.”
I laughed. “It’s just one of the many reasons that I love you. Now, unless there’s something else you want to bombard me with, I need to get home.”
“I think I’m finished for tonight,” she said with a smile. “But I give no guarantees about tomorrow.”
“You’re impossible!” I said with another laugh. “See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, cuz, see you tomorrow!” she sang.
Chapter SEVEN
My phone startled me awake. I blinked into the darkness, searching for the glowing red numbers of the clock that rested on the table next to my bed. It was a little after midnight, I realized as I fumbled for my phone.
The alert was for a text.
I was surprised that it was from Drew. I was even more surprised by what it said:
Special delivery
Special delivery? What in the hell did that mean?
The doorbell rang and I realized that might be an answer to my question. It seemed obvious the two had to be related. It was unusual for Drew to text me, unheard of for him to text me in the middle of the night. And our doorbell, it almost never rang past nine o ’clock. Typically, I would’ve automatically assumed the worst but the text had me more curious than anything.
I scrambled out of bed plucking my bathrobe from the hook on the back of my door as I went.
The bell rang again as I hurried down the staircase. I flipped on the foyer light. It was so bright I squinted into it as I mentally tried to shake myself awake.
“Special delivery?” I muttered to myself. Knowing Drew, it could be anything from a prank to a pizza.
When I pulled the door open, I had not been expecting to see Noah standing there. Headlights cut across the front porch as a car backed out of the driveway.
Drew was delivering Noah to me? Hopefully not against his will. My heart shot off in an erratic beat at the sight of him.
“Hi,” Noah said. He edged past me and kicked off his shoes. His movements seemed a little jerky and unbalanced. “I came to talk.”
“Okay.” I crossed my arms over my stomach. I was still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Noah was here, in my house at this bizarre hour. My head was still fuzzy from sleep and my eyes were still adjusting to the light.
Noah turned and started up the steps, presumably toward my bedroom.
This night just got more and more peculiar.
I stood there for a moment, stunned by this turn of events. Then I mentally shook myself off and hurried after him. By the time I reached my room, he was sitting on the edge of my unmade bed.
His eyes darted around my room. I hadn’t really changed anything since the last time he’d been here. Pictures of us still decorated the mirror above my dresser. The bowtie he’d worn to junior prom still rested around the neck of a penguin he’d won for me at the county fair. A crystal bowl on my dresser held the petals from the first bouquet of flowers he’d ever given to me. It had been a gorgeous bouquet of pink roses for my seventeenth birthday; just months after we’d started dating.
If he were to dig a little deeper, he’d find a box of hand written notes in my dresser.
Finally his eyes landed on me again.
“What’s going on?” I asked. Though we’d been making progress, I didn’t think we were at the stage in our—friendship?—where midnight visits were in order. Not that I was complaining. I was happy to see him, no matter how surprised I was. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re here. I’m just a little surprised.”
“You and me?” He studied my face. It looked like it took a bit of effort. I wondered how much he’d had to drink. “I just don’t know what to do about us.”
I moved toward him, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, I seated myself next to him. He inched around to face me.
“What are we going to do?” he asked.
I shook my head in confusion. When I spoke, my voice was still crackly from sleep. “I don’t know what you mean. I don’t understand what you’re asking.”
He looked at me for so long I started to wonder if he even knew what he was asking. Perhaps he was just as confused as I was.
Finally he shook his head and looked away.
“I can’t decide if I love you or hate you,” he stated flatly as he stared vacantly across the room. “I can’t stand to be near you, but I’m miserable when we’re apart. The way I feel about you, it’s tearing me up inside.”
“Noah,” I said as I tentatively reached for his hand. He let me take it but when I squeezed his fingers, he didn’t squeeze them back. “I’m so sorry about what happened between us. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you feel like I didn’t trust you. I never meant for things to get so out of control,
so bad between us.”
He shrugged. “But they did.”
“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “They did.”
He finally turned to look at me. I could see the struggle in his eyes.
“You’re tangled up in almost every important memory I have of the last three years of my life. I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s impossible. And it’s not fair. Everyone is pushing us together. Riley, my grandma, tonight even Drew. So I started thinking, maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m fighting something I shouldn’t be fighting.”
“You had to get wasted before you could tell me that?” I asked as my heart sank. I wanted him here. I just wasn’t sure that I wanted him here like this.
He scoffed at me. “No, that’s not it.”
I wanted to believe him. Or maybe, I tried to tell myself, it doesn’t matter why he’s here. As long as he is here.
“I’m here because I can’t stop thinking about you. It was easier before our paths started crossing. Not easy…but easier. The last few weeks, you’re on my mind more than ever. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop remembering what we had. I can’t stop missing you. I can’t stop talking about you.”
“You talk about me?” I asked skeptically.
He nodded. “All. The. Damn. Time. Just ask Drew. That’s how I ended up here. We were out and he told me that if he heard me bitching and moaning one more time, he was dropping me off at your door. I guess I didn’t stop. Because here I am.”
“Do you want to be here?”
“What I want is to forget that you were ever with someone else. I want things to be like they were. But you can’t turn back time. And there are certain things I can’t get out of my head. I don’t think I’m supposed to miss you so damn much, not after all these months, but I do.”
“I miss you too. Noah…I still love you. I never stopped. I’ve made mistakes, huge mistakes. I should’ve leaned on you.”
“I’ve made mistakes too.” He got a faraway look on his face and I wondered what he was thinking of. Probably the night he told me he had feelings for someone else.
My mistake was running to someone else when I’d heard those words. I had only wanted to feel better. I had, briefly.