by Jolie, Meg
I hurried down the steps and headed toward the concession stand that was nestled under the bleachers. I was relieved that the line wasn’t too long.
“Emory!” I turned around at the sound of my name. The voice, though I hadn’t heard it in a while, was all too familiar.
“Caleb, hey,” I said. “How are you?” My stomach did a flip flop at the sight of him. I didn’t want to admit that I missed him, but I did. He was wearing his chocolaty brown hair in a spiky style. His cologne was the same though; the scent of it was familiar. So was his smile, and the warm look he had in his eye as he moved in close to me.
“I’m good,” he said. “I haven’t seen you in awhile. I just wanted to say ‘hello’ and see how you’ve been.”
“I’m great,” I said. “Just here with Noah.”
“Ah,” he said as he gave me a knowing nod. “I’m here with Paul but I saw you walking down the steps so I’ve been trying to catch up to you.”
“Okay.” The single word was filled with a question. It seemed strange to me that he’d run after me.
“Could we talk for a minute?” he asked. He shuffled his feet, as if he was nervous. That was very unlike him. Maybe he realized that talking wasn’t such a great idea.
“I don’t think so. I’m here with Noah,” I repeated. I hoped that was explanation enough. I’d made a promise to Noah to keep my distance from Caleb. I wanted to keep that promise.
“It’s about Evan,” he said. His expression had turned serious. “It’ll just take a minute.”
“Evan?” That got my attention.
He glanced around at the crowd that was swarming us. I didn’t protest when he grabbed my elbow and led me to the alcove under the stairs.
“I got a call from Dylan the other day,” Caleb said.
“McNamara?” I asked.
“Yeah. You know he and Evan rented a house together for awhile?”
“Yes,” I said. Dylan had been one of Evan’s best friends. Along with Caleb, the three of them had been inseparable for awhile. However, the year after they graduated high school Evan and Dylan had enrolled at a Tech school on the other end of the state.
“He found a box of stuff that belonged to Evan. He said he must’ve grabbed it by mistake. He and his wife just bought a new house so he pulled a bunch of stuff out of storage. Anyhow, he was wondering if you would want it. He said it’s mostly old clothes but there are some photos, some old CDs, movies, just a bunch of random stuff,” Caleb explained.
“There are pictures? Of Evan?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Caleb said as he reached up to rub my shoulder. “It sounds like a lot of pictures, a couple of envelopes full. You okay?”
I nodded but I felt my hands begin to shake. “I’d like to see what’s in the box. I really want to see those pictures.”
“I thought you would. I’ve been putting off giving you a call because I didn’t know when it would be a good time. And I know now is probably not the best time either, but I wasn’t sure when I’d run into you again,” he said. He had an edge of accusation to his tone. I was sure he knew that I’d been avoiding him.
“Now’s fine,” I said unconvincingly. My stomach was in knots. It was going to be hard to go back up to the bleachers and try to act like nothing was wrong. His words were like a mental kick. Pictures. Of Evan. A box full of his things. It was information I had not been expecting and I felt a bit blindsided.
“So Dylan’s coming for a visit sometime next month. It’s his parents’ anniversary or something. He can bring it then or I could go pick it up,” Caleb offered. “I was going to ask if you’d want to come with me, but I decided that’s probably not a good idea.”
“Probably not,” I agreed. I wasn’t entirely sure where Dylan was living now but I did know it was nowhere near here. That much time alone with Caleb was definitely a bad idea. Yet I was anxious to get my hands on the pictures. It felt like some small, lost part of him was floating around out there. I didn’t want to make Caleb go so far out of his way to get them for me. “I can wait until Dylan gets back to town.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. His voice was full of concern. “He did offer to mail it but said it would probably cost a small fortune.”
I nodded and tried to force a smile. “I’ll wait, it will give me something to look forward to.”
He eyed me warily.
“Really,” I assured him, “it’s fine. It might be nice to have a little bit of time to prepare myself.” Looking at old photo albums was still hard. I’d been through them all several times. I knew what they held. New pictures at this point felt like a priceless gift.
He nodded slowly. “Other than that, how are you doing? I mean really, how are you? Are things going good with Noah? Are you happy?”
Am I happy?
Leave it to Caleb to jump in with the awkward questions.
“I am,” I admitted.
“Good,” he said with a sharp nod. “That’s all I ever wanted for you.”
“What about you?” I asked.
“What about me?”
“Are you happy? Are you seeing anyone? How are you really doing?” I asked as I gave his shoulder a nudge. I was curious. If I didn’t ask him now, I wasn’t sure when or if I’d have the chance again.
“I’m good, too,” he said with a smirk.
I realized then what a generic, unhelpful answer that really was. I rolled my eyes at him in irritation. Our first chance in forever to have an actual conversation and he was choosing to be sarcastic. Not that I was really surprised. After I’d been avoiding him, I could hardly expect him to act as though things were fine between us.
He laughed. “No worries here. I do miss seeing you once in awhile though.”
“Caleb—”
“No,” he said as he cut me off. “I get it. I just wish things could be different. I miss talking with you.”
“I miss that too. No one else knew Evan quite like you did.”
“So, hey, when Dylan gets to town, I’ll give you a call. I can go with you to get Ev’s stuff. I can go through it with you too, if that would be easier.” He paused, probably noting the hesitation on my face. “Or not. Whatever you want. Just let me know. It’s up to you. I just want you to know I can be there if you need me.”
“Thanks, I really appreciate it,” I said.
“Am I interrupting something?” Noah asked.
I spun around to face him. “Noah!”
“Yeah, hi.” He looked from me to Caleb and back again. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “We were just talking.”
“Under the stairs?” he asked.
“I just needed to talk to Emory for a minute. It’s a little quieter here,” Caleb said as he backed away.
“More private, you mean?” Noah demanded.
“Okay,” Caleb said. I could tell he was trying to keep his irritation in check. “I’m out of here. Emory, let me know what you decide, okay?”
“Sure,” I said. “Thanks for letting me know.”
“No problem. Later.” He left without a backward glance.
Noah turned back to me. “So what’s this about?”
“We were just talking. How…how did you know where to find me?” As soon as the words were out, I realized it was probably the wrong thing to say.
“Why, did you not want to be found? Because if that’s the case, then you shouldn’t meet with Caleb in such a public place.” His tone and his stance had become accusing and I didn’t appreciate it.
“I didn’t meet with him. I was getting a bottle of water and I happened to run into him. I didn’t know he was here.”
“Where’s your water?” Noah asked.
“I didn’t get that far,” I said in exasperation.
“Really? Because you’ve been gone for a while. I was starting to get worried. Melanie said she saw you down here talking to someone so I got curious,” he said.
“He wanted to let me know that Dylan, a friend of his a
nd Evan’s, found a box of stuff that had belonged to Evan. That’s what we were talking about. He pulled me back here so we could have a little bit of privacy,” I explained.
Noah eyed me warily.
Noah!” I exclaimed. “You can’t think that there was any more to it than that.”
“I don’t want to think anything,” he said. “But when I find you hiding away, under the stairs with…him…?”
“He cornered me here because he knows I’ve been avoiding him. If you want the truth, that’s it. This is the first time I’ve seen him in weeks. He just wanted a minute to talk to me. He wanted to know if I wanted the box. He offered to drive to Dylan’s to get it for me. It has…” My voice began to tremble and I cut myself off so I could pull in a breath. “The box has a lot of pictures of Ev. Probably pictures I’ve never seen before. Pictures that I didn’t even know existed.”
Noah’s tone softened when he said, “And he couldn’t just call to tell you that?”
“He didn’t think you’d like it if he called me,” I pointed out. I ran a fingertip under my eye to wipe away a tear that had leaked out. “He’s here with a friend and he saw me walking down the steps. He just wanted to talk to me about Evan, that’s all.”
“Okay,” Noah said as he moved in closer to me. “Come here,” he commanded. He pulled me into his arms and I rested my head on his chest.
“I would’ve told you about it when I got back to my seat,” I said.
“I’m sorry I went off on you.” He pressed a kiss onto the top of my head. “It’s just that when Melanie said she saw some guy leading you under the stairs, I didn’t know what to think. At first, I was worried because she didn’t recognize the guy. Then when I saw it was Caleb…”
“You need to stop worrying about Caleb,” I said as I took a step back. I wanted to be able to look him in the eye. “I swear to you, you have nothing to worry about. But we have this connection because of Evan and I can’t ignore that. I’ve done what you asked. I’ve taken a big step back from him. But I can’t help it if things still come up from time to time.”
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. “I know,” he whispered. “I don’t know why I’m still having such a hard time with this.” He moved away again and his gaze moved out to the crowd beyond the staircase. “I’ve never felt like this before. I’m jealous and I’m…I don’t even know what I am. I just know it fucking sucks. When I saw the two of you together, it was like someone kicked me in the gut.”
“Noah, we were just talking.”
“I know. I do. I just…I can’t help the way I feel. If Caleb Jackson fell of the face of the planet, I’d be okay with that. In fact, nothing would make me happier than having that guy disappear,” he admitted.
I shook my head in frustration. I didn’t know what else to say to him. It didn’t seem wise to point out to him that if he still blamed Caleb, he should blame me too. Or maybe it had nothing to do with blame. Maybe it had everything to do with jealousy. If that were the case, I wasn’t sure what else I could say or do.
“Can we go watch the game now?” I asked.
“Yeah, let’s go get your water,” he said he took my hand in his.
I took a step away but he didn’t budge. I looked back at him with a questioning look.
“If you want someone with you when you get the pictures of you brother, I’ll go. Not because I don’t want you with Caleb, but because I want to be the one there for you. Does that make sense?” he asked.
“It does. And thank you.”
“Forgive me for acting like a jealous ass?”
The look on his face was repentant. I had to admit that it was probably a shock to him to find Caleb and me together. It probably looked less than innocent, given our history. I forced a smile.
“There’s nothing to forgive.” I gave his hand a tug. “Now let’s get moving before you miss any more of the game.”
Chapter FOURTEEN
By the time the semester came to an end, the sharp pang of Adelaide’s death had receded to a dull ache. I was looking forward to a fun, relaxing summer. One year of college down, three more to go.
The first year had been trying on many levels but it was now behind us. I was looking forward to spending the first night of summer break with Noah, celebrating. When he arrived at me house, I let him in as I tried to wrap up my phone call.
“Do you want me to wait in the other room?” Noah whispered as he pointed to the phone at my ear. He was clearly wondering if I wanted privacy.
I shook my head and mouthed, “It’s my dad.” His eyes widened in surprise. I held a finger up in the air to indicate I would only be another minute. I felt a little pang of guilt. The timing of the phone call hadn’t been very good. We’d only been talking for a few minutes before Noah showed up.
“Noah’s here,” I said to my father. “So I should probably go. But thanks for calling.”
“Of course,” Dad said. “Can you tell him ‘hello’ from me?”
“Sure.” I watched as Noah perched himself on the edge of a barstool. He propped his elbows on the countertop and watched me with a questioning expression.
“Hey,” Dad said, “Ty wouldn’t happen to be there, would he? I’d like to talk to him.”
“No, he’s not here,” I said. “I’m sure he’d like to talk to you though.”
“Alright. I’ll give him a call at Aubrey’s.”
“Actually, he’s not there either. He’s with a friend,” I said with a grimace.
“What friend is that?” Dad asked. “Jack?”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. His newfound desire to be parental sometimes felt like more hassle than it was worth.
“He’s with Caleb.”
“Good, good,” Dad said. “He’s a good kid.” I didn’t bother to point out that Caleb was hardly a kid. “You tell Caleb that I really appreciate it.”
“Uh-huh,” I said in the most noncommittal fashion I could manage. Dad had no idea that there was tension between Caleb and me. That was something I had no intention of explaining to him.
“Dad, I really do need to go,” I repeated.
“I guess we’ll talk later then.” He sounded completely put out by the prospect.
We finally said our ‘goodbyes’ and disconnected.
“Sorry about that,” I said as I turned to Noah. I slid my phone across the countertop.
“You didn’t need to cut it short because of me,” Noah said.
“Trust me, I didn’t mind. I know he’s trying, but it’s still awkward.” After nearly two years of no contact, Dad had started calling at random. I was sure it was his way of stepping up now that Mom was temporarily out of the picture.
I constantly told myself that he meant well, yet his calls felt like an intrusion. I really had very little I wanted to talk to him about. The phone calls were always on his timeframe, usually when he had some downtime in his hotel room. The fact that I might be busy never seemed to cross his mind. When I had to go before he was ready to end the call, I always felt his annoyance.
Still, he was making an effort, I reminded myself. And at least that was something.
“So Ty’s out with Caleb again, huh?” Noah asked.
I nodded.
“Isn’t it kind of strange that he spends so much time with a seven year old?” He tapped his hands against the countertop in a rhythm that started to grate on my nerves. Or maybe it was the feeling that he was trying to pick a fight that was grating on my nerves.
“No, actually, I don’t think it is. I think it’s really nice. Evan and Ty were really close. I think it makes Ty feel closer to Evan when he’s with Caleb,” I explained. I could go into more detail than that. I could tell Noah that Caleb had essentially grown up without a dad too. But that was personal and I didn’t feel like I should have to explain Caleb’s actions to Noah. “I appreciate what Caleb does.”
The drumming of his hands stopped and he scowled. “He’s a standup guy alright.”
&nbs
p; “Don’t do this,” I pleaded. I had no doubt that finding Caleb and I together at the game was still on his mind. Until now, we’d managed to dance around the issue. I had no doubt he’d inferred from my phone call that Ty was with Caleb. It had obviously set him off.
“You’re right,” he said with a shrug. “He’s not worth talking about.”
“Noah, spending time with Caleb means a lot to my brother. I’m not going to apologize for that,” I said firmly. We hadn’t talked about Caleb, in any fashion, since the night of the ball game. I’d hoped the issue was permanently closed.
Apparently I was wrong.
I bit my tongue before I said something that I would regret. This was a side of Noah I rarely saw and I didn’t like it at all.
“What are we going to do tonight?” I asked as I decided to change the topic completely. “A movie? Is there some kind of ball game somewhere? A party? I’m kind of surprised that Riley didn’t mention anything. Although she was kind of busy moving out of the dorms.”
To be honest, Riley had been distant lately. I was trying to give her some space because the few times I’d pushed, it hadn’t gone well. I figured she’d talk to me when she was ready. I tried not to be too angry with her over that. It had grown more obvious that whatever her secret was, she was sharing it with Casey. It kind of hurt to be shut out like that but I wasn’t sure what more I could do about it.
“Actually,” Noah said as he slid off the bar stool and cut into my thoughts, “Drew’s having a field party tonight. Kind of a welcome to summer, throwback kind of party. Do you mind if we go?”
My face lit up with a smile. Noah and I had gone to countless parties of Drew’s over the years. In fact, the first time Noah had kissed me had been at one of those parties. I smiled at the memory.
“Count me in,” I said.
We decided to go out for a late dinner of pizza. By the time we got to Drew’s the party was fully underway. We had to park at the end of a line of cars. When we got out of my car the flickering light of the bonfire could be seen lighting up the night.
The thumping of bass pumping out of Drew’s car carried easily to us. Some things just never changed.