by Fiona Lowe
‘So where can we go for an uninterrupted debrief?’
She hadn’t expected that, especially given the phone call. ‘If you need to leave we can always—’
He held up his hand. ‘As colleagues, we always debriefed our cases and the fact we’re no longer a couple isn’t a reason to stop.’ He plunged his hands into his pockets. ‘But can we get out of here to do it?’
Unwanted anticipation fluttered in her stomach and she tried to shut it down. This was work. ‘Sure, why not? I could do with some fresh air. Are you up for a walk?’
He grinned, the old Gabe suddenly front and centre. ‘Sounds good to me.’
They strolled through the hospital gardens, past the massed silver-bush plants with their cheery white flowers and silver-grey leaves, and then they turned toward the beach; two doctors discussing their cases, rethinking their treatment options and learning from pooling their thoughts.
Elly automatically turned left at a spindly tree and walked into the picnic area-cum-children’s playground nestled in the dunes above the sea wall. It was a popular place for families as the tidal river on this side of the bridge was quiet compared with further downstream where an eddying rip swirled at the tidal junction. She loved to sit on the sea wall and watch the parade of yachts, their brightly coloured spinnakers bulging in the wind as they raced between the channel markers, but most of all she loved to listen to the children’s shrieks of delight as they played on the swings and play equipment or on the beach below.
Often children would come and chat to her, holding up their buckets and proudly showing off their soldier crabs and periwinkles. Even though she knew it was a crazy daydream, she sometimes pretended she was part of it and was at the beach with her own children. One day. She bit her lip. She’d been telling herself that now for over two years and she wasn’t any closer.
Dev says he wants children.
Unease sat like a rock in her gut. The thought that had held tempting appeal last night seemed slightly tarnished in the full sunshine of daylight.
Gabe stopped suddenly, and did a rapid one-eighty-degree scan of the area as waves of tension rolled off him like sea-fog.
‘Something wrong?’
His sunglasses hid his eyes as he patted down his pockets and then with an audible sound of relief he produced his phone. ‘Sorry, for a moment I thought I’d left it at the hospital.’
She remembered seeing him slide it into his pocket back at the desk and at the time she’d been slightly puzzled by the uncharacteristic self-conscious look he’d given her. She’d put it down to one of those uncomfortable moments ex-lovers had. But this reaction to the phone snagged her. She’d known him to lose things in the past and barely react to their loss, other than saying, ‘It’ll turn up eventually.’ It was another jar, another change in him, and they were starting to form a list— his reaction to Millie, his empathy with Rachel, the deep lines around his mouth and eyes, and now this.
‘For someone on holidays, you seem a bit strung out.’
‘Nah.’ He grinned and winked; his blue-on-blue eyes sparkling and his gaze so direct and all-encompassing it was as if she was the absolute centre of his world.
Careful. She recognised his flirting look of old but it gave her scant immunity as she tried unsuccessfully to steel herself against the traitorous tendrils that wove through her.
The mangled strains of ‘Greensleeves’ drifted across on the summer breeze and Gabe abruptly turned and started striding out of the park, making his way toward the music and calling over his shoulder, ‘Do you want an ice cream?’
It took her brain a moment to catch up and her legs even longer, and by the time she arrived at the van he’d already ordered her favourite: a lemon gelato.
‘Enjoy.’ He handed her a waffle cone bulging with two enormous scoops of the tangy confection.
‘Thanks.’
‘Let’s sit over here.’ He tilted his head away from the park and the late-afternoon sunshine picked up the straw colour of his hair, making it dazzle like golden thread. A golden god visiting the mortals.
Elly looked at the Norfolk pines and their prickly fallen scale-like leaves and said, ‘Let’s not. The sea wall’s much prettier.’
Wariness crossed his face. ‘There are more people there.’
‘Are you worried we’ll be seen? Fear not, one ice cream with me won’t ruin your free-and-easy bachelor reputation. ‘ She licked her ice cream and started strolling to cover her jab of disappointment.
He fell into step with her. ‘That’s not what I meant. I just thought it would be good to have somewhere quiet to talk rather than a park full of tearaway toddlers.’
Now, that was more like the Gabe she remembered. ‘Rest easy, mate. It’s past six and any self-respecting toddler is at home, having dinner and a bath.’ And she was right. The park was virtually empty, and a small group of teenagers left the moment Elly and Gabe walked in.
But for someone who had wanted to talk, Gabe was strangely silent as they dangled their legs over the sea wall and ate their ice cream. When they’d had work to discuss they’d had conversation but they’d well and truly debriefed and now there was just awkwardness, an almost tangible bubble of distance bulging between them. This must be the ex factor. This was the sum of all their time apart and different dreams. This afternoon she’d realised that Gabe had changed and she guessed she must have too.
We’ve both moved on.
Melancholy circled her heart but at least now she knew for sure there was nothing left between them. The moment she finished her ice cream she was going home. She’d have that bath. Her niggling conscience said, You should ring Dev.
A cold, wet sensation crossed her hand and with a start she realised her now-melting gelato was dripping. ‘Oh, ick, I’m getting all sticky.’ She held it up high and gave it a giant lick around the perimeter of the cone. Liquid ran down her jaw.
Gabe laughed. ‘Some things don’t change. You were always hopeless with ice cream.’ He leaned forward, his hand gently cupping her jaw while his thumb slowly swept across her chin.
She stilled at the touch that should have been practical and prosaic yet was anything but. Tingles shot through her, making her tremble from head to toe. Stop it and get with the programme. You heard, we’ve moved on! She tried valiantly to claim back control and she swallowed. Hard.
Intense, light blue eyes instantly darkened to navy, holding her gaze transfixed as if it was bonded to her. His head moved slowly toward hers.
Pull back now! Maintain distance! But she stayed perfectly still. She no longer cared what was sensible or logical; she just wanted him to kiss her one more time to prove that it really was all over between them. Call it an experiment. She was a doctor, a scientist and she needed to know if she’d been living on memories overblown by time and longing. Memories that had interfered with every attempt at a new relationship. Now she had a chance for reality to finally reveal those memories as fraudulent and then she and her traitorous body could truly move forward.
His five-o’clock shadow brushed her cheek as his scent of good health and fresh pine swirled around her. She tilted her head so his lips brushed hers. Like a jolt of electricity buzzing through her body, tingles and shimmers raced through her, quickly chased by heat. Wondrous, glorious heat that set her alight and demanded more. Much more.
His tongue traced the outline of her lips and with a moan she opened her mouth as her hand released the ice cream to the sand below. He tasted of spearmint and chocolate and home. His mouth covered hers without a hint of hesitation, knowing exactly where to go and what to do to make her his, and, God help her, she never wanted it to stop.
The noise of car doors slamming, seagulls squawking and gentle waves lapping faded away as every part of her was absorbed by the kiss. She wanted to invade his mouth and reclaim it as hers, but his stroking lips derailed her so instead she gloried in his urgent pressure of desire, his softness of seduction and the intensity of his lust.
Ribbons
of pure pleasure unfurled, streaming through her and stripping her bones of strength. She leaned into him for support and felt him tremble. As if reading her mind, one hand cupped the back of her head as the other pushed her shoulder and they tumbled gently back onto the grassy knoll.
His lips slid off hers for a moment and as he stared down at her a million undefined emotions flashed in his eyes. ‘God, I’ve missed you.’
Her heart quivered as his husky voice filled her with desperate yearning and hope. ‘I’ve missed you, too.’ Her hands pulled him closer, needing to touch him, needing to feel the tautness of his muscles against her skin and his leg entwining with hers as he lay half against her.
His hand slid under her blouse, seeking her breast, which ached for his touch. His fingers touched the hard nipple and she gasped as a rainbow of colours showered her mind. Now her tongue invaded his mouth, taking what she knew belonged to her, and she revelled in her power as he shuddered against her.
Sand trickled into her waistband, grass prickled her heels but she hardly noticed as her fingers traced the length of his spine, the touch and feel so familiar to her that she knew the outline of every bone and crevice and exactly where to press to make him tremble.
As if on cue, he groaned against her and his mouth trailed down her neck; nipping, branding, kissing and whispering words that ignited the last remnants of longing into raging need. She never wanted it to end.
‘Daddy!’
Gabe stiffened and instantly broke the kiss.
She vaguely heard the sweet call of a child’s voice, immediately followed by deeper adult tones, and she reached out to touch his cheek. ‘I guess you’re right. This is getting way out of hand for a public park so let’s go back to my place.’
He made a guttural sound and rolled away from her.
Warm air rushed in, making her feel cold after the raging heat of their bodies, and her desire-hazed vision instantly cleared. Shock scarred his handsome face, giving it a haggardness she’d never seen before, and her blood turned to ice. ‘What’s wrong, what’s happened?’
‘Daddy!’
A toddler threw himself at Gabe, who hastily rose to his feet, swinging the child easily up into his arms. ‘Hey, honey-pie.’
Daddy? Honey-pie?
Elly’s chest constricted so tightly she couldn’t get air in or out, and her stomach contents rose in a bile-filled wave, threatening to expel themselves.
I don’t want children, El, it’s just not me.
Blood roared in her ears and her head spun. Somehow she managed to stand up, forcing her legs to hold her rigidly upright. She stared at the blonde little girl with blue-on-blue eyes, whose head rested so easily and trustingly against Gabe’s chest. ‘You … you have a child?’
‘Elly.’ Her name came out on a strangled plea. ‘Please, I can—’
‘Daddy! Daddy!’
Elly swung around to see two identical dark-haired little boys making a bee-line for Gabe, followed by Gabe’s parents. A cry of anguish stalled in her throat and her right hand gripped her chest as piercing pain ripped through her, sparing no part of her. She turned back to look at the child in Gabe’s arms as the twins threw themselves at his knees.
She swayed as the world started to spin. Oh, God, how could this be happening?
Gabe had three children, all under two. Triplets.
CHAPTER FOUR
‘ELLY, don’t look like that.’
Pure white had more colour in it than her face. Convinced she was going to faint, Gabe shot out his spare hand, wrapping it firmly around her waist.
She shook his hand free, her bright green eyes filled with loathing and betrayal as she mouthed the words, ‘You bastard.’
He wanted to yell, It’s your fault—you left me and set this in all in motion. But that wouldn’t solve a thing. Enough guilt swirled inside him to acknowledge that despite everything that had happened between them, Elly didn’t deserve to have found out about the triplets this way. He’d been about to tell her when she’d spilled her gelato, but the moment his thumb had touched her chin, and her eyes had glowed with the same longing that blazed inside him, all coherent thought had vanished.
Her eyes had sparkled with their shared past, and he’d glimpsed happier times when his life had been simple and straightforward. Despite knowing too much had gone down between them for them ever to return to being a couple, for one brief and crazy moment he’d desperately wanted it all back so much it hurt. And he’d wanted her. All of her.
Seriously bad timing for the libido to come back, mate. He’d foolishly ignored common sense and taken what she’d offered, and in the process had inflicted serious damage.
‘Let me explain.’
She shook her head, her jaw rigid and her mouth silent.
‘Gabe, give Lucy to me. Boys, run to Pa-pa.’ His mother reached out her arms, her expression a mixture of confusion and concern. ‘Hello, Elly.’
‘Cathleen, James.’ Elly’s words were barely audible as she tilted her head in a jerky greeting. ‘I’m sorry, but I need to leave.’ She started to walk rapidly toward the road.
Panic thundered through Gabe. He couldn’t let her leave, not like this, and he threw an imploring look at his parents.
They nodded their understanding but many unasked questions lingered in their eyes. Gathering the children, they started walking toward the beach steps. ‘Let’s dig for crabs and Daddy will come soon and count them all.’
With the kids safe and sorted, he ran, his chest aching, his brain spinning, trying to work out the best way to deal with this mess. He reached her just as she turned out of the park. ‘Elly, I’m sorry.’
She didn’t respond, just kept speed-walking with her gaze fixed straight ahead and anguish rolling off her like crashing surf pounding against sand.
He ran his hand through his hair, regret and pain burning inside him. ‘I never planned for you to find out this way. In fact, I was trying to tell you just before.’
She stopped so suddenly she almost toppled forward and her gaze swung toward him, her eyes firing daggers. ‘Kissing me isn’t telling me you’re a father. Or was that part of the plan, Gabe? Kiss me senseless, get me into bed and then in the post-coital haze you just drop in the line— Oh, by the way, I have triplets.’
‘No, of course not.’ Indignation flared out of guilt. ‘I admit the kiss was a mistake.’
Oh, yeah, saying that’s really going to help. Just shut up!
But the warning came too late and her body twitched as if shocked. ‘Well, at least we’re on the same page, then. Everything about that kiss was a mistake. Everything about us was and is a mistake.’ A sigh shuddered out of her. ‘I don’t want to talk to you, Gabe. Just go back to your family.’
The vitriol in her voice shocked him and he reached for her hand, desperate to connect with her in some way, desperate to state his case. ‘I know you’re angry, Elly, hell you have every right to be, but you also deserve to know the whole story.’
She peeled his hand away from hers, her touch ice-cold. ‘I’m not going to appease your guilt by allowing you to tell me anything.’
Her words vibrated deep inside him, striking both a perfect chord and a discordant clash. Nothing was ever simple and, damn it, she’d walked out of his life, but for some crazy reason he felt he owed her the truth. ‘What if wanting to tell you isn’t about me at all but about you?’
She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, as if she was physically holding herself together. ‘We broke up, Gabe, and what you did with your life after that has nothing to do with me. Absolutely nothing.’ She started walking up the hill as a car came round the bend.
You left me! But he pushed that pain away because one of them had to approach this in a non-emotive manner. He reached for her again, his hand resting gently on her shoulder. ‘Nothing to do with you? I don’t think you believe that.’
Her steps faltered and she hesitated as the crunching sounds of gravel under tyres sounded loud and close. A car pu
lled off the road, coming to a halt next to them. The door opened and the bloke he’d met briefly at the yacht-club dinner, Dev someone, got out, his gaze stretching tautly between the two of them. ‘Eleanor, are you OK?’
‘She’s fine.’ He hated the way this guy was looking at Elly. ‘If you’ll excuse us, we’re in the middle of having a private conversation.’ The words exploded in a primal growl from deep inside him, like a wolf protecting his mate.
Elly quickly stepped forward out from under his touch and reached for the passenger doorhandle. ‘Take me home.’
Dev nodded. ‘Get in.’
‘Elly, wait.’ He hated the anger-tinged pleading in his voice.
Dev gave Gabe a victorious sneer that said, This is my woman, and slid back into the car. He took off in a spin of gravel.
Fury, despair and sadness churned through him, along with an unwanted and completely irrational streak of emerald-green jealousy. How had trying to do the right and honourable thing come to this?
Elly couldn’t get warm. Despite the balmy summer evening and layers of clothing, she couldn’t stop shivering. The doctor in her knew she was in shock and she tried to sip hot, sweet tea, but her hands trembled so much she risked scalding herself. The last hour had been the slowest of her life. Somehow she’d managed to convince Dev she was exhausted and needed sleep. She’d watched him unhappily stifle his many questions and leave but she knew he expected an explanation sooner rather than later.
She could just imagine the conversation. Who’s Gabe?
Oh, just an ex-lover who with one kiss had me on my back and almost naked in a public park. You know, the sort of sexual sizzle you and I just don’t have.
She dropped her head in her hands. What a mess. She should never have complicated things by asking Dev to drive her home but she’d been desperate to get away from Gabe. She hadn’t been able to process anything he’d been saying because all she’d been able to think about had been three little children.
I don’t want children, El, it’s just not me.
Her chest cramped with betrayal as piercing pain shot through her and the shaking restarted. She struggled for a way through this, a way to claw back some semblance of control.