by Jane Toombs
“Like what will happen.”
“What will happen? You mean in the future?” Amy nodded.
“No. All I know about are the healing energies.”
“You don’t go into—you can’t go inside my mind?”
“No. All I can do is use the energies that heal, let them flow through you and help you.”
“Can you teach me about my star so I can use my own?”
Wasn’t this what Amy was supposed to be learning? Wasn’t this what Star-Fire was all about? Why hadn’t Amy even heard of the white star?
“Yes, I can teach you.”
“You won’t have to—to touch me?”
“No. That’s the laying on of hands. I won’t do that unless you want me to. I can teach you about your own star without touching you.” She looked at Amy, and the child’s big grey eyes were staring directly into hers. They seemed almost metallic in the sunlight.
Danica smiled. “First you have to close your eyes,” she said. “Then you bring all your thoughts back inside you, up into your head, into your brain. Think of yourself as being there in the front part of your brain, behind your forehead. This is gathering awareness so you can focus on your star. Now—six inches above your head…”
Amy screamed. She scrambled to her feet and grabbed Danica’s arm, tugging at it. “Hurry,” she urged.
Danica got up and followed Amy, slipping and sliding down the boulder, then running after her. A burst of noise crashing behind her made her stop and turn. A film of dust hung in the air from the hillside above them to the boulder where they’d been sitting.
“The rock,” Amy said. “I saw the rock coming.”
Then Danica saw what had caused the noise, the dust. A rock the size of a large beach ball had come loose from the hill and crashed down onto the boulder where they’d been sitting. If Amy hadn’t warned her…
But Amy’s back had been to the hill as they sat together. How could she have seen…?
“We have to be careful,” Amy said. She was whispering again.
Surely the rock had fallen accidentally. Of course it had. No one here would deliberately harm them.
“It was an accident,” Danica said.
Amy shook her head. She turned away from Danica and began the climb back to Star-Fire. Danica hurried to catch up, scanning the hill above them anxiously. Could someone be up there?
But they reached the top without interference, and Danica’s tension lessened. Amy was imagining too much, perhaps bringing fear with her to Star-Fire. Fears that belonged to another time, to whatever trauma had disturbed her psychological functioning. No one at Star-Fire would injure a child.
Amy slipped away from her without a word, detouring around Evan’s house and disappearing. Danica wondered if she should follow, but decided not to. Amy was through sharing anything with her for now.
Evan was just breaking up his circle when she came inside.
“How about a drive into Porterville later this afternoon?” he said.
“I’d like to, but I’ll have to let you know if I have free time. I don’t seem to have a real schedule yet, but Lydia might want…”
“Oh, don’t worry about Lydia. Dave has to take a group of the kids, mine among them, for a riding lesson this afternoon. He’ll be too busy to ask Lydia anywhere.”
“I’d like to meet the rest of the staff. I hear names, but I don’t know the faces to go with them.”
“Staff meeting either tomorrow or the next day, depending on Galt’s arrangements.”
“Good. Well, I’ll let you know about this afternoon.”
Not until Danica was on the path did she realize Evan hadn’t asked her where Amy was. She had come in without the child and yet Evan hadn’t asked. But maybe he was used to Amy and her disappearing act.
Danica didn’t see Amy again before she left for town with Evan.
“I like your car,” she told him. “My VW’s okay, but not in this class.”
“The difference between work and play,” he said, smiling. “A Porsche is not a working-man’s car.”
“Then I guess I’ll never own one,” she said.
“Stick with me, girl, you’ll have one for every day in the week.”
She laughed. “Mother warned me about men like you,” she said, then thought to herself that her mother hadn’t. Not handsome blonds like Evan. Her mother feared the dark stranger, such a man as Galt. She visualized his slanting eyes, high cheekbones…
“…have a drink?”
“Sorry, I didn’t hear all of that.”
“I demand full attention from my dates,” Evan said. “What I asked you is would you like to see the sights and stop for a drink?”
“The sights?”
“Of course. Porterville is full of experiences for the discerning. I can show you Lake Success, made by damming the mighty Tule River. Or we can go ethnic and visit the Tule Indian Reservation.”
She shook her head.
“Well, there’s Porterville State Hospital. Or…”
“I’d like to see the hospital.”
Evan groaned. “Never ask a nurse how she wants to spend an afternoon,” he said.
“I will have the drink afterward,” Danica told him. “If you think people won’t throw rocks at us.” Her stomach lurched as she remembered the falling rock of the morning. Should she tell Evan? But it must have been an accident, despite Amy’s insistence otherwise.
“How did you get on with Amy this morning?” Evan asked.
Danica took a moment to reply. “Amy doesn’t seem to accept the energy,” she said cautiously.
“She hasn’t entered into any of our groups yet,” Evan said.
“Amy doesn’t like to be touched.”
“Melantha picks her up all the time.”
“Amy doesn’t like to be touched, just the same.” Danica’s voice was stubborn. “Melantha ought to wait for her to make the first move.”
“No one tells Melantha what to do.” Evan’s words were said lightly, but Danica glanced at him and was surprised at the bleakness of his face.
Chapter Nine
The state hospital was outside the town, toward the mountains. Evan drove through the grounds, where he pointed out the different wards.
“That one’s coed, for the adolescents and older.”
Danica gazed at a low, pink stucco building. “Coed?” she asked.
“Well, if the university dorms can, why not the state hospitals?”
“How does it work out?”
“Surprisingly well. Fewer problems with sex than when they were strictly segregated. Of course, sex is a problem no one likes to face with the custodial disabled. Some states allow them to marry and live together in a protected environment with birth-control measures seen to by personnel. California hasn’t gotten that far.”
“Did you like working here?”
“It’s not Star-Fire by any means. But I suppose this place is about as good as you could expect any government institution to be. I found too many restrictions on what I wanted to do.
“That’s the acute unit.” Evan pointed. “The basket cases stay there permanently.”
“You mean ones with severe physical retardation?” Danica heard the stiffness in her voice, but couldn’t help it. She hated to hear the children called by demeaning names—gorks, vegetables. “After all, they’re people, too,” she added.
He ducked away from her in mock fright. “Okay, teacher, I’ll go sit in the corner.”
Danica smiled reluctantly. Maybe she was foolish to be annoyed by words. Evan was making disabled children his life work. He must care about them.
“Seen enough?”
She nodded. They passed a group of older boys accompanied by a male psychiatric technician. All the boys waved and shouted. Danica waved back.
“Those psych techs,” Evan said. “I wouldn’t want their job. It’s one thing to develop new ways to approach each child’s problems and another to have to be with them eight hours a day, cleanin
g up after the gorks…”
“Evan! Is that how you feel about the children in your house at Star-Fire?”
“Oh, I don’t mean our kids, they’re the cream of the lot. No, I was talking about the severely mentally disabled, the ones without functioning minds.”
“They’re still people.”
He raised his eyebrows. “To you maybe,” he said.
“But where could you draw a line?”
He shrugged. “I think if a kid doesn’t even know he’s alive, why keep him alive?”
“Then you’d destroy all disabled people with an IQ under what? Twenty? Forty?” Her voice quivered with emotion.
“Let’s not get started on the euthanasia bit. How about a truce?”
She wanted to go on arguing, to point out all the flaws in his opinions, but she shut her lips against the words that fought to get out. This was supposed to be a pleasant afternoon. Evan had been nice enough to invite her for a ride.
They drove back to town in silence. Evan pulled into a parking lot next to a gaudily painted Chinese bar and restaurant. “Ever have Asian hors d’oeuvres with your drink?” he asked.
“Never. But why so many Chinese restaurants in a small town?”
Evan shrugged. “It’s like this all through the valley.”
The bar was so dark she could hardly grope her way to a table. But after a few minutes, her eyes adjusted. She saw glittering dragons on the walls, Chinese lanterns hanging from the ceiling, and an Asian bartender behind the bar.
“I’ve never even been in a place like this for a drink,” she said.
“Best in town.”
The woman who came to the table for their drink order spoiled the illusion. Though she was dressed in Chinese fashion, she wasn’t Asian. Danica ordered a screwdriver, Evan scotch and water.
She couldn’t identify the hors d’oeuvres the waitress brought, but found them delicious. They both ordered a second drink. Danica felt the glow of the vodka spread through her and smiled at Evan. He was entitled to his views, even if she did disagree violently.
“Melantha doesn’t like me,” she said suddenly. “I don’t care what you say. Is it because I’m a Sagittarius? I’ve been told I’m the only one on the staff who is.”
“It’s not personal,” Evan said.
“Oh no?” she said. “Then what is it? A dislike of redheads?”
“She mistrusts certain zodiac signs.”
“That’s dumb.” For a fleeting moment Danica realized she sounded like Amy, but she kept on. “All Sagittarians can’t be alike.”
“More alike than a Sagittarius and a Gemini, let’s say.”
Wasn’t Evan a Gemini? “You and I certainly aren’t much alike,” she said.
“Opposites attract,” he said. “At least I hope so.”
She stared at his eyes in the dim light. The red lantern on the table gave them an unnatural glow. “You didn’t hope so when you met me here in Porterville the other night.” She was aware the two drinks were making her talk too much, but she couldn’t seem to stem the flow of words. “You didn’t want me to come to Star-Fire.”
He reached across the table and took her hand. “You know how much I was attracted to you in L.A.,” he said. “I still am. You’re the loveliest girl I’ve ever met.”
“But you didn’t want…”
“I want you now,” he said, cutting off her protest. “I want you very much.” His eyes seemed aflame.
She tried to draw her hand away. “Shouldn’t we be getting back?” she asked.
Once again in the Porsche, she leaned her head against the seat. I shouldn’t have had that second drink, she thought. The car whirled around the turns. Evan was driving too fast but she didn’t care, nothing mattered except keeping her eyes shut against the waves of dizziness.
Sooner than she expected, the car stopped. She made an effort to sit straight, to get out, but Evan caught her in his arms. His mouth covered hers. There was warmth in his embrace and pleasure, and she gave herself up to these feelings.
He spoke against her lips. “Tonight?” he asked.
Danica pulled away. It was as though she was at the top of a spiral that could spin her all the way to the bottom without any escape possible. She didn’t want to start the spiral. “No,” she said to Evan.
His eyes narrowed in what she thought was anger, but after a moment he smiled wryly. “I thought you liked me.”
“I do. Only…” She didn’t know what to tell him. She did enjoy being in his arms, having him kiss her. But how could she tell him she hadn’t any more experience of men than that? How could she say she wasn’t sure she wanted any more with him?
“You’ll never get a Porsche that way,” he said, and his smile became more genuine.
She smiled back. “Then I guess I’ll never have one,” she said.
He leaned over and kissed her again, lightly, then started the car. He had parked on a pullout area directly beside the highway, and as he pulled back onto the main road there was a station wagon directly ahead of them.
“That looks like Galt,” Evan said, “ahead of us there in the Star-Fire station wagon.”
Danica’s face flamed and she turned her head away so Evan wouldn’t notice. I hope Galt didn’t look at Evan’s car parked there, she thought. I hope he didn’t see Evan kiss me. She felt obscurely guilty, as though she’d been caught in an indiscretion. That was foolish, what was wrong with a kiss? Certainly there was nothing between her and Galt. But once again she felt the touch of Galt’s fingers on her face. It didn’t mean anything to him, she argued. Still, he’d said he wanted her here…
“…birthday?”
“What?”
“You don’t pay attention. I asked what day your birthday was. If you’re a Sagittarius it must be soon.”
She hadn’t even thought about it. “The twenty-sixth,” she said. And I’ll be twenty-four. Twice twelve. An important year, since Jupiter was her planet. What will happen? she asked herself, then shook her head.
“You’ll be celebrating your birthday at Star-Fire,” Evan said.
Last year Angie had baked a birthday cake and invited some of the people they knew in for a surprise party. Remembering, she missed Angie. I must write and tell her where I am, she thought. I can tell her I met this handsome blond again and ask her what I’m supposed to do next.
“Amy is a Sagittarius, too,” she said to Evan.
“Oh?”
She thought of Amy coming into her room and finding the amulet, the meteorite arrow. If only she could talk to someone about Amy. She glanced at Evan. “Do you know what day her birthday is?” she asked.
“I’d forgotten she was a Sagittarius,” he said.
“Galt mentioned it.” Perhaps she should tell Galt Amy wasn’t disabled. Would living here harm Amy psychologically? The child was already disturbed.
The blue Porsche followed the Star-Fire station wagon up the hills, and when they pulled into the parking lot, Galt was just getting out of his car. He waited until they had gotten out and walked up to him.
“Did you have a pleasant afternoon?” he asked. Danica felt he was looking directly at her.
“Not bad,” Evan said, “for Porterville.”
She murmured something and would have gone past, but Galt put his hand on her arm. “I’d like to talk to you, Danica,” he said.
“See you later,” Evan said, and left them.
She could hardly look at Galt.
“It’s about Amy,” he said. “I’d like to set up a tentative schedule for you to work with her, so I can present it at the staff meeting.”
“Oh, yes,” she said breathlessly. Why had she thought Galt intended to admonish her for being with Evan, for letting him kiss her…?
“Why don’t we go up to my house?” He reached into the station wagon and pulled out two paper bags. “I stopped at an Italian restaurant and bought some of their excellent spaghetti for supper. Would you have some with me?”
“I’d like t
o.”
Galt also had Italian bread, and while she put dishes on the table and opened the food cartons, he mixed a green salad. They had vin rosé with the meal and Danica decided that she could have two glasses of wine as long as she had food with it. She hadn’t finished the second glass at the end of the meal, and Galt urged her to take the wine into the living room.
“But don’t you want to wash the dishes? I’ll be glad to help.”
He waved away the dishes. “Later.”
So they sat on the couch in the living room, sipping wine. She was in a pleasant glow and very much aware of Galt. She watched herself twirl the stem of her glass between her fingers, so she wouldn’t look at him too much.
“How do you like Star-Fire so far?” he asked.
“I’m somewhat overwhelmed. The children all seem to respond so well. It’s hard to believe.”
“Evan tells me you can use the energy very efficiently.”
“I think I can. But Amy…” she paused, then went on. “Amy doesn’t seem to like the laying on of hands, she doesn’t want to be touched.”
“I know.” He sighed. “She has quite an overlay of emotional disturbance.”
“Do you really think she’s disabled?” The words were out before she could stop them.
He looked startled. “She’s been repeatedly tested.”
Danica took a deep breath and clamped her mouth shut. Wait, she cautioned herself.
“I’d like to work with her as much as you’ll let me,” she said at last. “Did you—do you happen to know her parents?”
“She’s an orphan.”
“Oh?”
“She lost her parents under very tragic circumstances. You’re the first person she’s related to in any way at all since she’s been here. Her guardian told me she screamed if anyone touched her. She’s been better here. Melantha has done a wonderful job of calming Amy.”
“But Melantha picks her up when Amy doesn’t want to be touched.”
“What would you have her do? There are times Amy must mind. She has to go to bed and she has to eat. Without a routine established…”
“I think Amy could be taught to follow a routine in other ways,” Danica broke in to say.
“You and Melantha should get together on this.”