Saving Marilee

by Annette K. Larsen

  "It was only a dream and—"

  "Marilee!" James called as he pounded into the room.

  I shut my eyes in embarrassment and heard him circle the bed and drop down beside me.

  "Marilee?" he asked as his fingers caressed my forehead, pushing my hair back.

  "I'm all right," I whispered, keeping my eyes shut.

  "Why are you on the floor?" His voice was soft and soothing.

  "It was just a dream," I said, as much to convince myself as him. But it hadn't just been a dream. The dream had been formed from a memory that was all too real. The flames had been real. The smoke really had choked me. A tear slipped from my eye. "Just a dream." My breath hitched.

  James's arms went under me, scooping me up along with all my blankets. I freed my arms and wrapped them around his neck as the tears came faster. He sat on the bed with me on his lap as I sobbed into his shoulder.

  He kissed my forehead and reminded me that I was safe now, that he would always be there for me.

  I was vaguely aware of Georgiana coming into the room and settling into a chair, a quiet chaperone and a comforting presence.

  I let James shush me, let his warmth and gentleness seep into my chest as I tried to rid my mind of the flashes of heat and flame. I knew I was safe here, but despite that assurance, it wasn't until James started humming that I calmed enough to drift back to sleep.

  ***

  The next morning brought the bustle of preparations. I had planned on leaving today, and though last evening had been a nightmare, there was no good reason to delay.

  I sat at the mirror, Cecily arranging my hair, and stared into the small glass. I was going to leave James.

  Returning to life in the palace at Dalthia would be strange. At least Lorraina was still at home, so I would not be so lonely as I would be if all of my sisters had married. There would be celebrations and balls and frivolity. Perhaps I would be able to enjoy it again. Except that with balls and frivolity would come curious gentlemen. I wondered if they would vie for my attention the way they used to, when I had been young and unblemished. That used to be my favorite part. Perhaps they would lose interest after they saw how damaged I was.

  I walked down to breakfast, distracted by my swirling thoughts. It wasn't until I entered the dining hall that I was pulled from my pensive mood by the words of James's steward.

  "Everything is set for your departure, sir."

  "You're going somewhere?" The question passed my lips without my permission.

  James looked up. "Did you think I would leave you to travel all that way on your own?"

  "I—what?" He was coming with me?

  He crossed to me and took my hands. "Would you allow me to escort you home so that I can be assured of your safe arrival?"

  I went up on my toes and threw my arms around him. "Thank you," I murmured into his shoulder.

  ***

  The trip took two days, two carriages, and one wagon. James rode his horse along with all of my guards. I was glad to have him close by, but frustrated that he wasn't close enough that I could converse with him as we traveled. I watched as he spoke with each of my guards from time to time, their conversation engaging and easy.

  We stopped at an inn soon after the sun set. James and I ate together in a private room as the servants took their meal in the kitchen. Afterwards he walked me to my room, where Cecily was already asleep. He hesitated when we reached the door, taking my hands in his and rubbing my knuckles with his thumb as he stared at our entwined hands. I waited, afraid that if I spoke or moved too quickly, he would not say whatever was clearly on his mind.

  Finally he looked up and opened his mouth, but the moment his eyes rested on my face, the words seemed to stick in his throat.

  I bit my lower lip to keep from saying something, knowing that whatever words were on his tongue were words I wanted to hear.

  Instead of speaking, he closed his eyes and let out a sigh, then stepped back. Opening his eyes, he quickly kissed both of my hands. "Sleep well, sweet Marilee," he said before reaching past me to turn the handle. His hands reached, but his eyes remained on me, and his body slid close to mine for just a moment before he pushed the door open and stepped back.

  My "Good evening," came out on a sigh as I slipped into the room.

  Cecily roused as I came in, and got up to help me ready for bed. I was so distracted by my odd encounter with James that I fell asleep without ever thinking about the fire I had so narrowly escaped. It wasn't until the very early hours of the morning that my fears invaded my dreams.

  It wasn't just that I was choking on smoke. The air was filled with the acrid smell, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was seeing Damian's face hovering over me as a darker, more crazed version of Mrs. Braithwhite held one hand to my throat while the other wielded a long knife. I reached out to Damian, desperate for his help, but he only nodded his consent.

  I awoke with a strangled gasp, the air wheezing in and out of my lungs as my hands grasped at the blankets, desperate for something to hold on to.

  I was at an inn. Damian was dead. Mrs. Braithwhite was gone. James was in a room close by. Cecily stirred, roused by the sound of my movements, but she only turned over and fell back to sleep.

  A low knock sounded at the door. "Princess?" It was Falstone's voice.

  My lungs still fought for air, but I crossed to the door before answering. "I'm all right." I called softly, fighting to slow my breathing.

  "A nightmare?"

  "Yes. I'm fine."

  There was a pause before, "Shall I fetch Mr. Sutton?"

  "No, of course not." Yes, I wanted him, but society would not look kindly on such a thing.

  "Can I fetch anything?"

  "No, thank you."

  I crossed back to my bed and slid beneath the blankets, trying to push the image of Damian's cold countenance from my mind. I remained wide awake, my knees pulled up to my chest until the sun came up. It was only with the promise of daylight that my mind quieted and I was able to drift back to sleep.

  ***

  Falstone was the first person I encountered on leaving my room the next morning. He didn't say anything, but worry was clearly written in the lines of his face. That was two nights in a row. Would tonight bring the same thing? What of the next night?

  I joined James for breakfast, but found him strangely distracted. He seemed hesitant to speak, and even hesitant to meet my eyes as we sat across from one another. A nervousness settled into my stomach as my mind flipped through the different possible reasons for his unease. When we were nearly finished eating, I couldn't stand the tension anymore.

  "Did you not sleep well?"

  He seemed surprised. "I did sleep well. Why do you ask?"

  "You do not seem yourself. Are you worried about something?"

  "I'm worried over you," he said with soft insistence.

  "Why?"

  He set his fork down and fixed me with a piercing gaze. "Did you sleep well last night?"

  "I—" I would have liked to lie, to let him think nothing was amiss, but I had the suspicion that my guards had already told him of the incident. I closed my mouth.

  "I wish I had known when it happened."

  "So that you could lose sleep worrying over me?"

  "So that I could be there for you."

  "You can't," I insisted in a low whisper as vestiges of frustration I hadn't realized I'd been holding on to leaked through. "You can't be there for me when I have nightmares. We're not—" I shook my head. Why was he speaking of being there for me in the middle of the night? It was out of the question. It had only been acceptable in his home because his mother had been there and because there was no one who would have misconstrued the situation. That would all change once we reached Dalthia.

  "We're not what?"

  Married. We're not married. I shook my head again. "We should go." I pushed back my chair, not waiting for help from him or from my guards, and returned to my room to be sure my things were packe
d away.

  I wanted him to be there for me, but the only way that he would be able to comfort me would be to marry me, and he had never alluded to anything of the sort. Perhaps he had no interest in taking on the widow of his enemy. I knew he cared for me; that much was obvious, but to marry someone like me? I had no idea if he would want such a thing.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  AS WE APPROACHED my family home, I pushed the drape aside to allow myself a view of the castle. The road skirted the town and cut through a patchwork of fields sprawling to the west of the castle walls. It was in the midst of these fields that a cry went up from my guards, alerting everyone to the presence of a rider. I looked about in alarm, only to have a grin split my face at the unmistakable figure of my sister, Ella, galloping across the field alongside of us, keeping pace as her husband and one guard trailed behind. The blonde waves of her hair, so similar to my own, were somewhat confined in a single braid that whipped out behind her along with a deep blue cloak.

  I waved frantically, unable to do anything else as I bit down on my lip to stop my tears. The road turned, and trees blocked my view of her for a few moments until her horse leapt onto the road behind us, following as we climbed the hill and entered the gate, allowing me a full view of the castle and its grounds. The carriage slowed as it circled the drive, and I saw Ella pull her mount to a skidding halt and slide from the saddle. I barely made it out of the carriage before she practically ran me over, throwing her arms around me in a desperate embrace.

  I had always known I was loved by my family, but the way they each threw themselves into repairing my damaged heart made that very heart swell with more joy than I would have thought possible.

  "How are you, dear girl?" she asked before pulling back to look at me. Her brow furrowed. "I see we will have to endeavor to return the smile to your face."

  "How are you? Is Guin here?"

  "Of course. She's napping right now, but she's excited to see you again." She caught sight of something behind me. "And you've brought Angel home?"

  "I couldn't very well leave her behind."

  She linked our arms and we walked up the steps as she asked about my journey. As soon as I crossed the familiar threshold, I heard someone shout my name and looked up to see Lylin flying down the grand staircase, towing a gentleman by the hand, whom I had to assume was her fiancé, Lord Rhys Fallon. Just before reaching the last steps, she released him and rushed over to grab my hands and stare at my face, searching it with her brow furrowed.

  I gave her a smile. "I am well."

  She gave a sharp shake of her head and swallowed hard. "I should have done something when I first felt something amiss."

  "I'm not in the mood for regrets right now," I insisted.

  "But—" Lylin started, but was cut off by Ella, who let out a little gasp as her hand tightened on my arm.

  "Does that gentleman belong to you?" she asked in an urgent whisper.

  I followed her gaze and saw James introducing himself to Gavin and Lord Fallon. My neck grew hot.

  The answer of, "Yes, he does," did not come from me, but from Lorraina, who had somehow managed to sneak up on us.

  Lylin grabbed Raina's arm and drew her into our circle. "That's Mr. Sutton? The one you told us about?"

  "Raina!" I scolded. "What did you tell them?"

  She gave a small smile and a slight shrug. "Just the truth."

  "He is quite dashing, isn't he?" Ella commented as she looked at him over my head.

  I looked between Ella and Raina, suddenly realizing what an unusual occurrence this was. Raina never joined in our banter, and she and Ella barely tolerated each other. Yet they both seemed entirely at ease and willing to converse without any tension. I hoped it would last.

  "Marilee."

  I turned to see my mother, looking perfectly put together as always, regal without even trying.

  She placed her hands on my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "Welcome home." She lowered her voice and glanced around our little circle before saying, "Now, perhaps we should move into the drawing room."

  My sisters moved in that direction without any further prompting, sweeping me along with them. We settled in to talk of anything and everything until I mentioned the fire. Then the room erupted into chaos, each of them talking over one another, demanding to know the details. My mother summoned my father, who had me recount the story before he summoned my guards, who told my father that Mr. Sutton could shed more light on the details of the situation than they could. They went in search of James, and I realized for the first time that I had not given James any kind of appropriate introduction or welcome to my home. The last time I had spoken to him, we had still been an hour from Dalthia.

  How was it that I had almost completely forgotten him? He was the main reason I had been able to breathe easily over the past several weeks, but I'd been so swept up in my family that I had not thought to seek him out.

  While Raina and Lylin were caught up in conversation with my mother, I moved to set down the cup of tea that had been pushed into my hands several minutes earlier. "I should be sure Mr. Sutton is getting settled," I said to Ella.

  She placed a hand on my arm before I could rise. "I promise he's being taken care of. Gavin and Rhys will entertain him and keep him out of any trouble, I'm sure."

  "I'm not worried about him getting into trouble."

  "Then why the need to rush off when you've only just arrived?"

  "I just—"

  "Is it simply being away from him that makes you worry?"

  "No. I just...I'm surprised that I had forgotten him."

  "You're in love with him, aren't you?" she asked with a nod of her head.

  I let out a sigh. "Quite."

  "And he's in love with you."

  My eyes dropped to my hands. "I don't know that for certain."

  "I do," she stated with surety. "Everything you've said in your letters, everything that mother and Lorraina have told me, have me thoroughly convinced that he cares for you."

  "He does care for me. I do know that. He's been unfailingly kind and generous with his time and—"

  "And with his kisses." She smirked.

  The rest of what I was going to say caught in my throat as my cheeks grew instantly hot.

  Her face softened into a smile of understanding. "You're worried that you had forgotten him. What do you mean by that?"

  "For the past several days, the only time that I have been at ease has been when he is nearby. I always knew where he was. Then I arrived here and..." I shrugged.

  "You're comfortable with us. That is not so unusual, is it?"

  "No. No, I suppose not." So then why did it bother me? If I had so easily forgotten him, then couldn't he just as easily be forgetting me? Enjoying himself with the men, glad to be rid of me as a burden? Perhaps the main reason we had bonded in Winberg was because there was no one else about.

  "How long will he be staying?"

  I pulled myself from my thoughts, realizing that her question implied that he would be leaving soon. And why wouldn't he? He had come only as a traveling companion, to ensure my safety. No doubt he would leave in only a few days' time.

  And then what?

  "I don't know," I answered. "We have not discussed it."

  She gave me a wide-eyed glance over the top of her tea cup.

  "What?" I asked.

  She lifted a shoulder. "I was only thinking that perhaps he might find an excuse for an extended stay."

  I shook my head, even though it was what I hoped. "I'm sure he needs to be on his way."

  Ella studied me for several long moments, her gaze a bit too knowing. "It's all right to let someone love you."

  I tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace. Damian had professed to love me. "I used to think the same thing."

  She sat back. "Ah," she said, as though everything had clicked into place. "So, you are scared to be with him, but scared to be without him?"

  I opened my mouth, but no response wa
s forthcoming. She was absolutely right.

  I was spared Ella's further scrutiny when Lylin claimed the seat at my other side. She didn't say anything, just looked at me in the way only Lylin could. Finally she let a soft smile cross her lips. "You look tired."

  I let out a breathy laugh, closing my eyes and feeling for the first time how they burned behind my lids. "Oh Lylin." I tipped my head to her shoulder. "I am tired. So very tired."

  "Have you not slept well?"

  "No, I haven't. But it's not just that." I lifted my head and slumped back against the cushioned seat, turning my gaze to the ceiling. "Life has made me tired."

  Lylin stood and grabbed both of my hands, pulling me to my feet. "Then I believe some rest is in order." She looped an arm around my waist and walked me up to my old chamber.

  After a short rest, I joined my family for dinner. James sat directly across from me, where I could catch his eye throughout the meal and enjoy watching him converse with my sisters and the other gentlemen. It was different to sit back and watch the interactions when I used to be so much in the middle of them. But I also relished the opportunity to reacquaint myself with their habits and mannerisms. The way Gavin's hand strayed to Ella's hair without his even realizing it, the way Lylin used her hands to accentuate nearly everything that she said, the way my father would sit back, observing us all with a calm satisfaction. His relief at having me home was palpable, and I tried to convince myself that this was where I belonged, that I fit in here.

  I just wasn't sure I believed it.

  ***

  The next morning, Cecily helped me ready for the day, and I was just about to leave my chamber when Ella entered. "Good, you're awake."

  I looked her over, immediately suspicious. "Why is that a good thing?"

  "Because I've challenged your Mr. Sutton to a race. Well, technically, I've challenged everyone to a friendly race, but really I want to see how I do against a horseman like him."

  A grin curved my mouth. "Oh, Ella," I said, grabbing my shawl and throwing it around me. "I can't wait to see this."

  "Aren't you going to change into a riding habit?"