“Why do I keep fooling myself?”
Ohinde looked concerned.
“Of course he knows who I am. There’s no reason for him to welcome me with open arms.”
Ohinde put down her needlework and leaned forwards to be able to put her hand on Lilith’s arm. “We welcomed you with open arms, didn’t we?”
“I don’t understand why you did. And the dragons have even more reason to hate me.”
They looked at each other and then Ohinde picked up the coat again. Lilith admired her. She hadn’t told Ohinde much more than that she was raised by Kasimirh. Undoubtedly, the woman was curious about her background, but she never asked Lilith about it.
“I’d be doing him a favour if I stayed well away from him.”
She could stay here and lead an anonymous life. Kasimirh would probably not look for her here. It was a tempting idea.
The women’s daily chores were physically challenging, and Lilith had helped them from the moment she had decided to stay. This had earned her a lot of goodwill in the village. People even came to her for help. They had soon noticed that Lilith, now that she was healed, was stronger than most women. Lilith was proud to be of help and she felt happy. Nobody knew about her past, so the Inuuk judged her on her actions.
She had noticed a change in herself as well. Now that she had found a new direction, she felt calmer. Her anger lay dormant and she had it under control. She had locked it up and thrown away the key.
The door opened and a woman came in. She spoke rapidly and gestured wildly. Lilith put down the clothes. Her senses were on edge. She was sure that the woman was talking about her. Ohinde asked something. The woman shook her head.
“There are two men in the village. It seems that they’re asking about you, but the women aren’t sure. What do you think?”
Lilith jumped up and started pacing the room. “Do they have scars?”
Ohinde translated, and the woman nodded.
Lilith clenched her fists. “How did they get here? How did they know?”
“So you know them?”
“Kasimirh sent them.”
Ohinde gave Lilith a coat and put on another one herself. “I’ll go talk to them. Hide in the woods. They don’t know for sure that you’re here.”
Lilith grabbed a knife and wanted to give it to Ohinde, who looked at her in fright. “What do you want me to do with that?”
“They are dangerous.”
“I don’t know how to use a knife. We’ll just send them to another village.”
Lilith nodded. She wanted to walk out, but turned around at the door. “Be careful. I think they’re capable of anything.”
“Just go. We’ll come find you once they’re gone.”
Lilith opened the door and glimpsed outside. Seraph and Nander were nowhere to be seen. She ran directly for the woods. Once among the trees, she looked back. Ohinde came outside and walked in the other direction. Lilith had a foreboding of danger.
“Lord Jakob. Protect the people who are protecting me!” She didn’t finish the prayer. It was Jakob who was letting this all happen in the first place, she thought bitterly. “Damn it God! I trusted You!” If Jakob had been responsible for her ending up with the Inuuk, then it had probably been for no other reason than that Seraph could find her here. God had tricked her.
Again.
Lilith ignored the shame she was feeling. She sat down on a fallen tree, still holding the knife. She turned it so that her eyes reflected in the blade. It had been a long time since she had seen her own face. She was startled by the fear in her eyes. Fear was a sign of weakness. Hiding among the trees was also a sign of weakness.
You didn’t want to run any more.
She walked to a young birch. It snapped as she bent it. The next one was too thick, but a bit further away she found a suitable tree. With a few chops she cut it down.
Not entirely sure what to do next, she cut off the branches and the bark. She felt stronger with each piece that fell to the ground. At the same time she despised herself, because in her mind she heard Afifa’s lessons. Hit your opponent in the arm to take away his weapon. Hit his legs so he can’t pursue you. She didn’t dare think about the following steps, but the door behind which she had locked her anger had been put ajar. She could almost feel her anger pushing against it.
She only managed to fight the anger for a short time. Lilith got up and spun the staff.
Hit him in the neck and your opponent will die.
She struck her fighting stick against a tree, causing snow to fall down. Lilith brushed it off her shoulders and out of her hair. She shivered, because some of the snow had slid down her back, but also because of her own thoughts. Panting, she leaned on the stick.
She heard a scream and immediately stood up straight. The dogs were barking aggressively. Of course Seraph wouldn’t be sent away that easily. He hadn’t come to the village on a hunch. Lilith looked at her own reflection in the knife again. There was no longer fear in her eyes. Instead, they showed determination. She knew what she had to do.
Firmly grasping the staff, she walked back to the village. No one noticed her as she stood next to a house. She assessed the situation at the village square. Seraph stood towering over Ohinde, having a heated discussion with her. Nander was keeping aloof, but Lilith saw that he was holding Ohinde’s child. That was probably why the few men that were still in the village hadn’t interfered.
Seraph was running out of patience. He grabbed Ohinde by the shoulder and dragged her back up. “Lilith is here and you’d better bring her to me.”
Nander did something that made the baby scream.
“She left. She went into the woods!” Ohinde yelled.
“Oh, so now you do know her?” Seraph sneered.
“Let her go. She has nothing to do with this.”
Seraph spun around. He smiled at Lilith. “I was hoping that you weren’t going to leave these people to their own devices, but I wasn’t entirely sure. It wouldn’t be the first time that you think of no one but yourself.”
Lilith walked up to them. She wanted to take Ohinde’s baby from Nander, but he moved away.
“Give her to me, you’ve got what you came for.”
“Just do it, Nander,” Seraph said.
Lilith held the baby protectively to her chest and returned her to Ohinde.
“Why are you here, Seraph?” Lilith asked.
“I’m sure you know why. We’re taking you home.”
From the corner of her eye, Lilith saw Nander moving forwards. She took a swing with her staff and hit his arm. Seraph screamed almost as loudly as Nander. But Nander didn’t give in so easily. Pressing his arm to his body, he came at her again.
“Haven’t you had enough?” she asked, pushing him back with her staff. Two men worked him to the ground and kept him in check.
Seraph was looking aghast.
Lilith laughed. “You didn’t expect me to put up a fight?”
Seraph didn’t answer and dived for her legs. A fierce pain spread through her upper leg. Lilith fell over. Seraph threw himself on her, raising the fist that clutched his dagger. Lilith grabbed his arm in an attempt to stop him. The dagger’s point came ever closer to her face. She grabbed Seraph with her other hand as well and was able to slowly push the arm away. Cursing, Seraph applied more pressure.
Unexpectedly, Lilith pulled the arm towards her. The dagger pierced the ground next to her face and Seraph fell on top of her. She kicked him and jumped to her feet to run towards the staff. She heard Seraph coming after her. Picking up the staff, she hit Seraph in the leg with one fluid motion.
There was a crack. Lilith looked at her fighting stick, convinced that it had broken. The stick, however, was still in one piece. Then she looked at Seraph. He was on the ground, groaning with pain.
Lilith spun her staff around and walked up to him. She could end it with one blow and be rid of him forever. It was going to take Kasimirh a long time to discover that she had defeated both men.<
br />
Seraph looked up in anger. She despised him. He had lied to her, he had hunted and hurt her. Lilith raised the staff and gathered all her strength. “This was the last time,” she hissed. Seraph looked scared. He understood that she was being serious.
The stick hit the ground with a loud bang. Seraph huddled up and burst out laughing. “Why won’t you do it? Are you so weak that you don’t dare to end it?”
Lilith had hit the ground with her staff. She was taking deep breaths to curb her anger. She shook her head wildly. “I’m not weak. I’m strong enough to let you live.” Then she looked at Ohinde. “Can someone please tie them up? I’m too tired.”
She let herself fall to the ground. Ohinde walked up to her, still looking frightened. Perhaps also because of what she had seen Lilith do. But Lilith felt nothing but pride. She had stood up for herself and she had protected the villagers, but most of all, she had managed to control her anger, despite of everything. She had felt the urge to continue until Nander and Seraph were dead, but she had stopped. Only now did she notice how much energy it had cost her.
18
Lilith walked into the longhouse and put down some food for Nander. Then she walked to Seraph who was also tied up and sitting a few yards away. He was sitting cross-legged on some animal hides, looking relaxed, as if he were no prisoner and Lilith had come by to serve him. His ropes were apparently not bothering him. Nander yawned and sat up. He glanced at the bowl and huffed. “Gross, fish soup. Do you think we’re servi or something?”
Lilith didn’t reply. She silently looked at Seraph. He stared back at her. She had insisted on bringing the food, so she could experience what it felt like to be around Seraph. It primarily felt familiar, but if she thought about the fact that the two men were her prisoners, she felt proud and strong.
Seraph picked up the bowl with both hands and brought it to his lips. His expression didn’t show whether he liked or hated it. He kept staring at her. He took a bite of fish. “Are you happy here?” he asked.
Surprised, Lilith sat down and nodded.
“I can tell. You look well, Lilith. You put on some weight, but it suits you. And your eyes are brighter.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
He shrugged. Nander was pecking at his food. He was close to heaving and every mouthful went down under loud protest. “I understand that you’re angry about us coming to get you. I’m sorry that you hate your life so much and that you can’t just come to terms with your destiny. I’ve always wanted you to be happy, Lilith. That’s why I’m concerned about you.”
Lilith felt confused.
“You think too much. Kasimirh isn’t a bad master. You just have to do what he expects of you. But then you had to go and think about everything. That’s why you’re hurting now.”
Lilith huffed. “Don’t try to play games with me, I won’t fall for them.”
Seraph laughed. “I nearly succeeded.”
Lilith got up to leave.
“Do you know you have your mother’s eyes?”
She spun around. “You knew her?”
Seraph chewed slowly. When he had swallowed, he nodded. “Right now you look exactly like she did when I took you from your parents. So defiant and confused. So powerless.”
Lilith launched at him. She hit him in the cheek. Up until then, she had thought that Kasimirh had abducted her, but it had been Seraph. She could tell by the look in his eyes that it was the truth. She punched him a couple of times. The bowl fell out of Seraph’s hands. Lilith could hear the guards walking to and fro behind her, but they kept their distance.
“Are you going to do it now, Lilith? Or are you still too weak?” He was challenging her.
She kicked him and created some distance between them. She was fighting against herself.
“Don’t you want to take revenge for what happened to your parents? If I hadn’t taken you, you wouldn’t have had to kill them, so I’d understand if you blame me.”
“It won’t bring them back,” she whispered.
Now it was Seraph’s turn to be baffled. He frowned. Nander’s gaze went from Seraph to Lilith.
“Did Kasimirh order you to kidnap me?”
Seraph shook his head. His silence increased her anger.
“Then what did you want with me?”
Seraph didn’t answer. He looked at the fallen bowl, picked up a piece of fish with both hands and put it in his mouth. He chewed and gave her a defiant look. Lilith grabbed his shoulders and gave him a good shaking. “What did you want with me? Why was I valuable to you?” Seraph choked on his food. She watched him cough and turn red in the face. Because he didn’t stop coughing she hit his back a few times. Still coughing he said, “I believe in vengeance. And you helped me get my ultimate revenge.”
Lilith sat back down. “I want you to tell me everything.”
Seraph’s eyes were smiling in his otherwise stony face. Lilith had hardly ever seen him like this. This was the man she had trusted all those years. She cherished the memories of preparing a service together. He had taken care of her, protected her, and even seemed to have liked her. But the latter was obviously a lie, because he had become her enemy a long time ago.
“I’d love to. Where do you want me to begin?”
“Why did you pick me?”
“It’s all your father’s fault. Through some stupid trick he managed to escape the Purifications. He watched as Nander and I were tortured. He watched and kept himself out of harm’s way.
After the ritual, many Purified people died of their wounds. Many survivors were reluctant to start a family while Margal’s followers could still do as they pleased, and I don’t know what became of the rest of the villagers because I lost track of them. I have always known what was going on in one specific half-blood’s life, though, and that was Almor. As he hadn’t been baptized, it was easy for him to pick up his life again.
When I heard that Almor was getting married, a plan started to take shape in my head. The ultimate revenge. Mosh-Ra, your grandmother, was a powerful dragon, and the gift of shapeshifting often skips a generation. The odds were favourable that when Almor was to have a child, it would be a shapeshifter. It turned out that I was right.”
“But without Kasimirh I was of no use to you, so you let him have his way?”
“Not entirely. Yes, I needed Kasimirh. And he could use you, so I proposed my plan to him. He thought it was for the good cause, that you would convince people to convert, but in reality you did what I wanted you to do. Kasimirh commanded you, but what you really did was take revenge in my name.”
Lilith shook her head. She couldn’t find the words to express her loathing. She had known that Seraph had played a big role in everything, but she hadn’t expected him to be the master mind. The idea of having been used in Jakob’s war was confusing, because she might have been fighting on the right side. But now it turned out that she had also been used to take revenge. There was nothing confusing about that. Seraph had used her for ill intentions. The Naftalians weren’t her enemies.
“I’m grateful for all the Naftalians you killed for me,” Seraph continued. “You have no idea how much they deserved to be punished, Lilith. How much pain they caused Nander and me, and all the other Purified people. Even your father. They’ve ruined thousands of lives. You took revenge for us all. The ultimate revenge.”
Lilith rested her head in her hands. She felt sick and her head was pounding.
“Isn’t it wonderful? Margal’s followers killed by the creature that She despised the most?”
Lilith got up and ran out of the longhouse.
After Seraph’s confession, Lilith left the care of the two men to others. Pretty soon the evening of one of the most important hunting ceremonies arrived. Lilith put on her coat and followed Icamm outside. Throughout the day, people from surrounding villages had arrived. There was excited chatter and everyone was happy to see one another again.
A hush fell over the crowd. Lilith slowed down to walk behi
nd Ohinde and escape the staring eyes, but after a few women had given her nods of approval, Lilith responded with a shy smile.
“They all know that I’m joining the hunt, right?” she asked Ohinde.
“Of course they do. Something like that doesn’t stay a secret very long in our community.”
Lilith was just as curious about the Inuuk as they were about her. Just when she realized that these humans were being kind to her, she spotted a group of women who were keeping aloof. They were whispering to each other and threw her dirty looks.
Lilith spun around and with a toss of her head indicated to Ohinde who she meant: “Who are they?”
Ohinde leaned sideways to be able to look over Lilith’s shoulder. Then she laid her hands on Lilith’s upper arms. “Sivak and her friends are extremely cautious. They probably think that your presence will displease the Soul.”
Lilith clenched her fists. Ohinde put her arm around Lilith and directed her to the square where a huge bonfire had been made.
Ever more people came flocking in to form a circle around the fire. Drums started to beat and the voices died down. Lilith had already noticed the instruments that afternoon: huge, hollow tree trunks with a hide stretched over them. There was room for at least five men around each drum.
The dull boom of the drums sounded like a heartbeat in the night. More drummers joined in. The groups were scattered over the circle. A man started singing in a high, shrill voice. His song was a succession of shouts and sounded powerful in the darkness. Sometimes other voices joined in, but Lilith couldn’t tell how many singers there were. Their music blended into a song that made the hearts of all those present beat as one.
Out of nowhere, sea creatures turned up to dance around the fire. Lilith wondered where they had come from. They flowed to the rhythm of the drums, and little whales swam through the vibrating air in a fixed circle around the fire. The seals sometimes dived down and circled around the fish, but repeatedly swam back up to breathe.
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