by Aj Estelliam
‘I shouldn’t?’ he questioned.
‘No. I mean; I think everything is going to turn out just fine.’
‘Like…what is going to turn out just fine?’
I debated saying the words out loud but something stopped me. He was young and he was struggling. It was for him to work out, not me. ‘I just mean, everything you worry about works out fine. Try and enjoy your life a little more…it’s a happy ending for you.’
He smiled at me. ‘Well, that’s always good to hear!’
‘Yeah. Look, if there’s nothing else I can help with, I’m going to head out for a while.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘I…just a breath of fresh air.’
He debated arguing this with me. We were at work! He didn’t get to go out for a ‘breath of fresh air.’
‘I won’t be long…sometimes the things I see in my head make me feel a little…claustrophobic.’
‘Ah…okay. Well, do you want me to tell JJ where you’re going?’
‘No, I’ll literally be five minutes. See you soon,’ I said standing. I turned and left the room before he could say anything more.
I rode the lift down to the ground floor and headed outside. I didn’t know what I was doing really but I just knew I needed to be out in the open air. I was finding it difficult to breathe and I felt like there was a good reason to go outside. It wasn’t until I found a bench to sit on that I understood.
I sat down and rested my head in my hands. I breathed in and then out, slowly and repeatedly. I tried to calm my nerves and settle the ache in my stomach. I was beginning to associate evil in visions with a sick, nauseous feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. It wasn’t pleasant but it was a good indicator.
I breathed against the pain and tried to overcome it. As my eyes fluttered closed of their own accord, I became lost in thought and drifted…
Sliced. The scalpel sliced the flesh so neatly. The line along the skin became deeper and I smiled and widened my eyes in pleasure. Seamlessly, I pulled…and the face came off gradually. Skin in my hands. I felt a wave of arousal rush through me as the cold flesh lay dank in my hands.
Walking to the other side of the dark room, I bent and laid the skin across it’s intended destination. Beautiful, I mused. A work of art. As I gazed down at the unfinished masterpiece, I felt excitement flooding through me. It was happening. My lifetimes work was coming together now. I turned back and looked at the lifeless corpse on the table. Sighing, I lifted my axe.
I sat up, startled and sickened. I grasped my stomach and quickly tried to quell the urge to vomit. I took slow, steadying breaths and tried to calm myself as I fought back the images in my mind. Sick, sick, sick, I said to myself. He’s sick…so sick.
‘Are you alright?’ a voice asked.
I looked up as my stomach lurched in a vice-like grip. A woman stood before me of undetermined age. She wore a police uniform and a look of concern. ‘I’m feeling a little ill,’ I admitted.
‘Oh dear…can I help at all?’ she wondered.
‘No, no…I’m fine thanks…’ I said, rubbing my head.
‘You’re Alex Hope, right?’ she asked.
I glanced over as she sat down beside me. ‘That’s right. Do I know you?’
‘Oh no, dear. I’ve just heard about you. You’re the talk of the station, don’t you know.’
‘What are people saying?’ I asked.
‘Oh, about how you’re a psychic and interfering with police work but mainly about your affair with JJ Love.’
I felt myself bristle. ‘It’s not an affair. We’re engaged to be married,’ I told her haughtily.
‘You’re what?’ she frowned.
‘Engaged,’ I repeated, scanning her face for disapproval.
‘Well…’ she stated. ‘Things are so different from my day…anything goes these days it seems.’
‘I would have thought you’d see it all being a police officer?’
She nodded, holding my gaze. ‘I suppose I do.’
‘What was your name again?’ I asked, tilting my head in her direction.
‘Andrea Hemmings,’ she replied, ‘and it’s nice to have met you, Alex.’
The woman stood and then left. I stared after her, still feeling unwell. On wobbly legs, I rose and began walking.
Chapter 3
I followed the feather. It floated in the wind, restlessly tossed here and there by an unyielding torrent of turbulence. I watched it, mesmerised. I couldn’t look away. It was hope and yet it was fleeting. A symbol and also a warning. I stumbled as it got caught in a cobweb. As I watched it struggle, I felt my panic rising. Be free, little feather. Be free.
I came to moments after the vision and realised I had walked away from the station. I looked around me wildly, unsure of where I was and what I was doing. It was scary to think I had arrived at my current destination without meaning to and without any conscious memory of doing so.
I reached inside my pocket and quickly dialled. Jess would know what to do. Jess would help me.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi Jess,’ I said quietly.
‘Alex? What’s up? You couldn’t walk ten steps to the office to talk to me?’ she questioned.
‘I’m not in the police station, Jess.’
‘What do you mean you’re not in the station? Where the fuck are you?’
‘I…I needed some fresh air. I uh…well, I sat on a bench and practised breathing for a while and then I kind of…well, I don’t know what happened. All I know is that I’m lost and I need your help.’
‘You’re lost?’
‘Yeah,’ I said looking around. ‘I’m by a field at the back of some fences and I have no idea how I got here. I must have wandered off while having one of my visions.’
‘Are you there because of a vision? Is there something there?’ she asked.
I frowned to myself, looking around. ‘I don’t think so. I just…got lost.’
‘Okay, stay where you are…I’ll come and get you.’
‘But-how will you find me? I’ve barely described this place to you.’
‘Alex; I’m not that stupid. I put a tracking device on your phone after you got buried alive. I will always find you, honey.’
‘Ah…I don’t know whether to say thank you or tell you I’m freaked out by that.’
‘Just thank me. I’ll be there shortly,’ she promised.
‘Thanks, Jess.’ I hung up and sat down on the kerb on the pavement. I took in my surroundings, still very confused. I tried to remember what I had been thinking about and all I could remember was being fixated on a feather. I recalled the vision and decided that I must have followed the feather in my mind. It had led me to nowhere but perhaps it was just a random image, thrown in to confuse me. I sighed, willing Jess to hurry up. My stomach hurt and I had a headache. I longed to go home and had been at work for less than an hour.
The car pulled up five minutes later. Jess climbed out and walked towards me, looking at me with a strange expression on her face.
‘Hey,’ she said, approaching me.
I stood, wiping the back of my jeans with my hands. ‘Hey…thanks for coming to get me.’
‘No worries…why on earth are you here?’ she questioned, looking around in confusion.
‘If I knew that, we’d be left with no concerns in the world.’
‘You really don’t know?’
I shook my head, baffled. ‘I really don’t know. I think I followed a feather.’
She stared at me, wide-eyed. She looked thrown by my words, her sea-green eyes with flecks of brown gazing at me intensely.
I couldn’t help becoming lost in those eyes. They had always appealed to me, and now was no different.
‘You followed a feather?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah. It was in my head.’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t know. Someone who is in my head is fixated by it in some way. I don’t understand it so I won’t try to explain it…’
She shook her head, looking confused. ‘Come on then. Let’s get you back. I think I’m going to have to cuff you to the desk!’
‘That won’t be necessary,’ I smiled. ‘I’ll behave. I won’t so much as leave the building.’
‘I’d rather you didn’t alone, Alex. I mean, it’s not safe! You were the one telling me about disturbing visions. It’d be best to stay where there are people around who protect.’
‘You’re right,’ I nodded. ‘Let’s go back.’
We headed for her car and I climbed inside and buckled myself in. As she started the engine, I turned to the left and gasped as a small, white feather rose outside on the other side of the window.
‘Stop!’ I cried, and opened the door. I followed the feather across the road, stumbling a little.
‘What are you doing?’ she responded, sounding frustrated.
‘Look at the feather! Come on!’ I called.
‘There is no feather,’ she replied.
‘There! Right in front of me! You don’t see it?’
‘No! There’s nothing there!’
‘There is,’ I said, stumbling into the undergrowth by the side of the pavement. The feather was floating down into the grassy mass of weeds which lay by the quiet road. As I bent to see it, I came face to face with the image from my nightmares. Reeling back, as a skinless face stared at me, I fell backwards to the ground, gasping for breath. Turning, I was violently sick onto the pavement, retching until my stomach was empty. Exhausted, I collapsed, weeping. As I cried, I could hear the faint sounds of Jess on the phone. She was calling for back-up. When she finished her call, she moved to sit beside me and drew me into her lap, nursing me as she would a small baby. She nestled my head to her chest and I wept uncontrollably. I felt sickened to the core. Truly, disgustingly sick.
More police arrived in minutes, along with a forensic vehicle with specialists inside. I sat on the far kerb, watching from afar. The professionals gathered around, discussing the find with frowning faces. I watched on, feeling quite ill. I wished I had never seen the face but I had. I let my head rest on my hands and I found myself thinking about the evil that people could do to others. I couldn’t even imagine the kind of mind who would want to remove someone’s head, let alone remove the skin of the face. It was the work of someone who was a sick individual. I wanted no part of it, and yet I had a feeling I was being drawn into this new case.
‘Are you alright?’
I looked up. It was Billy-the young officer from the station. ‘Yeah…’ I murmured.
‘Pretty rough, right?’
I nodded, squinting up into the winter sun which shone.
‘You see some pretty horrible things in this job, don’t you?’
‘How do you cope?’ I asked him, as he sat down beside me on the kerb.
‘I don’t know really. I mean, you have to shut off from it sometimes, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to cope. I just kind of tell myself that I’m helping, you know?’
I sighed. ‘Who does this, Billy?’ I said breathing out, my stomach feeling unsettled.
‘It’s fucked up, isn’t it?’
I looked over at him. ‘Why do something so sick? I mean what on earth would possess someone?’
He shook his head. ‘I really don’t know…’
‘Did you see it?’
‘The head? Yeah,’ he said, frowning.
‘What did you think?’
‘I think whoever did this is sending some sort of message,’ he murmured.
‘What kind of message?’
‘Well, it’s only the head! What about the other body parts? Also, he removed the skin on the face,’ he continued, seemingly excited by the case now, ‘so surely that must mean something?’
‘Yeah! That he’s one sick fuck!’
‘Well that, but also there must be a reason for it…’
‘Like what?’ I asked, not knowing what it meant.
‘Well, the Indians did that didn’t they? Maybe it’s a race thing…’
I watched him as he talked. I wasn’t sure he was on the right lines.
‘And what’s he doing with the skin once it’s removed? Maybe he’s kept it as a trophy or something gross like that?’
I nodded slowly. That seemed more likely to me somehow.
‘So, how did you find the head?’ he asked. ‘Did you have a vision or something?’
‘Not exactly…I’m, uh…not supposed to talk about it actually,’ I said, glancing over to where Jess stood. I was learning not to trust people, I realised. Even this young lad beside me…I found myself becoming suspicious.
‘Oh, no worries…I was just curious.’
I paused for a moment before speaking. There seemed no harm. I sensed no evil in him…just naivety. ‘I, uh…well, I was led here,’ I told him.
‘Led here? What by the killer?’ he asked, eyes wide.
‘No!’ I scoffed. ‘By a feather!’
‘A feather?’ he frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
I frowned to myself, something I realised I was beginning to do as habit when on a case. ‘I became entranced by a little white feather which began to float this way. I followed it until I came here…then I, uh…’
‘You found the head?’
I nodded, grimacing.
‘I wonder if you’ll find the other bits next?’
‘Urgh! I hope not!’ I exclaimed.
‘The thing is, he’s going to be hard to identify if you don’t…’
‘Really?’
‘Well, yeah…no finger prints and body markers.’
‘But you have his head!’
‘We do…and we probably can use dental records for that but he has no face, remember? He’s just a skinless, gory mess now!’
I shuddered, recalling what the face had looked like. It was the stuff of nightmares and I didn’t want to think about it. ‘Look Billy…I need to get out of here…I’m feeling ill.’
‘Do you want me to drive you back to the station?’ he asked.
‘Uh, no…I’ll uh…wait for Jess,’ I said, unwilling to trust anyone I didn’t know right now.
‘Alright then,’ he said, heading off, ‘catch you later, Alex!’
I watched him go, feeling decidedly on edge. What was going on with me? Why did I feel so unsettled? I walked over to Jess’s car and sat down to wait for her.
Sometime later, Jess was finally ready to leave. She walked over, climbed in the car and looked over at me.
‘You coping?’ she asked.
I nodded, ‘Yeah…’
‘We need to get back and see if we can identify this man,’ she said, looking about as pale as I felt.
‘You can run dental records, can’t you?’ I asked.
‘Normally that would be possible, but his teeth have been removed,’ she told me, looking over briefly with concerned eyes.
‘What?’ I exclaimed.
‘Yeah…’ she sighed.
‘But…that’s awful! Why on earth…oh, because of this? So, he can’t be identified.’
‘That’s my guess,’ she said quietly, and her mind worked overtime.
I gasped as I heard her thoughts. ‘No…’ I breathed out quietly. ‘Before he died?’
She glanced at me. ‘I was hoping you wouldn’t hear that.’
‘He had all these teeth pulled out before he was dead?’
‘That’s what the coroner seems to think.’
I shook my head, feeling sick again. ‘I don’t think I can handle this…’
‘You don’t have to be involved, Alex. Really…we can do this alone. I don’t want you to be involved in something which is going to bother you so badly that it makes you sick to the stomach.’
I shook my head, and then looked over at her. ‘I don’t think I get a choice in this, Jess. I don’t seem to be able to choose what I see or don’t see. I have to help when I get led to these things. Otherwise, it would go against my moral duty!’
‘Moral duty! Alex, people choose to
be detectives! They choose to be police men and women. You do have a choice! I’m asking you to make a choice.’
I met her eyes and felt tears fill mine. ‘Then I choose to help,’ I said softly.
Her pure-green eyes with flecks of brown registered surprise and then concern. I swallowed hard and reached for her hand. I laced my cold fingers through hers and held on tightly. ‘We can do this…if we do this together. With you by my side, I can handle anything.’
She nodded, but her face was set in a frown. ‘Then I’ll stay by your side as we figure this out.’
Chapter 4
We drove back to the station and when we arrived, Jess informed she was headed to the morgue. Reluctantly, I told her I would be coming with her. There was nothing I could do by sitting back and watching events take place. I would face this head on and help in any way I could.
When we arrived, the grisly scene was already underway as the medical professionals began to try and figure out the identity of our victim. I stood a little way back and observed the scene. Three people in white coats stood around the cold, metal table looking at the head. I grimaced and looked away as one of them moved and I was afforded a clear view. I didn’t want to look at it again. It made my stomach clench and I really didn’t want to vomit in the sterile room.
‘What have we got?’ Jess asked, moving over to speak to the chief medical examiner.
‘Very little really. Without dental records we can’t make a positive ID. We’re going to try blood work but we haven’t got anything to compare it with right now. We’re asking the parents of the two missing men to see if they have anything we could test against.’
‘That’s unlikely, right?’ Jess wondered.
‘Yeah…I mean, short of showing them the face, I don’t know what we’re going to do.’
‘You think he could be recognisable with this amount of damage?’ she asked.
‘I think so, yes…I mean, you can still piece it together. Perhaps that’s what we should do,’ the medical examiner said out loud, ‘get one of the artists to come and create a drawing of what he would have looked like.’