"And your stepfather. Was he still around then?"
"Yes. I waited until after she was gone to press charges."
"She never knew?"
"She knew something was wrong, but never what it was."
"You were trying to protect her?"
"Yes."
"Do you try to protect everyone, even when it comes at the cost of your well-being, your happiness?"
"It's my turn to ask a question."
"But you do."
"Yes." His eyes bore into mine. "Did you think you were going to die?"
I nod. "I still remember the moment the other car hit ours. It was an undivided road, a head-on collision. That's why my parents... the front seat was worse."
He sets his hand on the table. I squeeze tightly. It's different than the last time he offered me this. Harder.
My eyelids press together. "The car was coming towards us. I knew it was bad. Then everything went white. I still remember hoping that my sister got the news after she finished her cross-country meet, so she'd win her race."
Nick smiles. "Did you really?"
"Yeah. I woke up a few days later. I was in a coma, supposedly. I don't remember anything but the sensation of morphine-dulled pain. They waited to tell me my parents died. They didn't want to traumatize me when I was already so weak. Really, it made it worse, not knowing what was going on, having my hope crushed like that."
"Do you miss them?"
I nod. "We fought a lot, but I always knew they loved me. They were teachers, and they were sure they were going to change the world, or at least their underfunded school. They did so much good. It's not fair they're gone."
"What was it you told me in San Francisco?" He quotes me. "Life doesn't give a fuck about what you want."
"Something like that. You don't like the sentiment or the vulgarity?"
"I love both."
I swallow hard. That word, love, it sounds good on his lips.
I shake my head so I'll focus on the moment. After all, life doesn't give a fuck about anything I want. I need to grab onto what I have while it's in front of me.
I make eye contact with Nick. "What was it like, your mom putting work first?"
"Lonely. I thought I could take care of the family, but..."
"I'm so sorry you went through that. It hurts me to think about it. I can't imagine how much it hurt you."
"Don't feel sorry for me. I'm a very lucky person."
"It's not pity. Just that... I hurt when you hurt."
The waitress interrupts with our food. We order another round of drinks.
I bury my face in my shrimp curry to buy myself time to sort out my thoughts.
It's not quite as fresh as the expensive Thai place downtown, but the spices are stronger. Ginger, galangal, Thai basil, and the salty kick of fish sauce.
Is this what love feels like? It's intense.
"I think it's your turn," I say.
He pulls out his phone and shows me a picture. It's a photo of an STD test. He's totally clean.
"Are you on birth control?" he asks.
"Yes, I have an IUD." I look back at him. "I'm clean. I had a test last year. I haven't been with anyone but you since September."
"I trust you." He shifts his phone into his pocket. "It's your decision, if you want to use a condom."
"Is that your question?"
He nods.
God, what a question.
It's an easy decision. I've never had sex without a condom before. I absolutely want to feel Nick, all of him.
I nod. "I don't. I trust you."
He smiles.
I'm going to fuck Nick bareback.
Do I really need to stay for the movie?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Even in the packed theater, Nick and I are in our own world. It's a bubble free of all the stress of Odyssey or family or accidents that take everything away.
After the credits roll, I try to pull my thoughts together in the women's restroom. The question presses at me. Do I love Nick?
It's possible.
Likely even.
I let lust take over my brain. It's easier to understand.
I'm going to have sex with Nick without a condom. It's so personal, so intimate—
So fucking hot.
I'm distracted on the subway ride. When we're finally at our stop, he wraps his hand around my wrist and pulls me to my feet.
My legs are jelly. The walk to his apartment only takes five minutes, but it feels like fifty.
Finally, we step into the lobby. The elevator's ding announces its arrival. Nick punches in some code for the penthouse floor as he pulls me inside.
In one swift movement, he presses me against the wall and presses his lips to mine.
He's not wasting any time. Thank God.
My tongue slides into his mouth. It's different with so much on the table. Knowing how deep my feelings go. How I need him.
How he needs me.
Nick needs me. It makes me warm all over.
He pushes my coat off my shoulders. Groans against my neck then sinks his teeth into it.
It sends a pang straight to my core.
I need to touch him today, to show him how good that can feel.
My hands go to his shoulders. I tug at his coat but it doesn't budge.
Okay. It's not like we need to do this in the glass elevator. He'll feel safer in his apartment.
For the rest of the ride, I run my hands through his hair and kiss him back with as much feeling as I can muster. Words are so complicated. I can never use them to explain myself.
But this—
His lips on mine, his hands on my skin—
This I understand.
I nearly jump when the elevator doors slide open. Almost. I kick my coat into the penthouse and move inside. He follows with a curious look. Like he knows I've got my mind set on something.
Nick hangs our coats on the rack. He takes my purse. Kneels to undo my shoes. His hands trace a line up my legs, over the seam of my jeans, then over the soft fabric of my t-shirt. They stop to trace my neckline.
His touch is soft as his fingers skim my collarbones. My cheeks. My lower lip.
He pulls my t-shirt over my head. Unhooks my bra and flings it aside.
He's quick today. Like he's desperate.
Nick pins me against the wall as he kisses me.
I need him so much more than I've ever needed anything.
Want his pleasure more than I've ever wanted anything.
His lips go to my neck. I shift to my tiptoes so my mouth hovers over his ear.
Here goes nothing. "I want to touch you. Please."
"That might not end well."
He presses his body against mine, every hard inch of it, like he's warning me I might not get my prize.
Worth the risk. "I know."
He pulls back to look into my eyes. I stare back. Those deep brown eyes. It's like they go for miles.
He runs his fingertips over my stomach. "I'm in charge. You can't do anything until I ask."
I nod.
He brings his hand to my chest, his fingertip millimeters from my nipple but not touching yet.
I look for meaning in his eyes.
He's testing me.
I have to pass.
Every part of me wants to arch my back, to press my chest into my hands, but I have to be patient. Nick will get me there.
He brushes his fingertip over my nipple with the faintest hint of pressure. I bite my tongue and stare back into his eyes.
His other hand goes to my jeans, to my inner thigh. An inch from where they need to be. Then half an inch. Then so fucking close it takes every bit of strength I have not to rub my body against his.
"Nick, please." I'm not sure what I'm requesting, only that I need it.
The man has no mercy. He rubs my inner thigh as he sinks his teeth into my neck.
He bites his way to my ear, then it's just his breath. The warmth of it sends a buzz of p
leasure down my spine.
"Give me your left hand." He presses his lips against my neck.
I do.
He brings it over my head and presses it against the wall. He takes my right hand and places his palm behind it. He's guiding me.
It's hard not to push things forward. I manage it by staring into his eyes. They have to be wide with desire. Nothing else.
He presses my palm against his jeans so I'm cupping his erection. That's Nick under all that denim. Never thought I'd hate such a utilitarian fabric so deeply, but I do.
"Unzip my jeans then your hand goes to your side." He pulls his hand from mine.
I fumble over the button and the zipper. There. It's so tempting to touch him, but I follow his orders exactly.
There's vulnerability in his eyes. This is a big deal. I can't push him.
Nick pulls his t-shirt over his head. He slides out of his shoes and pushes his jeans to his knees. They fall to a heap on the floor.
Just boxers now.
He pins my hands to the wall as he kisses me. The sizzle of his bare chest against mine sends waves of need to my core.
We'll get to me later. Right now, I need him feeling good.
Nick releases my right hand. He leads me again. Brings my hand to his boxers so there's nothing but thin cotton fabric between my fingers and his cock. God, he feels good.
He pins my other hand to the wall and brings his mouth to my ear. "Take off my boxers."
God yes. I push his boxers to his knees. They fall on top of his jeans.
He brings my hand to his cock. My palm brushes against him. Then my fingers.
A sigh falls off his lips as I touch him. He feels good. He wants this.
I surrender to his guidance. My hand wraps around him. I stroke him. Then I'm going harder, faster.
His body shakes. He sinks his teeth into my neck.
It does something to me. Makes me even more desperate.
He pulls his hand to my wrist then all the way to his side. "Keep going."
Hell yes. I pump him with steady strokes. He pulls his lips away from my neck so he can stare into my eyes.
God, the desire in his eyes. I need more.
I watch his reactions as I go faster. Harder.
His hand goes to the back of my head. It pulls my lips into his. He kisses me hard, deep, sucking on my tongue.
When the kiss breaks, he stares back at me. "Get on your knees."
God yes. I lower myself much faster than I should. Ow. They call it hardwood for a reason.
I press my hands against my sides, awaiting instruction.
Nick takes my left hand and presses it against his hip. He presses against the back of my head, guiding me closer. Closer.
"Tease me." He tugs at my hair.
It's been a while since I've done this, but I can make up for my inexperience with enthusiasm.
My lips brush against his cock. Just a touch. Again and again. I flick my tongue against him.
He tastes good. I want more. I want all of him in my mouth. But I have to keep teasing.
I do it again and again. Until he's groaning. Until he's shaking.
His hand presses against the back of my head. "Wrap your lips around me."
I do.
"Look at me."
My eyes connect with his. There's no apprehension in his expression. Just desire.
"Suck me off." His voice is a command.
Good thing I want to obey. I take him deeper. The hand in my hair tugs. The other goes to my nipple and toys with me.
I swirl my tongue around his head until his eyes flutter closed. There. I focus on the spot driving him insane and flick my tongue against it until he groans loud enough to wake the people on the floor below us.
I take him as deep as I can. When I can't go any farther, I wrap my hand around his cock and stroke. Nick groans, pinching my nipple so I'm forced to moan against him.
Lust collects between my legs. It's the most exhilarating feeling, bringing him to the edge, making him desperate.
He presses his hand against the back of my head, guiding me over his cock. He's still in charge, and I'm still surrendering.
Nick shifts his hips, thrusting into my mouth. I relax my throat to take him deeper. I'm a vessel for him, for whatever he needs.
I lose track of everything except the sounds of his groans, the feeling of him in my mouth. He tugs at my hair. Toys with my nipples.
My body pulses with desire. Not yet. First, I need to feel him come.
His hands go to the back of my head. There's the most delicious look of pleasure on his face, and I can't bear to do anything but build it.
His fingers dig into my scalp. His eyes flutter closed. "Fuck, Lizzy."
Hell yes. I slide my tongue around him.
"I'm going to come." He holds my head in place as he thrusts into my mouth.
The beautiful agony of an orgasm spreads over his face. His lips part. He groans.
Hell yes.
I surrender to his guidance, sucking as his cock pulses, as he fills my mouth.
When he's finished, I swallow hard.
My thighs are shaking, from desperation or fatigue or some mix of both.
Nick reaches down to take my hands and pulls me to my feet. He presses me against the wall and kisses me hard.
When he pulls back, he strokes my cheek. "That was amazing."
My cheeks flush. "Thank you."
"Can you take more?"
"Can you—" I clear my throat. "Again?"
He brushes his palm against my breast. "I'm not Superman. I do need a few minutes." He steps back and pulls his boxers to his waist.
"How few are we talking?"
Nick smiles. "Are you trying to kill me?"
I nod.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Something cold and wet presses against my neck. A mixed drink in a glass. Then Nick's hand is on my shoulder.
I turn and take the drink from his hands.
He presses his lips to mine. His hand slides around my side to my lower back, and he leads me to the couch.
His drink is sitting on the coffee table. Whiskey on the rocks from the looks of it. I sip from my glass. Rum and diet. I need the caffeine. It's late.
Nick pulls a blanket from under the couch and drapes it over my shoulders. "You're shivering."
I pull the blanket tighter. It is cold in here. "Could you turn up the heat?"
Nick gets up and taps a few commands into the thermostat. A moment later, the heat kicks in. It's warmer already.
He sits next to me and pulls me into his lap. I shift so I'm looking into his deep brown eyes.
The way he's staring at me, with all that affection, builds a flutter in my belly. It's different than wanting to touch him. Less and more demanding at once.
"What are you thinking?" he asks.
I take a deep breath. "There's something I want."
He runs his fingertips over my collarbone, his gaze locked with mine. "Besides coming in my bed?"
My cheeks burn. "You're a very distracting man."
He nods.
"Do you use this skill in negotiations?"
"Not in the same way." He drags his fingertips down my chest until they're against my nipples. "Let's not talk about work."
"We're talking about something?"
He draws a circle around me. "You want something."
"Yes." Something important. I shift to break his touch. It's awful, but it's the only way I can concentrate. "I don't want to keep this relationship a secret anymore. It's too hard to make up lies about what I'm doing."
He stares back at me like he's figuring something out. "Not while we're working together. People will think you got the internship on your knees."
"I can deal with that."
"I can't."
"Is this about my reputation or yours?" I ask.
"I'm not going to listen to people call you a slut behind your back."
"People will still say that if we wa
it until we stop working together. There will be rumors. If you think this will end before we even have to worry about it..." I play with the fabric of the blanket. "Your life is full. If there's no room for me, I understand." My stomach tenses. I understand, but it will break me into a million little pieces.
"I want you here." He runs his fingers through my hair. "After the sale settles down, I'll figure something out."
"You promise?"
He nods. "I don't like hiding it either."
"Really?"
"Really."
"I'll be busy the next few weeks. I won't be able to see you much."
"I'll miss you. Miss this."
"Me too." Nick presses his palm against my back. "You're sweeter than you let on."
"Don't tell anyone." I rest my head on his shoulder. "It will ruin my image."
He lets out a sigh of pleasure. His arm slides around my waist, and he holds my body against his. "I trust your judgment. More than you realize."
"You made me sign an NDA that covered our personal relationship."
"And I've yet to sue you for breaking it."
I laugh, shifting to check his expression. He's smiling.
"I like it when you joke. And when you laugh." I bring my head back to his shoulders. "Unless you are planning on suing me."
He shrugs. "Who knows?"
My laugh hurts as much as it feels good. He's doing something to me. Something exhilarating and terrifying all at once.
"I'll be super pissed at you if you sue me," I say. "I'll have to countersue you for sexual harassment."
"Nothing like lawyers to encourage two people to trust each other."
This laugh melts away everything else.
I nestle into Nick's arms. My eyes flutter closed. Fifteen minutes until the caffeine takes its full effect in my blood stream. I only need a few of those to rest.
Only a few minutes, and we can go to his bed.
Only a few minutes...
I am not on the couch. I am in Nick's bed, covered in a comforter, stripped out of my jeans and underwear.
According to the sleek black alarm clock on the bedside table, it's almost morning. Nick is fast asleep next to me. There's a sheet wrapped around his waist. Otherwise, he's naked.
Dammit, what a time to fall asleep.
Somehow, I'm not upset. My pulse is normal. My breath is even. If anything, I'm calm. Happy even.
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