They're talking in the main room. It's that loud whisper. The kind of thing my parents did when we were kids.
They go quiet. Footsteps move closer. Someone knocks on the door.
"Kat, can we talk?" Lizzy asks.
I push myself to my feet. Wipe the stray tears from my eyes. "Okay."
I open the door and Lizzy steps inside. She's wearing a long pink dress. She looks great, grown up. My little sister is going to be my maid of honor.
Another sob rises in my throat. This time, I don't push it away. That's a lost cause.
I wipe my tears. I try to smile like I'm happy.
"Don't bullshit me," Lizzy says.
I drop the smile.
Lizzy shakes her head. "This guy is tearing you to pieces."
"That's not true."
She lowers her voice to a whisper. "Does he even care that this hurts you?"
I wipe away a tear. There's no sign Blake cares. But Lizzy is being shortsighted. "It's for a lot of money. I can stand being miserable for a while."
"Does he know how you feel about him?"
"I don't feel anything."
"Don't lie to me. Or yourself." She stares into my eyes. "You deserve better than this."
"I can't leave him."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to be with him."
Her eyes go wide. "Oh. Kat… I'm sorry."
"I… I have to do this. No matter how much it hurts."
"Why?"
"For his mom."
"It's sweet… stupid, but sweet." She reaches for the door. "Let's go home. Talk. Eat ice cream."
I shake my head. "I have to finish this." All of it.
"Just walk now, Kat. Don't put yourself through this."
"It's not that bad. It's just… This makes me think about Mom. About how much I miss her."
Lizzy tilts her head, assessing my words. "You swear?"
"I do."
"Okay. Let's go home anyway. I have a test."
"No. I want to stay."
"Will you be okay alone?"
"Yeah." Maybe.
"You promise?"
I nod.
She stares back like she doesn't believe me.
Still, she opens the door and steps into the main room. "I love you, Kat."
"I love you too."
I pick myself up and step into the main room.
Natalie and Ashleigh are waiting. Staring.
I nod goodbye to Lizzy.
She disappears out the front door.
"Do you want a picture in that dress?" Natalie asks.
"No, this one is perfect," I say.
Ashleigh nods. "Excuse me." She stares at her phone and walks into the other room, shaking her head.
She calls someone in there. Blake probably.
Natalie helps me change out of the dress. She has a sympathetic look, but mercifully, she remains silent.
I change back into my clothes.
Natalie leaves to rearrange everything. I linger in the dressing room as long as I can.
At least here there's no one watching me, no one doubting me, no one deciding what's best for me.
My reflection stares back at me. Just Kat in here. Not the billionaire's fiancée, not the older sister, not the would-be artist. Just Kat.
I'm still not sure who that is.
That front door opens again. The bell rings. Again. There's a low voice. Ashleigh makes some dramatic noise.
I let out a sigh. She called Blake.
Like he's my dad and I'm a misbehaving child.
Or maybe like she's concerned and doesn't know what else to do.
Either way, I can't shake the feeling I'm about to get a lecture about being on my best behavior.
I adjust my sweater and step into the main room.
Sure enough, Blake is standing there. He's picture perfect in his sleek black suit.
"Let's get dinner," he says.
My stomach rumbles at the mention of food. My heartbeat picks up as I stare back into his piercing blue eyes. "Okay."
Ashleigh throws him a hurry up look. "Natalie will freak if you see the dress."
"Of course." He almost smiles.
Enough pleasantries. I push out the door. Outside, the sun is setting. Orange light streaks across the skyline. It's beautiful.
But everything around me feels ugly.
Chapter Twenty-Six
We eat at a very expensive Thai fusion restaurant. It's pretentious. The decor is a mix of gold Buddha statues and photos of farmers in Thailand. Like any of them could afford the prices on the dinner menu.
I pick at my red curry. It's delicious. Fresh shrimp. Crispy vegetables. Fluffy rice.
But my tongue is apathetic.
Blake is sitting next to me, but he feels a million miles away. I'm not here. Not really.
I'm stuck in my head.
I'm trying to convince my feelings to recede. It's less than a month until our wedding. I can survive a month of pretending.
Blake brings a broccoli floret to his lips and bites off the head.
He has a perfect business way of eating. It's patient. Neat.
I suck iced tea through my straw. This place doesn't have a bar. But then that's better. I don't need anything clouding my judgment.
What is he thinking?
What goes on behind those gorgeous blue eyes?
He catches me watching and raises his brow. "Do you want to order something else?"
I stab a shrimp with my fork and eat it whole. "No."
"Ashleigh was concerned."
"About?"
"I'm not sure. I didn't ask her to spy."
I study his expression the way he studies mine. I'm sure there's more to see on my face.
Blake is still a mystery, but his concern is clear.
He does care about me.
"I don't really want to talk about it." I stab another shrimp and eat it whole.
He brushes the hair from my eyes. The same thing he did last time. It calms me.
It should be a crime for someone to be able to calm me down or wind me up as easily as he does.
He stares into my eyes. "Do it anyway."
"I always thought my wedding would be more… real."
He nods.
"And my parents… I always thought they'd be there." I stab a red pepper. "I miss them."
"I'm sorry."
"Lizzy… she thinks I'm stupid to let you push me around."
"Is that what I do?"
"Sometimes." I chew and swallow my food. Half a plate to go. I will my appetite to return. This time last month, I would have killed for a meal like this. "She thinks I'm doing it for her."
"Aren't you?"
"Yeah. But she doesn't want me to… She still has this idea that I try to stay in control of everything." I press my fingertips together. I do try to protect Lizzy, but that's my job. She's my baby sister, even if it's been a while since she's been a baby.
His expression is intense. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. You and your sister aren't exactly on the best terms. I'm not sure I want your advice."
"I'd like to help you."
"You are," I say. "That money is going to change my life."
"But more than that." He stares into my eyes. Brushes my hair behind my ears. "I want to make you happy."
My stomach flutters. Blake has no idea what he's doing to me. He has no idea how unfair this is.
I take a deep breath. "Don't do that."
"Do what?" His fingertips brush my neck. My shoulders.
"Don't say sweet things."
"I do want to make you happy."
"Don't."
It's just like the pool. I'm about to be swallowed whole but, somehow, I believe it's going to be okay.
"I care about you," he says.
I close my eyes, soaking in the feeling of his hands on my skin.
I want all of it.
All of him.
"Blake. Don't. If you're going to w
hisper something, whisper a dirty promise."
He presses his lips to my neck. Then my ear. "I want to make you come."
My sex clenches. That's more like it. "How?"
"Pressed up against the wall begging for more."
I nod.
He slides his hand up my thigh. "Is this all you want from me, Kat?"
"It's all I'm going to get."
"That isn't true."
"Are you ever going to love me?"
"No."
"Then yes. This is all I want."
He kisses my neck again.
It's soft and sweet.
But it's sex.
It has to be just sex.
If I'm not careful, I'll get my heart broken.
I clear my throat. "Let's order dessert."
His composure breaks for a second. His brow furrows. It's like he's trying to figure me out. He glances at my now mostly empty plate and nods.
"Then I'll take the subway home," I say. "I haven't narrowed down my school choices, and I'm sure you have a lot to do at the office."
He stares at me. "No."
"What do you mean no?"
"I mean you're not going home. You're coming back to my place."
"No."
"There's only one way for you to say no, Kat, and it's not that word." His expression hardens. "You're coming home with me tonight."
Can't he see I'm trying to protect myself?
Maybe he doesn't care. He doesn't need protection. He's cool and aloof and impervious to all the pain that comes with falling in love.
I push myself out of the booth. "I'm going home by myself." I hold his stare. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Blake's gaze is intense. I turn away, but I can still feel it on me.
I don't get it.
He says he cares about me. But then why is he teasing me? Why is he offering breadcrumbs? Why is he so fucking lovable?
I can't do this.
Not if he's going to keep dangling his heart in front of me.
Not if he's going to pretend as if he's offering more.
The bathroom is through a small hallway. I pull the door open and step inside.
It's nice. Expensive.
The counter is marble, the mirror is smudge-free, the sink is a porcelain rectangle.
I run the water and splash it on my face. No makeup today. Nothing to wash off.
I'm just Kat, or maybe the shell of Kat left by whatever Blake is doing to me.
The door opens. I stare at the mirror, trying to ignore it. This is a public restroom. These things happen.
"This isn't our deal."
What the fuck? That's Blake.
I rub my eyes and check again, just to be sure.
"This is the women's restroom," I say.
He glances at the space between the stall doors and the floor. No one else is here. It's quiet. It's clean. Hell, it's nice.
He goes to the main door and turns a lock.
His eyes pass over me slowly. His breath speeds. "Take off your clothes."
I step back, but I'm pressed against the sink.
His voice gets low. "Don't make me ask twice."
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Heat collects between my legs.
My cheeks flush.
I've been naked a lot today, but it was never in this context.
It was never this inviting.
I hold Blake's gaze. It's intense. Demanding.
He's somewhere between the Blake I don't understand and the one who makes perfect sense.
I'm not sure it matters.
I want to give myself to every Blake.
I want to surrender to every Blake.
It's just… I want more than the uptight Blake is willing to give me.
He takes a step towards me. "Kat. Now." His voice gets low.
It makes my sex clench.
It centers me.
This makes sense.
Everything else… Not so much.
I pull my sweater over my head and drop it on the floor.
His eyes fix on mine.
His pupils dilate.
He wants this as much as I do.
Needs it as much as I do.
Blake doesn't understand me either. Not the clothed version of me.
I toss my undershirt next to my sweater.
All the thoughts racing around my brain quiet. Right now, I'm Blake's and he's mine. That's what matters.
I unhook my bra and slide it off my shoulders. My nipples tighten. A shiver runs over my skin.
I've been on display before, but I've never been this exposed.
Heat rushes to my core. There's something perfect about this. I want him staring at me, thinking about me, lusting after me.
"Touch your nipples," he demands.
His gaze sends a shiver down my spine. I rub my nipple with my thumb.
I stare back into his eyes as I do it again.
Another shudder rushes through me. My breath hitches. My heart races. My entire body is buzzing.
I run my fingers over my nipples the way he does. My eyes want to close, so I can really soak in the sensation, but I force them open.
His tongue slides over his lips. He motions come here.
I take three steps towards him, until we're close enough to touch.
Blake grabs my hips. He pulls my body into his, crotch first. He's hard.
Fuck. It feels so good, him being hard. I'm never going to tire of it.
His hands slide over my shoulders and down my torso. He glides them back up my sides and over my breasts.
I gasp as he plays with my nipple. It's much better than my hand. So much better.
I fight to keep my eyes open, to keep them on his.
Heat rushes through my body. Every brush of his fingertips stokes the fire inside me.
Tension builds in my sex. I need him already. I need him desperately.
I rub my crotch against his, soaking in the feel of his erection against me.
He tugs at my jeans. "Turn towards the mirror."
I do. My neck presses against his face. He brushes his lips against it. Then it's teeth. Hard. Pain bursts through me, calling all of my attention. I grab at his suit jacket again.
"Not until I give you permission." He sinks his teeth into my neck, testing me. "Hands at your sides."
I tug at the sides of my jeans. Anything to keep my body cooperating.
Blake nips at my neck, my ears, my collarbone. It's the perfect bit of ecstasy. I feel the ache everywhere.
Conscious thought is long gone. He's all I know, all I want, all I feel. I close my eyes and soak in the sensation of his mouth, teeth, tongue.
I let out a low groan.
He tugs at my hair, pulling my head back and biting me again and again. My hands shake. They want so badly to touch him. I want so badly to touch him.
But I have to wait.
He brings his mouth to my nipples and sucks hard. It feels so good I can barely stand it.
Ecstasy builds inside me. My sex pulses. I'm desperate for a proper release.
Pain bursts through me as he bites my nipple. My hands reach for his hair, but I stop myself. Hands at my sides. Those are the rules.
Blake moves to my other nipple. He sucks and bites and licks. Pleasure and pain whir around inside me. It's so much sensation my legs go weak. There's nothing to hold onto.
"Unzip your jeans." He steps back to watch.
My body goes cold. It's screaming for him to stay closer. Right now, Blake is the only thing I need.
But I have to play by his rules. I let out a shaky breath and do as I'm told.
His eyes find mine. "Touch yourself."
I push my jeans to my knees. Then my underwear. My breath catches. I'm as good as naked.
Blake's pupils dilate.
My fingertips trail beneath my belly button. Almost.
I skim my clit lightly. I want so badly to come, but I want it from Blake.
"No te
asing, Kat." His voice is low. "Touch yourself properly."
My sex clenches. I hold his gaze as I rub myself. Pleasure builds inside me. My cheeks flush.
I'm masturbating for him in a public bathroom, and I'm fucking enjoying it. What the hell has happened to my life?
"You want to come, Kat?" he asks.
"Yes," I barely breathe it. My finger circles my clit. I'm throbbing. Desperate.
"You want to touch me?"
God yes. I nod. "Yes."
"Come here."
I take a step towards him. Close enough to touch again.
"Closer."
I press my body against his. He drags his fingers over my hips, my stomach, my breasts. He pinches my nipples so hard I gasp.
He presses his lips to mine. His kiss is aggressive. Commanding.
Heat rushes through my body. Every part of me feels good. Feels his.
He pulls back, his lips hovering over my ears. "On your knees."
Hell yes. I slide to my knees, holding onto his hips to stay upright.
Blake looks down at me. He undoes his belt. Unzips his slacks.
My tongue slides over my lips. Almost.
"Kat, look at me."
I do.
"You want to come?"
"Yes."
"You want to suck my cock?"
"Yes."
"Then touch yourself." He slides his hand into my hair, holding me steady.
I bring one hand between my legs.
I stop holding back.
I rub my clit harder. Faster.
Pleasure builds inside me.
Almost…
With his free hand, Blake pushes his slacks to his knees. Then the boxers. They strain over his cock.
Want floods my body. I slide my finger inside my sex. Mmm. It's the next best thing to him.
He presses his palm against the back of my head, bringing me closer. I brush my lips against his cock.
He tastes good, like soap and like Blake.
I dig my hand into his hip to stay upright, but he pushes it away.
"Rub your nipples," he commands.
I press my knees into the floor. Nothing to hold onto. No way to stay upright.
I slide two fingers into my sex.
I rub my nipples with my other hand.
Pleasure floods my body. I'm close, but I can't come yet.
I can't come until I have him in my mouth.
Blake digs both hands into my hair, holding my head in place.
I run my tongue over the head of his cock, savoring the taste of him.
He presses his hands against my head, guiding me.
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