He popped open a cooler sitting next to him and tossed me a beer. I cracked the top and pulled from it.
“Pop?” An internal war raged within me. But the moment I opened my mouth, I knew there would be no turning back. It was a subject I’d never wanted to broach between the two of us. It was a conversation that, up until a few weeks ago, I’d never felt the need to talk about. But Leigh had changed everything.
He looked over to me and immediately gave me his full attention.
“If you’d known what was going to happen to Mom… would you have picked to not get involved with her?”
He was silent.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s your birthday, and I’m ruining it by bringing up what happened to Mom.”
He held up a hand. “Don’t ever think bringing up your mother will ruin it for me. I don’t care what memory it is. Everything—” His voice broke. “—everything with that woman was a blessing. Even the end. At least I was with her. I would’ve given anything to have traded places.”
We stared out at the water. I wasn’t sure what to say after that.
Thankfully, he spoke. “Does this question have anything to do with how you were acting when you got to my house?”
My palms instantly started to sweat. Go ahead. Tell him about her. My heart beat in my eardrums so loud I could barely think clearly. “Yes. I’ve met someone, but I’m just not sure…” I trailed off. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words aloud to him.
“You’re not sure if you want to commit because you’re scared something will happen to her like your mother? And you’ll be stuck watching her die.”
It was a harsh reality when I heard him say it. I felt small. Awful. I was a selfish person.
“I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore. I pushed her away.” I twisted my beer around. “She’s the first one I didn’t want to push away. I wanted to keep her. But I just don’t know if I could go through what you did.” My feelings were like poison, and it felt great letting them out after years of stewing deep within me. They had made me a miserable person when it came to relationships.
“I see. If I’d known your mother was going to have a stroke and be bedridden until she died when I met her, it wouldn’t have mattered. I would’ve done everything the same. Except maybe cherished her more. Valued the time we had together better. Remembered the small things that I took for granted. Nothing would’ve improved my life. I couldn’t have loved anyone more than that woman. She was my everything. Hell, she still is.”
Damn.
“I think I messed up, Pop. I made the mistake of pushing her away. Now she’s back with this idiot who broke her heart, and I’m the one that put her there.” Anger boiled within my chest, tightening it. Picturing his snide face and the way he talked to her made me want to end him. He didn’t deserve her. Shit, I didn’t even deserve her.
“Regrets and mistakes are memories. You choose whether or not to make them good ones.”
I looked over at the old man next to me. Whether or not I wanted to admit it, he had a lot of wisdom. It was something I hadn’t considered before. I had thought he was miserable because of what he had been through with my mom.
“It’s not too late to make it right. Of course, that’s up to you.” His eyes wandered over to mine as he gave me a small smile with a wink.
I leaned back against the seat and pulled from the beer. “Maybe.” She was gone. What am I going to do? Fly to Arizona and tell her I want her to come back? That she has changed my entire world? I doubted she would want to hear it.
By that afternoon, we had caught a dozen fish, which seemed to put a smile on my dad’s face. Maybe the six-pack he’d put away had something to do with it, too.
“You want to fry these up tonight or put them on ice until you come over next time?” he asked, pulling himself from the boat.
“I’ll fire up the grill. You get them ready to go on.”
Most birthdays, I had cut out right after our fishing trip. I couldn’t stand to be around him in this house. It reminded me too much of the years I tried not to think about.
I walked over the grill and removed the cover. An inch of cobwebs covered the dusty metal. I coughed, swatting them away from my face as they blew up from the rack on a breeze. Bending low, I found a cloth underneath that looked clean enough to wipe the grill off. Once I was satisfied with my progress, I went to check to see if the fish were ready to be put on.
A female voice hit me like a bullet to the chest. It nearly brought me to my knees as she laughed and said my name. It had been years since I’d heard it in her lyrical charm. My eyes watered at the thought of my mom, and memories flooded back.
“Dad?” I choked out, not bothering to come any farther into the house. “The fish ready?”
“Just a minute, son!” he called out from the living room. His voice sounded strained.
I hesitated, not sure if I should join him. I had never seen him cry. Not even the day we put my mother in the ground. It was something he didn’t do in front of people, not even me.
I forced one foot in front of the other, staring at the floor until the back of the couch stopped me. My teeth ground together as I focused on the flat screen hanging on the wall.
Mom was in a pale purple dress with a flower headband. She was at a wedding. One of her friends had gotten married in the middle of a field. I wasn’t any older than nine. I remembered the event like it had happened yesterday — partly because I’d loved being outside playing at it, but also because my mother had forced me to dance with her in front of the entire audience. It was bad enough when she made me do it all the time in our living room, but to force it in front of people… Let’s just say I had been mortified. Especially since the flower girls were pretty cute.
“Dance with me, Luca.” She smiled, holding her hand out to the nine-year-old me on the film. I frowned up at her, crossed my arms, and tried to act like I didn’t hear her. She laughed.
And now I couldn’t help but laugh with her as tears rolled down my face. I wanted to hear her in person so bad it hurt. Her dying had left a hole in my heart that no one had come close to filling.
Until Leigh.
“Come on. It will be just like at the house. No one is watching, I promise.” She touched my arm. I pulled back and glanced at the camcorder.
“It’s being recorded. I’m not stupid, Mom! Plus—” I stopped and looked over at the girls around my age, standing at the edge of the dance floor.
She followed my gaze, tilted her head, and puckered her lips. “You will have those girls eating out the palm of your hand one day, Luca. But today, don’t worry about them. Now dance with your mother.”
I rolled my eyes and let her shuffle me between couples dancing. We swayed back and forth, and she held out my arm and twirled around.
“One day, baby, you’ll find a girl that all you want to do is hold her on the dance floor. One that you’ll want to hold on to forever.”
“She was beautiful when she danced. Never seen a woman love it more than her,” my dad said.
I rounded the back of the couch and sat beside him.
“God, I miss her. She left us too early.”
“I miss her, too.” I focused on my hands that were laced together in my lap. “I’ve never danced with anyone since that day.”
His glassed over eyes looked to me. “Why?”
“Because I haven’t found that one she talked about. The one I would want to hold on to forever.”
“I think you have, son.”
I knew he was right. Leigh was everything my mother had talked about. It was up to me to make her mine. “Dad…”
He held up a hand. “No need to explain. Go get your girl, son. I just expect to meet her.”
I jumped up from the couch. “You will, Pop.” I kissed his forehead and darted outside.
* * *
I floored it back to Destin. The drive to Bri’s was a blur. I wrestled with the words to say. Bri was goin
g to hate me. Any best friend would. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Leigh told her every detail of that awful morning and how I’d treated her. What could I say to make her tell me how to find the girl I was in love with?
My phone rang, and Leroy’s name appeared. I gritted my teeth, thinking about ignoring it like I had all the times before. Then an idea hit me. What Leroy wanted could work in my favor.
“Hello?” I answered, preparing to handle what needed to be done.
“Luca! Finally! I didn’t think you were ever going to answer any of my calls,” Leroy said. He sounded relieved. “Did you get my messages?”
“Yeah. And I’ve got a solution to handle it.” I told him what to do and ended the call as I turned into Bri’s neighborhood.
My tires squealed as I ran through the stop sign. Bri’s house came into view, making it harder to breathe. Why was I so nervous? This was uncharted territory for me. That was why. I came to a screeching halt, barely having time to slam the truck into park before I was out, leaving the door open. Taking the steps two at a time, I hustled up onto the porch. My hand balled up and pounded against the door so hard, it rattled against the hinges.
“Bri!” I screamed.
The door opened, and Bri stood in front of me with a baseball bat in one hand. “Luca! Don’t ever bang on my—”
I shoved past her, going inside and casing the joint like a madman. I knew she wasn’t there, but a man could hope, couldn’t he? I turned to find Bri with her arms crossed. I dropped to my knees in front of her. “Tell me where to find her.”
“Why should I?” Her fuzzy house-shoe tapped against the floor as her eyes narrowed into a hate-filled gaze. “You broke her heart and sent her back into the arms of that asshole.”
“I know. I know. I was an idiot. I’ll admit that. But I was wrong. Bri, please. I need to find her.”
“Why?”
My eyes dropped to the floor. “Because I need to tell her that I’m in love with her.”
Her hand appeared in front of me. “Good. But we need to make a plan. She isn’t just going to throw herself back into your arms after what you did, since she’s back with Russ.”
“I’ve got sort of a game plan, but I also think we need to work together. What do you have in mind?”
Her lips quirked in the corners. “I’ve got some ideas.”
22
Leigh
I swiped my card, trying my best to give the saleslady a genuine smile. That was hard to do nowadays. I fought for happiness that didn’t seem to want to be found.
“You’re going to look beautiful in that—” Thunder interrupted her. She reached under the counter and pulled out a plastic cover with a zipper. “Let’s make sure it doesn’t get wet, shall we?” She put the dress carefully within the garment bag and zipped it closed.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the hanger from her.
“Did you want to call a cab?”
“Nah. I love the rain. I’ll walk. I don’t live far from here.”
Her mouth dropped, but she didn’t say anything else. She only looked toward the entrance at the downpour now happening on the other side.
I smiled and gave her a small wave as I left the store.
Why did everything feel so different? This was my home, but it felt empty, as if I didn’t belong here anymore. Getting back into the groove of things had been hard. I had gone to Destin to get over Russ, but I had returned home with my heart even more broken than when I’d left. That couldn’t be normal. Normal people didn’t have their hearts broken again and again in such a short time frame. It was grounds for becoming a hermit, right? I deserved the right to stay hidden from everyone else to keep it from happening again. It only seemed fair.
The rain poured over me as I walked to my apartment. I loved every minute of it. Storms were one of favorite things now. I rounded the entrance and took the elevator to the third floor. After unlocking the door, I discovered Russ sitting on the couch.
He didn’t look in my direction. “We need to leave in less than an hour, so make it snappy.”
I didn’t bother responding. I crossed the room and went to the bathroom for a shower.
After stepping out, I quickly dried off and started getting ready. A sound came from the other side of the door. I sighed. I should have been happy. Russ had come back to me. He was my reason for being, wasn’t he? The entire cause for my self-discovery trip to Destin. My lower lip trembled as I thought back to everything I had been through. No doubt it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I’d found myself.
But I could feel my reunion with Russ slowly trying to rip through the confident shroud that had newly covered me.
I forced my feet to move. I didn’t want to attend this thing tonight. Work was hard to focus on now. Crunching numbers used to take my mind off anything. I could lose myself in the task. It was something I knew I was good at. But not now. Nothing seemed to help.
I stopped at the door with my fingers wrapped around the handle. The noise had stopped. Russ must have left the bedroom. I twisted, peering out to make sure he was gone. Air rushed from my lungs when I found it empty. I crossed the room with a few steps and held up the dress draped across the bed. It was beautiful. Something I would have never worn before. The towel I had wrapped around me crumpled to the floor, pooling around my feet. I slipped into the silky fabric and turned toward the mirror.
My breath caught in my throat as I stared at my reflection. The saleswoman had been right. This dress made me look like a different person. One who had been through hell and come out on the other side standing tall. It fit like a glove, flowing down to the floor. I took a step forward, my leg coming out from the slit that reached the top of my thigh.
“You almost ready to go? You never use to take this long to get ready,” Russ complained, coming into the bedroom. He focused on securing the button at his cuff.
I twirled, stopping to face him. “What do you think?”
He looked at me thoughtfully for a few seconds before answering. “Great.” He snatched his jacket off the bed. “Now can we get going? I was really hoping to make a good impression tonight, and being late isn’t going to get me that.” He eyed me once again as he pulled his arm through the black blazer. “Even if my date is wearing an inappropriate dress that shows off too much.” Without another word, he left the bedroom.
I stared after him, unable to blink. My hands roamed the soft material, and I spent a moment second-guessing wearing it. Maybe it was too much. I realized there were tears in my eyes when I turned to face the mirror again. My reflection was blurred and watery. I dabbed the corners, trying not the mess up the make-up that had taken me so long to apply.
“Should I just leave you here?” Russ asked, popping his head back into the room.
I looked at him questionably. “Should I change?”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s fine. Really. Now can we please get going? The party started about thirty minutes ago.” He looked down at his watch, grunting. “It’s going to take us at least another fifteen to get there. And that’s if traffic isn’t backed up.”
I forced a smile, even though I wanted to claw his eyes out for making me feel this way, and followed him to the car without saying a word. Time apart from him made him appear different to me. It was like the veil had been lifted for me to see all the true ugliness that really lay within him.
The party was in full swing when we arrived. Our company had been purchased by someone who needed to outsource their accounting needs. Apparently, it had become too much for their department to take on. This party was a meet and greet for us to basically rub elbows and impress our new owner. Russ disappeared shortly after we got there to talk with a group of men. I roamed around until I found a bar and ordered a drink. Somehow, I managed to find a vacant table and took a seat.
Condensation dampened my fingertips as I held onto the glass, staring at its watery contents. Scattered groups of businessmen and their fake trophy-wives gabbed around me. Their v
oices and boisterous laughter blended, making a single white noise.
It had been a hell of a month here since I’d been back. No matter how much work I buried myself under, I couldn’t get Destin or him out of my mind. Who knew I would grow so fond of the beach? I silently chuckled. Who was I kidding? Luca was every reason I loved that place.
“Not going to make contacts if all you do is sit there and stare at your drink,” Russ said, standing near me, but not bothering to join me at the table I had been at for the last hour.
I didn’t bother to turn in his direction. I could picture what he was doing. Throwing a hand up, waving at people when he had no clue who they were, smiling like a jackass.
I stood and pushed the chair back. I took a few steps toward the side of the room. “I’m not worried about looking good here. The only reason I came was because you made me,” I said.
“You know what this party needs is a little karaoke from someone I know can rock the hell out of some Cher,” a voice from behind us said.
I froze. Had my mind officially jumped off the deep end? I’d replayed our time together on repeat, so maybe I was hearing things. It wasn’t until Russ turned around that I knew it was real.
Luca was here. Behind me.
I stood there for a few seconds trying to wrap my head around it. My heart pounded as my knees trembled so bad I touched the wall for support. I drew in a shaky breath before I finally turned around. Starting at his feet, my eyes trailed up his muscular frame. A tux had never looked so good before. I stopped when I reached his face and fixed my gaze on his.
“You look breathtaking, Tiny Dancer,” he said with a smile. A hand ran over his mouth. “That dress is something else on you.”
My heart beat harder and melted all at the same time.
“What the hell are you doing here? Don’t you know this is a private event?” Russ spat in his direction. He twirled, his eyes roaming over the crowd. “Where’s security when you need them? I swear, nowadays you can’t get good help. They just let anyone in to events that have a list.”
Fearlessly Yours: Emerald Coast Series Page 19