by Toni Aleo
“I know, but why are you saying that?”
“Because I’m scared to lose you.”
“Vaughn, I’m here. I love you. And I know I just said I wouldn’t say it, but I can’t fucking help it,” she whispered, and then her eyes drifted shut. “Fuck, Vaughn, I’m not going anywhere.”
He nuzzled his nose to hers, and a tear rolled down his face as he pressed his lips to hers. “I don’t want to hold back.”
“Then don’t,” she whispered, kissing him once more. “I love you, no matter what.”
He knew she was waiting for him to say it back, and he almost did. His mouth was moving, his heart was aching, but he didn’t.
And as he hadn’t wanted to happen, he knew he had failed.
When Vaughn woke the next morning, his phone was vibrating beside him with a text. Looking at it, he saw it was from Wren, but he ignored it to reach for Brie. Only she wasn’t there. Rolling over, he found he was in the bed alone. Sitting up, he called, “Brie?”
She came out of the bathroom, glancing over at him in only a towel. “Morning.”
He hadn’t realized how bad his heart was racing until he saw her. For some reason, he’d thought she had left. He couldn’t have blamed her if she had. “Morning.”
Looking away toward her mirror, she asked, “Want some pancakes or something?”
“I’m not really hungry.”
“Well, you suck.”
He smiled. “Sorry.”
“I was just kidding.”
When she looked back at him, he nodded. “I know.”
Leaning into the door, she shook her head. “You’re acting weird.”
He shrugged. “I can’t shake yesterday.”
“Vaughn, it’s over.”
“No, it’s not. I can’t shake it,” he said, looking down at his phone. “I don’t like how I feel.”
When he clicked on the text from Wren, his brows rose. She wanted to see him, ASAP.
When he looked up, Brie was coming to the bed, sitting down on the edge. “What can I do? Do you want me to take it back?”
“No,” he said, reaching out and taking her hand. “That’s the last thing I want.”
“Then what, Vaughn?”
“I just don’t know,” he answered, leaning forward and kissing her lips softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“But I am,” he said, getting out of the bed and going for his clothes. “I gotta go.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Kissing the top of her head, he knew that if he didn’t get his head out of his ass, he was going to lose her. The problem was, he wasn’t sure how to get his head out of his ass. But he knew the person who would.
His therapist.
When he arrived at Wren’s, she let him in without a hug or kiss like she usually would have. Walking around her couch, she was shaking her hands out, looking a bit crazed as he stood in the doorway. “Hey, sorry. Come on in.”
As he walked in, he asked, “You okay?”
“No.”
“Which is why I’m here?”
“Yeah. Are you okay? You look like you didn’t sleep last night.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t.”
“Well, that makes two of us.”
He held her gaze. “What’s wrong?”
Leaning on the couch, she bit into her lip and exhaled. “Have you talked to Wells?”
He nodded. “Alex proposed.”
“Yeah, cool, huh?”
“So cool.”
She sucked in a deep breath. “I need help with that.”
“Okay.”
“And what I’m about to say is going to be a shock, but I really need your help.”
He only blinked. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes.” She met his gaze as her shoulders fell and tears gathered in her eyes. Sucking in a breath, she shook her head. “And the father of my child doesn’t want anything to do with it—or me.”
Going to her, he took her in his arms, kissing her temple as she cried into his chest. It all seemed so unreal. Wren wasn’t like that. She was cautious, and she always had a plan. This was out of left field, and he felt for her, deeply. What surprised him most was that, while she cried, he wanted to join in with her. Things with Brie were all kinds of fucked up. Their connection was different now, and he knew it was his fault. He had let her down, and he felt like a complete ass because he was more worried about his own issues than his best friend’s sister who was currently sobbing all over his chest.
“Who is he? I’ll kill him.”
“No one worth talking about.”
“Well, he’s a douche.”
“He is,” she said, pulling away and shaking her head as she wiped her face. “I’m scared, Vaughn.”
“It’s a baby. It’s a miracle.”
“No, Vaughn. The thing is, I turn thirty after the baby is born.”
“Okay. Why does that matter? Lots of thirty-year-olds have kids.”
He watched as she ran her hands down her face before she looked back at him. “No, that doesn’t matter.”
“I’m confused.”
Biting her cheek, she held his gaze. “This thing with Brie, is it serious?”
His brows shot up as he felt a bit of whiplash but also a fair amount of worry. “Why, what did you hear?”
“Nothing. Why? What happened?”
“Nothing,” he said, looking away. “I mean, yeah, it is.”
Her shoulders fell. “Again, I’m about to shock you with my next request.”
Vaughn didn’t move. “Do I need to brace myself?”
“Maybe.” He groaned as he held on to the couch before meeting her gaze. “Do you think she’d mind if you married me for like a year? You could so still sleep with her, and I don’t care because I don’t want to sleep with you. I don’t even want to marry you. I just need you to be my husband.”
He was stunned to silence. “Excuse me?”
“Can you marry me for a bit, just until after the baby is born and I can get my trust fund? Because my dad won’t give it to me if he finds out I’m pregnant and I’m not married.”
Vaughn could only blink. “I’m not understanding what is happening here.”
“Please, Vaughn. I need a husband until after I get my money when I turn thirty. I’ll have to go to Wells’s wedding, and I’ll be pregnant. If I show up without a husband and with a baby in me, I won’t get my money. I need that money. After I give Wells his part, I swear I’ll give you enough money to buy another NateWay outright. I just need you to do this for me.”
His heart was pounding. Wren was very important to him. He loved her and he wanted to help, but he knew he couldn’t. He almost suggested Jensen, but he knew that would be a bad idea. Because Jensen would do it, but he would be all in, fully in love and ready to raise her kid, and she wouldn’t want him after she got her money. Vaughn wouldn’t do that to his best friend, and he sure as hell wouldn’t put Brie through that, no matter how much he wanted to help Wren. “Wren, I can’t.”
“Why? You’d be perfect because we don’t want each other. We wouldn’t even have to live with each other. I just need you to go to Wells’s wedding with me and act like my husband and an excited father. We wouldn’t even need to tell Brie… Though, that would be wrong, so we will. Hell, I’ll even give her a cut.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?” she yelled, her eyes filling with tears and spilling over her cheeks. “I need your help!”
“I understand that, but I can’t do this. This is insane! Just tell them the truth.”
“No, I’ll lose all my money. I have all this debt I need to pay off. I need your help.”
“Wren, I can’t. That wouldn’t be fair to Brie.”
“She would be okay with it. I know she would be. She’s sweet, she’ll understand.”
“No, she wouldn’t. I know she wouldn’t, and it doesn’t feel right. If I get married, I want it to be to someone I love.”
“You’re my best friend. You love me—”
“I do, but I love her more than you, and I’m not putting her through all that.” Once the words left his lips, he stopped and held up his hands when she started to bitch more. “Why can I tell you that, but not her?”
Flabbergasted, Wren stopped her tirade. “What?”
“I just told you I love her, that I love Brie, and I fucking do. Yet, I can’t say it to her. Why is that?”
Wren’s eyes were wide, annoyed as she yelled, “’Cause you’re an idiot! Did she say she loved you?”
“Yes, and I didn’t say it back.”
“Vaughn, really. You love that girl!”
“I know!”
“Then tell her that!”
“I don’t know how.”
“The way you just did, you big idiot! You love her. I know it, you know it, she probably knows it. Stop being a big idiot, and tell the girl the damn truth before you lose her.”
He thought that over. “What just happened here?”
“Well, you turned me down, but all is not lost because you had a revelation that you needed. So, thank God, good for you. Now go live happily ever after,” she said, falling onto the couch, shaking her head, “while my life falls apart.”
“Wren…”
“No, it’s fine. I’m a strong girl. I’ve got this.”
“What are you going to do?”
She shook her head. “Pay someone off the street?”
Jensen was there. Right on the tip of his tongue, but Vaughn shook his head. “You can’t go marry someone off the street.”
“I know, I’ll figure it out. Just please don’t tell anyone about this. Please, I’m begging you.”
He nodded. “I won’t.”
“And not even Jensen or Wells. No one. No one can know you know.”
“That’s fine. I promise.” He knew if he told Jensen, he’d be over here in a second, and Wells would lose his ever-loving shit. So Vaughn would sit on it. Let Wren handle it because he had enough to worry about. Brie. He had to fix this with Brie.
“And don’t fuck up anymore. If she tells you she loves you, she means it. She’s not fucking Hazel. She’s not any fucking ho. She’s real, and she loves you. So say it back because you love her, and that’s that.”
Vaughn scoffed. “I thought you didn’t believe in love.”
Wren’s eyes were sad as she exhaled. “Not for me, I don’t. But for you, I do. And it’s her. She is the one, Vaughn. Everyone sees it. The same way they see that Alex isn’t the one for Wells. People know these things, and, Vaughn, you know. I know you know.”
“I do.”
“So stop being a dumbass! Tell the girl you love her.”
“What if she doesn’t believe me?”
“Then make her.”
Breathless, he held his best friend’s gaze and had no clue what to do.
But he was going to do it.
As soon as he figured out what that was.
“Thanks for asking me to lunch.”
Mekena smiled as she took a sip of her tea. “We needed to get together. I don’t like how everything has played out lately. We’re friends, and I’ve been shitty.”
“Just a bit.”
Mekena laughed. “I’ve been so far up Markus’s ass that I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry.”
Brie waved her off. “I’m fine.”
“Of course you are, you’re the strongest person I know. But really, I suck, so I’m thankful you wanted to come.”
Brie smiled sadly. “Of course.”
“How’s Rodney doing?”
“Great. He’s doing really good. The doctors are happy. I’m happy, he’s happy, everyone is really happy,” she laughed, though she still felt like crying. The day before was weighing heavy on her heart. That morning, Vaughn hadn’t really talked much and she knew he was struggling with how he was feeling, but there was nothing she could do. She couldn’t make him love her. It was all on him, he had to feel it, and it just sucked that he claimed he didn’t.
Because she knew he did.
“Good! I’m so glad. How’s Vaughn?”
She exhaled as she nodded. “We’re fine.”
Mekena eyed her. “That doesn’t sound good. A couple weeks ago, you were all smiles and giggling talking about him. It didn’t end already, did it?”
“No, we’re just in a rough patch.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he’s being difficult.”
“I’m sorry.”
Brie shrugged. “He’s a challenging guy. I knew that going in. He’s rough around the edges and he’s got a foul mouth that drives me wild, but I swear, he has this heart of pure gold. He would lay down his life for me in a heartbeat, but he won’t let himself feel what he is feeling. He holds back so fiercely, and it is driving me insane… Wow, I unloaded on you.”
Mekena leaned on the table, her eyes full of confusion. “You did, but I need more. I don’t understand.”
Brie shook her head because she knew it would feel better to talk to someone who knew her and Vaughn, rather than the poor ice cream boy. Breathing in deeply, she bit into her lip as she held Mekena’s gaze. “I told him I love him, and I know he loves me. I do. But he didn’t say it back. He drove himself crazy last night, didn’t sleep, just lay there tossing and turning. I almost just screamed at him that he loved me too, but I wasn’t sure how he would handle it, so I kept it to myself. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with him and I can’t stand it, but I don’t want to lose him. He’s so worried I’m going to leave him, and I’m so worried he’ll run out on me that I’m afraid we are pushing each other away.”
“Oh, Brie. That’s heavy.”
“So heavy, I can’t breathe,” Brie agreed, shaking her head. “I just love him. So fucking much and I know, I do know he loves me. But when he looked me in the eye and didn’t say it, it was like a slap in the face.”
“I’m sure,” Mekena said, her face full of concern.
“Mekena, he has grown so much, and I just don’t get it. I mean, what if I’m wrong? What if he doesn’t love me? But even that doesn’t feel right. I can see it in his eyes, he’s just scared, and I don’t know how to fix that.”
Mekena only shook her head. “I don’t either. When Markus told me he loved me, I practically screamed it back at him.”
Brie held her hands out at her. “See, and I swore that’s how it was going to go, but he clammed up on me.”
“That sucks. But if you know he does, why do you feel like you’re pushing each other away? Words are just words. If he makes you feel loved, then why does it matter?”
“He asked me that last night, and at first, it didn’t. I was just pissed I was wrong, but then the more I looked at it, I wondered why. Why couldn’t he say it? I just don’t get it. He’s beating himself up over how it all went down, I’m beating myself up thinking I’m wrong. This morning was so weird and so not us. We are playful, we’re funny and sexy, and it was like we were both robots going through the motions. Not us at all, and I cried the whole way here.”
Shaking her head, Brie leaned on her hand as Mekena’s lip popped out. “I’m so sorry. I hope it works. I know he makes you happy.”
Brie smiled as she nodded. “So damn happy, which is why I’m hurting so much about this.”
“I’m sure,” she commented just as Brie’s phone started to sing with “Shape of You,” the song that reminded her of Vaughn. A smile pulled at her lips as she remembered that night with him, dancing and being silly, before she reached for her phone to see that it was him.
“Sorry,” she said, and Mekena waved her off before she answered it. “Hey.”
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“I’m out at lunch with Mekena.”
“Oh, cool, that’s nice.”
“Yeah, are you done with morning skate?”
“Yeah, I was thinking about you.”
She smiled. “I was just talking about you.”
“No wonder my ears were burning.”
“I thought it was that your nose itched.”
He laughed. “How does that have anything to do with someone talking about you?”
“Your mouth goes dry?”
He kept laughing. “No, dork, it’s your ears burn.”
“Hm. Okay. I’m going to Google that,” she said with a smile as she leaned on her hand. “Did you need something?”
“Just wanted to chat.”
“Oh. Well, let me get off here. I’m being rude, we’ll chat later.”
“Wait.”
“What?”
“I don’t like how we left this morning.”
Her lips curved a bit. “I don’t either.”
“It was weird.”
“It was.”
“And I hate being weird. I don’t want this to start to suck. That doesn’t work for me.”
“Me either.”
“You mean everything to me, Brie.”
Her heart swelled. “Right back at you, stud.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know, me too.”
He paused for a moment, and then he said, “I was wrong.”
“About?”
“Everything,” he answered with a sigh. “I handled everything wrong.”
“Okay,” she said softly as her heart pounded, unsure what he meant. “I told you last night it was okay.”
“But it’s not. Listen, we need to talk. Can you come back to my place?”
“I can’t. I have a hair and makeup appointment, and then I gotta go do media. Remember?”
“That’s right.” He let out a breath. “Can you come over tonight?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
She heard him exhale again, and then he cleared his throat. “Okay. Go enjoy your lunch.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Bye,” he said, and he sounded so sad, she almost didn’t hang up. She wasn’t sure what he was talking about when he said he had handled everything wrong. She thought she had already reassured him that it was all okay, that she wasn’t going anywhere, but he sounded so pathetic. So unlike himself.
She wasn’t sure how to take that, and it worried her.
Had she been wrong about everything?
Was he ending it?