by Donald Robyn
‘Hop in,’ Elana said, hoping she made it back to the homestead without any untoward incident. Sarah clambered silently into the front seat and remained silent, her eyes closed, while they drove back to the homestead.
Elana switched off the engine. ‘Sarah, stay there,’ she said, afraid the girl was going to faint. She opened the door and helped Sarah out, catching her as she staggered.
Straightening up, the girl whispered, ‘I want to go home.’
Elana hugged her. ‘I’m sorry, but we can’t contact your parents. As soon as we can, we’ll organise things better for you.’ She steered her up the steps onto the veranda and towards the lounger. ‘Sit there in the shade. I’ll get you a pillow and a glass of water.’
Sarah shuddered. ‘I don’t want a drink, thank you,’ she said in a small voice, and almost fell onto the lounger. She lay back and closed her eyes. ‘My head’s hurting.’
‘I’ll see if I can get you something to ease it. Have you had headaches before?’
Sarah nodded. ‘Mum gives me an aspirin.’
‘I’ve got aspirin in my bag. I’ll be back shortly.’
By the time she arrived back with a glass of water, Sarah had regained some colour. She drank the water and swallowed the aspirin, then opened her eyes. ‘I can hear a plane—no—a helicopter.’
A sudden rush of delight took Elana by surprise. ‘If it’s a helicopter it will be Mr Radcliffe,’ she said quietly.
Sarah managed a pale smile. ‘I like him. Everyone does. He’s nice.’
Nice? If she hadn’t been so anxious about the girl Elana could have laughed at that description. Niko could be kind, he was certainly protective, and he was a fantastic lover. But nice...? She steadied her voice and said, ‘You’re looking a bit better now. How’s your head?’
‘Still banging.’ Sarah closed her eyes, but opened them when the helicopter descended onto the landing pad.
Elana kept her gaze on her as she watched it land. Although she was still pale as a wraith, the landing was giving the girl something other to think of than her misbehaving body.
Once the rotors eased back and the noise began to die away, Sarah asked, ‘Does Mr Radcliffe fly it himself?’
‘I don’t know,’ Elana said, adding, ‘You can ask him—if it is him.’
Sarah said, ‘Yes.’ And after a moment in a slightly stronger voice, ‘Yes, I will.’
Tension tightened Elana’s nerves as the chopper door opened and Niko climbed out, a bag in his hand. He strode towards the house, altering direction when he saw them on the veranda.
A swift rush of adrenalin powered through her, filling her with a forbidden, intense delight. Realisation hit her with immense force.
She loved this man. She would love him for ever. If only she could trust him...
He stopped beneath the balustrade and looked at them. ‘What’s the matter, Sarah?’
Startled, Elana wondered if he knew all of the children by name.
Sarah managed another half-smile and staggered up from the lounger. ‘I feel sick.’ After a second adding miserably, ‘And my head hurts.’
He nodded and stepped up onto the veranda. ‘Close your eyes and see if that makes you feel better while Elana and I go inside so she can tell me about it.’
‘I think—’ Sarah gagged, clapping her hand over her mouth.
Too late. To Elana’s horror the child threw up all over Niko, and then burst into tears, shaking uncontrollably.
Niko reached out and patted her shoulder. In a calm, bracing tone, he soothed, ‘It’s all right, don’t worry about it. Elana will take you to the bathroom.’
Stunned, Elana said, ‘Come on, Sarah. You’ll feel a lot better once you wash your face.’
‘There’s a shower room inside the back door,’ Niko said.
Elana nodded and took the sobbing girl’s hand, steering her along the veranda. Once in the bathroom she provided her with a warm wet face flannel and a glass.
‘Just rinse your mouth out with water,’ she told Sarah, who was still crying softly.
That done, she checked the girl’s clothes, fortunately unaffected by the bout of nausea, before taking her out and coaxing her to lie on another lounger. Once settled, she asked, ‘Do you feel at all better?’
‘A b-bit.’ Sarah opened her eyes to give Elana a scared look. ‘I hope he isn’t mad at me,’ she whispered.
‘He won’t be,’ Elana said, and realised with some shock that she was certain of it.
Why? Because of his calmness and control? Into her mind there flashed the memory of an incident just after she’d started school. She’d been so proud of being trusted to carry a glass of milk for herself, only to trip and tip it over her father. His reaction was seared into her brain. He’d been icily furious, blaming her mother for being stupid enough to give her a glass of milk in the first place, then stripping Elana of all her pride and her confidence.
She’d actually braced herself for a similar reaction from Niko.
And yet, although his response had startled her, deep inside she’d known that he wouldn’t react as her father had.
Which meant—what? What sort of man was Niko Radcliffe? Dared she even consider that he might be a man she could respect? A man she could safely allow herself to love?
Be sensible, she told herself curtly, every word of the unknown woman’s warning etched into her brain. Tender and considerate he might have been when they’d made love—and then fiercely and intoxicatingly exciting—but that meant only that he’d had plenty of experience.
She walked across to the balustrade and stood for long moments staring into the sunburst of colour from a mass of daisies in the garden beneath.
A slight sound behind her made her turn. But it wasn’t Sarah. She’d dropped off to sleep and the colour was coming back into her cheeks.
It was Niko, clearly showered and in clean clothes, and carrying a shirt in his hand. He surveyed Sarah and smiled. ‘I got this just in case, but I see it’s not necessary.’
‘No, fortunately her clothes escaped the onslaught.’
‘Poor kid.’
Sarah stirred, her lashes fluttering, and opened her eyes to direct a startled, shamed look at Niko.
He said, ‘You look much better. How do you feel now?’
‘M-much better.’ She hesitated then blurted, ‘I’m so sorry—I didn’t mean to—I—I couldn’t—’
Niko interrupted, ‘Sarah, it’s all right. These things happen, and there’s nothing you could do about it. I’m very glad you’re feeling much better. Stop worrying, OK?’
She gave him a shy smile. ‘OK.’
‘Good girl.’ He transferred his gaze to Elana. ‘Where’s Patty?’
Elana glanced at her watch. ‘She’s in Waipuna, but she should be back pretty soon—before lunch, she said.’
‘Any minute then,’ he said, and looked down at her, smiling. ‘And thanks.’
Strangely touched by his smile, she said unsteadily, ‘No need for thanks. Now, I think we should try to get Sarah’s mum on her cell phone again.’
But it was still turned off. Elana left another message, and hoped that it wouldn’t be too long before the woman called back. Without being coaxed, Sarah swallowed a small amount of water, and then went back to sleep.
She woke when Patty West arrived back—clearly surprised to see Niko—and while the housekeeper and Elana were preparing lunch, she sat talking to Niko as though she’d known him all her life, a talk only interrupted by the arrival of the schoolteacher and his group of tree-planting students.
After a swift inspection of the girl the teacher said, ‘Thanks a million, Elana, for taking care of her. And thank you, Mr Radcliffe, for being so forbearing.’
Niko shrugged, smiled and held out his hand. ‘It was nothing. And my name is Niko.’
Rangi smiled as they shook hands, then turned to look at his charge. ‘She looks good enough to be able to come with us now and stay in the sick bay at school until her parents collect he
r.’ He called her over and asked, ‘Do you think you can cope with coming to school with us in the bus?’
Sarah looked torn, then nodded. ‘I feel all right now,’ she said a little shyly, adding, ‘Actually, I feel a bit hungry.’
‘Better wait until we get to school before you eat anything,’ Rangi advised her. He thanked everyone, rounded up his group and shepherded the children into the bus then gave Elana a hug. ‘And thank you, Elana, for taking over. See you around.’
The departure of the bus left Elana feeling oddly ill at ease. Niko remained silent as the sound of the engine died away. She glanced up, met cool blue eyes in a face more angular than usual, and said, ‘I’d better be off too, and let you get settled.’ And added, ‘I didn’t know you were coming back today.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘I WASN’T.’ AS though the words were torn from him Niko said, ‘I had no intention of coming back so soon, but while I was away I discovered something.’
‘What?’ Elana asked, wondering. ‘What did you discover?’
He paused, blue gaze hooded and unreadable. ‘Once—after I told you that I was a citizen of both New Zealand and San Mari—you said that it meant I had two places to call home.’
Heart pounding, she nodded, her gaze fixed onto his hard, handsome face. ‘I remember.’ I remember everything you ever said to me...
‘I was amused, because neither of them have ever seemed like home.’ He paused, then added, ‘In fact, I’d never had a place I thought of as home. The palace was huge and cold and impersonal, and my mother made travelling the globe her hobby. Usually without me. Then, when I was eight I went to boarding school.’
Her heart twisted. He must have understood her shocked response because he shrugged. ‘Actually, I enjoyed it, but I certainly didn’t call it home—nor did I consider the universities I attended to be homes. I spent some of the holidays with my father, but he lived like a bachelor, and for some time we were both wary of each other. We did find some common ground eventually.’
‘I’m glad,’ she said quietly, neither her expression nor her voice giving away her emotions.
Niko walked across the veranda and stared out over the much tidier garden for a moment, before turning to face her. He was finding this incredibly difficult, but he needed to tell her what he meant.
Calling on an icy control, he said in a clipped, hard voice, ‘While I was away this time I discovered that you—that you mean home to me.’
The words jangled meaninglessly around her brain. She swallowed and croaked, ‘What—what are you saying?’
His smile held no humour, and he didn’t move. ‘I have no idea how it happened, or when—but wherever you are is more home to me than any of the houses I own, either of the two countries I am a citizen of.’
Hope and a fearful happiness burst into flame in her heart. ‘Niko, I don’t understand.’
‘It’s quite simple. When I left Mana I finally discovered what love is,’ he said, blue gaze fixed on her face. ‘It’s missing someone so intensely that you dream of them...’
All colour left her skin. Dumbly, eyes more gold than green, she nodded.
He took a step towards her, ready to catch her if she should faint. ‘Ah, so you already know that,’ he said harshly.
Her lips trembled and he waited, but no words came.
He resumed, ‘And it’s remembering little unimportant things—the way you lift your chin when you’re telling me you don’t need looking after, your laughter, refusing to have whisky in your tea after Jordan’s accident, the warmth of your skin when we made love, the sound of your voice...’
He paused, but she still didn’t speak. ‘That’s when I realised that every time I thought about returning to Mana my spirits lifted enormously.’ He stopped, hard blue gaze kindling. ‘Because you are here.’
A stunned, disbelieving joy held Elana prisoner. She stared at him, wondering if he meant it, but could find no words to answer. At the back of her mind was fear—a fear she had to deal with.
Still Niko didn’t move. Harshly he said, ‘Each time we spoke together on the computer, each time I saw you on the screen, I missed you more. I know that missing you every second of every day that I’m away from you is going to be part of my life from now on. I’ve never felt like that before, and it scares the hell out of me.’
‘Scares you?’ she whispered, and shook her head. ‘I can’t believe—’
‘Believe it,’ he broke in, his voice rough with emotion. ‘I want to be with you—wherever you are—because without you my life will lose most of its meaning.’
Elana closed her eyes against the fears rioting through her mind. Did she have the courage to trust the instinct that told her he was no abuser? Memories of him—of his kindness, of consideration, of the times he’d helped her—were they enough?
Quietly he said, ‘There’s something you’re afraid of. What is it, Elana? Do you think I’m like your father? Tell me what it is and we’ll work it out together.’
After swallowing to ease her parched throat she said hoarsely, ‘My father—how did you know about him?’
His smile was filled with irony. ‘Mrs Nixon, who else? Your mother confided in her.’
Shocked and sickened, she felt the heat drain from her face. ‘Why—?’ Gripped by an intense sensation of betrayal, she couldn’t go on.
He shrugged. ‘She saw more than I gave her credit for. She thought I should know. And she was right.’
‘But why?’
He paused, then said roughly, ‘I suspect she was worried that I might hurt you. I’m very grateful to her. We might have gone on misunderstanding each other for months if she hadn’t warned me. What was your father like?’
She swallowed. ‘He hit my mother.’
Niko’s shock was followed by disgust and a cold rage that threatened to overwhelm him. ‘Did he beat you?’
‘No. But I knew what he was doing. I was terrified of him.’
He said something in what must have been the language of San Mari. ‘How long did this go on for?’
‘My mother ran away with me when I was five. But he found us about a month later, and came after us and hauled me into the car. My mother rang the police but—he rammed the car into a tree. He was killed. I had a broken arm, but I was all right apart from that.’ She shivered. ‘He was going to kill me. He knew that would be the worst thing he could do to my mother.’
Niko fought back horror. ‘His own child,’ he said quietly. And before she could answer, he went on, ‘I am so sorry that you had to endure such terror.’
Wild thoughts jostled through her mind. She said indistinctly, ‘And then I stupidly had a bad experience with a man a couple of years ago.’
‘You need to sit down.’ He spoke between his teeth, cursed by a jealousy so fierce he couldn’t say more, then pulled a chair out and held it while she automatically obeyed. Lowering himself onto the sofa, he asked, ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
She sent him an astonished glance. ‘No, but at least he wasn’t physically abusive. I thought I loved him, but he was—he was a control freak. I got tired of being ordered about and treated like a halfwit. I had to tell him where I was all the time, he expected me to do what I was told.’
Niko shook his head. ‘Trusting a man must be very difficult for you. If I’d known, I’d have been more understanding.’ He got up and walked across to the window, silhouetted against the luminous light outside. Without turning around he said, ‘I knew you’d do a good job of working with the Mana documents, but I offered you the job mainly because I couldn’t get you out of my head.’
Elana heard the words, but couldn’t make sense of them. He turned, and she stared into his face, honed into arrogant angles as though what he was saying was bitter punishment.
Abruptly he said, ‘At first I was certain it was lust—simple, basic, easily controlled.’
He stopped as though expecting her to say something, but no words came to her tongue. She didn’t dare belie
ve she’d heard correctly.
Resuming, his voice harsh, he said, ‘I assumed that the hunger would go away, that familiarity would breed—oh, not contempt, never that—but boredom. Because that’s what’s happened before.’ His smile held no humour. ‘I thought I was like my mother. She fell quickly and easily in love, and out of it just as quickly, just as easily. When I was young I had the misfortune to catch the eye of the sister of one of my friends. It became embarrassing, and in the end I had to tell her that I didn’t love her, that we were too young to even think of marrying. She tried to commit suicide.’
Elana braced herself. She didn’t want to hear this—hated the thought of it, but she realised it was important to him.
‘She didn’t succeed, thank the saints, and is now happily married,’ he continued, still in that level, emotionless voice. ‘I decided I was too much like my mother to be trusted with the emotions of anyone innocent and unsophisticated. But the first time I saw you I wanted you. And every time I saw you it got stronger. And my emotions changed in ways I’d never experienced before.’
Stunned, Elana told him, ‘I’m not so young, and I don’t consider myself unsophisticated.’
‘So if I’d suggested an affair with you—one without marriage—you’d have accepted?’
* * *
He waited while she digested this. For the first time in his life he was desperately afraid. Her face was expressionless, and she ran a shaky hand through her bright hair as she met his gaze, her green-gold gaze veiled by long lashes.
When she finally answered her voice was thin. ‘No,’ she admitted, her painful reluctance obvious. ‘I was too afraid. As you said, I don’t trust easily.’
He nodded. ‘Then we made love. And—it was—it was new and shining and—something I’d never experienced. And I was elated because it was good for you too. Only afterwards you were bluntly clear that you had no intention of furthering our relationship. Yet even then I kept hoping that you’d relent.’
He waited as though expecting an answer, but she couldn’t find any words. In the end he said, ‘When Mrs Nixon confided in me about your father, I began to understand, but I didn’t know how to deal with the situation. And I didn’t know exactly what I felt for you. I intended to stay away for at least six months and do some serious thinking. But I missed you.’ He paused, then went on harshly, ‘Hell, that’s such a stupid term. Missed you—I ached for you, I longed for you, I recalled every word you’d ever said to me, I looked forward to our talks on the VOIP with eagerness, and I dreamed of you when I slept.’