“To celebrate the new décor,” she began, gesturing to the room, “we were going to feast on a clam bake outside. I even had wooden picnic tables delivered so we could dump it out on the table.”
“Sounds delicious,” Jason said, now standing behind me. He placed his hand on my shoulder, and I felt all the tension diminish. Just one touch? I placed my hand on his and craned my neck to see him and whispered the words, “Thank you.”
“Is that still the plan?” Aaron asked, still oblivious.
“Partially,” Carla replied. “But in case the mood doesn’t strike us, I also have filet mignon at the ready.” She looked at her watch.
“You have filet at the ready?” my dad teased.
“Okay, Mark has it at the ready.” She squinted her eyes at my father.
“Who’s Mark?” Brandy asked.
“Their chef,” Aaron and I replied together.
“Right. I should have guessed,” Brandy said, rolling her eyes.
How often had Aaron been here? He seemed beyond comfortable in these surroundings.
Carla and my father got up and began walking to the dining room with Aaron and Brandy following. Jason stood in front of me and offered his hand as I got up.
“Thanks,” I told him. “Do I look that stiff, already? I heard things started going downhill after twenty…”
Jason smiled and shook his head but didn’t let go of my hand. Once the room cleared out, he brought me into him, his arms sliding around my waist. I wasn’t expecting him to do anything of the sort, but the element of surprise sprung my insides to life. Being so close to him made my world begin to shift, allowing me to forget about the hurt and disappointment that was mounting inside of me. My heart began pounding as he brought his lips right next to my ear. A surge of desire ran through me as his body pressed against mine.
“You’re a remarkable woman,” he whispered, his breath skating across my skin as he placed a soft kiss on my cheek. “And you never cease to amaze me.” He dropped his arms and took a step back, his eyes locking on mine. “I’ve wanted to do that all night.”
“Is that so?” I asked, noticing the intensity behind his eyes.
He nodded. “Street racing?”
“What can I say?” I shrugged and flashed him a smile, wishing I was still in his arms. “I’m lucky I made it to college.”
“I bet you’ve got some stories…” His eyes twinkled as he watched my expression change.
“More than my family knows. That’s for sure,” I said laughing. “We should probably head in there.” I pointed to the dining room and Jason followed my lead. My heart finally calmed down from being in his arms, but I wanted more and I didn’t think I’d be able to wait until Friday.
The dining room table had plastic red and white, checkered tablecloths, which completely clashed with the elegant built-ins and contemporary dining table and chairs. The large silver buckets were tipped on their sides allowing corn, red potatoes, clams, mussels, and shrimp to spill out of each container, and I completely understood why Carla had preferred this whole thing to happen outside. This was going to be a mess.
My father took a seat at the head of the table, but my eyes landed on the little place cards at each setting. Each white card had a tiny, red lobster embossed in the corner and then each of our names, depending on where she wanted us to sit.
“What no lobster?” Aaron teased, as he found his place card at the other end of the table.
Carla’s expression fell and she scowled at him. “That was the surprise.”
“Nice one,” I said, shooting Aaron a glance, trying not to laugh. I felt the brotherly relationship naturally build, but I wasn’t sure I was ready.
“Tactful as always,” Jason said, finding his name at the other end of the table.
Brandy and I were seated next to each other, across from Aaron and Carla. I was next to my dad. The chef brought out a large platter, piled with lobsters, and I heard Brandy lick her lips next to me, really loudly.
“Between you and Aaron,” I whispered, jabbing her in the side. She stopped making the smacking noises, and I looked over at Aaron who looked more relaxed than he had all night. But I wasn’t sure how long that was going to last as I managed to build more courage to begin my assault of questioning.
“The lemon butter smells so delicious,” Brandy said, taking in a deep breath, bringing her bowl of the yellow liquid closer.
I grabbed the paper napkin and plopped it on my lap and reached for the plastic bib, tying it around my neck.
I heard laughter coming from the other end of the table and caught Jason watching me get ready to dig in. He was beaming as he watched me ready myself for the meal, and I noticed Aaron studying Jason. Did Aaron know or not?
“You wouldn’t be laughing if you knew just how horrible I am at keeping myself clean, especially when I’m wearing white. Sushi night was a rare event for me. Not a drop spilt,” I said, reaching for the tongs.
“Sushi night?” Aaron asked, looking across the table at me.
My head snapped to Jason. They had been so open about so many things that I assumed Jason had told Aaron about sushi. I mean Aaron came to my door to convince me that Jason was a great guy for crying out loud.
“I took Gabby out for sushi,” Jason said, without missing a beat. “Must’ve forgotten to mention it.”
Aaron’s eyes darkened a shade as he reached for a corn, which I felt was ridiculous considering his absence from my life for the last decade.
“Not sure if I mentioned our date coming up on Friday, either,” Jason said, dipping the first piece of lobster into the lemon butter.
Aaron looked up at me and then slowly over at Jason. “Make sure you don’t break her heart,” Aaron told Jason.
“You already did that to me when you took off,” I interjected, not realizing I had said the words aloud. I felt everyone’s eyes on me as I attempted to release a mussel from its shell. This conversation had taken a nosedive. And quickly. “It’s nothing serious,” I added. “Jason, I mean.”
“Gabby,” my dad said softly. “That’s not…”
“Nice?” I asked, my father nodded.
I felt Brandy tense beside me.
“What’s not nice is finding out that my brother has been in your life the last few years, and no one felt it important enough to tell me,” I began, feeling my cheeks warm.
“And you,” I pointed at Aaron, “waltzing back into our family like you belong in it?”
Aaron grabbed his napkin and wiped his mouth, waiting until I finished before he started talking. He still knew me well enough to know that I had only just begun. Carla continued to focus on her shellfish, hoping the whole thing would blow over, and my father braced the table, literally. I was sure he thought the unveiling of information would be much smoother.
“Do you know what you did to me when you left? Who does that?” I was seething as every word rolled off my tongue. Ten years worth of emotions had finally reached their boiling point. “Not even an explanation. You should be ashamed of yourself.” I crossed my arms, shaking my head. “You don’t have a clue about what I went through.” All the years of therapy did nothing compared to this moment right here. This very moment where I could tell him exactly what he did to me by leaving. The hurt he caused. The child he changed. I took a deep breath, not even paying attention to the others surrounding the table. “It was bad enough when mom died, but it wasn’t her fault. With you, it was a choice. You left when I needed you most.”
Aaron raised his head, his eyes meeting mine.
“Well?” I asked. “What’s your excuse?”
“Do you think now’s the best time for this?” Carla asked, wide-eyed.
“I’ve waited long enough,” I replied.
“So what is it that you want to tell me? What great reason are you going to give me?” I narrowed my eyes at Aaron, waiting for his reply. Instead, I heard my father’s voice.
“Gabby, we never should’ve kept you in the dark,” my
dad began. “But there was a lot to the story, especially for a twelve year old. We didn’t think it was fair to burden you.”
I turned to look at my father. “Are you telling me you knew where Aaron was the entire time?” My heart was racing fast, my ears were pounding, and yet, I felt like my world had come to a standstill. In fact, was this even my life or was I just a puppet in a world that people had built for me?
My father placed his hand over mine.
“Well?” I demanded.
“I knew where he was,” my dad whispered, nodding.
I saw the same look in Carla’s eyes and realized I had been played for a fool. In the eyes of my parents and brother I must have been a naïve adolescent who apparently couldn’t handle life’s bumps. And that was the farthest thing from the truth. Anger was firing through me, but instead of rage threatening to surface, I felt like I was on the verge of tears. All I had wanted to find out was why he had left. And now I find out I was the only one who didn’t know what had happened? I dropped my gaze to the red and white-checkered tablecloth and blinked back the moisture. I wasn’t going to lose control. Not here and especially not in front of my brother.
“Aaron?” I looked at him and waited. I waited for him to tell me what was so important that he would leave his twelve year old sister behind and alone with a father who didn’t care about much of anything besides money.
Aaron propped his elbows on the table and began rubbing his temples.
“Do you want Jason and me to leave?” Brandy asked. “We can sit in the other room.”
“No.” I shook my head and glanced at Jason. “I’d like you to be here.”
Jason looked at me and nodded before turning his attention to Aaron.
“You’ve made her wait long enough. It’s time you man up,” Jason told Aaron.
“It’s not about that,” Aaron muttered, looking over at my father.
“Gabby,” my dad began.
“No. I want to hear it from Aaron.” I said, pushing away my plate. “He’s the one who left.”
“We never wanted to hurt you,” Aaron began. “We initially did it to protect you.”
“From what?” I asked, the heat rising up my body.
“The night mom passed away, I found out something that changed everything I grew up believing,” Aaron said. “And I was afraid it would shatter who you thought she was, and who you thought I was.”
“I don’t understand,” I replied, shaking my head. “I was twelve, not seven. What could have been so earth-shattering that I wouldn’t be able to handle it? You leaving me was far worse than anything that could have been the issue.”
Aaron exhaled and looked at my father. “Mom had an affair and…”
“Mom had an affair and so you left?” Mom had more than one. Why was this news?
“We don’t share the same father, biologically, that is,” Aaron said, his voice low. “It shook me to my core when dad told me.”
“It was my fault,” my dad jumped in. “I never should have done what I did by telling him when I did. I just…” my dad’s voice trailed off, and I watched Carla grab his hand across the table.
“Mom told dad right before she passed away that I wasn’t his biological son,” Aaron continued. He was looking directly at me.
“So you left?” I asked, completely overwhelmed and confused. “I don’t understand why you would have left because of that?”
“You say that now,” my dad replied.
I turned to face him. I was so angry my ears were even hot. “No. I’m pretty sure I would have said that then as well.”
“Mom was an angel in your eyes. Dad was beyond distraught. Not only did he lose his wife, he lost what he thought they had shared – the trust, the honesty. I was shell-shocked and knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut around you. We didn’t want to destroy the mom you remembered. Hearing me tell you this now just makes me sick. I know it makes no sense, and it never should have happened the way it did.” Aaron shook his head and leaned back in the chair, anger nipping at his words.
“Aaron’s trying to take far more of the blame then he should,” my father replied. “I—”
“You what?” I challenged.
“I asked him to leave.”
Moisture filled my eyes, but I blinked it away. Brandy slid her hand to mine and squeezed it, but I still didn’t feel like I was of this world.
“So you took away my brother because you didn’t think I could handle the truth about my mother?” I asked my father, beyond furious.
“You were only twelve and dad thought he was doing it for the best. You weren’t holding up well and he thought this would tip you over…” Aaron interjected.
“I was twelve. Of course, I wasn’t handling my mom’s death well but having the one support system ripped out from under me because you couldn’t handle it?” I turned my attention back to my father. “That’s what all this boils down to. It wasn’t whether or not I could handle it, because we all know I could have handled it. You know that.” It felt like my blood pressure was off the charts. My heart was beating so fast that the room was spinning.
Aaron attempted to say something, but I spoke over him still looking at my father. He was trading glances with Aaron, while Carla sat quietly, holding his hand.
“But you… You were the one who couldn’t handle it.” I pointed at my father, narrowing my eyes as each word left my lips. “This is beyond pathetic. You know what? You are pathetic. He was my brother, and you kicked him out for no fault of his? I can’t...”
“Gabby, I completely understood,” Aaron interrupted, attempting to protect my father. “It wasn’t dad’s fault. I didn’t want to stay either. I felt like my whole life had been a sham. I just needed to get away…”
My neck snapped at Aaron’s admission.
“You wanted to leave? I was still your sister,” I said, as a lump formed in the back of my throat.
“I didn’t plan on it being for so long. Weeks turned into months which turned into years. I joined the marines and…” he explained and looked over at Jason.
“I don’t understand why it turned into a protect Gabby crusade. I don’t believe it for a second. I think you both couldn’t handle it, and I was just the cop out,” I said, slipping my hand from Brandy’s. I wanted to bolt, but I wasn’t going to allow those emotions to come to the surface, not here. Not in front of them.
“I think you’re absolutely right,” Aaron said, nodding. “I wish I hadn’t left. I wish I had done a lot of things differently, but I didn’t.”
“You tried to come to Gabby’s graduation,” my father offered, pressing his lips together. “But I advised against it.”
“I do remember that,” Jason said, glancing at me. “Aaron was devastated.”
A laughter I couldn’t explain came from deep within my belly. “By my high school graduation, I had completely written Aaron off. I had my own problems to deal with.” I shrugged and shook my head, feeling the throbbing begin at the base of my skull. My blood pressure wasn’t where it needed to be.
“Your father thought it would be for the best, especially with all of the health concerns…” Carla said, attempting to appease me.
There was no appeasing me.
“Health concerns?” Aaron asked, his brow furrowing.
I held up my hand in protest. “It’s not important.”
“It was very important and still is,” Carla whispered.
“She was sick?” Aaron’s voice was no longer calm.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I replied, catching Aaron’s gaze. “Seriously.”
Aaron’s jaw clenched and his hands were fisted. He shook his head and glared at Jason and then at my father. “How sick?”
“I’m right here, and I told you all I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m not done discussing the fact that my brother and father were in cahoots and seem to think that playing puppet masters with my life is okay. It’s not okay.”
; Aaron sat back in his chair and nodded. I couldn’t get over the fact that he looked so much like my father.
“Are you sure that what my mom told you is true?” I asked the question to anyone who would answer. “She wasn’t exactly coherent toward the end.”
Aaron’s shoulders tensed up as he waited for my father’s answer.
“I’m sure,” my father said, avoiding Aaron’s gaze.
“But you two look alike,” I muttered, turning to look at Aaron. “Do you know who your father is?”
Carla let out a deep sigh, and I knew it was only going to get worse.
“Bernie,” Aaron said, his voice barely audible.
“Dad’s driver?”
Aaron nodded and I leaned back from the table. “And he knows… He knew…” I muttered, shaking my head. “No wonder he’s always been so sweet to me. He felt sorry for me. Shit. I feel sorry for me.”
“Are you doing okay?” Brandy whispered.
“Never been better,” I mumbled.
She arched her brow at me and I nodded.
“Seriously,” I whispered, and I meant it.
I was free. I no longer needed to live my life for anyone else. I had been doing that for the last twenty-two, almost twenty-three years.
I looked at my father and then at Aaron. “I honestly don’t know what to say. I could have used your support, your encouragement, your love for the last decade. But I didn’t get it. And I was fine. I am fine and always will be.” Saying the words aloud felt great. Whether I believed it or not, I had no idea. I felt Jason’s gaze on me as I stared at Aaron. I knew he wanted to make sure I really was okay, but I also knew he’d see right through me. He’d find out the answer before I did.
“I need a moment alone,” I mumbled, trying to scoot my chair back. This was not the girl I wanted to present to the world, and here Jason was to witness my undoing. I glanced at Aaron on my way out and was surprised by what I saw. Tears. But it didn’t undo the last decade.
I walked through the great room and swung open the door, feeling the outside spray hit my face. The wind had picked up and traded raindrops for a veil of mist, which seemed rather fitting. Here I was a college graduate who felt like I was suddenly flung back into my teen years, and those were years I desperately tried to escape. I felt the mist seep into the cotton of my shirt, creating a chill. But being out here was better than being in the house. In there, I felt like an animal at a zoo, everyone watching, waiting for my reaction.
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