by Hazel Grace
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” I sneer. “You want me to be okay with this?”
“I know you won’t be, Blood,” he consents. “But I want you to respect it.”
“No, I won’t respect it.”
“You have to because it’s going to happen. And you’re going to do it.” I’m out of his clutches and backing away from him.
“You must be the most ludicrous idiot I have ever met in my life,” I shrill off a broken exhale. “You want me to kill you?” He nods. As though it’d be the most simplest thing to do. That it wouldn’t matter that he’d assassinate everything that lives inside me.
“I’m not killing anyone,” I snarl in a low menace tone. “I will not—” He’s on me again, wrapping an arm around my waist and brushing a traitorous tear from my cheek.
Lowering his face, he breathes me in, closing his eyes to rest his forehead against mine. “Do you love me?”
I break down, my whole frame shaking in his hold as a fractured sob fleets from my lips.
I feel myself disconnect from my body. It can’t handle the reality he’s trying to lay out in front of me. My mind won’t soak or accept it as being the only way for my sisters and I to make it out of this.
Dagen lifts me into the air and guides us deeper into the lagoon, stopping when the water reaches the top of his shoulders. I can’t meet anything else but his eyes that bore into me with contentment and acceptance.
“Don’t do this,” I beg, wrapping my arms tighter around his neck. “Please.”
He tries to smile but falls flat. “I have to, it’s the only way to keep you alive, baby.”
I open my mouth, but nothing aside from wrecked inhales and exhales make their way out. He hugs me, pressing a lingering kiss to my neck and moving up my jawline to my cheek. When he makes it to the corner of my lips, he pulls his head away to study my face.
“I love you,” he decrees. “I love you more than anything in this universe. More than myself, more than life, more than any circumstances or outcome. You are my world, Blood. I will never forget you, even in eternal sleep, you’ll always be my dream.”
Claiming my mouth again, his lips give into everything that we both share.
The happy moments of us laying together in my bed.
The angry ones when I killed his men right in front of him.
The desired memories of bliss when he filled me and lavished my body with kisses and his mouth.
And now our last one that we’ll ever spend together.
Lowering our bodies underneath the water, he continues to kiss me, gently and filled with every amount of love that he has for me. I feel it in every brush of our lips and every ounce of air I take from him.
He takes us deeper, not bothering to come up for air as he breaks away from me, opening his eyes to take a last look at me.
I’ll never forget the glint in his blue eyes or the structure of his face. I’ll never be able to erase how he made me feel and how much I wanted what he did.
A life of happiness and forever.
Pulling me back into him, our lips meet again, more shakily this time, and I know he’s losing the air in his lungs. I’m aware of how he’s fading from me the more I beg him to reconsider this with every caress of my mouth. He’s dying in my midst, and he won’t stop until he knows he’s gone and I’m safe.
I break from the kiss, a loud wail breaking through the water as bubbles float toward the surface. Dagen’s arms faintly pull me closer, his forehead resting into mine with his eyes still closed.
“Dagen,” I beg. “Please don’t leave me.”
His lids open slightly, telling me that he has to for now. That one day we’ll be together. That this isn’t the end for us.
Another weak kiss, and a few seconds later, he’s gone.
Everything is still, deathly quiet as his body starts to float toward the top of the lagoon, and I pull him up with me.
Emerging from the water, I yank him along as I swim to shore, where Isolde is waiting for me.
Helping me pull him to the dry land, his face has gone blue as I collapse beside him.
“Isolde,” I wail, my hands curling to my mouth. “Oh my—what did I do?” Her arms wrap around me, holding me as my body violently shakes in heartache, shock, and grief.
My sister squeezes me to her side. “You saved us all.”
Davina is wrapped in a gray blanket, rocking back and forth in the short grass along the lagoon. Her red hair is still slightly damp, droplets of water falling to the ground as she mindlessly stares over the water.
Even though I can’t see her face, I know that it’s blank. That she looks beautiful as she ponders over what she had to do to save her kingdom and family.
That she hates herself.
I’ve known her for enough time to know that she’ll carry it with her and that no one or anything will make her feel any different. The revelation of Dagen and I being brothers, the woman that is our mother, it’ll never bring her world back on its axis.
I just hope she tries to live after this.
“You’re going to need to find someone else to do it,” Davina croons before I can utter a word. “I’m not doing it for you.”
“Aw, now that’s not very nice, Princess,” I reply, trying to keep my tone light and airy. “I thought we were friends.”
“Exactly.” Her tone is ice, emotionless, something that sounds dead and empty inside. “You all had a conversation about this and didn’t include me.”
Because she would’ve said no. Had a royal fit about not having this happen, and as shady as it was, we had to ambush her about it.
What Dagen and I wanted was beyond the word selfish. Beyond the words “fucked up,” but it was the only way we wanted to die—for the both of us. Not in a malicious and hateful way but because we both loved her, and it’d be the last thing we’d see before going off to Zeus knows where afterward.
I’m already on edge, as I stand off to the side, knowing that I only have a few more moments to breathe on this Earth. Only a few more minutes with the woman I’d give anything for—which I will. I’m starting to realize in swift thoughts that maybe this was what I was here for, to save her from my own mother. That I was supposed to be on that ship that day to protect Rohana, Kali, and her from my uncle’s men.
“Maybe we were always supposed to be here,” I tell her.
She shakes her head. “No, it’s because of me that this all happened.”
“You?” My brows furrow. “How?”
“If I hadn’t gone to Coral Cove, you wouldn’t be in my life. You wouldn’t have needed to save my sisters and I.”
“That would’ve been a boring life.”
She peers over her shoulder at me. “I’m sure you’d be married by now with kids and—”
“No reminiscing on the what-ifs,” I convey. “That’s not what people do.”
“They do it all the time.” Returning her attention back to the lagoon, she tugs her legs underneath her and continues to stare.
“Davina,” I utter. “I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d still cut down that rope and free you.”
“I would,” she whispers. “I’d change everything.”
“You know that I came up with this idea, right?” She twists her body to take me in, brows snapped together like I have literally gone off the deep end.
I did, with her.
And I’d fucking relive it again and again with the same outcome if I still got the many years of happiness that I spent with her.
“Why in the hell would you suggest this idea?” Her green eyes, now rimmed in red, glimmer in anger, and she may not forgive me, but I’d never forgive myself if she died because I didn’t do everything I could to protect her.
Dagen didn’t need convincing either, jumping right on board when Isolde told us everything. Being linked to Taysa, having her powers live within us and that no matter where we went as long as we were still alive, she’d be almost unstoppable. Triton was away, we didn�
�t know how much time we had, and even then she may have something up her sleeve to stop him and the girls from killing her.
She’d have to or her whole plan of taking over under the sea while Dagen and I took the land and everything above the sea would be a waste of time. We all agreed that Taysa wasn’t stupid and didn’t lay out all her plans with Dagen and I. That there were still things we didn’t know, and she wasn’t about to lay all her cards on the table just yet.
Not until she knew Dagen and I would follow her. And the impression that we made with her in the dining room, we definitely weren’t on board with her plans.
Dagen threatened to chop all her limbs off. I wanted to blow her up with the cannons on my ship. Both unrealistic as fuck and never going to happen.
“Deep down,” I allude. “You know this is the only way.”
Her jaw ticks. “It’s not the only way. All of you didn’t even give me a chance to figure out something else.”
I hunch down to my knees, almost eye level with her. “I don’t want to leave you, please believe that. But I think I was put in your life to keep you alive.”
“Tobias,” she says softly. “We can find another way.”
“I don’t think there is, to be honest.”
“You don’t understand what you’re—” she breaks in a sob. “—what you’re asking me to do. Again.”
My hand clasps under her chin. “I do know because I’d be like you right now if the tables were turned. I’d never be able to do it.”
“But you’re asking me to,” she upbraids.
“Because you’re stronger than me. And you have more at risk than I ever would.” Her jaw trembles as she bows her head into her chest, wrapping the blanket tighter around her.
“I can’t.”
“Would you rather Atarah do it?”
Her head snaps up to me. “What?”
“She offered.” Davina is on her feet, almost knocking me over as she makes her way toward the house.
Quickly, I get to mine, catching up to her and clasping her arm to turn her around. “I don’t want to fight about this,” I voice. “Just be here with me.”
“My sister would do something so unimaginable and—”
“She hugged me before I came out here. Said I was an honorable man that would always be remembered.”
“I don’t care what she said,” she leers. “I’m not—” She stops when I reach around my coat to pull out my revolver.
Her eyes widen as she takes a wobbly step back.
“I love you,” I convey. “More than my own life. This will be the quickest way.” She stares at it as though it has a million heads and it’s about to snap at her. “Will you hold my hand?”
Her eyes float up to mine, glistening in unshed tears. She’s trying her best to hold them back, to still be angry at me, but we are down the only path we were given to walk down.
This ends when Dagen and I are both dead and, since he is my brother—and I still don’t care for him—I wouldn’t be able not to follow behind him now.
“If you don’t,” I note. “His life would’ve been given for nothing because with my still being here, Taysa has me. I’m the other half, Princess. We have to follow through with it.”
“How am I going to live without you?” she croons. “I can’t pull—” I yank her to me, enclosing her in my arms and resting my cheek against the top of her head.
“You will,” I tell her, feeling my heat rate heighten. “Because you’ll live for the both of us. You’ll kill the bitch and then name a kid after me.”
Davina nestles her face into my chest, letting a violent sob sound into my shirt.
“I know you’re scared. I am too.”
She slowly looks up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I don’t want you to be.”
“I just don’t know what waits on the other side. If we’ll be together again or—”
“We will.” She nods profusely. “We have to be. My grandfather is a god, I’ll make it happen.”
I force a grin. “Okay, Princess.”
I kiss her forehead, letting myself feel her skin against my lips for the last time. Breathing in the sea that I’ll never sail on again and the crew that’ll never know what happened to me.
“Be mindful of my uncle,” I mutter against her skin. “I think he’s about to sail this way for Sirens. And I have something to tell you.”
“You kill Sirens to keep me safe,” she replies. “I know.”
I jerk my body a few spaces from her. “How?”
“There’s been talk of a handsome pirate with wavy hair who sails on a ship with gold-rimmed cannons. Wasn’t hard to figure out who that was.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Because they’ve already been warned about going past the borders of Lacuna. That we couldn’t protect them if they did. And it was...for the well-being of the kingdom that you did it to keep your uncle away.”
“So you do understand how to keep the kingdom safe,” I lightly jeer.
“Unfortunately.” She squeezes me to her, resting her cheekbone on my chest and listening to me breathe.
“Taysa is gone,” I voice. “She knows what...happened.”
“I’m not ready to let go,” Davina whispers. “You’re everything to me.”
My body starts to involuntarily shake at her words, the outcome of this starting to heighten my anxiety, and I am scared.
I’m terrified that I’ll fall into a dark abyss and never see her again.
Kissing the top of her head, I say, “And you’re more to me.”
I pull her harder to me, giving myself a few more seconds, before breaking from her and placing the gun into her hands.
“Count,” I order. “Right against the temple and don’t miss.” Her fingers wrap around the weapon, but she doesn’t break her gaze from mine.
I might not make it before she pulls the trigger, my heart is thudding so hard in my chest that it’s hard to breathe. Difficult to remain still when I know I won’t be alive for another five minutes.
“Close your eyes,” Davina says, grabbing my hand and holding it tightly. I do what she says, my exhales and inhales inconsistent. “Remember the time you said you couldn’t stand me when I pushed you off your ship.”
I nod but don’t respond. I can’t because my words will come out choked and broken, and I don’t want to make this harder for her than I already know it is.
I’ll miss her.
I’ll miss her eyes and the quirk of her lips. I’ll miss our arguments and the way we promised never to leave each other mad.
I broke that rule when I discovered her with Dagen, but I’m here now, spending my last moment on this Earth with the woman who means the world to me.
“I was afraid if you would’ve kissed me that you would own a piece of me that I’d never get back,” she continues then she sniffles and breaks into a sob. “But you did that anyway. I may have not shown it, but you were that person for me. You were my best friend and protector. You saved my life.”
I bite my lower lip to keep from breaking down. To keep the small amount of courage that I have so that she doesn’t back out of this.
“I love you, you know that? You were such a pain in my side, but I would never change meeting you. I wouldn’t give it up for anything.”
“I love you too,” I whisper. “And—”
Forgiveness.
It’s easier to give to someone else, giving them the responsibility to live with the consequences or fear of losing that said person.
Offering said word to something you’ve done—there’s no running from yourself. It’s constantly flowing through the mind, always something you have to live with while the silent torture starts to eat you alive.
That’s already where I am.
I’ve fallen so deep in a hole of numbness that I can’t fathom facing Taysa and fighting for her sons. I can’t conjure enough energy to do anything other than feel the emptiness of losing both halves of my
world.
The man I was in love with and the best friend who was more than a friend, a breathing mechanism to my life.
Living without them is indescribable, empty, and pure torment. It’s almost as though it’s not real. That I’m living in a nightmare that has lasted over the course of two days and I’m not waking up.
I’ll never wake up from this.
The reality of going through every day for the rest of my life with this burden of taking both of their lives will forever haunt me.
Two men in one day.
Two humans who have won me over with their boorish and wild tendencies because that’s just who they were. Men who lived for adventure and protecting what they had to.
Then they took on me and my sisters. Giving up their lives for the greater good, knowing they’d never be able to see it.
And even then, it was a risk.
Like Tobias said my father may not be able to take her down. To plan this whole ordeal without the confidence that she’d be able to win, Taysa was not a foolish woman who wouldn’t have side plans set in place.
I mean, Dagen and Tobias were a perfect example of the small addendum to her plot to take the kingdom. Safely put in places for when she needed to use them, they’d be closely set right by my side.
She just didn’t plan for them to take their own lives or that I would have the strength to even gauge in hurting them.
“You need to eat a little something, okay?” Rohana squeezes my hand that she’s been holding for, I don’t know how long, and waits for me to answer.
I don’t.
Still staring at the shelf of books in various colored bindings, I notice how nothing is organized. That every story is mixed in with other ones, and I wonder how many of them have happy endings. How much trouble they had to go through to obtain it and if anyone in them has ever felt like me but been able to overcome it.
“She’s in shock,” I hear Isolde say to the room. “It was too much for her.”
“I should’ve taken care of Tobias.” It’s then that my eyes snap from the bookshelf to land on Atarah. Her head is bowed into her chest, picking at her fingernails while softly bouncing her right foot on the floor.