by Amy Ruttan
I want to save them all.
He’d been pushed to his breaking point and he began to question himself. Could he handle this?
He used to be able to handle this. So what had changed?
Mindy.
Before she’d come along he’d managed to keep his emotions in check. Nothing had fazed him. He hated to see children suffer and when they died it hurt him, but none had affected him like this one and it was all Mindy’s fault.
Somehow, some way she’d got him to open up and he didn’t like it one bit.
He had to get out of there.
Sam left West Manhattan Saints as fast as he could, but instead of taking the subway back to his flat in Brooklyn he walked toward her apartment.
The doorman wasn’t on duty and he slipped in after holding the door open for an elderly man exiting.
Sam was on autopilot as he hit the button to the penthouse floor and in what seemed like a New York minute he was standing in front of her door, knocking.
Mindy opened the door. “Sam? What’re you doing here?”
“Don’t speak.”
“What—?” He cut her off by taking her in his arms and kissing her.
Mindy was shocked that Sam had shown up at her door. The last time she’d seen him had been in Michael’s room in the NICU. He’d been staring down into the incubator, looking heartbroken.
She wanted to reach out to him, because it was obvious that he was hurting. Ever since the surgery three days ago he’d been different. Withdrawn, almost downtrodden, and she didn’t know why.
So, instead of going to him, she’d walked away. Besides, it was better that way. He wouldn’t have appreciated her consoling him at work and it wouldn’t have been good for her either. She couldn’t let him into her heart and if she’d gone to him in that NICU he would’ve broken down all the careful walls protecting her. So she had let him be.
Now she was wrapped up in his arms and he was kissing her. A kiss that made her knees knock together.
The kiss ended and she had to lean against his chest for a moment to get her bearings. Right now it felt like the world was spinning off kilter a bit.
“Can I come inside?”
Turn him away. Say no.
As she glanced up into those blue eyes, which were glazed over in lust, tenderness and pain, she found she couldn’t resist him. She was so weak. And though her common sense told her not to, she wanted to trust him. She wanted him to fill that empty, raw spot in her heart. She wasn’t sure she could, but she could have tonight.
And she wanted tonight.
So badly.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He grinned, relieved. “Good.”
Mindy tried to step to the side to let him in but instead he scooped her up in his arms and kicked her door shut with the heel of his shoe.
“Sam!” she gasped.
“I’m sorry. I can’t help myself.” He headed off in the direction of the bedroom.
“Sam,” she whispered, as he nuzzled her neck.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.”
“Good.” He set her down on the bed, joining her. He leaned over her and a shiver of anticipation coursed through her.
This was wrong. So wrong.
And she didn’t care one bit, because right here and now it was just the two of them. There was no one else. Here they were just Sam and Mindy.
He brushed his knuckles down the side of her face, his blue eyes twinkling in the dim light that filtered in through the crack in her drapes, just a bit of the city creeping in on them.
“You’re so beautiful.” Then he leaned down and pressed another kiss against her lips, light at first and then more urgent, as if he couldn’t get enough of her. His body was pressed against hers and she was glad she wasn’t wearing one of her skirts, so she could open her legs and let his weight settle between her thighs. Mindy arched her hips. She wanted him closer and she didn’t want anything between them.
No clothes, no walls. Nothing. Just them.
Sam moaned. “Mindy, I want you.”
“How much?”
Sam kissed her again, his tongue pushing past her lips, entwining with hers, making her blood sing with need.
“So much.” He ran his hand over her body, but clothes were in the way. She wanted his hands on her bare flesh.
Mindy pushed him away.
“Have you changed your mind?” he asked.
“No.” She sat up and took off her baggy T-shirt. “I want you naked.” And she reached for the belt on his trousers, undoing it and slowly pulling it out of the belt loops. She then went for the button at the top of his pants. Sam moaned as her hand slipped underneath to touch him, just for a moment.
They made quick work of their clothes, until they were both naked. Nothing between them.
“I’ve tried so hard to resist you,” Sam whispered against her neck. “But I can’t. I need you again.”
“I want you too, Sam.”
She wanted him to erase her past. She wanted him to help her forget. When she was in his arms she wasn’t that meek wallflower she had been in California and she wasn’t a surgeon. She was just Mindy. Sexy, desirable Mindy, and she loved that he made her feel that way. No man had ever made her feel that way before.
“I want you so badly.”
His lips captured hers in a kiss, silencing any more words between them. Mindy pulled him down. His body pressed against hers. It was just them, exposed and vulnerable to each other. His hands slipped down her sides, trailing over her flesh in little circles.
“So beautiful,” he murmured.
It drove her wild and made her blood heat. His fingers found their way up to her breast, circling around her nipple, teasing. She sighed.
“So beautiful,” he said again. “You drive me wild.”
She ran her fingers through his hair as he began to kiss her again, but just light kisses starting at the lips and training lower, down over her neck. Lingering at her breasts, he used his tongue to tease her. She arched her back as pleasure shot through her again.
“I love it when you moan like that.”
“Do you?” Mindy asked dreamily.
“Aye.”
“Why?”
“Because when you moan like that I know you want me just as much as I want you.” He took one nipple in his mouth and gently sucked for a moment. “Tell me how much you want me.”
“So bad,” she whispered.
His hand moved between her legs and he began to stroke her. Mindy cried out and then, when his hand was replaced by his mouth and tongue, it made her topple over the edge. She tried to stop herself from coming, but she couldn’t. It was too much. It was a pleasure she’d never experienced before.
As she came down from her climax Sam moved away.
“Where are you going?” There was a definite shake to her voice.
“Hold on.” He searched his trouser pocket and pulled a condom out. “I didn’t think you wanted me to continue without this.”
“Good call.” Mindy sat up, even though her legs felt a bit boneless. She took the condom packet from his hand.
“What’re you doing?” Sam asked.
She pushed him down and straddled his legs. “Let me help you.”
“I don’t think that’s…” He trailed off as she opened the wrapper and rolled it down over his shaft. Sam uttered a few choice Gaelic words as she stroked him.
“I love having you under me,” she teased him, leaning over him and nibbling on his ear lobe.
“I’d rather have you under me.” And before she knew what was happening he’d flipped her and was pressing her back down against the mattress, covering her with his body, spreading her legs and thrusting into her.
Mindy bit her lip to stop from crying out. She dug her nails into his shoulder as Sam filled her completely.
“You feel so good,” he moaned. “So good.”
She moved her hips, encouraging him to move, but he just chuckled.
“Why are you teasing me?” she asked.
“I want you to beg.” He began to nibble her neck. “Beg for it.”
“Please.”
“Please, what?”
“I want you, Sam. Please, make love to me.”
He moaned. “As you wish.”
Sam moved slowly at first, taking his time, but she wanted so much more of him she urged him to go faster until he lost control and was thrusting against her hard and fast. Soon another coil of heat unfurled deep within her, pleasure overtaking her as he brought her to another climax. Only this time they were joined as one. This time when she came it would be around him, it would be with him, and that’s what she wanted most.
She wrapped her legs around him, holding him tight against her, urging him on. Sam cried out as he came and she held him until he collapsed against her. Mindy ran her hand down his neck, his pulse racing under her fingertips.
What have I done?
She knew and she didn’t care. She wanted Sam. She wanted him to make her forget about the pain and humiliation she’d endured in California.
She wanted to feel again. Mindy had thought that their one-night stand would make her feel again and though it had been good, it hadn’t changed her. Not the way tonight had. There had been more to tonight. A connection she couldn’t quite explain, or perhaps she didn’t want to explain because she wasn’t ready to admit it to herself.
Either way, tonight when Sam had come to her, so vulnerable and full of emotion, she’d felt alive again. Like she wasn’t just a spent force. She’d felt desirable. Sexy. Dean had never made her feel that way before he’d admitted to himself that he was gay.
In fact, no other man had made her feel like Sam did.
She wished they could stay like this forever, but they couldn’t. Tears stung her eyes, but only for a moment, and she got them under control. Mindy wasn’t ready for Sam to see her cry yet. She wasn’t ready to show that weakness, that flaw in her.
Right now she just wanted to savor the moment of being with him. Their bodies pressed together, limbs entwined, hearts racing.
It felt so good, being with him. Too good almost and that was a dangerous thing. Sam was supposed to be off-limits and it was obvious that she couldn’t resist him.
She’d tried and failed.
Sam kissed her gently on the lips, his fingers stroking her face as she ran her hands down over his back. He rolled away from her and propped himself up on one elbow, those blue eyes twinkling with tenderness.
“Don’t go yet.”
A sly smile played on his lips. “What makes you think I was going somewhere?”
“The last time you moved away I fell asleep and when I woke up you were gone. I want you right here.”
“The last time we were together it was a one-night stand between strangers.” He leaned over and kissed her again. “You taste so good.”
“Stay. Please.”
“I’m not going anywhere yet.”
She rolled over on her side and touched his face. She didn’t want him to go. She didn’t want this stolen moment to end. Not yet. She just wanted to remain here in this cocoon of happiness, where the outside world couldn’t intrude. Where there were no nasty rumors, no sick people, no surgeries. Nothing. Just them. Just two people together.
“I want you again, Sam. I need you again.”
He grinned lazily. “Let me catch my breath.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, yes?”
“Yes, because I’m not done with you yet. Not by a long shot.”
A zing coursed through her. Oh, yes. This was all so wrong, wanting him. So wrong that it felt so right.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MINDY COULDN’T HELP but blush as Sam stroked her cheek. The last time they’d slept together she hadn’t really known him so there had been no awkward moment afterwards. It had saved a bit of embarrassment, a bit of giggling, and then she did grin, because she was glad he was still here. She was glad it had happened.
This time it had been so much better because she liked Sam. She knew Sam. He was more than eye candy. More than just a one-night stand she’d picked up in a bar. She admired him. Respected him. He was her friend.
More than a friend.
She was falling for him. It thrilled and terrified her.
“You look quite pleased with yourself,” Sam said.
“A bit.” She tucked her arm under her pillow and rolled onto her side. “So, what brought you to my door tonight?”
Sam grinned. “You need a justification?”
“I thought we were just going to be friends.”
“I needed to see you. I just didn’t know how much until you opened the door.”
Mindy smiled. She knew he’d been stressed about Michael. For some reason Sam was taking Michael’s medical condition very hard. Everyone had noticed by the way he’d hovered over the incubator for the first forty-eight hours of Michael’s life. It was dedication, but Mindy had an inkling that it was something more. “I’m glad you came to see me.”
“Are you?”
“I am.”
Sam rolled over and sat up, running his fingers through his hair. “This has been one heck of a week.”
“What’s going on? Something is bothering you and I think it’s more than just an ill patient.”
He sighed again. “It’s hard for me to say. I don’t tell many people.”
He was hiding something from her and it made her nervous.
He’s not Dean. Besides, she had her own secrets. “I get it.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “You get what?”
“I get secrets and not wanting to share them.”
“Do you?” he asked.
“Of course.”
“You have secrets?”
Mindy shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. I left California and an ex-husband behind.”
“An ex-husband?” Sam asked.
“Yes.” Her cheeks flushed with warmth and she couldn’t believe she was actually telling Sam about Dean. “He cheated on me. I trusted him and he destroyed that trust.” It was so hard to say the words. She didn’t tell him that Dean had cheated on her with her best friend, but Sam was the first person in New York she’d told about Dean. She was trying so hard to hide that part of her life. It was so good to finally tell someone the hurt she’d buried for over a year.
Sam looked thoughtful and she worried it was too much information. That he’d leave or be embarrassed. Instead, he sighed wearily, “Dr. Hanley is my mother.”
“Your mother?”
“Aye. She’s my mother.”
Now she was really shocked. Dr. Hanley was his mother? She didn’t see a resemblance and she would’ve had no idea by the way they dealt with each other. She knew there was a vague disdain on Dr. Hanley’s side, not unusual for a world-class surgeon who thought highly of herself, but a mother-son connection? That she would never have guessed. She’d known Sam’s mother was a doctor, but Dr. Hanley? She hadn’t pegged Dr. Hanley for the maternal type.
“You look like you’ve gone into shock.”
“I guess I have a bit. Why were you keeping it a secret?” Mindy asked.
Sam sighed. “I’m not as extraordinary as her. Just ask her yourself.”
“What?” Mindy asked confused. “Since when is she the expert on that?”
“I didn’t want any favors in my career. I wanted to earn my place,” Sam said. “I’m Dr. Napier. Not Dr. Hanley’s son. Well, I am, but I’m not.”
“You have something to prove. I get that. I respect it.”
Sam smiled. “Aye, but do you really get it? You’re a top-notch surgeon too.”
“I do get it. It’s why I left California.”
“Because you got divorced?”
“Yes,” Mindy said. “He was my partner in my practice. I trusted him, but after his betrayal came out I couldn’t trust him. Not his opinions on patients, not in the OR. It would’ve been detrimental to my patients to continue on in t
hat environment. It would’ve been detrimental to me to continue second-guessing myself.”
“Your career means a lot to you.”
Mindy nodded. “It does. Though I’m hardly a tough surgeon like your mom. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad quality. And you are tough. You demand excellence and perfection.”
“I do. I came here to do serious work.”
“Are you implying I’m not serious work?”
Mindy laughed. “No.”
“Am I a mistake?” he asked, running his hand over her cheek.
“I haven’t figured that out yet.”
Sam chuckled and then sobered up. “I promise you I’m not trying to sleep my way to the top.”
Mindy’s spine stiffened. “What’re you talking about?”
“My mother. She slept her way to the top, breaking my father’s heart. See, surgery and her career were more important than her marriage and me.”
“I know you’re not sleeping your way to the top, but what are we doing?”
Sam sighed. “I don’t know.”
“I don’t think a relationship is on the cards.”
Because she couldn’t let it be. No matter how much she wanted it.
“I can’t promise you anything.”
It stung, but she’d known that all along. She knew that he couldn’t offer her anything and she really couldn’t offer him anything either. She was still finding herself, still rebuilding her life after what had happened with Dean.
This time was for her.
“I don’t expect anything.” She leaned over and kissed him on the lips. “I’m glad you came over tonight, though.”
“Me too. Though I wish…”
“What?”
“Maybe my mother is right. Maybe if I was more extraordinary like her I could do more for Michael. His siblings are thriving; it makes no sense that he’s not.”
“You care for your patients. That’s an extraordinary quality.”
“Caring is not good enough.” He rolled out of bed and started pulling on his clothes.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“Back to the hospital.”
“Sam, there’s nothing more you can do. Standing over Michael’s incubator won’t do anything to help him. Stay here. Rest.”
He smiled at her. “It’s best I leave. Besides, if I get back into that bed I’m not going to rest.”