Rachel knew she should try to put their kisses behind her, try to forget how Malik’s lips felt against her skin, but she knew that would be close to impossible. She might have been able to walk away with dignity, but she knew she would struggle not to imagine Malik leaning in towards her, the flame of desire burning in his eyes, the next time they were alone together.
Standing in the darkness of the desert, looking up at the stars, Rachel suddenly felt very small and alone. She had never considered her path in life might make her lonely—after all, she would be surrounded by the children she taught and the interesting and diverse people she met on her travels—but she was beginning to realise that might not be enough. She could see the appeal of having someone to hold at night, to curl up beside and share the ups and downs of the day with. Someone constant, someone who wanted her as much as she wanted him.
Rachel sighed. That was the problem—even if she did decide she felt more for Malik than respect and friendship, he could not love her back. Rachel had a sneaking feeling that Malik didn’t really know what love was. He certainly hadn’t been close to anyone in his life. From his stories his father was stern and distant, his mother had passed away when he was born and his wife had been cold and unloving. He’d even needed Rachel to show him how to love his children properly, or at least how to demonstrate that love. His role as Sheikh meant that he didn’t even have any close friends to care for. He might desire her and enjoy her company, but how could Malik love her if he didn’t even know what love was?
She knew she was being self-indulgent and unnecessarily melancholy. She had a good life here in Huria. She loved the children and loved her job, and the exotic location was more than she had ever hoped for, but all of a sudden Rachel felt as though maybe travelling and seeing the world weren’t as important as she’d thought if you had no one to share it with.
Slipping back into her tent, she lay down and looked up at the fabric ceiling in the darkness. She tried to imagine the advice her friends would give her, but she found the images of their faces blurring and she felt properly homesick for the first time since she’d arrived in Huria. Closing her eyes, Rachel willed sleep to come, knowing that if she stayed awake through the long hours of the night only one man would occupy her thoughts.
* * *
As the morning sun filtered into the tent Rachel allowed her eyes to flutter open slowly. She’d slept fitfully, often awaking to find herself imagining Malik’s lithe body slipping under the blankets beside her. In the pale light of the morning Rachel tried to think about things rationally. They’d shared a few kisses, a few sublime, shivers-down-the-spine kisses, but that was all. There hadn’t been any further indiscretion and no one but the two of them knew about the kisses. Rachel was almost certain she would be able to act as if nothing had happened when she saw Malik, even if her insides were churning and her heart pounding at the thought. She’d just have to obey a couple of simple rules.
Number one was that on no account could she ever be alone with him. There had to be at least one child between them at all times and preferably three. Number two was that she could not look into his eyes for more than five seconds at a time, or maybe she should just aim to avoid eye contact completely. She did feel decidedly distracted when he looked at her with those serious eyes. Number three, and this was the most important, if she had somehow forgotten about rules one and two and they were alone and staring into one another’s eyes, on no account was she to kiss him again. Once was a mistake, twice she could just about excuse herself, but three times really couldn’t be put down to being caught in the moment. Rachel knew if she kissed Malik again she was at high risk of blurting out something she would regret, something that might make Malik send her back to England and replace her with a grey-haired old governess who didn’t fancy herself in love with the Sheikh.
I’m not in love with him, Rachel reminded herself. Although she knew she was in trouble when she had to remind herself not to be in love with Malik.
Carefully she sat up, looking down at Ameera’s peaceful face beside her. The young girl had slept deeply and hadn’t noticed Rachel tossing and turning in the night. Without waking her, Rachel slipped into her dress and left the tent, stretching as she emerged into the sunlight.
‘Good morning,’ Malik said from somewhere behind her.
Rachel yelped, stifling the noise with her hand. She hadn’t expected to be ambushed this soon after getting up. Slowly she turned around and looked into Malik’s eyes. Silently she cursed—already she was breaking both rules one and two. She’d probably be kissing him within seconds at this rate.
‘Sleep well?’ he asked innocuously.
‘Very.’ Rachel refused to let him see the effect he had on her. ‘Like the dead.’
‘I’m glad.’ He smiled and Rachel wondered how he could be quite so calm and collected when her heart was hammering inside her chest as if it wanted to escape her body.
‘Would you like an orange juice?’ he offered politely.
Rachel wondered when he had started acting as a footman as he escorted her to the main tent and poured her a glass of freshly squeezed juice.
She sipped it, closed her eyes and smiled. The flavour was tangy and refreshing and as she drank Rachel felt her nerves settling and her confidence returning.
‘I like watching you eat and drink,’ Malik said.
Rachel’s eyes flew open and she stared at him. Malik looked startled, as if he hadn’t meant to say anything out loud, and then he gave a lazy grin.
‘You enjoy everything so much.’
She didn’t know what to say.
‘It’s a good thing. Not many people show their pleasure with the world as openly as you do.’
‘This is good,’ Rachel said, brandishing her glass of orange juice. ‘But I would grin like a Cheshire cat if I could get my hands on a proper cup of tea.’
‘Ah, tea, yes. I remember it from my time in England.’ Malik pulled a face. ‘Bit insipid and watery.’
‘It reminds me of home.’
Malik looked at her carefully. ‘You’re homesick.’
Rachel suddenly felt the tears well in her eyes and she realised she was. She had never thought she would be homesick—after all, her parents were dead and her childhood home lived in by some other family by now—but she missed other things. She missed her friends and she missed the familiarity of Madame Dubois’s School for Young Ladies. She even missed the stern head teacher herself and the kindlier Miss Fanworth, Rachel’s favourite teacher. She missed the cool mist of autumn mornings and she missed curling up by a fire with a proper cup of tea.
Malik took her hand, stroking it gently. All Rachel’s earlier resolve disappeared and she rested her head on his shoulder as he pulled her in closer.
‘I don’t want you to leave us,’ he said after a few minutes.
‘I’m not going to leave,’ Rachel said. ‘I love it here. I love the children. I love...’ She trailed off, frightened of what might slip from her lips. ‘I love everything about Huria,’ she continued, injecting a cheerful note into her voice, ‘except that you can’t get a decent cup of tea for love or money.’
Malik pulled away a little, his expression suggesting he hadn’t missed her pause. ‘I’m glad you want to stay. The children would be devastated to lose you.’
And you? Rachel wanted to ask, but didn’t have the courage.
‘I would hate to think I’d driven you away.’
Rachel took a step back. She’d been expecting this topic of conversation ever since she’d found Malik waiting for her outside her tent.
‘Last night we were both emotional,’ Rachel said slowly, hoping the blush that was burning her cheeks was less obvious in the dim light of the tent. ‘We were emotional and lonely, and we got carried away in the moment.’
Malik looked as though he wanted to say something, but
Rachel pressed on, knowing she didn’t want to hear his rejection.
‘I very much enjoy your company and I would hate for this to come between us,’ she said, trying to sound efficient and emotionless.
‘Me, too,’ Malik murmured.
‘So shall we agree to forget about last night and resume our normal relationship?’
‘I would very much like to resume our normal relationship.’ He looked at Rachel with his serious eyes. ‘And I will try my utmost to forget about last night.’
She felt a thrill of excitement course through her as he said the words, implying that he would not forget their kiss easily. She wondered what he would do if she came out and admitted she cared for him, that she had greater feelings than a governess should for her employer.
Rachel had never been shy or run from confrontation, but right now she decided it was best to keep her feelings to herself. She wasn’t sure how she would cope if Malik came out and rejected her completely. At least this way, with her emotions kept locked up safe inside her, she had the fantasy that he might feel the same about her.
* * *
Rachel had barely had time to change out of her dusty clothes when a palace servant knocked quietly on her door. The young girl stood outside nervously, brandishing a letter, which Rachel took eagerly. She recognised the handwriting immediately; the letter was from Joanna.
Quickly Rachel tore open the envelope and clutched at the pages of paper inside. She hadn’t realised quite how eager she was to hear from one of her friends, to know what was happening to them on the other side of the world.
Dearest Rachel,
What a long time it seems since we all stood together at school, wishing each other well for our onward journeys. So much has happened in the past few weeks I barely know where to start, but I suppose I should just come out and tell you my big news. I know who my parents were! In fact, as I write this, I’m sitting in the drawing room of my grandfather’s house.
I should explain. After taking up my position with the Huntfords—I know I shouldn’t gossip, but they’re not a particularly nice family—my grandfather tracked me down. It turns out my father and my mother had a short affair many years ago and I was the result.
After my mother died my grandfather never gave up hope of finding me. He’s a sweet man, kinder than I could ever have hoped for, and he’s eager to try and make up for the time we have lost.
Rachel, I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to finally know the circumstances of my birth. Ever since I was a young girl my greatest wish has been to find my family and now I have.
Rachel found herself smiling. Joanna had never complained about her lot in life. Abandoned on the steps of Madame Dubois’s School for Young Ladies when she was a baby, Joanna had been raised by the various teachers at the school. It had been a lonely existence, at least until some girls her own age had arrived, and Rachel knew Joanna would have done anything to find her family.
Here’s the most shocking part of it all: Grandfather is a marquis! He doesn’t have any other family so he is eager for me to be introduced to society as his granddaughter and heir. Grandfather is keen to see me settled and has arranged my marriage to a good friend of his, who he promises is kind and will make a good husband. I have to admit I’m a little nervous at the prospect, but I owe it to my grandfather to at least consider the man.
I do have a small confession, Rachel. Whilst I was in Hertfordshire I met someone. He makes my heart pound when I look at him, but I’m not sure we’re meant to be. Grandfather would be disappointed and I don’t think I can upset him like that. I have someone else to think of now besides myself.
Rachel read between the lines to all the words her friend hadn’t written. She wondered if she was in love. She knew all about relationships that weren’t meant to be, but even from the letter she could tell Joanna would be unhappy if she married the man her grandfather intended.
Anyway, enough about me. Have you heard from Isabel? She penned me a quick note a few weeks ago and dropped in the fact that she was married. It is all very hush-hush, but I’m determined to find out all the details soon. Isabel always manages to surprise us!
I hope things are going well in Huria and that you’re settling in. I can’t wait to hear your news.
Yours with love,
Joanna
Rachel flopped back on to her bed. Isabel was married. And Joanna was in love, if she wasn’t very much mistaken. She’d missed so much in the short time she’d been away. Then Rachel reflected on the changes in her life during that time. Within a few months she’d travelled to Huria, become the governess of three wonderful children and was trying very hard not to fall for her employer. It sounded as though it had been an eventful few months for her friends, too. As Rachel read back through the letter she wondered whether Grace was having any luck finding her daughter and if Isabel was happy in her marriage. She wanted to reply immediately, to tell Joanna all her news, but she wasn’t quite sure what she should write about Malik. She couldn’t stop thinking about him, but she knew nothing could come of their relationship.
Rachel folded the letter up and decided she would reply tomorrow. Maybe by then she would have interpreted her feelings for Malik.
Chapter Seventeen
Malik strode across the courtyard and swept Hakim up into his arms. Ever since the camel trek and the night they had spent in the Bedouin tents his youngest son had been asking Malik to teach him to ride and today was the day Malik had put aside some time to fulfil his promise.
‘Daddy, I’ve chosen a horse and I practised sitting up straight all day yesterday and I think I know how to hold the reins just right and I want to gallop.’ Hakim’s words came out in such a rush Malik had to take a moment to decipher them. ‘Miss Talbot’s coming to watch.’
Ah. Miss Talbot. Rachel. Malik wasn’t sure how to feel about this latest development. Since their kiss under the stars in the desert Malik had tried to act normal around his children’s governess, but he had to admit he was failing quite stupendously. He either found himself acting with exaggerated politeness, to a degree even Hakim noticed he was behaving strangely, or was far too familiar for his own good. Sometimes he caught himself just staring at her lips, wondering when they would next stretch into her bewitching smile, or lightly brushing his fingertips over the skin of her hand, enjoying the feel of her silky smooth skin under his fingertips.
‘She said Aahil and Ameera could pick some books to read because my first time on a horse was far too important for her to miss.’
Malik nodded solemnly. Part of him wondered if Rachel was doing what he had done so many times this past week and was finding any excuse to see him. The idea sent a thrill of excitement through his body, but he quickly reined it in. Rachel probably was just eager to support Hakim. She loved his children as if they were her own and she seemed to know exactly what they needed at any given time.
‘Let’s go find this horse,’ Malik said, refocusing his attention on his son. Today was about Hakim and helping the little Prince get over his fear of horses.
‘May I watch?’ Rachel’s familiar voice stopped Malik in his tracks.
Hakim immediately wriggled from his father’s arms and skipped across the courtyard to his governess. Chattering away, he grabbed her hand and began to pull her along. Malik had to smile at his excitement, it was infectious, and he knew that part of his own excitement was the prospect of spending the morning with Rachel.
Out in the stables a groom was waiting with Malik’s own horse and a small, friendly looking pony who was chewing away on a handful of hay. As they entered Hakim let go of both Malik’s and Rachel’s hands and ran towards his pony.
‘I’m going to call him Dragon,’ Hakim said.
Malik looked at the docile beast and ruffled his son’s hair.
‘Dragon it is. Now it is very important th
at your horse trusts you before you get on.’
Hakim nodded seriously and gently began to stroke his pony on the nose.
‘Hello, Dragon,’ he said. ‘I’m Hakim. I promise I’ll be gentle with you.’
Malik caught the look of love that passed over Rachel’s face as she watched Hakim and realised just how lucky his children were to have a governess who cared for them as much as she did.
‘Good. Let’s get you mounted and safe in the saddle, then we can start with a gentle walk.’
Malik boosted Hakim up into the saddle and quickly placed his feet in the stirrups. Hakim held on to the reins tightly and gently Malik was able to coax him to relax a little with some soothing words.
‘Shall we go for a walk?’
Malik took hold of the front of Dragon’s bridle and started to lead the pony out of the stable and into the small yard that lay beyond. Hakim sat stiffly at first, but after a few minutes he started to relax.
‘You look like a natural,’ Rachel said, making Hakim beam with pride.
‘Are you ready to have a go on your own?’ Malik asked. ‘I’ll be right here beside you.’
Hakim looked nervous, but he nodded anyway and Malik let go of the bridle. The docile pony continued to walk at the same pace, steadily plodding along.
‘I’m doing it,’ Hakim whispered. ‘I’m actually riding a horse.
They continued with the lesson for another half an hour until Malik could see his son was starting to tire. As he lifted Hakim down from the saddle the young boy clung on to him, giving him a tight hug.
GOVERNESS TO THE SHEIKH Page 18