“Yes, I want you too,” I say, not even pretending to not understand. We start walking. We go most of the way in silence and make it into the hallway where he starts kissing me. He lets up for a moment to swing me up into his arms and take the steps two at a time getting us into the apartment while barely letting up for air. He drops us down on one of the large sofas. Our hands are all over each other. His tongue is my mouth moving to the same rhythm as his hips nestled against my core. I feel thumping low in my body. I want him so badly, I know I’m already wet.
He pulls back just enough to speak. “Are you sure?” With my affirmative head nod he pulls us both up and continues to his room. “Let’s shower first. Actually, you shower first in here, I’ll go to the hall shower. I don’t think I’ll wait if we’re in there together and I want it to be special. Not hurried against a wall.”
I feel my heart melt. He’s such a great guy. I lean in to give him a simple sweet kiss. Just a brush of lips against each other. “Eli-“, “Remi-“ We both go to speak at the same time. “You go first.”
“Remi, I think- No, I know, I’m in---” I put my hand over his mouth. I know where this is going and I definitely need to be showered first, because if he says what I think he’s going to I’m not waiting to jump his bones. “Go, shower I’ll be right back.”
I head for my bathroom and strip, turning on the water to warm up. I quickly wash up, it takes three shampoos before my hair stops running colors. I get out and towel off, brush my hair and throw on a long tank top, fuzzy socks (bright orange this time) and some undies. With a deep breath I head for Eli’s room.
He's already showered and is bare in his bed other than a pair of boxers that hug him showing him off everywhere. I take him in I’m finally going to touch all that. Every bit of it. I’m claiming him as my own. I take a deep breath. I know I have one more thing to do before we do this.
“You look nervous. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to you know?” There’s no anger just concern that I might not be ready for this step in our relationship even though I was obviously so ready earlier.
I take another breath. “It’s not that, I just want to be clear before we go any further. This means me and you. Period. I’m not into casual dating.” There that’s plain enough.
“Agreed. You’re it for me Remi. I love you.” I freeze, knowing he’s waiting on me to say it back. I do, but I’ve been in love before. Was still in love from before.
“I-,” I’m not sure how to say it.
“You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know how I feel. It’s okay if you don’t feel it yet.” He’s so freaking patient and understanding. How the heck am I going to tell him.
“I do Eli. I do love you. I just… also love someone else.” I say in almost a whisper. I dare to look up from my hands that I’ve squeezed together so hard that they’re white around the edges.
Eli sits up. “What do you mean you love someone else? Are you cheating on someone with me Remi? Because from what you just said a minute ago I can’t believe that, I feel the same way, I don’t share.” For the first time tonight I hear anger in his voice. Anger that I would cheat on someone and him too essentially.
“I’m not with anyone else Eli. It’s not exactly like that.” I see him visibly relax, but he’s still wary.
“Explain it then, because what I’m imagining isn’t good in any way right now.” Some of the anger is back.
“It’s a really long story. The short explanation is that I’ve been in love more than once and due to the situations at the time we weren’t able to stay together. Frankly Eli my life has been kinda screwed up for a while. That’s why I didn’t want to get close to you.” I want to reach out and touch him, but I need to let him decide what he wants now, without any type of coercion from me. I just hope he chooses me. I can’t say I would do the same if roles were reversed.
“More than one? So, you’re in love with multiple men? How does that happen?”
“Hey now, it could be women!” He just gives me a dry look. So maybe I’m trying to deflect this conversation. Really who wouldn’t be in my shoes? “I don’t know that I’m still in love with them. The fact that I was and was never able to have any kind of closure when we were separated is why I’m bringing this up. Feelings don’t just go away for no reason Eli. I was trying to be honest. I’m not explaining this right.” I rub my face in frustration. I should have just kept my mouth shut. As if he can sense what I was thinking Eli replies.
“I’m glad you told me. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’m upset about it. I think anyone would be really.” He reaches out and grabs my hand. We stare at each other for a few minutes. I blow out a breath and my pale hair flutters up with it. Partially dry now. One more thing. I get up the courage to spit it out.
“There’s more I’m-“ Eli raises his eyebrows waiting.
“More what? You still see them? You have a secret love child? A closet drinker? What else could there be after that?” Eli’s words are light, but his tone is frustrated.
“No, I don’t see them. Haven’t spoken to any of them in years. It’s that, umm, I’ve not actually…umm…had sex.” The last part is fast and quiet. I’m looking down blushing badly now. What twenty year old is actually still a virgin anymore? Well, maybe not technically a virgin, just not actual intercourse. And it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying.
“Did I hear that right? Are you telling me you’re a virgin?” If his eyebrows go any higher they’re going to crawl off his head. I scowl at him and snap.
“It’s not like I tried to keep it that way. I’m very good at getting interrupted and then all that stuff happened with my dad. I didn’t really have time or the inclination for a boyfriend and I didn’t just want to do it with the first guy I came across. I would at least want to be in like with him, if not love.” I’m annoyed now. It’s definitely a joke with Alex and I don’t run around advertising it. I mean really who tries to lose it twice and doesn’t. Maybe third times the charm? Although with the way this is shaping up it really might not be. I groan and bury my face in my hands. “This is so, so not how I imagined this going. Again. What is wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you Remi. I was just surprised. And now I feel a bit like an ass. I can’t just jump you now. It should be special. Come here.” He pulls me down so we’re cuddling.
“What if I told you I didn’t want anything special?” I turn to face him and put my hand on his cheek. Looking into his eyes, “What if I just want to do it now?”
Eli’s eyes heat turning dark. “Are you sure? Like really sure? I can stop, just say the word. I won’t want to, but I will.” In answer I grab his hair and pull him down to me, sealing our lips together. Eli reaches out and cups my face in his large hands. I can feel the callouses on them. The difference in textures from his skin to mine is amazing. I wrap a leg over his bringing the heated space between my legs against the hardness jutting up from between his. I rotate my hips bringing a moan from the both of us.
“Let me grab a condom, I don’t want to stop to get one later.” As he goes to move I grab his arm.
“I have an implant. If you’re clean I’m alright with not using one.”
“Why would you have a birth control implant if you’re not having sex?” He’s paused now curious.
“It’s part of my modeling contract. They don’t want models under contract getting accidentally pregnant and ruining their schedules. They plan them out pretty far in advance for consecutive advertising spreads.” I’m a little annoyed at having to explain my reasons, but I guess he’s entitled if we’re going to be having sex.
“Oh, that makes sense. I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone since before training started this summer and I always use protection. The whole team gets tested at the beginning of training every year along with any vaccinations needed and drug tests.” Eli sits up looking down at me.
“Sorry if I’ve killed the mood, this is a little awkwar
d for me.” He reaches out and trails his fingertips down my cheek to my throat. I tip my head back as he continues down my chest to my breasts. He swirls his fingers over one hard tip causing an ache to bloom as he leans to kiss me. I part my lips and he takes full advantage slipping his tongue into my mouth to duel with mine. He switches to my other breast as he tugs my lower lip between his teeth. His touch becoming firmer he rolls my nipple and pinches down pulling my tongue into his mouth sucking on it. He’s over me again and I feel his hardness twitch against my hip as I arch up and moan. God he’s going to make me come before we get far at all. I’m so worked up from the starting and stopping and now this I just want him in me. “I want you in me. Now.”
He pulls back to look at me as he slides his hand down his side, over the little strip of hair on my pussy, gliding the back of one finger down the slit of my folds. His finger sinks easily though I’m so wet. He gets another surprised look and pulls his finger back up directly under the hood to my clit and starts rubbing gentle circles. He’s being too careful and I want more. I trail my hands over his broad defined shoulders and down his bicep until I get to his wrist. I put pressure on it as I raise my hips. From the look on his face I think he gets a clue of what I want. He twists his hand so his thumb is on my nub and sinks a finger in me all the way to knuckle on his palm. He pumps a few times making me hotter then adds a second one I gasp as he scissors his fingers stretching me. As he presses a third in I clutch his arms and gasp. It’s getting a little snug in there. He pauses partway in and says, “I need to make sure you’re stretched and able to accommodate me, I don’t want to hurt you I’m a little larger than average.” He continues to push his third finger into me and his fingers aren’t small. Eli is a big boy. As I reach out to touch him dragging my hands down all the bumps on his abs I get to his hard length. The tip is wet and leaking he’s so turned on. As I curl my fingers around him he presses into my hand more fully with a groan, I realize my fingers won’t meet around him and he’s long, much longer than I expected. Holy shit, how am I going to get that to fit. Suddenly I’m glad he’s not going to have to breach anything, (that’s a story for another time), he’s bigger than others I’ve touched or seen in person and that’s saying something as they weren’t small in any capacity. I look down to see what I’m holding and my eyes widen. Yep that’s gonna take some maneuvering. I look back up to Eli and see a smug look on his face. Of course he’s proud of it. What guy wouldn’t be? Right then Eli starts a side to side flicking motion with his fingers curled up into that sensitive pad of flesh inside me causing my walls to flutter around him. If he keeps that up I’ll be coming in minutes. As my breathing gets rapid and shallow and my muscles tense up I keep eye contact. “Let go Remi, I want to watch you fall apart.” With those words he adds a fourth finger and this one burns a little as it stretches me, but I’m so wet my tightness doesn’t slow him down. I twist my hips not sure if I want to escape him or bury his hand further. My choice is made for me as he begins that scissoring motion again, I haven’t taken my hands off his shoulders and my nails are digging into his skin, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He switches back to hooking his fingers up and into me, but it feels different this time. I realize he’s kept two straight and pushing outwards as his middle fingers flick against that sensitive pad. I begin moving my hips in rhythm with his motions as guttural sounds begin escaping my mouth. My eyes drift to half-mast and I give myself over to the sensations he’s causing. My walls flutter harder and more rapidly beginning to pin his fingers down. The orgasm hits with a rush and I clamp down on his fingers, I hear a stunned ‘holy shit’ from Eli as I spasm around his hand and he presses his dick firmly into my thigh seeking relief. As I come back down I feel Eli slowly moving his fingers causing little aftershocks, but calming me at the same time. My thighs and asscrack are wet from my own cum. I’m a little embarrassed now that I’m done. Eli catches my gaze again. “Don’t be shy, that was beautiful,” he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks on them, “and you taste even better than you look.” Well crap, Eli’s kinda dirty, I think I like it. Not such a good boy now is he?
“Not to be indelicate by bringing it up, because lord knows I really don’t want to talk about other men touching you, but my fingers aren’t that short and I didn’t feel any….barriers I guess would be the best word. I was hoping since I’m bigger than most that I could make it better for you by using my hand.” I’m confused for a second then get what he’s talking about.
“Oh yeah, that. So, I meant what I said when I said I haven’t had sex. It’s just that, sex. Intercourse, with a guy. We’ll just say someone else had a bit of the same idea and you won’t hurt me other than what I’m going to be feeling tomorrow from what you’re packing. Saddle sore is what Alex refers to it as.” Eli chuckles a bit at the joke I tacked on at the end. Details of why I don’t have a hymen aren’t needed right now. A major mood killer, the talk has already been serious enough.
“Okay, so I get to dive in so to speak?” Eli asks this with a raised brow.
“Yes, can we quit talking now? I want you in me something fierce.” That takes all amusement off his face and the hungry look comes back. He rolls over me between my thighs and I plant one foot on the bed and wrap the other around his hip. Eli takes the thigh of my planted leg and lifts up and out. “It’ll be easier this way.” As his tip reaches my entrance he pauses, “I’ve never done this without a condom. If I don’t last I’ll make it up to you.” With that warning he begins to push his way inside, or so I thought. His blunt tip hits my folds and slides through, but then he hits the ring of my entrance. As he presses forward he rotates his hips a little back and forth that causes a small twisting motion that causes the head of his penis to just begin to penetrate me. The burning intensifies, but it’s not terrible, just a little uncomfortable. Again, I’m so wet there’s not any hang-ups, just pressure.
“Normally I would use lube, but you’re so wet already I don’t think I need it. If you want some let me know. I promise it’ll feel good after you adjust.” He’s so sweet, if a little untimely. He can totally shut up now and just do this.
“I’m good.” I wiggle a little and he slips in further with a grunt. His eyes are looking strained and his mouth open, panting a little. I can tell he just wants to push through, but he’s trying to be careful. Must suck sometimes to be so well endowed. Poor guy. Or poor me, maybe. He lets the pressure off, but doesn’t back up, he reaches down and rubs my clit making me clench a little. My muscles grab onto his tip and actually seem to pull him in some with the motion. As he’s pulled into me Eli starts pushing again, never letting up on my clit. I open my mouth, but no sound comes out, he’s sliding in steadily, filling me up. I feel full and I know there’s only so much actual space he can go. He stops again and starts kissing me as I adjust. When I nudge my hips up he drops his weight and lets gravity finish linking us. He hits bottom and grabs my hip with a hard thrust to shove deeper. I squeal with the sensation of almost pain. He holds me there and I can feel him flexing in his excitement. I start to throb where he’s pushing in, I feel almost sick to my stomach with the fullness. I don’t know if I’m going to like this, but I’m not sure how to say it without hurting his feelings. At that point he pulls halfway and hits the end again. Alright, fuck that hurt. It’s really not looking good for continuing. I finally get to this point and literally can’t fit the guy. Only with my luck.
He looks down at me and looks crushed by the pain he must see on my face. “Shit baby, I’m sorry. Just hold on a sec okay?” I nod my acquiesce. He has about thirty seconds before I kick him off me. He pulls out almost all the way and I breathe a breath of relief. His eyes are looking very determined. He starts slow shallow thrusts with both our pelvises tipped up. In this position he’s pulling at the back of my opening and rubbing that delicious spot right inside my pussy. I quickly forget that I was in pain a few seconds ago. This is awesome. I look up in shock at Eli. He has a cocky grin on his face. It says ‘I told you so.’ He
picks up his pace until I’m getting worked up into another orgasm, before I can get close enough he plunges back in hitting the end of me and beyond then instantly backing up to that rocking pace again before I can even register that it didn’t hurt so much that time. He alternates that way for several minutes, every time I get relaxed he plunges back in until I can’t take it anymore. I’m thrashing my head begging for him to finish it. He doesn’t comply, but now the full strokes are more complete and at the ends he holds me to him tightly while flexing. I feel it building in my stomach shooting streaks of heat through my abdomen. This feels different that getting off from his hand. I lock gazes with him as he picks up the pace, keeping a close study on my expression for his cues. He’s now actually pounding me hard and I’m loving it, arching my back up with my head back, barely able to keep my eyes open. I feel my impending release and tighten to a fist around his girth as it begins. I feel it coming hard and deep, before the first wave crashes over I hear Eli mutter ‘shit’ as he closes his eyes and groans. My tightening walls have locked him in and all he can do is flex his hips and rub them in circles as he loses control and starts to come. He’s desperately trying to rub my clit in a rhythm to bring me with him, but the pulsing of his shaft buried so deep with the rocking he’s doing is bringing it on hard. It swells over me making my stomach muscles clench tight as I wrap myself around him tightly trapping his hand between my legs and his head in my arms as I hang on until the spasms loosen. Again, Holy Shit. That’s just not normal, I think as we both begin to relax and I catch my breath. I think I’m going to have a charlie horse after that. Eli looks down at me with a wondrous smile. He looks right at me still holding me tight.
Convergence: Remington Carter Series Book One Page 9