Hannah shrank back. ‘Will, please. Not now. She’s here.’
Laurie came out from behind Hannah and pushed her face into Will’s. ‘Listen, I don’t know what’s going on here, but you are going to get up and do this. NOW!’
She yanked him upright.
‘Stop it, Lor,’ he said, shaking her off.
Laurie smoothed down her skirt. ‘Pull yourselves together, both of you. You can talk about it afterwards.’
Laurie took Will’s hand and dragged him to the door.
In shock, Hannah followed. Everything was spinning out of control, and she didn’t know how to stop it.
Barbara stayed for exactly an hour.
Despite every minute of the last two weeks having led to this precise moment, the details of her visit would remain patchy in Hannah’s memory forever.
She would only recall managing to force a manic grin on her face, and glancing repeatedly at Will, willing him to speak.
‘What a super house!’ Barbara said. She’d straightened her black hair into a bob and wore her usual smart suit, with a chunky necklace. ‘Wow, there’s so much space.’ She made suitably impressed noises about the garden, too.
Hannah filled in gaps in the conversation whenever Will said little.
Laurie helped, too – talking about her kids and Ian, and all the beaches, and trips to the circus at Great Yarmouth, and her nursery work. At one point Hannah and Will left Laurie and Barbara in the garden and went inside to make tea.
‘She likes the house,’ Hannah said, her cheeks flushed.
Will put on the kettle, his back to her.
‘Will. That farmer is nuts.’
Barbara and Laurie walked into the house, chatting.
‘Right, I’ll head back, Barbara. Get the troops ready. See you in half an hour?’ Laurie said. She shot Will and Hannah one of her meaningful looks.
Barbara waited till Laurie had gone, then sat down and opened her bag.
‘Right. Now, I said I had some news.’
Hannah nodded numbly and sat down too.
Will stayed standing.
Barbara pulled out a file. ‘There’s a little girl I want to talk to you about. She’s three, and lives in east London. She’s been in foster care for one …’
She began to talk, and Hannah willed Will to sit down.
Barbara gave her a photo as she continued talking.
Hannah blinked hard, praying that she would feel something, then opened her eyes.
She tried to focus.
A chubby white face with lips stretched in a shy grin, a missing tooth, deep-brown eyes. Red wavy hair, badly cut into a publicly funded fringe.
Everything around Hannah fell still.
Barbara’s voice faded.
There was something familiar about the child. A chemical connection that Hannah didn’t understand. Physical elements of the child were like other people in both of their families. It was as if she already belonged here.
And her eyes. The photo had been taken in the sun, yet the little girl’s eyes were in shadow. As if she was shy, and unsure about coming out.
Nothing in Hannah’s life had been as certain as this moment.
She wanted to take the child’s hand and lead her out of the shadow, and tell her it was OK.
This was her – this was Hannah’s daughter.
Happy tears filled her eyes.
‘… and as far as I know,’ Barbara said, her voicing re-entering Hannah’s consciousness, ‘there are no other families in the picture.’
Hannah showed the photo to Will.
‘Oh God – look, Will. She has brown eyes like you. And hair, like me.’
Barbara turned to watch Will’s reaction. He smiled. ‘She’s cute.’
When Barbara turned back, Hannah saw his smile fade.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Ten minutes later Barbara drove away.
Hannah waved from the doorstep, then spun round. ‘Will?’
Something about him had changed. He was rubbing his torso, as if he’d been punched. He sat down and put his head in his hands.
‘Oh, Will.’ She put her arm round him and kissed the side of his head, and his cheek. ‘Don’t be stupid. The farmer’s just terrified I’m going to call the police on her.’
He sounded shattered. ‘Han, you’ve got to be telling me the truth.’
‘Of course I am. And it’s easy to prove. We can do it now. Come on.’ She grabbed the car keys from the hall, pulled him to the car and started it. Wearily Will climbed in, and they headed down the driveway.
‘Listen, I was in Dax’s pickup on the beach, but I was helping him to move tyres. I wanted to walk to the beach, and he gave me a lift – then I didn’t want to go back to the house because I was upset, so I stayed out all afternoon …’
‘And … ?’
‘That was it. It was boring. He delivered stuff all day and hardly spoke to me, but I was lonely, so I went for the ride. And I was upset with you – but that doesn’t mean I had sex with him.’
They took the bend and pulled up outside Dax’s cottage.
‘Come on,’ Hannah repeated, touching his cheek. ‘Apart from anything else, you know how I feel about sex at the moment. And why would I throw everything away for him? You said yourself he’s a tosser.’
But Will wouldn’t get out of the car.
‘OK. Wait here,’ she said. She climbed out and marched up to Dax’s front door. She was so stunned by events that she didn’t register the objects around her.
A toy truck on the doorstep.
A skateboard on the lawn.
Ballet-dancer ornaments on the windowsill.
She banged on the door. To her relief, Dax opened it. For the first time he was not wearing his boiler suit. His face was clean, and his hair brushed down into a greasy side-parting. He was dressed in a green T-shirt and tracksuit trousers.
‘Aye-aye. Thought you’d be round.’
Women’s shoes on the hall floor. Photos of children on the wall.
A photo of an older man Hannah vaguely recognized, with two blonde women.
Have you got kids, Dax?
Do I look bloody stupid?
She brushed away an uneasy feeling.
‘Hi, Dax. Listen, something really bad’s happened. Could you come out and speak to Will?’
Dax peered at the car. ‘What’s this about then?’
‘Would you just come?’
‘All right. Keep yer hair on.’
He strolled down the path after her and she opened the car door. Dax leant against the car in a way she knew would annoy Will.
‘Dax, listen. Madeleine has just turned up at our house, screaming at me. She told Will that you and I – we …’ Hannah sighed. ‘That we had sex in your truck on the beach. And that people saw us. And obviously that’s not true, so can you please tell Will. And can you also explain that you told Madeleine that I saw her hitting Elvie.’
Dax folded his arms. ‘Well, that’s difficult, in’t it?’
‘Why?’
‘Well, I don’t want to get no one into trouble, but I don’t want to lie, do I?’
Hannah blinked. ‘Dax, will you just tell him?’
Dax crouched down and looked in the car door. ‘Sorry, mate, but she was all over me. Once down the beach, once up in the meadow, once by Snadesdon. Summat you’re not giving her at home?’
Hannah reeled. ‘Dax, stop it! This is not a joke. Can you please tell him?’
‘She likes it doggy-style, don’t she?’
The passenger door flew open. Will shot out.
‘No!’ Hannah yelled. She ran and jammed her hands into his chest. His eyes above her were aflame. ‘Will, no. Dax? Why are you doing this?’
A woman emerged from Dax’s cottage. It was the woman from next-door who she’d seen on her walk the other day. Confused, Hannah realized it was this blonde woman’s photo that she’d just seen in Dax’s hall.
‘Is this her, is it?’ the woman barked. ‘Yo
ur tart Mad was on about? Fucking cheek!’
Dax glowered. ‘Back inside, Carol. Now!’
A child’s grubby face popped up at the window.
The woman ducked around Dax and jabbed her finger at Hannah.
‘He’s got kids, right? My girl’s little mate and her mum saw you. You come near him again and I’ll do you. You understand? And you, get your hands off me,’ she spat at Dax.
Bewildered, Hannah gestured helplessly to Will. ‘I have no idea why he’s saying this.’ She turned back to Dax. ‘Please. I told you we’re waiting to adopt. Why are you doing this? It’s not funny.’
‘Emotional, in’t she?’ Dax said to Will.
‘No, this is emotional, mate,’ Will said, pushing past Hannah again.
Dax laughed, squaring up to him. ‘What you going to do – sing me a nice song?’
Hannah shoved Will back again. ‘Will! Don’t do it. He’ll call the police, and we’ll lose her.’
Will ducked like a boxer out of her grasp. He kicked Dax’s gate, shot her a furious look, then jumped in the driver’s side of the car and slammed the door.
‘Will!’
Hannah tried to grab the door handle, but he drove off, ripping it from her fingers.
‘Will!’
Dax leant over the gate and lit a cigarette.
Hannah turned. ‘Why did you do that? Why would you do that to me?’
Dax blew out a relaxed puff of smoke.
‘He believes you! It’s not funny!’
‘Hmm,’ Dax said, appearing to mull something over. ‘Tell you what. Wait there a minute.’
He returned inside. The child watched her through the window. Why had he lied about having a family? Dax returned, thrust an envelope into her hand and disappeared back into his front door.
Hannah opened it, praying it was a note to say that it was all a stupid joke that had gone too far.
To Owner, Tornley Hall, the note said. Work completed 1 x day, @ £200 per day. Logs, £20. Glass plus installation, £50. Total: £270.00 plus 20% VAT.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Will drove so fast out of Tornley that his wheels struggled to keep traction on the tarmac. He rammed the wheel down at the next bend, and the car bucked.
He wanted to smash that wanker’s face. The image of him having sex with Hannah in the truck seared into his mind. He took another bend, faster. As one hand fought to keep the wheel down, he used the other to turn the music up.
There was a bump. The back wheel hit a low kerb. The car swerved the opposite way.
He knew he’d fucked up, but right that minute he didn’t care.
Hannah.
Too late, Will saw a car turning into the junction thirty yards ahead.
His car hit a skid. He turned into it and came to a furious, screeching halt flat across the road.
The car in front slammed on its brakes too. Laurie jumped out.
‘What the hell are you doing! I’ve got kids, you arse.’
Her face was beetroot. She looked like Nan Riley when she had found a condom in his pocket, aged fifteen. He felt ashamed then, and he did so again now.
He opened the door. ‘Sorry, Lor.’
A 4x4 turned into the road behind Laurie. She held up a hand.
‘What’s happened?’
Will gripped the steering wheel. ‘She did it.’
‘Who?’
‘Hannah.’
Laurie’s shoulders slumped. ‘No.’
The 4x4 growled behind them.
‘Shit. Who told you?’
‘He did.’
‘Aw, Will.’ She waved a hand again at the driver. ‘OK. Come on, I’ll help you reverse.’
He did what she asked, even though what he wanted to do was ram the fucking car into a tree.
Hannah walked away from Dax’s cottage, gripping the invoice in trembling fingers.
The last hour had been a waking nightmare.
Will had never talked to her like that in eight years. How could he drive off and leave her, like that – now?
She wanted to press ‘Delete’ and start again. Make it all go away, but she knew it wouldn’t. It was happening again.
She was going to lose this child.
There was a gate ahead into the marshes. She gagged with the shock. Then she leant over and vomited into the long grass. The invoice fell from her hand and landed in it.
The photo of the little girl’s face entered her mind.
Her heart opened up and swallowed her. This could not be happening.
A car pulled up to her right. ‘Hannah!’ Laurie waved through the open window. ‘In.’
Robotically Hannah did as she asked, and sat shivering with shock in the front seat.
‘Will drove off really fast. I think he’s going to crash.’
Laurie drove towards Tornley Hall. ‘No, he’s not. I’ve just seen him. I told him to slow down. He’s gone on to ours. Ian’s waiting. His mum’s got the kids.’
Hannah shook her head. ‘I didn’t sleep with that man.’
Laurie looked exasperated. ‘Well, he thinks you did. God, Hannah, why would they both say it?’
Hannah wound down the window, inexplicably hot. ‘I asked Dax for help and he turned on me. I can’t believe Will believes him.’
‘He said the guy said something convincing.’
Summat you’re not giving her at home?
‘No. That was a coincidence. That would wind anyone up.’ Hannah rested her head on the window, stunned. ‘What happened to Barbara?’
‘Nothing,’ Laurie said. ‘It was fine. She stayed twenty minutes. Kids behaved. Ian behaved. I told her what a fine, upstanding couple you are.’ She rolled her eyes.
Hannah rifled in a box for a tissue as they approached Tornley Hall. ‘Laurie, why would I do all this, then throw everything away – now?’
Laurie bit her lip.
‘What’s Will said?’
‘Nothing. I just get the feeling that things haven’t been right for a while.’
‘From me?’
‘From Will.’
A chill ran through Hannah.
Laurie turned into the drive. ‘He’s seems all over the place, to me. He used to look like that when he came here in the summer. He hates change. And you’re making him change everything. He can’t deal with it, Hannah.’ She parked.
Hannah felt her frustration rising. Why didn’t anyone ever understand?
Hannah turned to face her. ‘Laurie, listen – no offence, but you have no idea what it’s like. No one does. I mean, you got pregnant, what: three times? It just happened for you. It didn’t for us. This is it. Our only chance of becoming parents is if the social workers say we can. I’m just trying to make them choose us and …’ she laughed, ‘… it worked! Barbara loved the house! She likes you. She’s found us a child. And all we had to do was meet the child’s social workers and persuade them, and that would be it!’ She flung open the car door. ‘And then Will strops off like a sulky teenager because he believes that guy, over me.’ She put her legs out of the car. ‘You know, I’m starting to wonder if Will really wants to do this. Just last week he was talking about pulling out. I mean, he doesn’t need to do this. He could go out tomorrow and shag someone – not something Will’s ever found particularly difficult – and have a kid.’
She drew a long breath, then looked up at the huge house with nobody in it.
Laurie picked up a packet of kids’ sweets and offered her one. ‘OK, well, Will clearly does want to do it – he’s just freaked out. What I don’t understand is this woman, Elvie. What’s she got to do with everything?’
Hannah took a sweet. ‘Oh, I really don’t know. And I don’t know how I’ve got involved with it. I just know she needs help. Her parents are away, and she’s vulnerable.’
‘What’s wrong with her?’
‘I don’t know. Her mother said she’d had a difficult birth. So brain damage, perhaps? Learning difficulties? That’s why it’s so bad. The farmer was hitt
ing her. She must know that Elvie can’t – or won’t – tell anyone. I saw bruises. I mean, what would you do?’
‘Call the police?’
Hannah laughed bitterly. ‘Oh, that would be great, wouldn’t it. “Hi, Barbara, welcome to our house; here’s Elvie, she’s being beaten up by the nutter next door, who has a rifle, but honestly it’s a really safe place for you to bring a vulnerable foster child to.” She imitated Barbara’s voice. ‘“Er, OK. Well, let’s just give it another six months, until it’s sorted.” Or maybe never at all.’
Laurie ate her sweet. ‘Barbara doesn’t have a hotline to the Suffolk police.’
‘No, but if she found out later – say, if the case went to court and was in the papers – she might think we’d lied to her about our lives, and how we lived. You need to be completely transparent with social services. They’re trusting you with a child.’
Laurie shrugged. ‘Well then, maybe you should have just walked away from Elvie. Your kids have to be the priority. I’m not being funny, Hannah, but what is it with you, needing always to get involved in other people’s problems.’
Hannah bristled. She remembered Laurie telling her that she hadn’t voted because ‘politicans were all as bad as each other’. ‘I don’t know – if we all said that, Laurie, then nobody would help anyone.’
‘OK, but when it affects your own life this much, that’s when I don’t get it. Will used to get in a right state when you went off to those places for work.’
Hannah frowned. ‘No, he didn’t.’
‘He did!’ Laurie pushed her glasses up her nose. ‘That time when you couldn’t get home, because some soldiers had taken over the airport or something. He was going mental. I thought he was going to get on a plane over there.’
‘I didn’t know that.’
‘But why do you do it?’
She realized Laurie was asking an honest question. ‘Well, why are any of us the way we are? I don’t know – because of my parents probably. They always took us on marches: CND, and the miners … Dad was a union rep. I don’t know – it’s just the way we are. My brothers are the same. One works for a medical charity in Johannesburg, the other one’s in politics.’
Laurie chewed her sweet thoughtfully. ‘So where do you think this woman is now?’
‘I don’t know. She keeps getting into the house, but then she disappears.’
The Hidden Girl Page 22