Her boldness brings me back to life. A life I thought was gone before it ever started.
Manic and high off the stunt we just pulled, Rylan moves faster than my brain can keep up with. She has one of Elena’s wrists released before I can think about what we just did and the consequences. Rylan doesn’t do anything small. Simply flirting with another woman and pretending to pick her up wasn’t enough for our sick fantasies. We took it a step further, which hopefully never becomes too far one day.
Rylan’s lust-driven voice pulls me from my concerns. “You enjoyed this. Didn’t you?” she asks the woman as she unties the gag.
Elena seductively puts her fingers to her mouth and removes Rylan’s panties from between her lips. “You’ve told me more than once how beautiful you find me. Let me show you now just how attractive I also find you.” Elena rubs at her now free wrists and leans toward Rylan.
“Get the hell out of here,” Rylan fumes.
“I’m not mad about the shit you pulled. It was exhilarating. Let’s talk about what’s next.”
“It’s no fun if you’re into it. Don’t you get it? It’s your fear that I want. It’s the only thing I desire from you. You’re useless to me when you’re desperate and begging.”
The faculties in my brain begin to function again. This woman we picked up downstairs is about to walk away. This woman I pointed a gun at is about to walk away as a witness. She knows our names and probably has our faces memorized.
I don’t leave loose ends.
I don’t leave trails.
This woman is both.
“Wait! Wait a goddamn second! This is all going too fast. I can’t fucking think.”
The situation we’ve created becomes clear to me. Again, Rylan has caused me to act reckless and be completely careless. How could I have been so fucking stupid?
“I think she’s right. I should probably go.” Elena gathers her clothes from the floor.
“Sit. Just sit the fuck down. You’re not going anywhere yet.”
Elena listens and chews on her nails with an irritated scowl on her face. Rylan turns on the television at the same time as I grab her wrist and pull her toward the opposite end of the room. The commercial helps to hide our hushed conversation.
“Why am I so fucking stupid when it comes to you? Why do I throw away everything rational inside my brain when you barge in with a demand? We can’t just let her fucking walk away, Rylan. After everything illegal I’ve done, I’m not being put in jail for this.”
“She won’t go to the cops.”
“Oh, yeah, and why the hell are you so sure?”
“I didn’t go into this blind, Callen. You may have let your dick lead you into a situation, but I thought this out. From the beginning.”
“What are you talking about, Rylan? We didn’t even know what was going to happen until it happened. So, how exactly did you think this out, and how does your plan protect us?”
“Insurance. I took insurance.” Rylan’s voice rises, and she walks back toward a now curious Elena. “This is Margaret Elena Franklin. She has lunch every Tuesday at the Ridgemount Hotel. She graduated from Yale University with a degree in education. After only two years as an elementary school teacher, she became a principal. Some people credit her hard work to her fast move up the ladder, but others say her father’s vast connections are what gave her the leg up. She’s expected to be the superintendent by thirty-five and then, once she puts in her time, the board.”
“What the hell? How do you know all this about me?”
“I did my homework, Elena. You’re not going to breathe a word about what happened in this hotel room. You’re going to go back to your life, business as usual.” Rylan retrieves her phone from the floor and pulls up the photos before scrolling quickly through each one she took after coming into this room. “These are my insurance. These photos buy your silence. Your campaigning would end before it could begin if photos of you like this ever got out. What would the parents say?”
“You’re threatening me?” she questions as she stands.
“See, I knew you were smart. Now, get the fuck out, Ms. Franklin. Stay quiet about this, or these photos will leak.”
She indignantly huffs and turns her back on us. I have whiplash, trying to keep up with Rylan. I’m not sure whether to be pissed at myself, furious with Rylan, or extremely impressed by this stunt she just pulled off.
Rylan speaks up once more as Elena reaches for the door handle to leave, “And, Elena, this was only a fraction of what you deserve. Count yourself lucky.”
The door slams behind her.
Rylan, who is still nude, walks toward me with a pout to her lips. “She ruined my game. That dumb cunt wasn’t supposed to enjoy being toyed with. I guess I should have guessed, though.”
In that moment, I realize I have my answer. I’ve fucked up. I didn’t think this through. I’m jeopardizing everything I’ve built for this girl. I set aside all of my rules and risked my reputation and my freedom for a fuck in a hotel room.
I hold my hands out to warn her away. I can’t be near her while I’m this pissed at myself. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I take out my self-loathing on her because she’s the one that’s done this to me. It’s this thing between us that’s causing me to act like a fucking idiot.
“Okay, so you’re mad? What exactly is it that you’re mad about? Because, this morning, you were jumping at this idea. I didn’t blindside you with this.”
“Shut up! I can’t fucking think.”
“You’re heated. I get it, but don’t fucking talk to me like that.”
“You get it? You get it? You don’t fucking get shit! What the fuck is wrong with you, Rylan? You think the world plays by your rules? My world doesn’t work like that. Normal people’s worlds don’t work like that.” My frustration turns inward, where it truly belongs. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve just let you come into my life and flip it fucking inside out. I’ve let you turn me into some green fucking idiot who just blindly followed you into this room just to get my dick wet.”
“You’re being dramatic, Callen. Get your panties out of a twist.”
“Fuck you, Rylan. What was the plan if your little threat today didn’t work? What is the plan if she decides you are bluffing and fucking talks? Am I just supposed to take her out because she got in the way of your fun? Do you want me to leave a trail of bodies leading right to us?”
“Don’t you dare stand there and pretend like you weren’t on board with this from moment one. How exactly did you think this was going to end? Did you plan to kill her? I prepared for what I was getting into. I made a plan to keep Elena quiet. I’m not the one being reckless. You are!”
“You know what? You’re right. And I’m done. I’m done with it all.”
I hastily pull my clothes on and then snatch my gun from the table.
“You kill people for a living, Callen! Now, suddenly, you have a conscience?”
I turn my back on her.
Rylan is nothing but trouble, and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. She’s impulsive and reckless, and she takes chances I can’t afford.
She calls out to me, and I struggle not to run back to her.
I storm from the hotel room, slamming the door behind me. The sign I hung on the handle for Rylan to find falls to the ground, and I leave behind the piece of me that wants to throw it all away for a girl who somehow found her way into my heart.
“Not now, Willy.” My voice is harsher than I meant it to be.
“It’s the girl.”
It took me under ten minutes to get home from Ridgemount Hotel. I have no idea why, but Willy is outside my place, sitting in the chair just beside the door. It’s as if he was waiting for me.
“What are you doing here, man?”
“I like this chair. I can see more of the park from your view than mine.”
“Okay, well, I’m going inside. You’re welcome to stay out here if you want.”
“You
screwed it up. I knew you’d mess things up with that girl. How bad is it, and how do we fix it?”
I turn to face Willy. I don’t know why I don’t just let it go and get inside, but I can’t. “I didn’t screw things up. I didn’t do anything. She’s the self-destructive one, and I can’t let her take me down with her. We don’t do anything, Willy.”
“Answer a few questions before I let you off the hook. If you answer honestly and don’t give me the answers I think you will, then I’ll leave you alone to stew in your own stupidity.”
“What? What is it?”
I instantly regret being so brash with him. Willy means well.
“Is she scared off by your vagrant ways?”
“Willy…” I see where he’s going here.
“Do your other lifestyle choices scare her away?”
“You don’t even know what you’re talking about, old man.”
He wouldn’t be singing the same tune if he knew what we did to that woman in the hotel today. If he knew Rylan wanted to be my wingwoman on my murder spree, he’d be on the phone with the authorities instead of trying to make a love connection.
“But she does. You shared your secrets with her, and she didn’t take off running. Am I right?”
“Something like that,” I admit begrudgingly. It seems he’s not going to stop until I give him something anyway.
“Instead, it looks like you’re the one running.”
Fuck yeah, I’m running, as far as I can get. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“Love always is.”
“Love…” I chuckle under my breath.
Love seems like the furthest thing from what Rylan and I share. Viciousness. Impurity. Vulgarity. Depravity. Those would be more accurate of the bond between my Little Bird and me.
“A promise is a promise, especially to an old man.”
“A connection like mine and hers is liable to be the destruction of the both of us.”
“Or the beginning of forever. Give love a chance, Callen. You promised.”
The guilt in his voice is heavy. He’s trying to use it against me.
“No one has ever held me accountable for a promise, Willy. I’m sorry, but I think I might have to let you down on this one.”
“You’ll be letting yourself down.”
“I’ll sleep on it. Good night, Willy.” I go inside and leave him outside my door.
That old man has no idea what he’s talking about.
Rylan and I together are like gasoline on a flame, and we’re likely to burn one another to the ground, taking down everything in our path with us.
Rylan
Coffee. Doughnuts. Tail between my legs.
Check. Check. And check.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The nerves inside me rise as I pull my fist away from the door. My black shades hide my tired eyes. Getting a good night’s sleep wasn’t really an option. I tossed, plotted, turned, schemed, counted sheep, and relived my fight with Callen for the greater part of the night.
The door opens, and I lose memory of my words. I stand mutely, holding a box of doughnuts and hot coffee, without a bit of my pride.
“What are you doing here, Rylan?” Callen’s voice sounds exhausted, defeated.
I have a talent for desolating people.
“Can I come in? Please…”
He stands aside to allow me in but doesn’t speak. Awkwardly, I move past him and hold my breath as he shuts the door behind me. I place the food and beverages on the counter while keeping my back to the man who has unknowingly brought me back to life. I can’t apologize because I’m not sorry for the things we’ve done. There is not one bit of regret within me about what we did to that woman in the hotel room, so I can’t give him an apology, but I need Callen. I need him more than he could ever understand right now.
When Callen stormed out of that hotel room, it tore me apart. I never expected all of this to have a bigger meaning, but that moment made it clear. Callen is my bigger meaning to this whole mess. Everything I’ve been through has led me straight to him.
“What we’ve done…it’s a lot. I know that, Callen.”
“Rylan, don’t. I’m not ready to talk this out. I need time.”
“I get that; I do. And maybe it’s selfish, but I need to say my piece before this rift drags on between us.” I turn to face him and take off my sunglasses, allowing him to see my truth, my emotion. “I didn’t mean to push things too far. I need you. I need you for more than what we shared at the club. I need you for more than the blood on our hands. I need you for more than the sex games. I just need you.”
“I think we might be toxic together, Little Bird. Toxic to each other and to everyone around us.”
I go to him and take his hands in mine. My body embraces his warmth against my own. “With or without me, you’re going to keep being you. Right? You’re going to kill again? You’re going to finish this job?”
“You know I am, but…”
“No. I want to finish before you give me any buts. Please.”
He sits on the couch, and I join him, hating the cushion’s worth of space I leave between us.
“I should have communicated with you better. We should have communicated better. If we’re going to do things that destroy the limits of morality and break laws, then we should both be going into a situation on the same page. We’ve made mistakes, but for me, those mistakes aren’t the things we’ve done together. It’s how we went into them and how we handled the aftermath.”
“It isn’t that cut and dry,” he disagrees.
“Do you feel something for me? Beyond the physical and beyond the drama we’ve caused each other. Do you feel even an ounce of the pull that I do?”
“You know I do. Neither of us can deny that.”
I climb onto his lap, so my knees straddle his hips. My eyes connect with his. My hands grasp his face. With my lips a breath away from his, I can sense the war inside him. I swallow his indecision and hope to rid it from the room.
“No amount of chaos can keep us from the darkness that we thrive in. We are in this moment for a reason, and I don’t want to leave you just yet. It isn’t our time to part ways. We’ve only just begun.”
I lean forward through the unsettling emotions and the doubt and press my lips to his. These words, this kiss, are all I have. He doesn’t kiss me back, and I wonder if it’s enough.
I pepper kisses against his lips and whisper my pleas, “Don’t end this now.” Kiss. “Give us a chance.” Kiss. “I want you.” Kiss. “I need you.”
I need you in all of your glory—in all of our glory.
Moisture coats my kisses, and I realize it’s the tears I didn’t know were escaping from my eyes. I’m thankful his eyes are closed. I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want anyone to see me like this. My assaults on his mouth become more frantic, and I start to lose the hope and confidence I had about making this right. Maybe our connection isn’t as strong from his side. Maybe I pushed him too far, too fast, took too much of his control away. Maybe I’m here for the wrong reasons. Maybe—
His lips join mine.
Slowly at first, but then my frustration turns into our unglued physicality toward one another. His hands grip my ass. My tongue coils with his. Between our clothes, his hardness presses against my clit. I grind myself against him shamelessly. He pulls me closer without hesitation. We kiss with the tenacity of teenagers whose parents just went out for the night. We kiss with the aggression of two people making up. We kiss like two people who plan to set fire to the world.
“I can’t think when you’re touching me,” Callen admits.
A sly smile breaks out on my face, and I rock harder against him.
“I need to think.”
He lets out a sigh of relief when I pull my body from his. But I don’t plan to keep my hands off him for long. I slip down on the floor between his legs. My hands slide up his strong thighs.
“Can you think with my lips wrapped
around your cock? I want to taste you.”
His fingers lock around my jaw, and he forces my attention back to his face. “I want so badly to roughly fuck your face, Rylan. I want it so bad.”
The conflict behind his eyes resurfaces.
“But?”
“You can’t keep trying to solve things by getting down on your knees. We need to talk. We need to sort this out.”
I rise from the floor. I didn’t see that one coming, but I guess I should have. Taking a seat next to him, I wait for him to continue. He breathes heavily with his eyes closed for a few beats. Then, when he finally opens them, we talk.
We spend a lazy day in bed, switching between words, touches, and naps, until the sun leaves the sky. Throughout, we talk about his job. The precautions we’ll take. About being up-front with each other. We talk until my eyes are heavy, and my throat is sore. By the end, Callen seems more at ease, and for the first time in my life, I’m completely comfortable, wrapped in the arms of someone else.
But, just as I start to drift off to sleep, my old friend doubt creeps its way in. He’s here for a job, one that’s almost over. His home is on wheels, and he’ll be moving on soon.
Have we finally worked things out, only for a short fling?
That isn’t what I want, but the question is, What does he want?
Callen
Rylan is waiting for me in the woods.
My job. My rules.
I’ll get Number Two and bring him to her.
I can’t have Rylan near before things are completely in my control. In the woods, where we don’t have to worry about leaving evidence, is where Rylan and I can live out our darkest fantasies. Out there, we can be ourselves.
Number Two, Abraham Montgomery, checks over his shoulder, as if he’s waiting for me. I’m a little surprised he even left the house, much less left this late at night. I am also amazed he doesn’t have any security with him. He’s loaded, and he can easily afford it. This one couldn’t have made it any easier on me.
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