by Iris Morland
“Sure thing.” Adam waved at him to follow, and Gavin went back into Adam’s office, which had also been decorated with various Halloween items. He had a feeling Adam hadn’t been the one to hang bats overhead or place a full-size skeleton on one of the chairs opposite his desk.
Gavin poked the skeleton. “Joy do this?”
“Yes, and if you mess up that skeleton, she’ll kill us both and turn us into skeletons to put on display.” Adam rifled through the documents on his desk to pull out a check. Gavin wasn’t entirely sure why the vineyard didn’t allow employees direct deposit, but more than likely, it was one of Adam’s random rules that kept them in the Stone Age in terms of payment systems.
As Gavin turned to go, Adam asked, “How are you, by the way?”
He did not want to have this conversation. He shrugged, looking everywhere but at his brother. “Same as always.”
“Which means what, exactly?” When Gavin didn’t reply, Adam sighed. “I know that something happened with you and Kat. Grace was pissed at you and told me she’d ‘kick you in the kneecap’ the next time she saw you. Considering our sister isn’t prone to violence, that makes me think something is up.”
Did his entire family have to get involved in his love life? He and Kat had slept together—twice—but now it was over. Couldn’t everyone just leave it alone?
“We had a misunderstanding,” Gavin ground out, “but it’s over. Now, if you’re done interrogating me, I need to get back to work.”
“I know you don’t like talking about how you feel. Hell, neither do I, but I know you haven’t been the same since everything with Teagan.” Adam lowered his voice. “You can’t keep it all locked inside. I tried it with Carolyn, and I almost lost Joy because of it.”
Old resentments surfaced with surprising force: how Adam hadn’t been there when Gavin’s marriage was falling apart. How he’d felt like his brother had never been interested in anything but this stupid vineyard. He knew very well he was being petty and selfish, but that knowledge wasn’t enough to keep him from saying, “It’s none of your business. Don’t try to act like you care now.”
Adam reared back, before his eyes darkened with anger. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that you weren’t exactly interested when Teagan was losing her damn mind, when she almost killed herself. Where were you then? I don’t remember you giving me advice then.”
Adam just stared at Gavin, the blood draining from his face. A twinge of guilt pricked at Gavin’s gut, but he ignored it. “That’s what I thought. Now, like I said, I have work to do.”
“I know I wasn’t there,” Adam said quietly. “I didn’t know what to say. I was still so broken up about Carolyn that I didn’t know how I could help. But I did call, Gavin. I was worried about you, and still am.” He swallowed. “You’re my brother—for better or for worse.”
For some reason, Adam’s quiet only enraged Gavin further. His anger about Teagan, about Kat, about Emma, about his entire family, exploded inside of his chest like a bomb that had been ticking for years. “Don’t act like you really tried,” he hissed. “I needed you, and you weren’t there.” His breathing became ragged, and he wished he could just punch a wall. “I watched my wife almost die and you didn’t care!”
“My own wife died!” Adam yelled. “She died and I had to figure out how to live without her. I had to watch as they lowered her into the ground in that casket, knowing I would never hear her voice or touch her again. So don’t talk to me about loss! Don’t act like you’re the only one who’s suffered.”
“At least I came back for the funeral! Would you have come if Teagan had died?”
They were shouting now, but neither seemed to care. “What the fuck kind of question is that? Jesus, Gavin, do you hate me that much?”
They continued yelling, until Jaime burst into the office, swearing at them both. “The fuck are you two doing?” he demanded. “Everyone in the entire town can hear you screaming at each other.” When he saw that they were close to blows, he pushed them apart with a curse. “Get it together, you two.”
Gavin wrenched away from Jaime’s grasp. “I’m leaving,” he muttered.
“Good, go home and cool off.” Jaime turned to Adam. “And you should probably do the same.”
Gavin didn’t hear what Adam said in reply. He stalked out of the vineyard and climbed into his truck, driving off without caring that he still had work to do. Anger roiled through him and his vision was a haze of red. He couldn’t throttle his own brother. Adam didn’t get it; he didn’t understand how Gavin had had to shoulder everything by himself. Adam had had their parents, Grace, the entire town of Heron’s Landing when Carolyn had died. But Gavin had had no one.
When he arrived back at his apartment, he pressed his forehead to the steering wheel. As his anger drained away and became exhaustion, a small voice inside of his head told him that his family had reached out to him, but he’d pushed them away. He’d told them he’d take care of everything. He hadn’t wanted their help. But that immature part of his soul had wished they’d fought for him anyway. That they’d tried one more time, as opposed to giving up so easily.
Entering the apartment, he saw a bright scrap of silk underneath his pillow in his bedroom, and pulling it out, he realized it was Kat’s headscarf. He inhaled it, and her scent enveloped him. He remembered how they’d made love in this very bed, and how she’d looked at him when he’d touched her.
You can’t keep it all locked inside. I tried it with Carolyn, and I almost lost Joy because of it.
Gavin sat down on the bed, clutching the headscarf. He knew with a painful kind of clarity that despite his anger at his brother, Adam had spoken a truth that resonated in Gavin’s soul. He had been keeping it all locked inside, and in his fear of being vulnerable a second time, he’d pushed Kat away. He’d pushed her away because loving her was terrifying.
He groaned. God, he was a fool, a coward, the type of man who didn’t deserve a woman as amazing as Kat. He’d told her she deserved better than his broken self, but that was only because he hadn’t tried to mend his own heart. He’d kept his heart broken and battered, its own kind of shield from the terrors of the world. And Teagan had been the perfect excuse, hadn’t she?
Gavin dragged his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know if he could get Kat back, but he had to at least tell her he loved her. He didn’t expect her to forgive him, but he could fight for her. He would fight for her to the ends of the earth.
He stuffed the headscarf into his pocket for good luck, resolving to find Kat that very afternoon and tell her how sorry he was. Then he grimaced, knowing he’d need to apologize to Adam as well. He’d really fucked things up, hadn’t he?
But Kat was at work right now, and he had no idea when she’d be home. He was halfway tempted to sit on her doorstep and wait for her, but given everything that had happened at her grandmother’s place, that probably wasn’t the best plan. Besides, he needed to be home when Emma got off the bus.
As he was debating, his phone rang. To his shock, Kat’s number flashed on the screen.
“Kat? Are you okay?” His heart pounded wildly, imagining all sorts of things that could’ve happened now.
“I’m fine. Gavin, Emma’s missing.”
Gavin froze, clutching the phone to his ear. What had been fear for Kat quickly transformed into utter terror for his daughter. “Missing? How?”
“She wasn’t at lunch, and I’ve been trying to get ahold of you. It’s been two hours since she was last seen.” Kat’s voice trembled on the line. “We’re calling the police right now.”
Gavin didn’t even think about what he did next. He sprinted from his apartment to his truck, driving straight to the school. When he arrived, police cars circled the building, and parents had come to pick up their children since the rest of the school day had been canceled. Gasping for air, Gavin pushed through the crowd, only to find Kat standing at the front entrance, talking to Officer Haldon.
/> “Gavin!” She said something to the officer and instantly embraced him.
“Have you found her?”
She shook her head. He heard a sound, and he realized that he’d made the noise: a sound like a wounded animal. He’d been so preoccupied with his own bullshit that his daughter had run away. Or been taken. Panic began to set in, and he clutched Kat by the arms.
“They’ve covered every inch of the school. They’re going to widen the search onto the grounds and the nearby woods.” Her eyes shimmered as she looked up at him.
“Okay. Okay.” He muttered to himself, trying to think of a plan. Where would Emma go? She’d never done anything like this before, but she hadn’t been her normal self in a while. He pushed away images of her hurt or in danger, trying to keep himself calm, trying not lose himself to the fear pulsing through his veins.
“Mr. Danvers.” Officer Haldon walked up to him. “We’re putting together a search party, and we’re working on putting out an Amber Alert. Do you have any idea where she might have gone?”
Gavin shook his head. He glanced up at the sky, and he remembered suddenly that it was supposed to snow today, despite the fact that it was only October. “I don’t know. She’s never done anything like this.”
“Well, let me know if you have any idea. We’ll start around the school and then circle outward.” The officer touched his arm. “We’ll find her. I promise.”
Gavin didn’t know how he could promise that, but he nodded all the same.
Everything came together in a hurry. Gavin grabbed his coat from his truck, trying not to yell at everyone there to go faster. They had to find Emma. What if she was hurt, and they were just standing here, doing absolutely nothing?
“Gavin!” Joy burst through the crowd, Adam behind her. Soon the entire Danvers family—Grace, Carl, Julia plus Jaime—was there as well, trying to understand what was going on. When Gavin told them in a dull tone that Emma was missing, they began speaking all at once.
Kat took the family aside to answer their questions. “They’re putting together a search party—or parties—and we’ll be leaving shortly. Officer Haldon is determined to find her before it gets dark.”
Gavin heard his mother say, “It’s only a few hours until sunset. Oh God, my sweet little Emma.”
He couldn’t listen to this. Search party or no search party, he would find Emma on his own. He wasn’t going to lose his daughter, too.
“Wait, Gavin!” Adam jogged up to him.
Gavin blinked. For some reason, he found himself surprised that his brother was here, after what he’d said to him just hours earlier.
Adam, though, just gave him a quick embrace. “We’ll find her.”
“Adam…fuck, I’m sorry,” he muttered. “For everything I said. I was out of line.”
“Don’t even think about it. Emma is our priority.”
“Thank you for being here.”
Adam gave him a sad smile. “What are brothers for?”
14
“Emma! Emma!” Kat and Gavin moved toward the wooded area surrounding the school, calling out Emma’s name as they walked. Kat shivered as a cold wind blew through her sweater, and she looked up to see tiny snowflakes starting to fall. What bad luck had brought them snow this early in the season?
After Kat had realized Emma was missing, she’d initially assumed the girl was hiding in the supply closet like last time. She’d informed the principal, who’d told Kat to find Emma. But to Kat’s shock, the girl was nowhere to be found: not in that supply closet, nor in any others. Realizing that Emma was truly missing, Kat had only one thought: how was she going to tell Gavin his daughter was missing?
At the moment, Gavin seemed mostly calm, but she knew it was just a façade. She could see how drawn his face was, how his voice broke whenever he called Emma’s name. When they hadn’t found her on the school grounds, he’d looked as if someone had shot him. Kat had almost expected him to slump to the ground, but he’d clenched his jaw and continued on. She knew he’d look for Emma for hours, days, weeks, if that was what it took. He’d never give up searching.
She could only pray they found her before the snow really started, and before it got dark, too.
“Did someone call Teagan?” Gavin glanced at Kat. “She should know. I should call her, but…”
Kat couldn’t help herself: she embraced him, and he choked back a sob. “Adam called her,” she replied. “He’s keeping her up to date with everything.” Making him look into her eyes, she said with as much conviction as she could muster, “We’re going to find her.”
“She hates the dark,” he whispered. “What if she had an episode and now she’s trapped somewhere? She’s only eight years old, Kat. She doesn’t have her winter coat with her. She’ll freeze to death.”
“No, she won’t, because we’re going to find her. She’s a smart girl. She could have already made it home.”
Joy had been appointed to stay at the apartment to make sure Emma didn’t show up there, while Julia had returned to the Danvers house to watch for her there. Kat had a feeling that Emma was hiding somewhere and hadn’t just walked out of school to go home early, but she still hoped she was wrong. If they got a call from Joy saying the girl was safe and sound, that was all that mattered.
She could hear other people calling and walking through the woods. The constant sound of the name Emma created an eerie kind of echo, like the forest itself were calling Emma’s name.
“You were right.” Gavin stepped over a log before helping Kat. “About everything. I knew Emma had some kind of illness, but I wanted to believe she wouldn’t turn into her mother. Now she’s run off because I’m such a stupid fool.”
She could hear in his tone that he was starting to panic. Grabbing his hand, she gripped his fingers. “You’ve done your best, Gavin. You’ve always done your best. But right now, we have to focus on finding your daughter. You can talk about what you did or didn’t know until you’re blue in the face, but not right now. Okay?” She spoke to him almost like she did her students, and to her immense relief, he seemed to respond to her no-nonsense tone. He took in a deep breath, nodding.
“You’re right.” He laughed a little. “Of course you’re right. I just said you were.”
Kat knew that recriminations and regrets weren’t going to bring Emma home. An hour passed, and the flurries turned to bigger flakes, dusting their shoulders and hair and the ground around them. She shivered, wishing she’d brought her coat. She’d been so preoccupied she hadn’t paid any attention to the weather report.
“When’s the last time we had snow around Halloween?”
Gavin snorted. “Not any time I can remember. It never snows until late December, if even that early.” He looked up at the sky. “I’d take this as a bad omen, if I were that kind of a person.”
“Take it as a good omen, because snow means we can see footprints easily.” She pointed to tiny footprints made by a squirrel. “See? This is good, at least for now.” She cupped her hands over her mouth. “Emma! Emma, can you hear me? Where are you? Emma!”
They trudged through the woods, and soon with the clouds overhead hiding the sun, they had to turn on the flashlights provided to them by the police. The beams flashed off of tree trunks and branches, catching on the spots of bright autumnal color still hanging on to some of the branches. It was a strange mix of autumn and winter, with the snow covering the red and orange leaves like this. Kat rather hoped this would be the only snow they got this season, but knowing Missouri weather, they’d have ninety-degree days next week just because.
As the sun began to set, Kat could tell that Gavin was getting more anxious. She couldn’t blame him. The snow fell harder, and the temperature continued to drop. They yelled Emma's name over and over again, but all they heard in reply was the echo of other people yelling her name as well. They were also getting closer to the river, which made Kat’s heart stop as she imagined that Emma had gotten caught in the current. Although the river hadn’t bee
n high as of late, it still had nasty currents that could carry you downstream faster than you’d expect. Would Emma have gotten close enough to fall into the water?
When they were close enough to hear the rush of the river, Gavin stopped to drink some water, and he offered Kat the bottle as well. His face was grim, like he was expecting the worst at this point. She had nothing to say now, no words of encouragement. Only prayers, and a spark of hope, that everything would turn out all right.
“Before we keep going, I want to tell you something,” he said into the dark night, snowflakes melting on his face. “I didn’t just mess up with Emma—I messed everything up with you. Kat, I love you.”
She hadn’t been expecting to hear those words: not now, or ever. She wanted to throw her arms around Gavin, while the other part of her wondered if he was just reacting to the emotion of the moment. After all this was over, he would still feel the same? Or would he tell her he wasn’t the man for her?
He stepped toward her. “Say something. Please.”
“We need to find Emma.” It was the only thing she could think to say.
She could see the hurt in his expression, but he didn’t press her. Turning, he began to walk away, and she followed him.
Please, please, let us find Emma. I’ll never ask for anything ever again. Just find her and let me know that she’s safe and sound.
As they drew closer and closer to the river, Kat saw a flash of light off to her right. She stilled. Was that a flashlight from one of the search parties? When she saw it flashing multiple times, she had a feeling it wasn’t just one of the officers looking for Emma. She ran toward the illumination, her heart in her throat. Maybe Emma had somehow found a way to signal them, or maybe someone else was signaling to let them know Emma was near. She heard Gavin call after her, but she was too intent on following the light to heed him.
Kat ran and ran, following the light. She called Emma’s name, and she heard a shout. She ran faster and burst into a clearing some yards from the river. The light had stopped flashing, and Kat fumbled with her own flashlight to find the source of the illumination.