by Louise Make
Once her assistant got back to work, Langa immersed herself in the numbing monotony of crunching over her department’s numbers, steadily tackling the pile on her desk. Everything had been accomplished well within budget. Eight months ago an achievement like that would’ve been a reason for her to celebrate. Today it wasn’t even enough to keep her from fantasising about what her dream ring would look like.
One day.
*
“SURPRISE!”
Her colleagues were all wearing party hats and raising their glasses in glee. At five o’clock on the dot Langa had stepped out to find the other offices deserted. Before she could figure out what had happened, Robert had called her to his office. His stern tone had set butterflies loose in her stomach; he’d never used that tone with her before. Then she’d walked right into the chorus that had almost made her jump out of her skin.
Robert started a speech about how proud he was of his permanently appointed Head of Marketing, while Marie perched a purple party hat on Langa’s head. She found herself grinning at the familiar faces around the room. The top floor’s lounge area was filled to the brim and everybody there congratulated her with respect.
Ben grinned at her from across the room and waved. Langa made a threatening gesture to show that she’d kill him later.
“It was the only way, you know.” Robert was standing just behind her.
“The only way?”
“We had to sneak this celebration on you, or you’d never have agreed.”
“You’re right.”
“My favourite words. Say it again.”
Langa smiled at him. “I said you’re right. I haven’t been very considerate of myself and my team in the past, but I’ve come a long way since then. And I appreciate the effort you put into this surprise.”
He watched her speculatively before nodding. “You certainly have grown up plenty this year.”
*
Finally the week drew to an end. Langa sipped her iced tea and enjoyed the view from the terrace of the restaurant at which she’d agreed to meet her friends. It had been a beautifully sunny day and the jacaranda trees made the evening air smell sweet. The scent reminded her of that first night with Lazola, the kiss neither of them had had any power to resist.
She shook her head and checked the time once more. She’d put money on Noluvuyo being the cause of her friends’ tardiness. Langa had never met another person quite as spontaneous and freewheeling as Vuvu. Yet she was all concentration during her work hours, and the success of her estate agency was testimony enough to her astute business savvy. The rest of the time she blazed from one adventure to another.
For the umpteenth time Langa wished she could be as carefree as her friend. She’d have so much more fun that way. More excitement, less complications – and certainly no bruised heart to nurse.
A feminine laugh made her lift her head. Expecting to see her approaching friends, her eye was instead caught by the couple making their way to the opposite end of the large terrace. Her heart slammed about in her chest.
Lazola had his back to her, but she’d know those shoulders and that walk absolutely anywhere. She’d been held in those arms often enough, heard that voice in her dreams more times than she cared to count.
It was him.
He pulled out a chair for the woman beside him, then seated himself. After a brief word to the waiter he turned back to the woman, giving her his undivided attention. The woman leaned in to murmur something that made him smile and Langa couldn’t help noting how handsome they looked together. It was impossible to miss. They both had such striking looks that she couldn’t help but to gawk at them. Langa tapped her fingers subconsciously while she considered the best way to make an unobtrusive escape.
“Sorry we’re late – it was all her fault.” Angela materialised in the chair to Langa’s right.
“Just toss me in the line of fire, why don’t you!” Vuvu bounced into the other seat with a smile on her face.
“Any time. Especially when you really are to blame. Can you believe that she made me wait while she seduced some poor, unsuspecting man?”
Vuvu’s grin widened. “How’re you doing, sunshine?”
For a moment Langa forgot about Lazola and the other woman. She had promised herself that she’d be stern with her friend about her terrible timekeeping, but she felt the corners of her mouth curling upwards instead. “I’m well. Spontaneous seduction, huh?”
“Nothing of the sort. Ang needed to make a stop before we got here and had the audacity to leave me unattended. Next thing I knew, the most divine man walked past me and disappeared into one of the offices. So I followed.”
Langa’s eyes widened dramatically. “Vuvu, you didn’t …”
“Hayi wena, man!” her friend scoffed indignantly. “I just went to ask him if he was single or not, and then I gave him my phone number. I took long ’cause I first had to figure out which office he was in.”
Angela sighed. “It’s getting to the point where I’m afraid to go out in public with you. You can’t just go knocking door to door like some love scout, particularly around the people I do business with.”
Vuvu’s triumphant smile remained undiminished. “Why not? Did you see him, angelface? That was a man no sane woman would pass up.”
Langa couldn’t help her curiosity. “So how did it go?”
“We’re going out tomorrow.”
Angela’s second sigh was made less impactful by the smile in her eyes.
Unfortunately the distraction her friends provided didn’t last very long. Soon Langa’s gaze skated to the couple at the other end of the terrace. The woman was chatting animatedly while Lazola listened patiently. She touched his arm at one point and Langa’s stomach tossed queasily.
“Langa?”
Langa blinked. Angela’s wide grey eyes were questioning; she must have been trying to attract Langa’s attention for a while now. Darn.
“I’m sorry. What were you saying, Ang?”
“You were miles and miles away. What were you thinking about?”
“I think I can guess.”
Vuvu’s brown eyes were shooting daggers across the terrace. Soon Angela turned as well, and her jaw dropped. Langa would have laughed, had she not been panicking silently.
Angela turned back to her. “How long have …? Would you like to leave? We could go somewhere else if you’d prefer.”
“Um, no. I’ll be fine.”
“Of course you will!” Vuvu hissed. “You can’t live your life running from him. He’s not worth the stress. And it’s definitely not worth hiding from the world because of what he put you through. Let’s order.”
Langa had just convinced herself that her friend was absolutely right when Lazola looked up and saw her. Her world came to a standstill. He gazed at her intently, not even bothering to pretend to be paying his companion any attention. Langa tried not to stare but found that her eyes would not obey.
The waiter arrived to take their orders, and the spell was momentarily broken. Langa was surprised to find that her breathing had deepened and her friends were warily watching her. She focused on them resolutely. She would not give them any reason to think she might be cracking.
She made it through a few more minutes before her eyes wandered over to Lazola without her permission. He was still watching her. What was wrong with him? Did he want to get caught out? She made a decision, quickly pushed her chair back and got up.
“Ladies’ room. Be right back,” she mumbled.
Langa walked away before her friends could respond. All she needed was a few minutes to collect herself. She made it down an empty, carpeted hallway and huffed in relief when the door to the ladies’ room finally clicked shut behind her.
In front of the mirrors, she tossed her purse on the counter and studied her reflection. With a grimace she evaluated what she saw. A grey shirt and business pants were hardly attractive. And why hadn’t she put on more than mascara this morning? And her hair ! She was in t
he middle of digging in her purse for a comb when she suddenly stopped.
What was she thinking?
Lazola was here, flaunting his new fiancée to the world, and all she could do was wonder if he liked the way she looked? Langa braced her palms on the counter and leaned towards her flushed reflection.
“Pathetic. You, my friend, are smarter than that. Go out, enjoy yourself, and then leave.”
It may have been the world’s shortest pep talk, but it did help. She splashed her face with some water, then dried herself and shook out her soft hair. The woman with Lazola, the same one from the ROCH, was groomed to the nines. What had ever drawn him to Langa if that was the type of woman he preferred?
The empty ladies’ room held no answers and Langa was tired of asking the same questions over and over again. She reapplied her gloss and straightened her shirt before grabbing her purse. Her friends were waiting.
She had barely made it through the door when a strong hand grabbed her and spun her around. Her back thudded into a wall and the most incredible heat covered her front. Her golden eyes snapped up to the handsome face that had been torturing her for almost an hour.
“Lazola, what are you doing? We can’t –”
“Hush, woman.” His lips mated with hers before she could protest.
No …
She’d spent a lot of time working out how she would get over him. She’d come up with answers to anything he could possibly say to her; she’d thought of responses to being around him; she’d figured it all out. All except for this.
His hand clasped both her wrists above her head while his chest pressed into her. His scent, his strength – her body recognised it all and answered with an acquiescence that made her moan. His teeth nipped insistently at her full lips and his tongue drove forward the moment access was granted. He overwhelmed her with a hunger that amazed her. Passion licked through her limbs and raged brighter when his free hand stroked at her hip before circling her waist.
He drew out a fervour she’d been sure had been doused a long time ago. Her hips gyrated against him and she whimpered when he cupped her breast through the thin material of her shirt. He pinched her aching nipple and smiled against her lips when she cried out.
His hand rose further till his fingers were buried in her hair. Langa was so lost in kissing him that it came as a shock when his entangled fingers tightened and pulled her away from his lips. She could barely lift her lids to meet his enigmatic scrutiny. His eyes were dark with lust and a possessiveness that made her yearn for his arms around her.
“You want this.”
His growl was a statement, not a question, so Langa simply watched him.
“You want me.”
This was a little too close to the truth. She parted her lips. “No,” she groaned huskily.
Anger flitted over the lust in his eyes.
“Yes,” he thundered. “Why are you doing this?”
Why indeed?
“Good question. Let go of me, Lazola. I’ve kept you from your … companion for long enough.”
She pushed past him before he could stop her. She returned to her table to find that the bill had already been paid.
Noluvuyo was watching her with concern. “You’ve been gone a while, and when Lazola disappeared we thought –”
“Wouldn’t it be great to go hang out at my place tonight?” Angela chimed in. “We could laze about in T-shirts and do each other’s nails and talk till late.”
Langa saw right through her and nodded in gratitude. Angela was great at damage control. A night of frivolity was exactly what she needed to help her forget the way she’d lost her mind this evening.
Her mind, her heart … Was there any part of herself that Lazola Rhadebe did not own?
Chapter 10
10
Langa had told herself she was holding it together.
She’d congratulated herself on always paying attention in meetings and not missing a single deadline. She’d reminded herself to smile when jokes were told and to nod when asked if she was well. She’d cheered herself on and almost believed the overly chipper voice inside which assured her that she was coping just fine.
That was until this morning.
The day had started out like any other. She’d arrived at work early and kept busy for a few hours. A craving for coffee had kicked in then, and she’d decided to give her legs a stretch and fetch it herself instead of sending Marie.
And now she was in the break room watching four of her female colleagues squeal in delight. She was pulled into the group before she could make her escape.
“Langa, you won’t believe it, darling!” Anushri from accounting was gripping her fingers tightly enough to crush bone.
“Oh?”
“Remember how long Ranak and I have been trying to have a baby?”
Langa recalled that they had gotten married slightly less than a year ago and wondered if that was the long time her coworker was referring to. She nodded.
“Well, we finally caved and made an appointment for next week, you know, to see some fertility specialists. But now we don’t need that any more!”
Langa gasped. “You mean you’re …”
“Pregnant! Yes, I’m expecting a baby! Two years ago I was all alone, praying for someone special – and now it’s all coming together. I have Ranak and the baby on the way.”
“That’s wonderful, Anushri. I’m so happy for you both.” Just a handful of words, but Langa almost didn’t manage to deliver them.
Something cold and heavy was bearing down on her chest. She was struggling to breathe in properly. Why couldn’t she inhale deeper? She became really concerned when she felt her eyes start to burn.
Langa placed her mug on the counter before she lost her grip on it. Anushri was still smiling at her, so she gave her a warm hug. She was happy for her, she really was. The weight on her heart was something else.
“I need … I must …” She left the group, which had fortunately moved on to discussing the pros and cons of waterbirth.
Langa rushed blindly through the hallways and into the ladies’ room. She was grateful that her tears only started falling once she’d slammed the door shut and locked herself in an empty stall.
It was all too much.
To find out that love at first sight, soulmates and all-consuming passion were actually real. To be allowed to bond her heart to an amazing man and be given a taste of what a life with him could be like. To be taught to ache for something in her world that would last forever. To have all that, and then have it snatched away.
She wouldn’t get to open her eyes to Lazola’s smile every day. She wouldn’t get to share her aspirations and achievements with him. She would never know what it felt like to bear his child. An incomplete fantasy was all she had left to call her own.
It was too much.
The weight of the immutable realisation finally crushed her, and she wept bitterly. Hot tears flowed, and more followed. It took everything she had to keep her sobs silent. This was it, the end.
She cried until she felt drained; then she sat a few minutes longer in order to calm herself. Her reality had finally sunk into all levels of her consciousness. She had lost Lazola and she could never have him back. Life without him would hurt but she needed to accept that as soon as possible, instead of wearing herself out emotionally.
She rose unsteadily and went to freshen up in front of the mirror. She stared in wonder at her reflection. How could she be so torn up inside and yet continue to look the same on the outside? She had the worst imaginable ailment, and it came with few visible symptoms and no treatments.
On her way back to the office she passed more women congratulating Anushri while raising glasses of orange juice. She hurried on and only relaxed slightly once she was in her quiet office again. As happy as she was for her glowing colleague, she knew that there was no way she could sit through lunch in an office full of gushing women. She’d have to listen to anecdotes and plans for the future an
d pretend that it wasn’t all highlighting her own loneliness.
She didn’t have the strength for that yet.
At midday, Langa left a little early, hoping to avoid bumping into anyone who might suggest joining her for lunch. After a quick stop at a health shop, she decided to drive to the park; the further she was from the office, the greater chance she had of eating alone. She settled on a sunlit bench and unpacked her food.
She noted her mistake as soon as she looked around. This was the park Lazola had brought her to a lifetime ago. They had shared their pasts and compared funny university tales. She weighed the contentment she’d felt then against the cloudy resignation she felt now and grimaced.
She finished her lunch without tasting a single bite, before making her way back to the office. Was there no place she could go without thinking about that man? The office, the hotels and now the park – they all reminded her of him. Getting over Lazola Rhadebe would prove to be the hardest feat she’d ever attempted.
In the lift, on the way up to her office, Langa purposefully steered her thoughts towards work. She ran a mental checklist of everything she could do to occupy her time and sternly rejected any thoughts that weren’t work-related. It was a good start and she felt a little better by the time the lift’s bell pinged, announcing her floor.
She stepped out and made it two steps before Anushri pounced. “There you are!”
Please, no more. “Yes, here I am.”
Anushri was still excited, but the glint in her eyes looked different. “We’ve been searching for you all over the place! Your office was empty and you’d left your cellphone. No one knew where you were.”
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Oh no, nothing’s amiss! I didn’t mean that. There was a man here, darling. A very, very handsome man. He was looking for you and when we didn’t know where you were, he almost tore the place apart! So where have you been hiding him, you dark horse?”
Langa knew that she could only be referring to one person. “I haven’t. He’s … He’s just a client. I’m handling his account.”