by S. E. Lund
"She was wrong to expect more than you offered," I said.
"I was wrong to use her like that, not seeing that she was getting in deeper than I was. That she was expecting more. We kept our relationship secret because we were both afraid that Grant would be angry and disapprove of it. It made it easy to see it as nothing important -- at least for me. It wasn't public, so it didn't matter. I was callous, not realizing she felt differently."
"What happened at the funeral? She was there. Did you have a big scene or something?"
He nodded. "She was drunk and high as well. She started using heavier drugs after we stopped seeing each other. She went downhill and became depressed. She's an addict, Ella," he said, his voice impassioned. "Heroin. Meth. She lives in this dump of a rooming house and has tracks up her arms. She prostitutes herself for money for her drugs. It caused a real divide in the family and they pretty much disowned her. Grant's suicide sent her off the deep end, and I was there to see her hit rock bottom."
I nodded and waited for the rest. "And then what?"
"I gave her money, because she was clearly hurting. She started to hit me up for more and more. Finally, I said that unless she got help, I'd turn off the tap. I paid for a bed at a rehab facility in California and she agreed to go. That's why I was there. I picked her up in Millbrook and flew her to the facility near LA. Since I was there, I stayed with David."
"That's where you went," I said and felt a surge of hope in me. "This was the big secret you were keeping from me? You paid for her rehab and took her there?"
He nodded. "We never slept together. I never kissed her. I just paid for her rehab and took her there."
I shook my head, ashamed that I'd been so wrong.
"That's nothing to be ashamed of. It's noble."
"I was horrible to her," he said and shook his head. "I treated her like an object to use when I felt like it. To forget about when I found something I liked better. No wonder she crashed."
I leaned over and kissed him softly. "You didn't mislead her. She misled herself. Josh, you can't take responsibility for the whole world on your shoulders. She's responsible for her own issues, not you. There must be something in their family -- mental illness, abuse, neglect -- something that led Penny to do drugs. People who abuse drugs are self-medicating. They need help and the drugs take the pain away for a while. It's not your fault."
"I wish I could believe you, but if I hadn't led her on..."
"Did you promise her to love her and only her? To stay with her till death do you part? If not, you didn't lead her on."
"But I was so heartless. I didn't see how her idea about what we meant to each other changed. I didn't read the signs. I was selfish and self-absorbed. Then, when I met Christie, I just moved on without a thought."
I felt tears well up in my eyes. I'd been so wrong about him...
"I have a confession to make, too," I said and got up, pulling him over to the sofa. I sat, and he sat down beside me.
"What?"
I told him about the anonymous messages I received and the page of pictures of him and Penny.
"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," he said, frowning. "If I'd told you right away about Penny, you would have known that those pictures meant nothing. This is my fault. I should have come clean, but I just felt so bad overall."
"We both should have been more open," I said and reached over to cup his face. "I'm sorry I didn't just ask you outright, but I was afraid that I'd been betrayed again."
"I would never cheat on you," he said. "Never. I love you, Ella. I'm in love with you. I have been since that day in the elevator."
"That's crazy," I said, my eyes filled with tears.
"It's true," he said and laughed, his own eyes misty. "I love you, Ella. Don't run away from me again. You can always ask me anything and I'll always tell you the truth. I don't want to ever be apart from you again."
"I'm so sorry I doubted you." We kissed and embraced, and I felt a wave of relief flood through my body, my heart feeling like it could burst with happiness. "I love you, Josh. I can't imagine not having you in my life. This past day has been utter hell because I thought we'd have to end it."
We kissed again, our arms tight around each other.
That was how my mother found us as she came in the front door. Our kiss ended, and I glanced over only to see her raise her eyebrows and quickly turn around and go back outside.
"Mom, it's okay," I called out. "You can come back in."
She did come back in, her face flushed bright pink. "Whew!" she said and fanned herself. "I thought you two were having a moment and didn't want to interrupt."
"We were having a moment, but it's all good." I stood and pulled Josh up. "Mom, this is Josh Macintyre."
Josh held his hand out. "So happy to finally meet you, Mrs. Carter. You should know that I'm in love with your daughter and I just told her I didn't want us to ever be apart again."
Of course, my mother was ecstatic to meet Josh and of most especially, to hear his declaration of love.
"Oh, you're going to have me in tears with that kind of talk. Come here and give me a big old hug," she said, and he laughed when she embraced him, not seeming to mind her overly affectionate nature, embracing her back and smiling at me.
Josh and my mother hugged for a moment and then he pulled back, his hands on her arms. "I'm a bit worried to meet your husband, though. Is he not home?"
"He's in Washington for the weekend."
"Do you think he'll forgive me for my father's past indiscretions?"
"There's nothing to forgive," my mother said and waved her hand dismissively. "When you two finally meet, all he'll care about is whether you've made our little girl happy."
Josh turned to me and smiled softly. "That's all that matters to me."
He took my hand and squeezed, and it was then I finally knew that everything was going to be all right.
20
Josh
EPILOGUE
While Ella packed her bag, I sat at the kitchen island and spoke with Mrs. Carter.
"What advice do you have for me in dealing with Governor Carter?" I asked, sipping the fresh cup of coffee she made for me. She'd invited me back to Concord at Christmas so I could meet the Governor.
"Be forthright and honest," Mrs. Carter said. "He doesn't have time for games and doesn't tolerate them in others. If you do that, you should be fine with him. He's sometimes blunt -- brutally blunt -- but he doesn't lie so you always know where you stand with him."
"That's a good trait to have. I admire honesty."
She smiled. "Then you two should get along fine."
Ella came out of the bedroom, her overnight bag in hand.
"Sorry to leave but Josh wanted us to go to his house in Montauk. The weather's good this weekend and it's probably one of the last nice weekends we'll get until spring."
"Don't you worry about it," Mrs. Carter said. "You two go and enjoy the weather. I'm all booked up with bridge and a girl's night out tonight, so I'll be fine."
While Ella and her mom kissed and hugged each other, I carried Ella's bag out to the car.
"Nice to meet you," I said to Mrs. Carter and gave her a hug. She kissed my cheek and then wiped it off.
"So good to meet you, Josh. You come up for Christmas and spend some time with us. I'll make sure Ella's father is on his best behavior."
"I look forward to it."
Then, we drove off, back down the coast to Montauk to spend the rest of the weekend at the house.
The house had been empty for months, and it smelled a bit stale, so I opened the patio doors leading onto the deck. The wind off the ocean brought in the fresh salty air, the lace curtains billowing around me. Down below, a hundred feet away, I could hear the waves crash against the surf.
"My God, Josh, this house is amazing."
Ella stood beside me and I heard her take in a deep breath. She had her eyes closed, clearly enjoying the smell of the salt air.
"The house is beautiful,
but if I was here by myself, I'd be unhappy. There are so many memories here for me of my mother and father. You're so lucky you still have both of them."
"I know," she said and took my hand. "I am lucky."
We spent the last few hours of sunlight walking the beach, hand in hand. Then, we went inside and spent some time getting our meal ready. We'd stopped in town on the way to the house to pick up some food and planned on grilling some steaks. While I seasoned the meat, Ella made a fresh salad and slipped a loaf of French Bread in the oven.
"This kitchen is a cook's fantasy," she said and ran her fingers along the countertop. "The refrigerator, the range, the sinks..."
"My mother loved to cook. We could have had a chef, but we only did for special occasions. The rest of the time, my mother spent planning and preparing our meals. She should have been a caterer, she enjoyed it so much. So, my father made sure to build her the very best kitchen possible."
"He must have loved her," she said and smiled.
"He did," I said, remembering my father's words in his letter to us boys.
My one piece of advice on how to have a happy life? Marry well. Have a family with many children. Love your family with all your heart, the way I did you and your mother.
I watched Ella as she ripped up lettuce and chopped vegetables for the salad. I knew at that moment, that she belonged in my mother's kitchen, using it the way my mother would have wanted.
I went to her and slipped my arms around her waist, pulling her against me.
"This is nice," I said and kissed her neck.
"It is."
She turned around in my arms and we kissed deeply.
"Things turned out much better than I expected," she said when the kiss ended. "I figured I'd be crying my eyes out in Concord, my mother consoling me with hot cocoa and cheesecake."
"Does cheesecake console you?"
"No, but it does console my mother. I'm a crème brûlée kind of gal."
"That's right. I'll have to remember that for when you need consoling in the future."
We hugged each other and then the timer on the stove went off. The grill was ready for the steaks.
We ate at the dining room table only because it was a bit too windy on the patio, but we had a nice view of the ocean as the stars began to rise.
Later, while Ella sat reading the paper, I moved our bags to the master bedroom that my parents used to share. I hadn't been there since the early summer, when my father asked me to come out and retrieve some of my mother's pictures for him. He was too sick to make the trip.
While I was standing at the large dresser my mother used, I saw her jewelry box and opened it, wondering what was still there. My father had refused to pack up her things when she died and instead, kept everything on the dresser as she left it.
There, on the top shelf of the jewelry box, was her engagement ring, the single solitary diamond huge in a wide platinum band. She had been so thin at the end that she couldn't wear it any longer and so she'd taken to wearing only her wedding band on a necklace around her neck. She hoped that one day, one of us boys would give her engagement ring to our bride-to-be.
I hadn't given it to Christie, for she had already picked out her engagement ring -- a huge square diamond surrounded by emeralds.
When I saw the ring sitting there, waiting, I knew what I wanted to do.
I picked it up and slipped it into the pocket in my sweater. Then, I went out onto the patio where Ella, brave soul that she was, was sitting on the huge sectional, her head back, watching the stars overhead.
She smiled when she saw me and patted the sofa beside her.
"Come and sit with me," she said. "The wind has died down and stars are so beautiful, and you can see so many out here. I could live here and be quite happy."
Instead, I knelt beside her and took her hand.
"Ella," I said and reached into my pocket, removing the ring. "This was my mother's engagement ring. She wanted one of her sons to give it to their fiancée one day and I hope I can fulfill her wish. I love you and I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?"
She covered her mouth and glanced down at the ring. "Josh..." She let me slip the ring on her finger and it almost fit perfectly. "It's so beautiful." She stared at the ring, and I feared she'd say no.
"This is sudden," she said softly, glancing up at me, her expression serious. "We've only been dating for a few months."
"I know, but I can't deny how I feel. If this weekend taught me anything, it's that I love you and can't imagine life without you."
"I can't either," she said. " Of course, I'll marry you. I love you and can't imagine life without you."
We kissed and spent the rest of the evening lying on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around us, watching the stars of the Milky Way rise in the sky overhead.
THE END OF BOOK TWO
Book Three, the conclusion of Josh and Elle’s story, Tame Me, to be released in 2019!
Excerpt From Endless
Drake
My day was completely taken up with a trio of children who had come in from a school bus crash near Bournemouth, monitoring them and checking on each to ensure they had no trauma that required my immediate attention. The crash could have been much worse but luckily, the children were all fastened in due to it being a special bus for children in wheelchairs. Nevertheless, for the first few hours after they arrived, the pediatric trauma team and I worked hard to ensure that none of them decompensated and needed immediate surgery.
I was working with an excellent pediatric trauma surgeon, who made me think of my father, and it made me slightly wistful, wishing he had survived, and I could have gotten to know him as an adult. There were so many cases I could consult with him about, so many techniques he had perfected as a trauma surgeon in Vietnam and had developed surgical implements to handle. So many advancements since he had died.
But the past was the past, and I had to focus on the present, and enjoy every moment. I knew how fragile life was. I saw it every day, and it made me even more certain that I was the luckiest man alive, with a beautiful and loving wife who was totally sympatico with me sexually and emotionally. I had a beautiful daughter and I had a son, who I wanted to get to be a real father to eventually. What was there to be unhappy about?
There was one thing and I didn't want to let it bother me too much.
Even though the trial was months ago, and the publicity had died down, news of my past had reached the staff room at the Children's Hospital.
No matter what I did, it would haunt me -- that fateful decision I made years before I met Kate that almost cost her life.
One day, after a particularly grueling case, I stopped into the staff room for a coffee and a rest before my next consult came into the Emergency room. The boy I was seeing was epileptic and we wanted to assess him to see if deep brain stimulation would be able to reduce or eliminate his seizures, which were quite horrific. The parents had tried everything, but nothing stopped the chronic seizures. I knew that DBS was the last resort for the family, and I was hoping my investigation of his case and examination of him would prove he was a great candidate.
Not everyone was. It saddened me when I was unable to help a patient, but a child was even harder to take. They had their whole life ahead of them and it was tough to see them struggle at such an early age to do even the most rudimentary tasks other children their age took for granted.
While I waited for the family to arrive, I sat and tried to decompress. One of the nurses looked up from her small group of other nurses and gave me a smile. I didn't know everyone on a first-name basis yet, but I remembered her. Diane. She worked in infectious diseases and had several of her fellow nurses sitting with her. I couldn't help but notice how they leaned in when I sat at the table a few chairs down from where they sat. A giggle passed through them, and I felt eyes on me. When I glanced over where they sat, they glanced away and made eye contact with each other.
I knew what that meant -- it meant they were likel
y discussing the more salacious gossip and headlines surrounding my identity.
Drake Morgan, MD. Manhattan's Doctor Dominant.
I sighed and picked up my newspaper and left the staff room, saddened that I couldn't even come all the way to England to escape the fallout of the trial. I thought my time in Southampton would be free from any news or discussion about Lisa or her murderous ways, but I was not going to get my way.
I went to my office, and sat alone, brooding while I pondered what to do about it -- if anything.
Part of me felt that I should be open about it, admit what happened to my fellow staff members, and let the interest peak and then wane. I had hoped to go incognito but that fell through the first week I was at the hospital.
Now, I couldn't even go to the cafeteria without the nurses whispering and giggling behind their cups of tea.
My cell rang. It was Michael.
"Hello, Boss," I said when I answered, smiling because the thought of his smiling face made me feel just a little better. He was currently out of town at a conference, and I was holding down the fort for him while he was away.
"You're the boss when I'm away," he said with a laugh. "How are things?"
"Running smooth as a baby's bottom," I replied. "If it wasn't for the giggles of the nurses whenever I come into the staff room, I'd be a happy camper."
"What?" Michael said, his voice sounding alarmed. "Tell me who's giggling about you and I'll speak harshly to them."
"No, no," I said, feeling bad now that I'd burdened him with the issue. "It's nothing. For all I know, I had ketchup on my tie or something."
"I doubt it," Michael replied, sighing. "I heard a few of them discussing you in the line at the cafeteria when they didn't know I was in line behind them. They were titillated by your presence. They thought you were very sexy and wondered if you liked to use cuffs with or without lamb’s wool."