by Justin Sayre
Okay, now what exactly is she thinking? We don’t eat in the living room. We never have because of the white carpet. Janet never even allows drinks in there, and it’s the one rule that she actually follows. Usually we don’t even turn the lights on. But now I guess with Auntie here, none of that seems to matter. There are no rules anymore. Auntie’s in charge, and the rest of us, meaning me, just have to get used to it.
In the living room, Auntie’s set up on pillows on the floor. She’s taken pillows from almost every room of the house. She’s also lit every candle in the house, even ones that are just for show.
“Honey!” Auntie yells up to me as she walks in the room with a big bowl in her hands. She doesn’t even see me standing there. “You coming down? Oh, you’re right here. Well, sit.” She puts the big bowl in the middle of the glass coffee table. It’s like a salad, almost, but there’s hot chicken in it and avocado. I don’t know what it is, really, and I’m not sure I want to.
“I want to do something nice for you, baby. You deserve it,” Auntie Amara says as she rubs my shoulder. What does she know about what I deserve? She doesn’t know what goes on here. She doesn’t know what it’s like. She’s just here because I think it would be illegal to leave me alone, even though I would know how to take care of myself a whole lot better by myself and there wouldn’t be dirty dishes in the sink.
“Do you want a napkin?” Auntie asks, handing me one. “I should get some towels or something to put underneath us, I guess. I don’t want to get anything on the rug.” She sits down on the floor.
Then why are we in here? If you are so worried about getting something on the rug anyway, why are we sitting on the floor and eating some sort of hot summer salad? None of it makes any sense.
“I’ll get them,” I say, getting up and walking into the kitchen.
“Thanks, baby, and would you bring me that bottle of wine on the counter?” Auntie yells as I pass her and start into the kitchen. So now she’s drinking? I lost one drunk and replaced her with another. The kitchen is a mess, oil splotches all over the stove, at least fifteen different bowls all filthy and gross piled up in the sink. Knives out all over the counter. It looks worse than when Janet was here, and still there’s music on. I go over to her computer and hit the space bar to pause it so I can think straight through all the mess.
“Aww, why did you turn that off?” Auntie yells from the living room.
I walk over and hit the space bar again, grabbing two towels from the drawer and the bottle of wine she’s already started before going back into the living room.
As soon as I get back: “What’s wrong, don’t you like Miss Patti?” Auntie laughs.
“I’m sorry. Here’s your towel,” I say, handing her the towel and the bottle.
“How was school?” she asks.
“It was fine,” I answer, taking my first bite. It’s actually kind of good.
“You don’t say much, do you?” Auntie smiles. “I understand. I want you to know that I’m here for you.” I can feel her eyes on the top of my head, as I’m bent over my plate trying just to eat and get out of here. “Look up at me,” she says loudly. So I do, but why does she have to tell me even where to look? “Sophie, baby, I’m here for you. I don’t need you to hide from me, or hold anything back from me. Do you know that?” she asks.
“Sure.” I barely get that out with my mouth so full.
The song changes on her computer, and Auntie waves her hand, in excitement, I guess, and just like that her glass of wine topples over and spills on the white carpet. Auntie frowns a little and starts to the kitchen. But I’m already up and back with paper towels. I knew this was going to happen. Why did she have to bring us in here? Why does everything have to change?
Auntie comes back into the doorway while I’m patting the wine out of the white carpet.
“Leave it. I got it.” Auntie comes behind me and moves my arms away. She has a big canister of salt and a bottle of seltzer. She pours it on the spot. She’s just making it worse. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. I can’t believe she did this. I can’t believe I let her. I should have stood up to her. I should have told her we don’t eat in here. Janet will be so angry, and I know I will have to pay for it, of course I’ll have to, because Amara won’t be here and it will be just another thing that Janet can throw a drunken fit about.
But just like that, the wine starts to come up.
“I told you I got this.” Auntie smiles from the carpet.
I can’t believe she did it. I stare at the spot, trying to see the stain, but it’s gone.
“It’s only a rug, girl. There are more important things.” Auntie smiles. “Now, you were telling me about school?”
CHAPTER 9
The next day at school, Allegra waits for me by the door after English. “Hey, how was it?” she asks.
“Homework, but whatevs. How was yours?” I ask her, dipping my head a little to see if I can at least trap her eyes in a look, but she’s already moved to the hallway.
“Mr. Gennetti is giving us a big, like, project or whatever for after Halloween. It’s, like, almost too much.”
“What is it?” I ask.
“He’ll tell you. But don’t, like, worry or anything. It’ll be easy for you. Like everything else,” she says, passing into her next classroom. This is about something else. Allegra usually acts weird, but she’s even weirder than her regular I don’t care weirdness.
“Save you a seat at lunch,” I call out after her.
Maybe I’ll find out at lunch.
I rush into Mr. Gennetti’s class right after the bell rings and take my seat in the front. Before I sit, I see Ducks looking for me, making a face, like he’s not happy about my being late. Ellen is in her seat behind me, but she’s not looking up at me or at anyone else. What is wrong with everyone today, and why do I have to worry about any of it?
“So as you all know, Halloween is coming up. Right?” Mr. Gennetti asks the class, and we all nod yes. “But do you all know about the Day of the Dead?” There are fewer heads nodding, but that’s just what he wants.
“Well, you see, in my culture, on November first we celebrate the Day of the Dead, or Día de los Muertos.” When Mr. Gennetti says this last part in Spanish, I think Amy is going to pass out; she hangs on the roll of his r like he’s sending it just to her. I turn around to see if Ellen notices, because this would be something that she’d love to see, but she’s still not looking up. I nudge her desk a little and she looks up. I stick my tongue out at her, which at least makes her smile after she sticks her tongue back out at me.
“On this day, we celebrate and remember the members of our families who have died.”
“My grandmother died last year,” Kara Geller says out loud, smiling like she finally has something to say. Too bad her grandmother had to die to give her this chance.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Kara.” Mr. Gennetti smiles at her. That reminds Kara she should be sad about it too. Kara frowns it all up like she’s sad all over again, if she ever really was.
“But this is a day to celebrate the dead and to keep a small part of them with us. Now, I know you all want to be zombies for Halloween, but I’d like to ask you this: If you could dress up as a member of your family, someone whom you are proud of, someone who inspires you, who would that be?”
The girls in the class almost start to hum about whom they would dress up as, but also for the chance to impress Mr. Gennetti with his own project.
“Over the next month, I want you to do some research. Talk to your parents, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, and find out about your family. And for the Day of the Dead, I want you to write a report on the family member who makes you the proudest.”
Emma’s hand shoots up. “Do they have to be dead?”
“No, I guess not, but it is the Day of the Dead,” Mr. Gennetti says, shrugging. “You’l
l present your work to the class, and I would love if you could dress up as them.” Mr. Gennetti smiles really big at this part, which makes most of the girls in the class nod along, and even a few boys. Ducks does. I’m already thinking, I have no idea what to do or who to be.
At lunch Allegra tells me the boys want to take us to Pizza Plus again. I can see Ducks shrink at the thought. He doesn’t want to go, and honestly neither do I. I tell Allegra I can’t, which sets her eyes rolling so far back in her head she looks possessed, and Ducks shares a shy but sort of thankful smile over his chocolate milk.
Ducks finds me after the last bell of the day and starts to walk home with me. He’s quiet, mostly, which for some reason doesn’t feel heavy like usual. It’s not the silence of not knowing what to say or being nervous at what you might; it’s a silence between people who don’t need to say much because they already know. We’re just there together, and that’s enough. I never really know how it works, but with Ducks, I love moments like this.
About halfway home, Ducks says, “You could have walked home with Ryan. I wouldn’t mind.”
“Thanks, but I wasn’t going to,” I say.
“I thought you guys, like, liked each other?” Ducks stares at me.
“Maybe?” I answer, because really, at this moment, maybe is the best answer I can come up with.
“Okay.” Ducks smiles.
“I’m not trying to be weird about it, but with Ryan, like, honestly, he’s fine. But who needs all that?” I smile back.
“All what?” Ducks asks, laughing.
“He’s, like, a jock and he does that thing with his nose.” I laugh back.
“Yeah, but that’s just boy stuff. Boys are like that.”
“You’re not,” I answer.
“No, but I don’t want to be. That makes most of the difference,” Ducks answers. “So what are you going to do about it? About Ryan?”
“I don’t know. I have lots of other things to worry about,” I say.
“Like what?” Ducks asks.
I want to tell him everything but instead I change the subject. “I mean, what about that project for Mr. Gennetti? So much work, and I don’t even know who I would be. I mean, I don’t know most of my family.”
“That’s not true.” Ducks smiles.
But it is. You don’t have family around when your mom drinks like Janet drinks or works like Janet works. So it’s just us, and now Auntie.
“It’s just a project, it’s not that huge,” Ducks says.
“You can’t do it the night before,” I say back, knowing that’s exactly what he will do.
“I’m not going to, I already know who I want to be,” Ducks says, louder than he needs to. He’ll be his grandfather Jock. Jock died a couple of years ago, and Ducks was the saddest I have ever seen anyone be about anything. He misses him all the time. Jock was a nice man. Ducks was lucky to have him.
I walk Ducks to his gate, and right before he leaves, he turns around and hugs me. We just walked home together, what’s the big deal? But it’s still nice to have a hug from my friend. Maybe I needed it more than I knew.
I open the door to my house, and out of habit, I stop and wait, tiptoeing to the stairs, thinking I need to get up there before she catches me at the door. I make it up at least five steps when Auntie Amara calls to me from the kitchen.
“Hey, girl, how was your day?” I stop on the stairs, because I don’t know what to do.
“Fine,” I yell back.
“Come down, if you want to talk to me,” Auntie yells back.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” I say as I race up the steps. Maybe I need to run away from her too. Why does she have to be after me all the time, and why is she spending so much time in the kitchen anyway? I drop my stuff on my bed and just stand in the middle of my room for a minute.
“Sophie, girl, come down,” Auntie Amara yells up.
I smack my head, I’m so mad. Why can’t she just leave me alone? I stamp around and make screaming faces that I know she can’t see but I don’t care if she does. I slam around my room until I go back down the stairs.
The kitchen is full of Auntie smells, her food and her incense, which she lights all over the house just like the candles. Even her music fills the room, and it’s so loud I can barely hear what she says.
“I’m making gumbo,” Auntie says, without looking at me. “You should wash up and bring your homework down here. I’d like the company.”
“I can’t do my work down here. It’s too loud and there’s no room for me. I have a desk upstairs.”
“Use the desk in the office.” Auntie smiles, tasting the gumbo.
“I’m not allowed,” I say.
“I allow you, Sophie,” Auntie says, putting the big spoon back in the pot.
“I don’t want to,” I say louder. Why can’t she just let me be for a minute?
“That way if you have questions, I can be right here.”
“I can do my own homework,” I say to her.
“You best watch that mouth when you’re talking to me,” Auntie says, still smiling. It’s a warning to me, and I should take it, but I just want to go upstairs.
“This is going to take another forty-five minutes. Go upstairs and do your work, but you bring it down when you’re done, and I’ll check it.”
“Fine,” I say back, huffing out the word like she’s being ridiculous, which she is.
“Yes, it is. Now go on.” Auntie smirks as she waves me out of the kitchen.
I run up the stairs two at a time, just to get away from her, and slam my door. I slam it so hard, it’s the only sound in the house. I want everything to stop for a minute but it just doesn’t. It never does.
CHAPTER 10
Allegra asks me to sleep over Friday night. When I ask Auntie if it’s okay, she asks why I can’t have Allegra to our house. First off, it’s not “our” house, it’s Janet’s and mine, and secondly, I don’t have anyone over if I can help it and especially not to sleep over. I pout around until Auntie says I can go, but I have to be home early Saturday so we can get my hair done.
Friday at school, Allegra can’t stop talking about all the fun stuff we’re going to do tonight. She’s almost trying to impress me, making sure I will definitely show up. She doesn’t need to, I really want a night away from “our” house.
“Tonight is going to be the Best Evah!” she squeals at the end of the day as she pulls me by the arm, out the door, down the stairs, and onto the street, where we get into a car and squeal off to her house and all that fun. For most of the car ride she doesn’t even look at her phone, which for her must be torture. She just grins at me as we race to our sleepover.
“Tonight, I was thinking, like, face masks and old movies. Then we can order, like, food or whatever and talk to the boys. It’s going to be super rad.”
“Whatever you want to do,” I say, trying to be as excited as she is, but I don’t think without a six-pack of Coke I can be.
Allegra’s house is very nice, very fancy and very modern, but it doesn’t really feel like a house where people live. It looks too much like a catalog to think people actually sleep and go to the bathroom here. But they do, all the Bernsteins, Allegra and her mom and dad and her older sister, Kylie. Kylie and Allegra hate each other, and they remind each other daily. And when company is over, it only gets louder. They like to glom onto the new person to prove they’re right about how awful the other one is.
Kylie is in high school and she’s a super cool girl, like Allegra is or will probably grow up to be. They’re really the same person. Maybe that’s why they can’t just get along or make it through dinner without throwing something. Kylie likes me though. She always says nice things about my clothes, but she uses her compliments to me as a way to make fun of Allegra. Kylie has a good look, except for all the lip gloss.
When we walk i
nto Allegra’s house, her dad is rushing out to a big lawyer dinner and passes us in the doorway with a “hello” and “order whatever you want,” his card is on the counter. It’s all in a flash and then he’s gone. I think we might be alone in the house. We head to the kitchen to get Vitaminwaters. That’s one of the interesting things in Allegra’s house, there’s never a big container of anything. They don’t even buy milk by the gallon. It’s all little individual bottles. Vitaminwaters and Snapples and bottled water. It’s all there so everyone can have their own, because in this house, nobody shares.
“What do you want to do first?” Allegra asks, passing me a water.
“I don’t care. I’m fine,” I say.
“Well, do you want a snack or something at least? I think there’s, like, fruit and stuff around, we don’t have to order the food yet.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I’m fine,” I answer.
Allegra’s already started looking at her phone. It’s not because I’m boring her, she’ll do this all night, even when it’s just the two of us. It’s her thing, I don’t get offended by it. I just wish I knew what she was actually doing on there. I know she’s not texting because she doesn’t have that many people to text anyway. There are maybe five people she texts regularly and I’m one of them, and I’m sitting right here.
“We should, like, absolutely have the boys over. That would be cool, right?” Allegra asks.
“Leg, I don’t want them to come over,” I say.
“Why? Did something, like, happen with Ryan?” Allegra asks, looking up from her phone.
“No, I just thought it was going to be us tonight.”
“It is us, but it can be us and them,” Allegra snaps back. She turns to the refrigerator and pushes her glass under the ice maker. “Well, I already invited them, so if you don’t want them to come, you should text and tell them not to.”
“Leg, why did you ask me if you already asked them?” I shout over the sound of the ice tumbling into her glass.