by Joss Wood
Well, the question was right but there was no heat behind her words, no anger or emotion. He’d expected her to react in one of two ways—to leave immediately or to rail on him, tell him that he had no right to do what he’d done, that she wouldn’t stand for it and never to do it again. And then she’d stay.
He never expected this quiet, still, intense response. What did it mean? Where was she going with this?
“You know that you had no right to arrange a nanny for Clem, that you had no right to organize a loan for me. You knew I wouldn’t stand for any of it, but you did it anyway. I’ve been wondering why.”
Cam slowly sipped his whiskey, desperately hoping that she’d put him out of his misery sometime soon. Mentally urging her to hurry the hell up, he forced himself to remain quiet, to see where she was going with this.
“So, the only conclusion I can come to is that today was a test. Last night something shifted between us and you were forced to face the fact that we have moved beyond being parents and bed buddies. That realization scared the hell out of you.”
Well, yeah. Essentially.
“And you thought a reasonable response to that was to test me, my feelings?”
Cam winced when Vivi’s voice rose and frustration and hurt leaked through that cool mask.
“I do want you to stay, Vivi.” It was all he could say, the only words he could form. “Please don’t bail on me, please don’t disappoint me” were words he wanted to scream but refused to let pass over his lips.
“You have a damn stupid way of showing it, McNeal,” Vivi whipped back. “Why did you feel the need to test me?”
If he was less of a man, he could deny her charge, find a decent excuse for his actions. If she was going back to work, she’d need a decent nanny—Charlie was getting on in age and Joe wasn’t going to be around to fill in the gaps—and she wanted her own restaurant. But he couldn’t lie to her. She deserved the truth.
Before he could answer her, she lifted her hand to stop him from speaking. “Don’t bother answering. I’ve already worked it out.”
He was interested to see if she came anywhere near the truth.
“You did to me what your father did to you. You did what you know.” Okay, she was getting warm.
“Last night you told me that your father would test you, that he’d demand that you do something and then you’d be rewarded with his love. You never told me if it worked.”
No, his father always reneged on his promise. Cam never received what he’d been promised.
“You expected me to disappoint you and then you’d have your excuse to push me away,” Vivi said softly. “You set me up, knowing I’d never agree to your terms and that would give you the excuse to put the distance you needed between us. Because basically, you’re terrified of being loved and even more scared of being disappointed.”
Cam stared at her, utterly blindsided that she saw him so clearly, knew him so well.
“They say that in times of emotional stress we revert back to the child we were and you just showed me how true that is. Earlier I was tempted to tell you to take your controlling nature and shove it. It’s my instinct to run at the slightest hint of controlling behavior because my mom controlled everything I did and said. And I so nearly did.”
Cam gripped his glass tighter. “So why are you still here?”
Vivi’s deep, dark, stunning eyes met his. “Because my love for you is stronger than my need to run from being controlled.”
She loved him? Still? How?
“You love me?”
“That’s pretty much the only reason I’m still here,” Vivi said, not sounding happy about it at all.
Vivi leaned sideways and picked up her bag from the floor at her feet. She dug around inside, pulled out her phone and tapped the screen. After a minute, she dropped the phone back into her bag and met his eyes. “I just called for a ride and it will be here in five minutes. Just long enough to explain what’s going to happen next.”
What was going to happen next? He had no damn idea. He was still wandering through this minefield, blindfolded and confused.
“I love you, Cam, and I think, maybe, that you might love me a little, too. I think you want me, want the family we can be, but you’re scared. That’s okay, I’m scared, too.”
Cam looked at her, hope blazing from his eyes. Maybe she’d stay...
“I’m not staying, Cam. I won’t be controlled by anything, not you, not my mother and certainly not by your fear and your past. You’ve got to decide whether you can trust me, trust that I love you, trust that I’m not going to bail on you and you need to do all that without the need to test me, or my love.
“I need a partner who respects me as much as I respect him. Somebody who loves me without qualification, who can accept my love and love me back.”
He couldn’t let her leave, not without making some sort of effort to convince her to stay. Yet he knew that she might be asking for something he couldn’t give. “I can try, Viv.”
Viv tried to smile but didn’t manage to pull it off. “This isn’t about trying, Cam, I need action. There’s no room for negotiation on this deal, McNeal. It’s all or nothing.”
He was still trying to make sense of her words, trying to wrap his head around the fact that she was leaving, when she dropped a kiss on his temple, her hand drifting across his hair. “You know where to find me, Cam. But make damn sure I am what, who, you want.”
Eleven
It’s late but I’m known for working longer and harder than many. But it’s been many minutes since I looked at my monitor and gave any attention to the papers on my desk.
It’s far more fun to remember every delicious detail of this afternoon’s Texas Cattleman’s Club drama. In the battle for control of the TCC, Sterling definitely won that round.
I’ve only ever allowed people to see what I allow them to, so I doubt anybody picked up how closely I observed the unfolding events. I noticed Ryder Currin’s annoyance when he arrived at Perry headquarters, and as usual, Sterling got his back up when Ryder walked in. Two cocks fighting over the prize of the TCC, each thinking that the other is their greatest threat, completely oblivious that neither of them will win.
I will.
By the time I am done with them both, everything they value will be destroyed. I will make sure of that. I’ve killed once. I’m not afraid to do it again.
People will remember that I was at the meeting, but nobody will connect me with the demise of the two powerful families. Because I smile and pour on the charm. I can do that as easily as I can manipulate, scheme, plot and plan. The duality of my personality doesn’t worry me. I am what I am and nothing is more important than seeing these two men taken down a peg or two.
Or five hundred.
I held many conversations with many people—all boring—while keeping an eye on Sterling. Because I pay close attention I immediately noticed the curl of his lip when something displeased him. Because I know him, I immediately noticed his stiff back, his clenched fist. I followed his gaze across the room and yeah, there was drama.
Ryder and Angela stood in the far corner, and since their profiles were closer to me, I saw their tense exchange. Because I’m not a complete idiot, I quickly clocked the sexual tension bouncing between them. It was so obvious they want to see each other naked, as soon as possible. I flipped my gaze to Sterling and grinned. He’d also realized that Ryder and Angela weren’t having a conversation about the weather.
Sterling, never shy, headed their way to confront this newest threat to the status quo and I couldn’t help laughing at the fact that a fox was in Sterling’s henhouse and, by God, he was determined to shoot it.
* * *
The terrible twos should come with a box of aspirin and a complimentary bottle of wine. A magical unicorn and a constant supply of chocolate wouldn’t go amiss, either.
Vivi was done. Physically, emotionally, mentally. She wanted a break.
Oh, who was she kidding? She wanted Cam. She wanted to hand her blaring daughter off to him and have him calm her down, because Vivi knew that the person Clem really wanted, the adult she missed at the end of the day, was her father. Her baby daughter, unable to articulate her frustration, was missing Cam. Vivi could relate because she was feeling the exact same way.
It had been nearly three days since she walked out of Cam’s house. And while she remained convinced she’d done the right thing, she still wanted to fall asleep in his arms, wake up to his kisses, hear his deep voice laughing and talking with her and Clem. But as much as she wanted to drive her replacement car across town—the very basic sedan she’d rented on her own—she forced herself to stay put. She’d told Cam what she wanted. Now the ball was very much in his court.
Waiting to see if he would play it was killing her.
If he came, it wouldn’t be easy. They weren’t easy people. He’d try to boss her about, and she’d rebel. They’d fight but if they acknowledged that their pasts had left scars and recognized when they were acting from fear, they’d be okay. They just needed to love and laugh and negotiate their way through the hard times. She’d have to keep reminding herself that a partnership did mean relinquishing some control, and he had to believe that she wouldn’t bail on him.
They could be amazing—if Cam decided that a family was what he wanted.
Vivi heard her phone beep and walked into her bedroom. She saw his name on her screen and wondered if her heart would ever stop lurching every time she saw his name. Probably not. Cam was her strong drink, her poison, her kryptonite. God, she wished she didn’t love him so much.
She opened his message and read the words he’d typed seconds before.
Hey. I wanted to check on how Clem was. I haven’t called her because I didn’t know if it would upset her or not.
Vivi typed her reply.
She misses you like crazy. I miss you like crazy. She cried for half an hour and screamed for another fifteen minutes. How the hell do you think she is, we are?
She couldn’t send that. If she did, he would rush over here, jumping on the excuse that she needed him, if only to help with Clem. No, that wasn’t how she wanted him back. She erased that message, typed in a new response and hit Send.
She’s good. We’re good.
I’m not.
Vivi stared at his reply, confused. How was she supposed to answer him? Should she tell him he knew what to do? That all he had to do was to love them?
She was desperate to send some reply, anxious to end this stalemate between them. But in the end, even though her heart was breaking, even though it felt like her soul was weeping, she didn’t reply.
Because nothing had changed. She wanted it all. She couldn’t settle for anything else.
All three of them deserved more.
* * *
Sitting in the informal sitting room in his home, Cam stared at his phone, wishing that Vivi would respond, tell him what to do. Oh, he knew what she wanted—a family, him, her and Clem as a unit—but he still couldn’t wrap his head around the concept. Neither could he stomach the thought of being away from her and his baby for much longer. God, why was this decision so hard to make? Why was he finding it so hard to act? He’d never been so indecisive.
Cam dropped his head against the back of his couch and idly rubbed the area of his heart. He missed them, more than he’d ever believed he would. His house, never the warmest place in the world, was now silent and cold, and his life was empty. Viv and Clem brought meaning and light and laughter and warmth into his world, yet he was sitting here, allowing his life to be dictated by the past.
Maybe he’d punished himself enough for being born a McNeal. Maybe it was time to let all that crap go and trust Vivi’s version, instead of believing his version of his past—the one his father had taught him and Emma had reinforced. Maybe he should—
The insistent peal of the doorbell filled the house and Cam frowned. He sat up and looked at his watch. It was past ten, late for a social call. He rocketed to his feet and hurried to the front door, thinking that maybe, just maybe, Vivi was outside, that she’d come home to insist that they be together. He’d say yes, of course. Being with her and Clem was all he’d ever need.
But that wasn’t possible. He knew that Vivi was her home in Briarhills. She shouldn’t be. She should be here, with him.
There’s only one person standing in the way of that happening and that’s you, dumb ass.
Maybe it was time to stop being a dumb ass.
He made his way down the hall as his visitor leaned on the doorbell. Again he wondered who it was and how soon he could get rid of them.
Cam jerked the door open and frowned at Ryder, who had his finger raised to push the bell again. “Do it and die,” Cam warned him.
“Still in a good mood, I see,” Ryder said, pushing his way past Cam to enter his house.
“Not a good time, Ryder,” Cam told him. He wanted to go to Vivi, to see if he could straighten out this mess.
“It’s a very good time to talk some sense into you,” Ryder said, ignoring the open door and walking down the hallway to the sitting room.
Cam cursed, closed the front door and followed Ryder into the room. Ryder poured himself a whiskey and pointed the glass in his direction.
“I’m sick of you not answering my calls, ignoring business. It’s time to get your head on straight, McNeal, and I’m the man to do it,” Ryder said, lowering his brows in what Cam called his angry bison look.
“It’s not necessary, Ryder.”
Ryder was not in the mood to listen. “I’ve left three messages for you, a couple of emails, and you haven’t replied to one.”
He sounded like an irate teenage girl. “I didn’t think that your idea to host a Flood Relief Gala as the TCC Houston’s first fund-raiser required an immediate response,” Cam responded.
Some of the wind left Ryder’s puffed-up sails. He stared into his now empty glass and Cam noticed his concerned expression. “I’m worried about you, Camden.”
There was a lot of truth behind that statement and Cam felt his throat tighten. Ryder’s genuine concern touched him. “I’m fine, Ryder, really.”
“You might be fine in an ‘I like being alone’ way but you are not fine in an ‘I’m in love’ way,” Ryder insisted.
Well, he could be if Ryder would just let him leave.
“I know what it’s like to be in love, Cam, and I know how it feels to lose the woman you love. And I am so mad at you because I would’ve done anything to have more time with Elinah, anything at all! But it’s your stubbornness that’s standing in the way of your happiness and that just pisses me off.”
“How do you know that Viv didn’t dump me?”
“Because that woman is so in love with you she can hardly see straight. You’re the one who has stomped on the brakes because you are scared of love.”
“I know.”
“Don’t you argue with me!” Ryder retorted, obviously not hearing Cam’s reply. “You haven’t had a long-term relationship. You never even date the same girl twice! I’ve never seen you respond to anyone the way you do with Vivi. It’s like she’s switched on a light inside of you.”
Exactly. “I know, Ryder,” Cam said, trying to be patient.
“She’s your Elinah, Cam. Why can’t you see that and do something about it instead of hanging out in this god-awful house and moping?”
Okay, his house was quiet and a little cold but “god-awful” was pushing it. He
needed to get Ryder to listen.
“Well, I’d really like to remedy that, Ryder, but instead I’m standing in my sitting room with an old man who seems intent on lecturing me about getting my head out of my ass. Just in case you’re having a hard time keeping up, given your age and all that, I’d really like to go and win my woman back. So if you wouldn’t mind leaving...?”
Ryder frowned, grinned as the words sank in, and frowned again. He picked up his dark brown Stetson, jammed it on his head and folded his arms. “Who are you calling old, boy?”
“You,” Cam replied, unperturbed. He placed a hand on Ryder’s back and pushed him in the direction of the front door. “And you called my house god-awful.”
“It is,” Ryder insisted, stepping into the hallway. “But maybe Vivi can sort it out for you.”
“Vivi won’t have time because she’s going back to work,” Cam told him, reaching around his friend to open the front door.
“She’s got a new job?” Ryder asked as they left the house and walked in the direction of his massive truck. “Where is she working now?”
“Nowhere, as far as I know. No, she’s going to reopen The Rollin’ Smoke because that’s what she really wants to do. I don’t care if it takes fifty years to convince her, but she will resurrect that restaurant. It’s her dream, Ryder. I want her to have it.”
Ryder nodded and gripped Cam’s shoulder. “Good man. But before you broach that subject, tell her you love her and because you love her, you’d do anything for her.”
“Point taken.”
Ryder surprised him by stepping up and giving him a quick, one-armed hug before slapping him on the back of his head.
Cam glared at him and rubbed the back of his head. “What the hell was that for?”
“For being an idiot.” Then Ryder walked around his big truck to the driver’s door. He frowned when Cam climbed into the passenger seat. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Hitching a ride.” Cam smiled, pulling the door shut. “Vivi will find it difficult to toss me out on my ass when I don’t have a car, any access to cash or a phone.” Cam grinned. “Just hedging my bets.”