“Enough. I don’t need a recap.”
“Whatever. I just hope you don’t do something.”
“Me? You’re worried about me doing something dumb when you’re the one who needs a temporary escort everywhere?”
“And have I screwed up once since you’ve been back?”
“You’d know that better than me.”
I looked at my brother and saw his jaw tense. Whatever had been going on lately had to be bigger than I knew about, and I felt bad for bringing it to the surface, especially on the way to a job.
The problem was that our family specialized in not speaking about problems, and then things turned into a guessing game like now.
“Listen, I don’t actually know what all has been going on between you guys.”
“Yeah, right.” My brother laughed.
“I’m serious. Why don’t you give me your version, and if I ever hear their side, I’ll know who to believe?”
Devin let out a deep sigh and rolled his head against the headrest.
“When Cynthia left, I kind of came unglued. I thought she was the one. I went off the deep end a bit, maybe missed a deal or two.”
“And?” I asked suspiciously. I was shocked he’d messed up on his jobs and my brothers didn’t say a word.
“Drake has had to haul my ass home a time or two, if that’s what you mean.” He rubbed his brow line and groaned. “I wasn’t myself. It’s just . . .”
“I know, man. It’s tough.” It was beyond tough. Not having our sister grow up with the rest of our family was an excruciating kind of pain that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Her death had made me do crazy things and wish it had been me who was murdered, not her. It changed all of our lives and it killed my father. After her death, he blamed himself, and we were sure the stress killed him. “I went pretty nuts right after.”
“I remember.” He nodded.
“You were the one who held it together far better than the rest of us.”
“Because I had Cynthia.” He groaned. “I think you’ve been hanging out with that shrink too much already.”
“It’s true though. I think you’ve finally been dealing with the stuff we all dealt with when it first happened.” It felt like the air in the car had been sucked out. I’d done such a good job avoiding emotion when it came to my sister’s murder and the loss of my father.
“I’ve got to get my shit together. I know I do, but it’s like every day turns to another week and the spiral worsens.”
“Which spiral?” I asked. “The drinking?”
He nodded. “The drinking.” Devin sucked on his bottom lip and I knew he was hiding something. “The meaningless sex. Bad deals.”
“Bad deals?” I questioned.
“I had a couple of things fall through, but if they’d been successful, Jax would have been really happy.”
“You know where the family stands on extracurricular activities.” I turned our car down a narrow drive with white horse fencing leading past the pastures. “It’s not a good idea. You know that. You have to involve the family. I didn’t even do many endorsement deals for that reason.”
I hated to be the one to even say it.
He threw his hands in the air. “I know. I’ve stopped.”
“You promise? I’d like to think I’m not rolling up tonight to one of your—”
“You’re not. At least I’m not the idiot falling for the daughter of a policeman.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have brought her to me. Besides, isn’t it the feds we should really be worried about?” I parked in front of the large estate. The home was a Victorian recreation, and everything was white except for the pale blue trim.
My brother laughed, and I shook my head, knowing there was so much more that must have recently transpired that I needed to learn. “Speaking of, tomorrow, Jax and Drake want you to come into the office to discuss Max’s whereabouts.”
I nodded and stared at the estate. “So what’s on the agenda?”
“They’ve been shooting up their horses with Thyroxine to make them run faster. Drake already visited the vet and confirmed our suspicions. It’s for thyroid conditions, but it’s thought to make the horses run faster. They’ve also been pumping them with higher doses of corticosteroids, sedatives, and other medicines for joints.”
“They’re drugging their horses?” My brow arched.
“Big time, but that’s not the worst of it. The races aren’t what they used to be.”
“How so?” I asked, keeping an eye on the house.
“Remember when we used to go to the track with Mom and Dad and sit in the clubhouse up top?”
“Yeah. Hard to forget that prime rib.”
“Well, casinos have gotten into the game all across the country at these small tracks. Since the sport is falling in popularity, the low-level tracks are desperate for different revenue streams. They needed cash, casinos saw it as a way to get slots into some of the locations, and now the entire racing ecosystem has been disrupted. Rather than championing the loyalty between horses and horse owners and trainers, it’s been eroded and the horses are nothing more than a commodity. They’re running the horses injured and doping them up just to get a bid out of a potential buyer or win the larger purses that the casinos are able to bring into the track. Horses are even run on broken bones because just finishing the race will bring in money. It’s sick.”
“And that brings us here, why?” I asked.
“One owner had eight horses in nine months die racing, and nothing has stopped it. Sure, some tracks have not allowed those owners stable space, but for the most part, state regulators and tracks are doing nothing about it. They turn the other way. It’s sick what’s going on in the industry. Horses are being euthanized on the track at a rate unheard of, double and triple years past.”
“Eight?” I shook my head in disgust, but I knew there was far more to the story.
“Well, this is that owner, and he lost Jaxson a lot of money and his favorite horse.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Jaxson will be here soon.”
“What do you mean Jaxson’s favorite horse?” I asked.
“Jaxson retired Mamba. She wasn’t fit for racing, but she was a good girl. She’d injured her leg in her last race. Jax really didn’t want to sell her, but he fell for a sob story.”
I scowled. Jax rarely fell for much of anything.
“Well, this guy sent a woman to Jax’s stables. She acted like the horse would be perfect for her family and would be great for her daughter, who’d just overcome a long illness. The long and short of it was that this guy was behind the whole thing and bought Mamba to race her again, even with a previously fractured leg. The whole story was a lie.”
I let out a deep breath, hating where this was headed.
“The moment Jax found out, he tried to buy Mamba back. He sent letters to the gaming commission and nothing changed. Even with all the recommendations and proclamations from multiple vets that Mamba was a danger to herself and the jockeys, they still let her race. On the final quarter-mile, she went down.”
“Oh, no. Did they . . .”
Devin shook his head. “No, but this guy suddenly wants to sell, so while Jax will be loading up Mamba, we’ll be showing this man why he will never do this again. We’re going to start with the guy’s kneecaps and go from there.” Devin winked and pointed at the trunk. “Baseball bats are in the back. Since the state won’t help us.”
“We’ll help ourselves,” I muttered under my breath as a text rolled over to Devin’s phone.
“Jax is three minutes out with the trailer. We might as well get this show on the road.”
A surge of adrenaline shot through me. I didn’t know why the thought of roughing this guy up was delighting me, but it was. I was sick and tired of people trying to prey on people and animals that couldn’t protect themselves. In fact, the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
“I’m kidding about the bats, b
ut I do have two batons.” Devin grinned and reached into the glove compartment and pulled out two devices. Nothing like getting thrown right in. “You click this button and it elongates and locks into position. The guy’s family is away. He’s by himself. It should be a quick lesson.” Devin got out of the car and I quickly followed. “In fact, we’ll probably be done before Jax even gets the old girl into the trailer.”
With each step toward the house, the excitement was flooding through me, and it became clear that it was for the best that Ava never reached out.
She deserved better than what I had to offer.
Chapter Twelve
Ava
It was nearly impossible to drag my gaze away from the reception desk. A bouquet of flowers and a letter had been delivered this morning. The card was in Alfred’s handwriting, and he signed his name with love.
The violation I felt was indescribable. He was taunting me like his other victims, and now he was becoming bolder. I’d left the other facility because I thought this would be a safer environment. Now, I’d gladly be behind those thick concrete walls.
Two of my superiors here were aware of the situation involving Alfred, but the other staff members hadn’t been informed. With all the quizzical looks I was receiving this morning, I knew that wasn’t the case any longer. Word had gotten around.
It almost felt like Alfred knew about Blake and was trying to stake a claim. What made me feel even dirtier was that I’d honestly thought the flowers might have been from Blake. When I opened the card, I wasn’t the least bit prepared for the complete sense of despair and helplessness that slammed through me. I’d been preparing reasons I needed to cut things off permanently with Blake, and then this.
My father immediately dispatched a squad car to pick everything up, but it was a moot point. I hated to admit it, but it felt like Alfred had the upper hand.
“You okay?” Tara asked, coming up behind me.
“Sorry. Yeah.” I shook my head. “I just wasn’t expecting this.”
My eyes landed on the two officers milling around the lobby and a shudder ran through me. Not only was I terrified, but I was embarrassed. I’d completely disrupted the clinic’s operations for the day.
Me.
Not a patient.
Me.
It only made me want to reach out to Nina and the doctors where I used to practice. I missed the work there, the cases I’d turned over to others, the research I’d left behind. They understood what kind of individuals we were dealing with behind those walls. Here, I felt isolated and off-kilter.
I hated feeling like a victim, and it had finally dawned on me that by uprooting my life, I was letting Alfred win. He was slowly stripping away pieces of me that helped define who I’d become. I couldn’t let that continue.
I knew I was missed in the forensic psych ward. I also knew my position was still open, and as crazy as it sounded, the thought of returning there made me feel safer.
The hard part would be convincing my father that I’d be returning, but I had a feeling today might have made that easier. After all, it was a lot harder to get inside the walls of the pen than here.
Tara was still standing in front of me and reached for my hands. “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know. The guards will be walking you out at night, and if there aren’t any available . . .”
“Thank you. I’m just so sorry about this.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” She shook her head. “Dr. Phillips wants to see you when you have a moment.”
I nodded and watched her walk down the hall as the receptionist returned with a cup of tea.
I felt so alone and helpless. It was like all I could do was just sit and wait for when Alfred next appeared.
The thought of seeing Blake one more time wasn’t sounding as far-fetched as it did yesterday either. Turning around, I walked slowly to my office and sat in my chair. The blinds were down but turned slightly to let light in, and I had the overhead lights on so I didn’t feel like I was living in a cave any longer, but there’d been something almost soothing being tucked away in the dark.
I rested my hand on the phone and debated whether to call Nina. She would’ve finished her morning rounds and might be free for a quick conversation. If Phillips wanted to talk to me, I at least wanted to feel out my options at the other facility. I dialed the phone and waited until I could put in Nina’s extension. It only took two rings and she picked up.
“Hey, Ava. Are you calling for another girls’ night out?” She chuckled. “That was quite the night.”
I laughed and already started to feel better. The staff here was nice, but I just never felt at home like I did at the other facility.
“Well, I was actually wondering if my position had been filled yet.”
A second or two of silence filled the phone line before she lowered her voice to an almost whisper.
“Word is the search isn’t going that well. Why do you ask? Everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine. I’ve just been missing you guys, and I feel like I might have made a mistake.”
“I know they’d love to have you back. Every Monday meeting, we all hear how much they miss Dr. Dalton.”
Hearing that made some of the pain from earlier disappear. There was no doubt, it had been a good fit.
“Alfred’s back in the state.”
“I’d actually just been informed of that yesterday.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised.
“Yup.”
“Well, today, I got flowers from him.”
“Testing his boundaries and setting the stage,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry, Ava.”
“Remember Blake?”
“How could I forget him or his brother?” Her voice lightened slightly.
“Well, I foolishly thought the flowers were from him until I opened the card.”
“Ouch.”
I laughed. “Pretty much. I just feel like I left a job I enjoyed to protect myself from something that is impossible to avoid.”
“Evil is everywhere,” she agreed. “And at least here, there are guards, correction officers, and the subjects you enjoy studying. You’re very vulnerable there.”
“I can’t even begin to tell you how much talking to you has helped.”
“And I haven’t even said much.”
Talking with someone who understood the criminal mind was refreshing. Instead of getting sideways glances filled with blame, I was talking to someone who understood the criminal psyche.
“More than here.” I sucked on my bottom lip and turned the chair to see outside. The patrol cars had left and the parking lot was filling up for the day. He could be anywhere out there, just watching and waiting until he thought the time was right.
A chill ran through me.
“Do you know if Dr. Silian has any free time this afternoon for a call?” I asked.
I heard her mouse clicking in the background before she answered. “It looks like I can slide you in ten after three. Will that work?”
“Absolutely.”
“Well, I’ll support you no matter what you decide, but I didn’t think you’d be able to stay away. Fill me in.”
“Will do.” I hung up the phone and thought about the patients I’d be leaving behind here. Most had been previous patients of the other psychiatrists and the transition back to them wouldn’t be that difficult.
There were two things I wanted, and they contradicted each other. I wanted to be distracted and I wanted to return to a sense of normalcy. Being here wasn’t what I’d worked my entire career for. What I’d left behind was.
But after this morning, I wanted to put it all behind me for a night and pretend this wasn’t my life.
I pulled my cellphone out of my drawer and slid it on, scanning the contacts for Blake. I took in a deep breath and knew once I sent the text there was no turning back, and I was okay with that.
Sleeping with him didn’t equal a relationship. We’re both adults, an
d neither of us needed to pretend to make something more of this.
As I attempted to justify it, my fingers quickly typed the line that I knew would change the course of my life. Not because of who he was or that I might sleep with him one more time, but because he was the man I saw offering me a safe place.
That night at the club, I felt untouchable. I felt safe and protected, and right now, I needed that sense of calm, even if it was an illusion.
You free tonight?
He texted me instantly, which was exhilarating.
I can be . . .
My fingers nearly tingled from excitement pouring through me. It didn’t matter what Blake said to me. The man made me feel absolutely giddy.
I’d love to see you.
His message popped up on the screen, and joy filled me. For once in my life, I wasn’t going to take things too seriously. If he was my temporary coping mechanism, so be it. I could think of far worse things.
You’ve made me an extremely happy man. I was starting to lose faith. What time can I pick you up?
My heart skipped a beat. I suppose knowing my address was the next progression, but I’d generally hidden myself from the world. Maybe I wasn’t as mentally healthy as I’d thought. I pushed down the anxiety, refusing to let it become a patterned way of thinking, and typed my address with a time. My heart was beating so rapidly, I almost felt loopy. Blake Volkov was definitely what I needed to take my mind off things.
See you then.
I locked my phone in the drawer and looked at Dr. Phillips’s calendar. He was free now, so I picked up the receiver and called him to make sure now was a good time to see him. It was. I dabbed a bit of lip gloss on my lips, since they were stinging from biting them so much from worry, and I made my way to Phillips’s office. I gave a light tap on the door and he welcomed me in.
He was an older man with greying hair. His eyes were kind, but the expression was laced with apprehension. I’d brought trouble to his clinic, and he was reconsidering my time here. I could read it all over his face. I was still on a probationary contract, and I knew legally, they wouldn’t be able to end the contract because of something like this, but I was sure if they wanted me gone, they could come up with a reason.
Blake: A Romantic Suspense (V Mafia Series Book 1) Page 10