by Nelson, Dara
I nodded. “I think so,” I said, as I shakily started to get up. Matt held tight, wrapping his arms around my waist. I grabbed my notebook and wrote, ‘No more talking, no more scheduling meetings out loud. I don’t want him in my head when we’re all together. Please everyone, think. We have to figure out how to stop him.’ They all nodded. “Well, I guess we’re stuck right now. All we can do now is wait,” I said, knowing Jonas would hear it.
“I guess so,” Carlos said, “it sucks, but you’re right, Sarah.”
“I’ve got some other work to do, and so does Penelope, so we’re going to take off now.” Stefan said.
I walked over to Carlos. “You need to feed and then it’s time to change your pajamas and sheets. Your skin has dried, you’ve pushed out a lot more salt and we don’t want you lying in it.”
Carlos groaned. “Can’t you find someone else to change me? It’s embarrassing having you do it.”
“Well, I was going to have Maria help me, so that she could do it next time,” I said.
“Maria? Don’t you have a guy that could do it?” he said, pouting.
“Not at the moment. Stop being such a big wuss, Carlos,” I said as I smiled at him.
I turned at looked at Matt. “Can you go grab four pints for him please?”
He nodded and stepped out. I looked back at Carlos and he was just staring at me. God, no, not now. “It’s still there for you, isn’t it, Sarah? The pull, it’s still just as strong, isn’t it? It is for me. I’m lying here in so much pain, but all I can think of is you in my arms.”
“Don’t, Carlos. Please, not now. I’m not ready for this now.”
“Are we ever ready for it? I think we know now that, if we’re going to be part of each other’s lives, we have to learn how to deal with it. That’s all we can do, deal with it. Honestly, it does seem to make it a little easier when Maria’s around, for me anyways. Maybe distractions help, you know?”
“We can hope, I guess. Don’t go anywhere, Carlos. I’ll be right back,” I said.
“Ha ha, funny,” he said, sarcastically. “Don’t go anywhere she says, what a comedian.”
I walked out into the hall and got Tanya’s attention at the front desk. She walked over to me. “What’s up Sarah?”
“Can you find Maria and send her in here with a clean gown and bedding for Carlos?”
“Sure thing,” she said, and she walked back to her desk. I saw Matt coming with Carlos’ meal, so I waited for him, smiling. “Hi handsome,” I said when he got to me.
He grinned at me. “Well, hello beautiful.” He handed me two of the pints. I closed my eyes and dropped my fangs to pierce one of the bags. “You know it totally turns me on when you do that.”
I grinned and nodded, then stuck one fang into the corner of the bag as we walked into Carlos’ room. “Breakfast is served,” I said.
“It’s about damn time,” he said as he grinned.
I squeezed a drop of blood on my finger and stuck it in Carlos’ mouth, waiting for his fangs to react. There was a soft knock on the door. “Come in,” I said.
Maria poked her head in the door just as Carlos’ fangs dropped, one of which went into my finger. “Ouch,” I mumbled as I pulled my finger out and pressed his fangs into the blood. After a few seconds, he was done with the fourth pint, which I tossed into the garbage then I turned to Maria, who was waiting by the door, wide-eyed but patient. “Come in Maria. Maria, I’d like you to meet my best friend Carlos. Carlos, this is Maria,” I said.
“Hola, Senor Carlos,” she said, shyly.
“Como esta, Maria?” he replied, with his goofy grin firmly in place.
She grinned and looked at the floor, clearly too shy to carry on a conversation so soon.
“Okay, Maria. Let’s get his bedding changed. First his gown,” I said.
“Sarah, please, do we have to?” he mumbled.
“Relax, I’ve got you covered,” I said as I held up a hand towel. “Literally.” I handed him the towel, which he stuck under the sheet and used to cover his groin.
“Ready?” I said and he nodded.
“Okay, Maria. I’ll roll him towards me, you untie the back and open it, then I’ll roll him back and we’ll, gently, take it off of him.” I looked at Carlos’ eyes, to be sure he was ready, since I knew this would cause him to hurt like hell. He looked scared, but determined, as he nodded. I put one hand on his arm, the other on his thigh then ever so gently pulled him toward me.
He grunted and tried really hard not to moan. “The leg, Sarah, the leg. Try moving your hand down a little,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Better?” I said.
“No,” he groaned.
Maria nodded at me and I lowered him back down, pausing for a minute to allow him to recover. “Carlos, you’ve got a lot of dried salt on you, we need to try to wash it off again” I said
He tried, unsuccessfully, to give me an evil stare. “You have a death wish or something?” he said.
“You know it will hurt worse if we leave it there,” I said.
“Yeah, I know, but I have an idea,” he said as he pointed to my notepad and paper.
“Can you hold this?” I said, meaning the pen, but not wanting to say it just in case Jonas was listening.
“Probably not, but you can for me,” he said.
I pulled the chair up next to the bed and sat down. “This doesn’t get you out of the sponge bath you know,” I said.
“I know,” he groaned, “in a minute.”
I gripped the pen and held it to the paper as he gently laid his hand over mine and started guiding it over the paper.
“You have blood for the humans, right?” he slowly had me write. I nodded yes.
“I’ll heal twice as fast if you let me have some.”
I stared at the paper for a few seconds then looked at Matt, who read it and looked at me.
“But Carlos, you said it’s very…” Matt said but stopped when Carlos held up his hand
He began writing again, “Addicting, yes it is. Very. But I’ve been thinking about it. I think it’s the only way we’ll be strong enough to take on Jonas.”
“We?” I said.
Carlos nodded, then wrote, “Yes, we. The three of us. Drinking it won’t be a problem for you, Sarah. You can drop your fangs at will. Matt and I will have to use the evil blood to drop our fangs, then drink it.”
“But what about… after?” I said.
“David, Cameron, Stefan & Penelope can help us break the addiction.”
“How bad is it? How long does it take?” I said.
Carlos squeezed his eyes shut. Clearly this was a bad memory. “Okay, yes, it’s really bad. It took me a few months, but I was doing it on my own. I didn’t have help.”
I looked at him for a bit, while I mulled over his idea. Finally I said, “For you, okay. But until you get better, we’re going to have to think about whether or not we’ll do it too, okay?” Suddenly I began to feel what was now becoming, the more familiar queasiness that let me know that Jonas was back. I pointed to my head and mouthed, “Jonas.” Then I looked at Matt. “Honey, can you go get Carlos four and one?” He nodded and walked out as he understood that I meant four pints of regular human blood and one pint evil. I walked into the bathroom and filled the pan I had in there with warm water, then I put some Vitamin E oil and aloe in the water. I carried it out with a washcloth. “Okay, Maria. Thanks for being so patient. This is warm water with some Vitamin E oil and aloe in it. It’ll help wash the salt off without drying out his skin more.” I began gently pulling off Carlos’ gown as he grimaced. “Sorry,” I said. As I began to gently wash him, I was noticing that he kept looking over at Maria. I smiled. He was right. It did help a little if he was distracted. I handed the washcloth to Maria and said, “Now you do his other arm and side.”
After she was done, I pulled him onto his side again, so she could wash his backside. I smiled when I noticed her blush when she got to his behind. I laid him back down, the
n looked at him. “Do you think you could hold the washcloth long enough to wash…” I looked toward his crotch, still covered by the towel.
He lifted his arm up. “God, I hope so,” he mumbled. I laid the washcloth in his hand and looked away as he moved it down. A few seconds later he said, “Okay, done,” and I turned back around.
I placed the washcloth and pan on the floor and laid the clean gown over him. “Okay, I’m going to lift you up now. I promise I’ll be really careful with that leg, okay? Maria, while I hold him I need you to change the sheets.” She nodded and I slowly and carefully moved my arms under Carlos.
He gasped as I went to lift, but gritted his teeth and said, “I’m okay, keep going.”
Matt walked in with the blood then, took one look at Carlos cradled in my arms like a baby and said, “Oh no… we are NOT adopting him.”
Carlos tried to smile through the pain. “Ah, come on DAD… please?” he said.
I saw Maria smiling. She looked at me. “All finished,” she said. I laid him back down as gently as I could then got ready to feed him.
“You’re sure about this?” I said, and he nodded.
I laid the four heated regular pints on the bed next to his pillow then I took the heated evil pint. “Do you need me to help feed him?” Maria said.
“No,” I said a little too quickly. “It’s just too dangerous for you, okay?”
She nodded and backed toward the door, still watching. I closed my eyes, dropped my fangs, pierced the evil blood, put a drop on my finger then handed it to Matt. “Drink this,” I said to him, and he did. I put my finger in Carlos’ mouth and waited. As soon as his fangs dropped, I put one of the innocents’ bags on his teeth… and he moaned. He drained it, I pulled it off and put on the second one… and he moaned louder and his eyes rolled. I pulled that one off and put on the third… and he groaned and shivered. I looked at Matt, who was looking just as surprised as I was. I pulled off the third bag, put on the fourth and Carlos grabbed my arm and pressed the bag on harder. He groaned again, his eyes rolled back in his head and his body gave a little spasm that looked somewhat familiar to me. I know I was blushing and when I looked up at Matt again, he was too, but he was also trying really hard not to laugh. I felt Carlos’ grip loosen and I looked back at him. He was longingly licking my arm and moaning.
“Um, Carlos,” I whispered. His eyes fluttered open then grew wide with surprise as he realized what he was doing. He let go of my arm and dropped his hands to his sides as I pulled off the last bag and wiped off my arm. “Please tell me I didn’t just… .please tell me that was a dream,” he whispered so Maria couldn’t hear.
“Sorry, can’t do that. That was definitely an interesting reaction, does that happen every time?”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, this is so embarrassing,” he said. Suddenly his eyes went to Matt and there was fear in them. “Matt! Shit, I didn’t mean to… Oh crap.”
“Relax, it wasn’t your fault,” Matt said, “but you didn’t answer Sarah’s question. Does that happen every time?”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “It’s kind of like I black out or it seems like a dream. So whether it happened every time or I just imagined it sometimes, I can’t say.”
“Interesting,” Matt said.
Suddenly Maria cleared her throat. I could see she was blushing, but I could also hear her heart racing, almost like she was… excited, even aroused. Very interesting, I thought. “Yes Maria?” I said.
“I have some other patients to attend to, is it all right if I go now?” she said, looking from me to Carlos and back again.
“Of course,” I said, smiling. “Thank you for your help.”
She nodded and quickly ducked out the door.
“Well, gee Carlos, this has been fun,” Matt grinned, “but you need your rest now and I need my wife for a bit. We’ll be back to check on you later this evening, okay? And, yes, I know, Sarah. I know to tell Carlos – be sure to contact one of us if you need anything, anything at all – there, happy now?”
“I’m fine, and, yes, I could use a rest. So please go, but think about what I said before. I think it’s important,” Carlos said.
I waved at him as Matt ushered me out the door. As soon as we were in the hall, he cradled my face in his hands and began giving me one of those kisses. My heart began racing, my breathing deepened, every nerve in my body began responding. I didn’t care that we were in the hallway, I didn’t care who saw us, I didn’t care that this couldn’t go farther and I didn’t care that Jonas was still in my head, snickering. I wasn’t going to be the one to spoil this moment for Matt. Even though what Matt was doing was amazing, I was actively trying in my head to figure out a way to force Jonas out. I had managed to push him away far enough that I could barely hear him, but that was all I could manage this time… it would have to be enough for now.
Matt finally stopped, he knew when that line had been reached by both of us, and he placed his forehead on mine. We closed our eyes and just stayed that way for a few minutes, completely oblivious of the people moving past us, until we could both move again without him walking with a big tent in his pants and my legs feeling like Jell-O.
We turned and walked down the hall, and I stopped trying to force Jonas out. I chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” Matt said
I pointed to my head. “Jonas. He’s singing ‘I’m Henry the Eighth, I am’ over and over.”
Matt growled and I squeezed his hand to calm him. “Take a walk with me?” he said.
“Sure, where?”
“I want you to show me the cave Malina was in,” he said. I stopped dead in my tracks.
“What?” he said, but I held up my hand to stop him. We were next to Tanya’s desk and I motioned to her for a pen and paper, which she quickly gave me. I wrote, ‘Jonas stopped singing for a second when you said that. Do you think he might be hiding there?’
Matt took the pad and paper from me and wrote, ‘He might be. Do you still have the map showing where it is?’
“I think so,” I said. I handed the notepad and pen back to Tanya. “Thanks,” I said, then I grabbed Matt’s hand and we quickly made our way to our room. I started searching through the dresser drawers. “I don’t remember exactly where I put… oh, here it is,” I said, handing it to Matt. “Wait,” I whispered. “What if he can see what I see when he’s in my head.” Matt stopped what he was doing and just stared at me. He looked dumbfounded.
“What?” I said.
He smiled. A sad, hurt smile. “You haven’t noticed, have you?” he said.
“Noticed what?” I said.
“That’s just you and Carlos, and anyone who happens to be linked with the two of you at the time. I realized that after we figured out that it was him who linked with you when he was in that ship. Most vampires can pass images back and forth, but we can’t see what the other is seeing in real time. At first I thought it was a special ability that you had. Something that was unique to you. I thought maybe you could see other vampire’s thoughts in real time. But it’s not. It’s only you and Carlos. You are the only two I’ve ever heard of or seen who can see what the other one is seeing when you’re linked. With everyone else it’s just thoughts or pictures,” he said.
I just stared at him for a minute, unable to speak. “No,” I whispered, “you must be wrong, Matt. That can’t be. Why? Why would that happen?”
Matt shook his head. “I don’t know, Sarah.”
I started shaking my head. “No, no, no, no, no,” I began saying as my breathing deepened. I was shaking all over, I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.
Matt reached out to me. “Sarah?” he said, but I shrunk away from him.
“Don’t touch me,” I said as I jumped up and started backing towards the door. I began talking to myself between gasps, my eyes closed as I prepared to run. I was going to run far away, as far as I could go. I started mumbling, “Great, Sarah, you’re a real fucking winner. Now you’re hurting him by doing sh
it that you don’t even know how you’re doing it. Super. I give up. It’s time to for me to go now.” I turned around to open the door, but Matt was standing there blocking it. He grabbed my shoulders.
“STOP!” he yelled as I tried to squirm away.
“NO!” I screamed, squirming harder. “My heart cannot handle hurting you anymore, Matt. You’d be better off without me. All I ever do is cause you pain.” I wiggled and tried to throw his hands off of me. His fingers dug in to my arms as he held tight.
“STOP SQUIRMING SARAH!” he bellowed, flipping me around so my back was pressed to his chest. He pinned my arms across my chest. “All you ever do is give me more love than I deserve, more love than I could ever hope for. If you left you would cause me more pain than I have ever felt in my life. My heart would be broken and I wouldn’t survive. Do you hear me? I would cease to exist. So you have a weird connection with him, so fucking what? If the only part of you that I have to share with Carlos is your mind, well, hell, I can happily live with that, because, believe me, I was willing to share more, a lot more, if that’s what it took to keep you with me.”
I hung my head and stopped squirming, as the sobs started. He turned me around and I buried my face in his chest. He picked me up and carried me to the couch, laying me across his lap, waiting patiently until I had no more left to cry. As I began to quiet, I stared at the scar on my hand. “Why, Matt? Why do I keep hurting you?” I mumbled.
“Sarah, you’re hurting yourself a lot more than you’ve ever hurt me. You have got to stop beating yourself up all the time. If I was hurting bad, I’d let you know. But I’m not, and I never have been, not by you, or Carlos.”
“You’re only saying that to make me feel better,” I said.
“No, honey, I’m not. Okay, look. It hurt a little when I saw you kiss him. It hurt a little when I could see and feel how drawn you two were to each other when I came back. It hurt a little when I saw the connection you two have. Honestly, I’ve said it before, you two are more compatible than anyone I’ve ever seen and yes, that does scare me a little. But all of that was nothing compared to how much it hurt every time you and I had to be apart for work. Or the hurt I felt when the Elders separated us. Or the hurt I felt when I had to go to Peru by myself. Or the hurt I felt when Malina took me. Or the hurt I felt when she forced me to see how much pain you were in and I couldn’t do anything to make you feel better. All of that hurt a lot, so much more than anything you’ve ever done or think you may have done, so much more. So, please honey, I’m begging you, please stop beating yourself up over something so… small.”