by Nelson, Dara
“Choose? Choose what, Ramon?” Matt said.
Ramon hesitated with his answer, waiting until Matt had to tear his eyes away from me and look at him.
“Choose whether you want to watch her die or do you want to die with her,” he said as he smiled.
“Ramon,” Carlos said, “there must be something we can work out here. Nobody has to die.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. Somebody does have to die. All of you have to die.”
Matt didn’t even think. He just started slowly walking towards me. I was instantly in a total panic. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” I kept saying over and over. It was all I could say. I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them again. Hoping, praying, that I wasn’t really seeing this. “Please, no,” I gasped. All he did was smile, just smile. You know, that smile that’s only for me. The one that always lights up his entire face. “Oh God,” I sobbed. I dropped my head. He was three feet away from me, that’s all, just three measly feet. Suddenly the nausea hit me like a freight train.
‘Sarah, quick, tell him to stall. Don’t let him reach you. And for God’s sake, lift your head up for me. Now, damn it,’ Jonas thought.
I instantly linked with Matt, ‘Stall. Jonas wants you to stall.’ Confusion filled his face… but he stopped. Oh thank God, he stopped. He turned to Ramon.
“Can I ask one thing,” he said.
“What?” he spat. “You change your mind? Don’t feel like sacrificing yourself for that slut?”
Matt growled. “No I did not change my mind,” he spat, then he regained his composure. “Can I hold her in my arms? When the bomb goes off, can I please be holding her in my arms?”
Ramon just stared at him. Probably trying to figure out what his angle was. Jonas took this moment of hesitation to tell me, ‘Head up now, Sarah.’
‘Why? What are you going to do? NO! You can’t Jonas. He’ll push the button when you’re holding it. Don’t!’ I thought.
‘Damn it Sarah. I’m faster than that. By the time he pushes the button, I will be away from you and I will have dropped the bomb. Now shut up and hold your head up. I’m coming… NOW!’ he thought.
I held my breath and lifted my head. ‘Please let him be fast enough, please let him be fast…’ I thought to myself as my hair moved in the wind. I blinked. I never even saw him. I looked down at my chest… and the bomb was gone. I started to turn my head to scan the sky when I heard Ramon.
“What the fuck? NO!” he said, and his thumb went down on the button. Carlos pounced on Ramon and quickly tore his head off as Matt and I watched in horror at the shape of Ramon as he was slammed into the side of a huge boulder on the side of the cliff. He had dropped the bomb, but it was still only a few feet away from him when it went off.
“NO! Matt, get me down, please get me down,” I screamed. He ran around behind me.
“Shit,” I heard him say.
“What? What?” I said.
“Nothing. I just need to find a… here this will work,” he said. I heard the huge rock bang down on the lock. I was straining with all my might to pull the chain apart as his blows rained down. Finally, after what felt like an eternity but was really only a few seconds, he stopped. The lock fell to the ground and I began yanking at the chain to get it off me. I started running full speed towards where he fell. I stopped when I broke through the trees and saw him. I heard Matt come to a stop next to me.
“Good blood, as much as you and Carlos can carry. The combination is 9208. Go. Quick,” I whispered. I slowly moved toward the mangled mess that was Jonas. His left leg was gone. His right arm was bent backwards and pinned underneath him. His shirt was in shreds, revealing large gashes across his chest and stomach. As I quietly approached he opened his eyes, looked at me… and started laughing. I tiptoed over to him, knelt down and gently brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Well, Sarah,” he gasped. “I used to be faster than that.”
“Oh, Jonas. Why? Why did you do that?”
“Don’t be stupid, Sarah. You of all people should know that I had to. Not doing it was never an option,” he gasped, then started coughing. I wiped the blood away from his mouth.
“What do you mean you had no choice. Of course you had a choice. You didn’t have to do it. I didn’t want you to it,” I whispered.
“Of course you didn’t want me to do it. That’s why I had to do it. You will never understand, Sarah. That’s why we all love you. Isn’t that right Matt?”
Matt nodded as he stepped closer. He had at least a dozen pints of blood cradled in his arms. Jonas took one look at it and smiled. “You drink it. I don’t think I’ll be needing it anymore,” he said.
“What? Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you will. You’re going to get better, Jonas. You have to,” I sobbed.
“Now, Sarah. Don’t go blaming yourself for this. You were a victim in this too. You did not cause this. You have to promise me right now that you will not blame yourself for this. You saved me Sarah Pearl. In more ways than I could ever comprehend. You saved me,” he whispered. His breathing was much more shallow. He closed his eyes.
“No! Jonas, open your eyes. Please! Open your eyes and look at me. Don’t leave me,” I sobbed.
He smiled and opened his eyes, but I could tell they weren’t able to focus anymore. “Sarah? Sarah?” he said, as if he couldn’t see me.
“I’m right here, Jonas,” I said as I leaned down and kissed his temple.
“Mmmmm. Sarah? I think I would have liked this being a friend thing. I think I would have liked it a lot,” then he closed his eyes… and stopped breathing.
“No,” I gasped as I looked back at Matt. “He’s not… please tell me he’s not dead.”
Matt walked over and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry, honey, but I don’t hear his heart anymore.”
I started shaking my head. “No. That can’t be. You have to save him, Matt. He can’t die. He’s a really old, strong vampire. They just don’t die… do they? There must be some vampire magic voodoo shit you can do to bring him back… there has to be,” I growled. I was getting pissed now… and poor Matt was going to bear the brunt of it. I pushed him away from me and jumped up. “Goddamn it Matt. Call Bahiti, call Musetta, call every fucking vampire you know and find a way to bring him back. Do you hear me? You fucking find a way to bring him back,” I yelled. My chest was heaving, I was gasping for air. I knew I was fighting a lost cause. Knew it in my heart, but my head didn’t want to stop. I fell to my knees. “Oh my God,” I sobbed. I crawled over to Jonas and took his face in my hands. “I’m so sorry, Jonas. I’m so sorry that we didn’t get the chance to see what great friends we were going to be. I would have been proud to be your friend,” I whispered, then I leaned down and kissed him goodbye
Chapter Fourteen
It took us two weeks, but Maria and I managed to help Matt and Carlos get through the worst of their withdrawals. I was almost glad I had to help them. It kept me busy and it kept me from thinking about what had happened. We buried Jonas out in the garden, under the shade of an oak tree. I tried to get out to visit him at least once a day. I would sit and talk to him about my day. It was calming and it helped me feel a little less guilty.
Cameron had finally arrived, looking stressed and frazzled. He wouldn’t tell us much about whatever emergency they had back at home. He only told us that an apartment building had collapsed. Forty-three were dead, over one-hundred severely injured, including many children. They were still caring for many of them back at the fortress. I could tell there was more that he wasn’t telling me, but I didn’t push it. We quickly packed so we could get back. I wanted to see what I could do to help. Another much needed distraction.
Matt had been so patient with me. I had comforted him through his painful withdrawals, but that was the extent of our intimacy. I was still in such a deep state of mourning that I just couldn’t seem to think about sex… or anything else. I couldn’t even remember when the last time was that we had made love… probably that night on the beach… the nig
ht that Jonas had seen us. A small sob escaped me as his face popped into my head. Matt was used to this now. He never said anything. He just held me tighter and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
The flights back were pretty much silent. None of us said anything until we were in the car pulling up to the fortress. Cameron was staring out the window as he spoke. “Two of the kids injured were Sophia and Juan, Sarah,” he said.
I gasped. “Oh my God, why didn’t you tell me? Are they okay? Carmela must be a wreck. Is she here?” I gasped.
He turned and looked at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen. “They’ll be okay, Sarah. But Carmela… Carmela didn’t make it,” he whispered.
“Oh no!” I sobbed. I buried my head in Matt’s chest for a few minutes and just cried. “But who’s taking care of them? Did she have family nearby? She had a brother, right?”
“We’re taking care of them. We only know about the brother… and he seems to have disappeared. As far as we can tell, he was her only family.”
“But… but what’s going to happen to them? Who’s going to raise them?” I whispered.
“If we can’t find anybody, they’ll probably go to an orphanage. But, actually, we were hoping you and Matt would maybe do it,” he said .
My mouth hung open. “Us? But… how can we, Cameron? We’re vampires.”
“So? These kids know you… and they adore you. Why couldn’t you raise them?”
I shook my head. “Not now Cameron. Just take me to see them, okay?” I said as the car came to a stop. We asked Ivan to take the bags to our room as we followed Cameron to the clinic. My hand was squeezed tight in Matt’s and I was leaning into him. I was so damn tired. I couldn’t remember when the last time was that I slept. Or when the last time was that I ate. “Honey. Maybe you should rest for a little bit first?” Matt whispered.
I tried to smile at him. “No, I’ll be okay. I need to see them first,” I said.
Cameron stopped in front of room 106. He looked back at me. “Ready?” he said. I nodded and he pushed open the door. Sophia was crying in the arms of a nurse. Juan had his back to her as he quietly played with a truck in the corner of the room.
I walked in. “Hello, Juan,” I said. Sophia stopped crying, squealed and held her arms up to me.
As I scooped her up, Juan yelled, “Sarah!” and ran over to hug me. I sat down on the floor with both of them on my lap. “I have an ow-ie… see?” Juan said as he showed me his bandaged arm. Sophia had a few nasty bruises on her cheek and legs, but otherwise looked okay.
“I see that. I’ll bet you were a very brave boy when Dr. Cameron fixed that, weren’t you?” I said. He puffed out his chest and emphatically nodded his head. I looked back at Cameron. “Do they have to stay here?” I said.
He shook his head. “No. I just need to see Juan tomorrow to take his stitches out, but other than that they’re fine,” he said.
I turned back to Juan. “How would you like to come to my room and watch a movie? Would that be fun?”
Juan gasped. “Do you have Finding Nemo?”
I grinned at him. “Of course I do,” I said. Juan jumped up and held his hand out to me. I stood up with Sophia on one arm and grabbed onto Juan’s hand. I turned to the nurse. “Can you see that Juan’s dinner and formula and diapers for the baby are sent to my room please, Lydia?”
She nodded. “Of course, Miss Sarah. I’ll do that right away.” Sophia, Juan, Matt and I headed out the door and on to our room.
“That’s a big TV,” Juan said when he walked into our living room and planted himself on the couch. I went to the cabinet, found the movie and popped it into the DVD player. I sat on the couch next to Juan with Sophia on my lap. There was a knock at our door, which Matt quickly answered.
“Mmmm, I smell chicken nuggets,” I said, trying not to grimace – food definitely didn’t smell good to me anymore.
“That’s my favorite,” Juan said. Matt set the food on the coffee table and scooted it closer to the couch. I turned on the TV and started the movie while Juan dug into his dinner. I handed Matt one of Sophia’s bottles and he heated it in the microwave. I could tell she was really tired. Her eyes started drooping as soon as she started on the bottle. Juan quickly devoured his dinner and sat between us on the couch. When the movie got to the part where Nemo lost his mom, Juan, who had been making comments during the movie, grew very silent. I picked up the remote and hit the pause button.
“Sarah? Mommy’s not coming back, is she?” he whispered. My heart almost broke. I looked at Matt. The poor kid was only four, yet kids were so smart and intuitive. I decided that he was old enough for the truth. I stood and set the sleeping Sophia in Matt’s arms, then knelt on the floor in front of Juan so I could look into his eyes.
“Not in the way you want her to, sweetie. But she will always be in here,” I said as I touched his forehead, “because you will always remember her. And she will always be in here,” I touched his heart, “because you will always love her,” I said then I wiped the tear from his cheek and swallowed him into my arms. He laid his head on my shoulder and quietly cried. After a few minutes, he sat up and wiped his nose (on his sleeve, of course).
“Are you going to be my mommy now?” he said. I looked into his beautiful brown eyes and wished I could say yes… but instead I went with the smart thing, the right thing. An idea that had come to me shortly after I saw Juan.
“I’d really love to, but I’m not sure that’s really a good idea because I’m… because I’m…”
“Because you’re different?” Juan said.
I looked at Matt and smiled… yep, kids are definitely smart. “Because I’m different. But how would you feel about having two mommy’s? One that you get to live with and one who comes and visits you a lot,” I said. I caught the confused look on Matt’s face, but kept my attention on Juan.
“Who?” Juan said.
“I have a sister. Her name is Cindy. She’s a great mommy. And she’s not… different,” I said. “Would it be okay if I brought her here so you could meet her? I promise you don’t have to live with her if you don’t like her, okay?”
Suddenly Matt was in my head, ‘Uh, honey? Don’t you think you should ask her first?’
I smiled at him. ‘I know my sister. She’d do it in a heartbeat.’
Juan thought about it for a second. “Okay,” he said. “Can we watch the rest of the movie now?”
“Yes we can,” I said as I sat back down next to him.
We all fell asleep where we were. Juan with his head on my lap. Matt and I with our heads together. Sophia cradled in Matt’s arms. At dawn, Matt mumbled, “My leg’s wet. I think she needs a diaper change.”
“So get up and change her,” I said, smiling and trying not to laugh. I lifted my head. “Here, hand her to me and go grab me a diaper and the wipes,” I said. Matt didn’t even make it back to the couch before I had her wet diaper off and had her ready for the new one.
“Wow,” he said.
“I’ve had lots of practice,” I said, with a sad smile on my face. Matt put his hand on the back of my neck and kissed the top of my head.
“I love you, Sarah.”
“I love you too. Now, can you hold her again for a few minutes? I need to call my sister.” I set her in his open arms and slowly slid out from under Juan’s head. I grabbed my cell phone, went into the bedroom and closed the door.
I emerged twenty minutes later, walked to the back of the couch, wrapped my arms around Matt and kissed his cheek. “Well?” he said.
“She’s packing and I have a plane ticket waiting for her at the Corpus Christi airport.”
He looked amazed. “It was that easy for her?”
“Yes, Matt. It was that easy for her.”
“So you’re not the only Stafford sister with an enormous heart? How did both of become this way?”
I smiled. “Not both of us, Matt. All four of us. And that’s easy. We got this way because of our parents. You think I have a big heart? I wis
h you could have met them, because mine is small compared to theirs. I guarantee you’ve never met two more loving people. And the fact that they found each other still amazes me. They were so connected that Dad’s heart gave out three days after Mom’s. He just couldn’t survive without her,” I said.
“The same thing would happen to me, you know,” he whispered. I just stared at him. There were no words. He’d done it again. Floored me with how much he loved me.
“So what’s the plan?” he said, completely oblivious to what he’d just done. It just seemed to come naturally to him.
“Cindy’s coming here so they can meet her. Then all of us, including you, will fly to Corpus Christi to get them settled. I’ll probably stay at least two weeks, so if you need to get back here first, I’ll understand.”
“Well, I’ll try to stay. But we have been gone a lot, sweetie. Things are really piling up,” he said.
Suddenly Juan sat up. “Mommy?” he said as he rubbed his eyes. I moved around to sit next to him and wrapped my arm around him.
“Good morning, Juan. Were you dreaming about your Mommy?” I said. He nodded, trying to hold back tears.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” I said.
“We were at the park. She was pushing me on the swings.”
I smiled. “That’s a great dream, Juan. How about after breakfast, we go outside and I’ll push you on the swings? Would you like that?”
His smile beamed at me. “Yes,” he said.
I smiled at Matt who was on the floor with Sophia. He was playing peek-a-boo, and she was laughing hysterically.
I felt a little sad that this couldn’t be the life for us. But I was glad that we could still be a part of Juan and Sophia’s lives. Matt and I were living the life we were supposed to live. We were who we were meant to be. And we were exactly where we were supposed to be.
Epilogue
I ended up staying in Corpus Christi for three weeks. Matt had to leave after one. He had a situation developing back home that he had to look into. Someone kept relentlessly trying to hack into our database. They kept themselves well hidden, but they were very determined to get in. Why they desperately wanted in and what exactly they were looking for made us very uneasy. So Matt had returned and I had stayed. Juan and Sophia were thrilled with their new home, and they adored Cindy. I knew they would. And she was so happy with them. I hadn’t seen her that happy in a long time. It was October tenth when I left and I had promised that Matt and I would come back at Christmas, so it would only be a few months before I saw them again. Of course, it was October tenth… and it had been almost a month since Matt and I had slept together. I knew this because of how much my body hurt. I knew this because my heart was so sad… and I knew this because I could no longer think straight. I squirmed in my seat on the plane. I was on fire… and I was still hours away from Matt. The desire that had been sleeping in me… sleeping because of grief, sleeping because of stress, sleeping because of kids… was wide awake now. And it wasn’t waking up slowly, no siree bob. It woke up screaming at me to do something about it. It woke up having a temper tantrum. It woke up with a vengeance and I was beginning to wonder if I was even going to make it back home before I had to do something about it. I managed, barely, to make it through the flight. I almost lost it as I walked to the car – damn these tight jeans.