by Jenny Ealey
Tarkyn took a deep breath to control his anger, “I think I should remind you that we agreed to be civil to one another. You may not be aware of this but I have a very short temper that I can only partially control. I would not push your advantage too far, if I were you.” He took another deep breath, “When you are ready, look into my eyes.”
Palace guards stream into my room. Feelings of incomprehension turn to embarrassment and chagrin. I am marched out into the Great Hall where I stand before all the guards facing the bench. The king speaks. I am flooded with fear, horror, anger then desperation. My shield goes up. Assailed on all sides by beams of light that bounce back and drop the guards standing around me. Cracks in the walls, great chunks of plaster raining down around me. I crawl under the table, release my shield, hold coat button. After a blur, I am suddenly in a quiet factory with no one around. Shock and sadness.
Tarkyn cut the connection to find Falling Rain staring at him, wild-eyed, “Did you wreak all that destruction?”
Tarkyn nodded, “More or less. My shield went wrong because I was upset and reflected the guards’ rays instead of just blocking them. I didn’t mean it to happen.”
“And what did you do to be brought before the court in the first place?”
Tarkyn showed him the events of the tournament, adding, “The charges were completely unjust.”
“And who are those two men passing judgement on you?”
“I thought you knew. They are my brothers.” Tarkyn’s throat tightened and he looked away into the soft light of the forest. After a few moments, he cleared his throat and brought his eyes back to meet Falling Rain’s. “What now?” he asked, a hard edge to his voice.
“I want to see what happened after Tree Wind told you about the oath when you first came to the forest a few months ago.”
Tarkyn stared at him, feeling a knot of anger in the pit of his stomach. “I have shown no one this before. Not even Waterstone. At most, I have made a glancing reference to it. Remember when you watch it, that besides the instigation of the oath, I had just seen images of my father who had died when I was eight years old. You all may have hated him, and possibly with just cause, but I didn’t.”
I stumble away from Tree Wind, horrified, and seek sanctuary within a large pine. Feelings of sadness, despair, isolation. Visions of resentful, vengeful woodfolk surrounding me. I feel trapped within the forest. Waves of anger at my father then sorrow. I see an owl looking down at me. Comfort. I pull myself together and steel myself to go out and face the woodfolk.
Tarkyn cut back to the present to find Falling Rain watching him thoughtfully. Tarkyn returned his regard defiantly, refusing to be cowed by having exposed his vulnerability. Eventually, Falling Rain commented, “And I believe you must remain in exile and endure living among us?”
The prince nodded, “Yes to the first and no to the second. I must remain in exile but not alone as you were forced to do. And it is no endurance to live with woodfolk. In fact, I would no longer choose to leave.”
“How lucky for us,” commented Falling Rain sarcastically. “Hmm. So before I show you any of the events that I have endured, I need to know that you are capable of feeling for someone other than yourself who is suffering. Can you give me an example of that?”
With those few well-chosen words, Falling Rain diminished the value of everything Tarkyn had so far shown him. Before Tarkyn could stop himself, a huge wave of outrage burst from him and threw Falling Rain against the tree behind him. The woodman hit the tree with a dull thump and slid, senseless, to the ground.
“Oh no! Oh blast! What have I done?” Tarkyn scrambled to his feet and gathered the fallen woodman in his arms. The forest guardian drew on his power and sent a wave of healing gently through his hand into the woodman. After a few agonising minutes, Falling Rain stirred. He opened his eyes and found himself looking up into the anxious eyes of the sorcerer. He could still feel the soft stream of Tarkyn’s healing power flowing through him.
A malicious little smile flittered around Falling Rain’s lips, “So much for your oath, Your Highness.”
Chagrined, Tarkyn replied tightly, “I apologise. I did warn you not to push me too far. And if I hurt you, I have also healed you. But perhaps we had better curtail this enterprise. No doubt you do not feel safe enough to continue.”
Falling Rain sat up and felt around the back of his head, “No bump? Disappointing. Nothing to show the others of your treachery. And no doubt they won’t believe me above you.”
“I will tell them myself,” said Tarkyn calmly. “And I will also show them the memories I have shown you and the lack of respect you accorded them.”
“I did not realise that you would be willing to expose your weaknesses like that to everyone,” said Falling Rain in surprise, clearly wrong-footed.
“I do not consider my feelings to be weaknesses. I consider my inability to control them to be a weakness at times, such as now. But I trust those woodfolk, as I have never trusted anyone before in my life. And so I am quite happy to reveal my transgression to them. They know who I am and that I would not have meant to hurt you.”
“Just like all the guards in the Great Hall?”
Tarkyn narrowed his eyes, “If I didn’t know better, I would think you were deliberately goading me. Have you any idea how much danger that places you in?”
Falling Rain shrugged, “If you kill or maim me, you will lose their faith in you and that can only be good for woodfolk. They have become too complacent and have accepted you without enough of a fight.”
Tarkyn thought through all the things he had done to gain woodfolk’s support but in the end he knew that Falling Rain wanted to see woodfolk resistance. “I will show you one memory to refute that. There are complications attached to it that mean the actions are not just pure woodfolk reactions… but I think you will enjoy it,” he added snakily. He paused, “You must undertake to stay to the end of it. Agreed?”
When Falling Rain nodded, Tarkyn opened his memory and brought forth all the horror, helplessness and pain of his beating at the hands of the mountainfolk. Even as a memory, it was hard to endure but he persevered until the last blow had landed and the eagles had come to his rescue. As he cut the connection, he took a short juddering breath to recover and spat out scathingly, “There. Of course, yet again I was only suffering on my own account in that image but I’m afraid no one else was hurt in that instance.” He glowered at Falling Rain who was actually looking a little ill. Then, abandoning any hope he might have had for the woodman’s good opinion, Tarqin added spitefully, “Except of course, for my two attackers. Naturally, I had them killed.”
As Falling Rain’s face tightened, Tarkyn pressed home his advantage. “While I’m at it, why don’t I show you what happened to me when Rushwind infected me with the parasites after I tried to heal her? I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of that.”
Before Falling Rain could recover, he was immersed in images of the invasion of Tarkyn by the grey globules of the infection and the wave of woodfolk anger joining with his own rage to send a searing wave of destruction through the sorcerer’s blood veins. Then Falling Rain was engulfed in the blinding pain of the burning aftermath. As he experienced for himself the prince’s body going into shock, Falling Rain wrenched his eyes away and broke contact.
Breathing hard, the woodman managed to get out between clenched teeth, “You have still not shown me any instance where you have felt pain for someone else.”
Tarkyn glared at him, his own breath coming in gasps, “Actually you misunderstood. The source of that horror when I first found out about the oath was on behalf of woodfolk’s plight, not my own, but I will be happy to show you other examples.” He sneered at Falling Rain, “Try not to pull out this time until it’s finished.”
With that, he blasted Falling Rain with episode after episode of Danton being punished while the young Tarkyn, beside himself with guilt, helplessness and misery for his friend, looked on screaming and struggling to break away fro
m whoever was holding him. Finally, he came to the time when, desperate and determined, he had outfaced his father and cut himself to stop Danton being whipped. Staring white-faced at Falling Rain, he gasped, “So, now you have your proof. I will suffer when I see what you go through. So, having revelled in watching me endure my own pain again, you can now force me to endure yours.”
Unexpectedly, the silence went on and on. Falling Rain met his gaze unswervingly but said nothing. Eventually he cleared his throat and said quietly, “When I saw you standing up to King Markazon, I realised I was punishing the wrong person.”
“What? Even after I had those mountainfolk killed?”
“Having lived through that attack with you, I think I would have done the same if I could have. If I looked shocked, that was why. I was dealing with that knowledge about myself.” Ignoring Tarkyn’s surprise, he asked quietly, “How old were you when the oath was first sworn?”
“Seven,” said Tarkyn shortly. After a moment, he sighed, “But although I did not engineer it, it was done for my sake. And so you are justified in laying your suffering at my door.”
Falling Rain stood up and walked away a few paces before turning to face the prince. He stood a little distance away, hands on his hips, studying Tarkyn, thinking about the similarities and the differences between Markazon and the prince. After a while, Tarkyn found himself a long stick and began to break bits of the end of it. Falling Rain returned and sat down again.
“Your Highness, I am ashamed of what I have just put you through. You knew, didn’t you, that I would subject you to this and how much it would hurt you? And yet you were willing to endure it for the sake of our woodfolk. Having seen how much you suffered watching Danton, I know I could easily put you through further torment that again you would accept, to gain the information we all need to stay safe.” A little smile played around Falling Rain’s lips, “Power can be seductive, can’t it? I don’t think I have handled it very well.”
Tarkyn said nothing and after a few moments, the woodman continued, “And now I think about it, you could just as easily have forced the information out of me. After all, it is not a betrayal of my people to give it to you and so my resolve for withholding it would not have been all that strong. In the service of protecting the woodfolk, you could have justified all manner of ill treatment to force it out of me.”
Tarkyn glanced up at him before returning his attention to a second stick he had found. When he had meticulously destroyed it, piece by piece, he looked up and brushed his hands off, “Falling Rain, I am not in the business of justifying ill treatment. I did not travel halfway across the country to find you, just to alienate you further. If you needed to wreak your revenge on me, so be it. I’m sorry I wasn’t quite strong enough to endure it without my anger sending you flying, but …” Tarkyn shrugged. After a moment, he said ruminatively, “I liked you when I first met you and you let me feed your egret. You seemed to be a reflective, gentle type of person. But perhaps your bitterness had not yet worked its way to the surface. Has it warped you beyond repair? I hope not.”
“You were very harsh with me, Sire, when we first met. I was fearful of you and you did nothing to reassure me in the first few minutes. By the time you had taken me to task for mistaking your status, all my fears of Markazon’s son had been confirmed.”
Tarkyn inclined his head, “I’m sorry. You were caught in the middle of my uncertainty. I was disappointed and offended that you had been borne off without being introduced to me.” He gave a rueful smile, “I am a difficult character for you woodfolk to contend with. Despite our friendships and the absence of court protocols, I still require recognition of my status. It can be confusing for all of us, at times.”
“You look just like him, you know.”
“Do I?” Tarkyn couldn’t help smiling, “I’m sorry. I know you hated my father but I didn’t, even though as you saw, I didn’t always accept his judgement.”
Falling Rain regarded the prince quizzically, “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened after you stood up to the king like that?”
“Firstly, he threatened to have Danton and me put to death as punishment for defying him.” Seeing Falling Rain’s shocked expression, he grimaced, “My actions did amount to treason, you know.”
The woodman shook his head, “What? Even though you were his son?”
“Yes, even so.” Tarkyn glanced at Falling Rain then looked away. “When I realised I was risking Danton’s life, it shook me up badly. So I apologised and explained I had only been trying to protect my friend.” He shook his head, “I was a stubborn bugger though. Even though I was shaking and crying, I still kept my shield up.”
Falling Rain frowned. “So did the flogging continue?”
“No. My father accepted my explanation enough to send Danton out of the room and deal with me privately.”
“I see.” Clearly Falling Rain would have liked to know more but after his previous intrusions on Tarkyn’s privacy, forbore to ask.
Tarkyn gave a little smile, “After all I have shown you, I might as well show you this. You never know, you may think better of him afterwards. I will tell you what is said as it happens”
I am still encased in my shield. My knees are shaking so much they can barely hold me up and I am beginning to feel frightened about all my blood that is dripping into a big pool at my feet. My father walks away from me. He turns and stands by the long drawing room window, silhouetted against the light, with his hands on his hips, just staring at me. After what seems like an age, he finally asks quietly, “And will you remove your shield now, my son?”
I nod and drop my shield. Still he doesn’t move. “In the quiet of that big gloomy room, I could hear my blood dripping onto the floor.” I can’t do anything about wrapping my arm or stopping the bleeding. Now that Danton’s danger has passed, I am rooted to the spot with fear, tears trickling down my face. My father walks over to me and pulls out his handkerchief. Without a word, he takes the piece of vase out of my hand and throws it away across the room. Then he raises my arm and binds it. When he has finished, he lifts me up and swings me onto his knee as he sits down in a big padded armchair. As soon as he is holding me, my tears redouble and I let go completely. He just holds me and lets me cry myself out.
Tarkyn cut the image to say to the woodman, “And then, do you know what he said to me?”
Falling Rain shook his head.
He looks down at me, his amber eyes glowing in the late afternoon light, “You put us all to shame, my son.”He smiles at me and I try to understand what he means as he keeps speaking, “You are the best of us but you will suffer for it. And in the end, you must be the one to bring hope to our nation and save us from ourselves.”For a while, he sits there in silence, holding me and thinking. Then suddenly, he swings me off his knee and stands up. He glowers down at me, “Now, I want no more scenes and disobedience.”When I nod unconvincingly, he smiles slightly and gives his head a little shake,“I will ensure that your friend no longer suffers in your stead. In future, you will both be brought to book together.” He frowns, “Now, will you undertake to do as I ask?”
I nod. “I told him I was sorry,” Tarkyn explained.
My father shakes his head, “No, you’re not. You would do it again, wouldn’t you?”
I stare up at him for a moment before replying, ‘No, sir. Not if Danton might lose his life over it. I would have to find another way.’
My father smiles broadly at that and shaking his head, gives me a big final hug before striding off, leaving me standing alone in the gloomy drawing room next to the pool of my own blood.
Falling Rain let out a long breath, “Whew. I begin to see why you might like him but he’s still scary.”
“Oh yes,” agreed Tarkyn. “He was always scary. Even when he was being kind, you never knew when he might turn. Having so much power is very hard to manage and he was volatile anyway.”
“But you allowed me to have so much power over you. And now I have let
myself and, I suppose, you down by misusing it.”
Tarkyn looked at him and smiled, “If you are worrying about having let me down, then you must be starting to care about what I think of you. So that’s something, I suppose. However, you did not let me down because I didn’t entrust you with that power, in the expectation that you wouldn’t misuse it. When you made your proposal, I assumed you would abuse it to its fullest extent and hurt me as much as you could. I suppose I feel responsible enough for what happened to you, to allow you to do that to me.” He gave a short laugh, “As it turns out, you’ve stopped halfway.”
“But you didn’t take into account how I would feel about myself for abusing someone like that,” objected Falling Rain.
“No, you’re right. I didn’t. On the other hand, it was your choice not mine, what you did with that power.”
“Wow,” exclaimed Falling Rain, “You’re tough, aren’t you? Making me take all the blame for how I acted with it.”
Tarkyn raised his eyebrows, “It may not have occurred to you, but like my father, I have enormous power at my command all the time. Only I am responsible for how I use it. I could abuse it and force all manner of unkindness on the people around me, but I don’t. As you pointed out, woodfolk could be suffering under the oath but they are not, beyond the loss of their autonomy which was, after all, their choice a long time ago, not mine.”
Falling Rain mulled this over in silence, gradually becoming more and more solemn.
After a little while, Tarkyn said, “I think I was right in my first assessment of your character. You are gentle. Perhaps I was unkind in giving you that power. I didn’t mean to be. But if your bitterness has played itself out, it will be worth it.”
Falling Rain raised his eyes from his contemplation of the moss at his feet, “But what will everyone think of me when you tell them how I behaved?”
“Everyone was expecting you to behave like that. That’s why there were so many protests. But I am not going to run back and tell them what has passed privately between you and me. I only said that before, because you were threatening me. Besides, I turned a lot of it back on you, in case you hadn’t noticed. Since I was forced to show you my memories, I threw them at you. I am not the only one who has been upset by this process, am I?