Tears fill my eyes thinking of Dad. “Ditto.”
Birdee sits on my bed softly. “What happened out there?”
I tell her everything. About separating from the team. About the dead wolf. About the whiteout and falling into a deep snowdrift.
“Wyn stayed with me. I didn’t think he had it in him, but I wouldn’t be here without him.”
She smiles. “Yes, so I gathered. Poor boy’s been driving me nuts since you got here. Coming in and out every other minute. Asking me if you’ve woken up. If you need water. Checking in with the doctors. Damn boy’s gone looney over you.”
“He’s mental alright.”
I don’t say any more than that to Birdee, but I can’t help flashing back to the cave and remembering kissing Wyn. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this. Again.
I quickly change the subject. “The weather came in so fast, we had to build a snow cave and hunker down for the night.”
She strokes my hair. “I remember when your Dad used to build those in the backyard every winter. He loved making tunnels and secret dens. Some kids wanted to do sleepovers in tents, but your dad always wanted to sleep outside in his snow caves. In the middle of winter. Crazy kid. Wasn’t afraid of anything. Not even Mother Nature herself.” She stops and swallows. “Maybe I shouldn’t have encouraged him.”
I close my eyes, suddenly exhausted again. “Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself. I’m the one who needs some attention here.”
She laughs and in one second, she’s back to the same old lady. “You are a little smartass like him, too. I like it.” She strokes my hair. “Can I get you anything?”
“Maybe some water?”
She walks over to the sink and pours me a glass. Then she holds it up to my lips. “Drink.”
I take a few sips and let it slosh around in my mouth, washing away the dryness. “You are a great nurse. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Birdee scoffs. “Ha! Don’t get used to it. Tomorrow I’ll have you doing chores again. You can only milk this for so long.” She looks at me with her green eyes and sighs.
“What?”
“I need to say something, and I know you’re going to get mad. But I just gotta say it.”
I notice my butt’s fallen asleep and try to sit up a little in my bed to change positions. “What is it?”
She adjusts the pillow behind my head and sits down again, this time folding her hands in her lap. Never a good sign. “I want you to quit this project.” I open my mouth to protest, but she holds up her hand. “Before you say no, hear me out.”
I nod. “Go ahead.”
“To be honest, I can’t take it. After sitting there all night worried, I can only imagine what your mother went through last summer with you and your dad. I can’t do this to her again. She won’t make it if anything happens to you, and I promised to take care of you.”
“Birdee, I—”
She frowns. “Now I don’t want any arguments. I’m older than you, and you have to respect your elders.”
I smile. “Since when?”
“Just do it for me. Please.”
Just then, someone knocks on the door. Tommy pokes in his head. “Is it okay to come in?”
At first I don’t know what to say. He’s the last person I would expect to drop by, and I answer with a scratchy voice. “Oh. Hey, Tommy.”
He smiles and opens the door. “Birdee! How are you?”
She doesn’t give her usual hello. She simply nods, which is not a great sign, and says his name with a flat tone. “Tommy.”
Something strange passes between them. Anger. Tension. Which is odd because they’ve been friends for years. Both Tommy and his wife, Ama, always spent the holidays at our house with Birdee.
She jumps up and heads to the door. “I’ll go tell Wyn you’re okay. He’s been waiting.”
I watch the two of them pass each other without saying another word. Birdee is obviously still upset over Dad, even though it wasn’t Tommy’s fault. There’s no one else alive for her to blame. Or me for that matter.
She grabs her hat off the table. “You alright?”
I nod as Tommy bows slightly. “It was good seeing you.”
Birdee frowns. “Wish I could say the same.” Then she looks at me. “Think about what I said.”
I nod. “I will. I promise. We can talk more later.”
She puts a stern look on her face. “Nothing to discuss.”
She walks out the door without another glance or word for Tommy. He keeps his eyes on the floor until the door clicks shut.
I shift uncomfortably and try to make him feel better, not that I have to, but he looks so sad I can’t help but feel sorry for him.
“Don’t worry about her. It takes her a while to get over things but she’ll come around. Sooner or later.” I leave off never.
His sad eyes meet mine. “Will you?”
I draw back, slightly caught off-guard at his directness. Usually not a strong trait of his. “Uh, what?”
He pulls up a chair and sits, still holding the flowers in his lap. “It’s been three months, Elu. I wanted to give you your space, but I’d hoped you’d come around.”
I look to see if Birdee is still outside so I can motion her back in. I’m not sure how to handle this exactly. “Tommy, I…”
Tears form in his eyes and fall down his cheeks, reminding me of the old Native Americans in pictures of the past. I’ve only seen Tommy cry once. And that was when Ama died after he’d tried so hard to help her beat the cancer. He didn’t even cry when he was shot. And he didn’t attend the funeral. Not because he didn’t want to, but because Birdee asked him not to.
He clears his throat. “You see, I love you, and I’m so sorry. About everything.”
“Tommy, it’s okay…”
He shakes his head. “No, it’s not. And don’t let me off the hook that easily. I know you and Birdee and your Mom blame me for Joe’s death. I would too if I were you. I let you down.” Tears stream down his face, and he sobs as he talks. “It was my fault your dad died. I never should have held back anything from you.”
I interject. “You were just trying to protect me.”
He goes on as if I haven’t said anything. “I should have made that call myself instead of anonymously. I should have made sure someone followed up that lead. Shoot, I should’ve checked out the camp I found myself. Had I done that, Joe would still be alive.”
“He was alive.” I sit up and touch his hand. “If it wasn’t for Al, he’d still be here. It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you. I blame Al and Carl.”
He wipes his face with both hands and tucks his long white hair behind his shoulders. “I didn’t do everything I could to bring Joe home alive. I sat back and—”
“Sat back? Tommy, you took a bullet for me. You almost died coming to rescue Dad and me from that camp. You did everything you could.” Hearing myself defend Tommy out loud makes me realize one thing. I’ve been blaming the wrong person this whole time. I sigh. “Look, I haven’t been all fair to you either. I don’t know why I pulled away. I guess I just needed time or space. I was mad and wanted someone to blame. Same with Mom and Birdee. Everyone responsible is either dead or gone.”
He takes his hat off his head and sets it on the table. “I shouldn’t have let you pull away. I should have let you yell at me. Get it off your chest. I’m too passive, not aggressive enough, or I would have come to talk to you sooner. It was my place to step up and reach out to you, not yours. I’m the adult.”
My head is starting to hurt. “Why did you come today?”
He fiddles with the flies hanging from his hat. “When I heard you were missing, I couldn’t take it. I realized I might not have another chance. So when Les told me you were found, I raced right over.”
“I’m glad you did.” I close my eyes for a second. When I open them, he’s at my side.
“I’ve stayed too long. I’ll let you rest.”
I nod slowly. “But you
still owe me lunch.”
He smiles. “That sounds fair. I’ll call you in a few days when you get well.” He walks to the door.
“Hey!” He turns around and faces me, looking much older than I remember. “You going to give me my flowers, or you taking them with you?”
He looks down at the bouquet in his hand and smiles. “I almost forgot.”
“Yeah, that’s what happens when you get old.”
His eyes twinkle. “Ha! I’m young at heart. That’s all that matters.” He sets the flowers on the side table and leaves again. He stops just before he shuts the door. “Gv-ge-yu-hi, Elu.”
“Gv-ge-yu-hi right back.”
When he shuts the door, I lean back and smile. I never stopped loving Tommy. He’s been like a grandfather to me my whole life. Through the window, I see him stop and confront Birdee. The man is on a mission.
A few minutes later they hug.
In that moment, I realize it’s true.
Out of bad things, good things can come.
Survival Skill #16
After any traumatic event, don’t make any decisions you may regret later. You never know how your body or mind will respond after a life or death situation.
Before I open my eyes, I can already sense someone is in the room.
“Hello, Blossom.”
I sit up and smile, almost in shock. “Mo?” He leans over and hugs me, but I remain stiff, not sure of what I’m seeing. “Are you really here?”
He smiles that grin I’ve missed so much. “Abso-blooming-lutely.”
I reach out to him. “Come here. Tell me I’m not dreaming.”
He leans over and whispers in my ear. “Grace, wake up.”
It takes a second for my eyes to eyes flutter open, and I see Wyn.
He looks concerned. “Hey. You okay?”
I search the room before answering. “Wyn?”
“Expecting someone else?” He smiles. “You were mumbling something. Must have been dreaming.”
My heart sinks, and I pull the cover over my head. “Dreaming?”
Tears are in the corners of my eyes as I realize Mo isn’t here and will never be. My time with him is over, yet my brain can’t seem to let him go. And now it seems to be getting worse.
I pull the sheet down and sit up. “I guess it’s the medicine.”
Wyn sits on the side of my bed and kisses the top of my hand. “How are you?”
I force myself not to pull away, to let him hold my hand for a second longer. “I’m as good as new. Maybe even better. Really.” I lightly pull my hand back and move my long hair out from behind me so it doesn’t look like it’s a rejection of any kind.
He cocks his head. “You know, you scared me out there.”
I look out the window to break his gaze. “I know. I’m sorry. If I’m being totally honest and vulnerable, I scared myself, too.”
“An admission of weakness?”
I watch a bird sitting on the ledge, looking down, as if thinking about jumping. “No. Just the truth.”
He rubs my arm lightly. “Thought I was going to lose you there in that cave.”
At the mention of it, I try to lighten the mood or even change the subject. Last thing I want to do is talk about what happened in the cave.
“Ha. I’m too tough for that!”
Wyn laughs along with me. “That’s probably true.”
A few awkward moments linger between us. I study his face, realizing how disheveled he looks. Usually Wyn is dressed perfectly. Not the typical small-town fashion either. He makes a point to go to Asheville for his clothes, and usually he is perfectly pressed and clean-shaven. Today he looks tired, crumpled, and stubbly.
I point to his hair. “You’re worried about me? Look at you.”
He looks down at his wrinkled shirt and rubs his cheek with one hand, smiling. “Yeah, well, I’ve been here for two days.”
I tease him and hold my nose. “No shower?”
He tilts his head. “Nope. No food either. Haven’t been able to eat or sleep.”
I immediately feel awful. “Oh, Wyn. You didn’t have to stay. You need to take care of yourself.”
“I know, but I didn’t want to leave you.” He pats the hard bed. “I wanted to be right here if – when – you woke up.”
I hold his hand. “I haven’t thanked you yet. For everything.”
He finds my eyes and looks a bit sad.
I grip his hand harder. “Seriously, you saved me. I don’t know what I would have done if you and Seth hadn’t found me. If you hadn’t been there to take care of me at my lowest. I would probably not be–”
He places his other hand over my lips. “Don’t say that, G. You’re here.”
I put some space between us and lay back, acting tired. “Because of you.”
He doesn’t say anything for a minute, so I open one eye.
He grins. “I was pretty good, wasn’t I?”
“You were great.” I shiver once.
He immediately pulls the covers up higher and tucks it around my body. “So you think I could be a mountain man after all?”
I try to look serious. “No.”
He drops open his mouth and acts surprised. “What do you mean? I can get me some Cole Haan boots, maybe a North Face jacket. I could look the part.”
“Nah. It wouldn’t suit you. Mud is not your color.”
“Very funny.” He tries to tickle me, but instead of laughing, I wince. He stops and jerks his hands back. “Oh gosh, I’m sorry.”
“Ouch,” I say, smiling weakly. “Trying to kill me, Wynford?”
He bites his lips. “On the contrary, Miss Independent. I’d like to keep you around for a long time.”
He studies my face, and then his eyes move to my lips. I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m being dishonest. I need to do what Tommy wishes he had done with me. Hit this head-on. It’s my only chance at salvaging our friendship.
“Wyn, we need to talk.”
“Uh-oh. Sounds serious.” He stands and steps back a little as if my words will hurt him. “You don’t have to say anything. We can talk about everything after you get out of this place.”
I shake my head and pinch back tears. “No. We should talk now.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets. “That can’t be good.”
I search my brain for the right words, but nothing seems right in this moment. “It’s just… I…”
He puts up one hand and smiles wide. “Wait, I know what you’re going to say. You love what happened between us in the cave, and you’re madly in love with me. Right? Tell me that’s what it is.” His smile sags a little. “Please, tell me that’s what it is.”
I sigh loudly and break eye contact. I can't bear to see the look on his face.
“No such luck, I guess.” He drops his head forward and stares at his shoes. Seeing that look on his face makes me feel horrible. A tear slips down my cheek.
“Wyn, you are such a wonderful guy. And to be honest, I’m not sure what went on between us in the cave. It’s so foggy, I barely remember anything after falling down that hole.”
He takes a step back as if I’ve kicked him in the chest. Then he uses the chair to steady himself before sitting down, already distancing himself. I wish I could go to him, but I’m not strong enough to climb out of the bed.
“Please come over here so we can talk. I care about you, Wyn. You’re my best friend. These last few months have been horrible without you, and I’ve been so happy since we starting hanging out again. I missed you, and I need you in my life. You saved my life. I owe everything to you.”
“But…” He finds my eyes with his. “There’s got to be a big but. It’s okay, I can take it. That’s what friends are for. Right?”
“I’ll be straight with you.” I wring my hands together. “This is not about you. I’m just not over – everything – yet.”
“Oh.” He nods and drops his head into his hands. “You mean that Mo guy.”
I can only n
od as a teardrop rolls over my lip. “I’m so sorry.”
He closes his eyes as if remembering something. “But what about the cave? You told me you loved me. You kissed me. What was that all about then?”
I don’t have the heart to tell Wyn I was imagining Mo. That I was hallucinating about another guy while he was trying to show me how he felt about me after all this time.
“I guess I just wasn’t all there. The hypothermia was stronger than I was.”
He frowns. “So kissing is a side effect of hypothermia? Good to know.”
I tip my head, making it pound. “Wyn, come on. Please don’t. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ve never had hypothermia.”
“Well, if that’s what it does, I hope you get it again.” He gets up and drags the chair over to my bed. “It’s okay. Really. I understand.”
I narrow my eyes. “You do? You mean you’re not mad?”
He winks. “Hey, what can I say? I copped a feel. How can I be mad?” I smack him upside the head, and he flinches. “Ow.”
“Be serious.”
“No, really. I appreciate you being honest. You can’t help how you feel.” He kisses my hand. “But neither can I.”
“What?”
He stands up and leans over me, cups my face, and lightly pecks my lips. Then he pulls back and smiles. “Look. I know there’s something between us, G. Always has been. I know you’ve been through a lot. And you know what? I can wait for you to deal with whatever you need to deal with.”
“Wyn, I can’t promise anything.”
I press my temples as my head races in confusion. Should I tell Wyn I was thinking about Mo that whole time? That I’m not confused. Should I tell him I don’t see a future for us?
Do I see a future for us?
He grabs his jacket. “I’m not asking you to. I just want you to know that I love you, and I’ll wait for however long it takes for you to see how good we are together. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe what happened in that cave between us wasn’t real. There was no one else there, and you let down your guard. It was all real for me. Maybe you’ll see that it was real for you, too. You said you loved me.”
Uncontrollable (The Nature of Grace, Book 2) Page 14