The sun was dipping low on the horizon, but the chicken was over the fire, the potato salad waited on the table with the chips and drinks, and we had all retreated into silence. Of course, the sounds of other campers nearby intruded on our thoughts, but I think for the most part we blocked it all out.
After eating and packing away the extra food, we gathered around the fire pit and cracked open the graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate. Thomas and Will sat across from me in their fold out chairs, Tully and Robyn on either side of them, and Cade and I took up one side of the bench. We had dragged it closer to the fire so we could make our own s’mores.
I flicked a glance at Cade. He gazed into the flames, his expression free of any emotion and his eyes dark. He had remained relatively quiet the entire time, taking part in polite conversation but only speaking when he needed to. Perhaps he was taking this time to study my friends; to get a sense of what they were like. Mostly, though, I imagined he was deep in thought about what awaited us in Eile. I bit my lip and turned my eyes back towards the fire. I didn’t want to think about what might be occupying his mind at the moment.
I returned my attention to the marshmallows turning golden brown over the fire. Mine was done, so I got to work making a s’more. Cade watched me with curiosity, and then began mimicking my actions. I was simply glad that look of deep contemplation was gone from his eyes. It always worried me when Cade adopted that expression.
With nimble dexterity, Robyn plucked the crispy marshmallow off the end of her own fork and wedged it between two graham crackers with a piece of chocolate. “So, now that we are all here with no pesky parents to eavesdrop, why don’t you tell us how the two of you met?”
I inhaled a cracker crumb and proceeded to cough uncontrollably. Cade gently patted my back as the blood rushed to my face and my eyes watered. When I regained my composure, I looked up at him while blinking the tears from my eyes. He didn’t look at all phased by what Robyn had said.
How couldn’t he be? She had just insinuated that we were an item. And it only bothered me because he had never indicated one way or another that we were (or were not) an item. Somehow, between the day he arrived in the swamp at the beginning of the week and this very moment, Cade and I had never found any free time to discuss it. Okay, if I was being completely honest with myself, I’d admit it was because I was scared to death to broach the subject, but it was easier to blame it on time constraints. Yes, a week simply wasn’t enough time to ask the boy who claimed he loved you if he wanted to be your boyfriend.
I opened my mouth to give an answer, what answer I wasn’t sure. Cade, however, beat me to it.
“My little sister goes to school with Meghan’s brother, Aiden.”
The unformed answer died in my throat. I turned my surprised face towards his, but he was looking at Robyn.
“I had to pick her up one day after school and Meghan happened to be there as well.”
Robyn grinned and took a bite out of her s’more, chewing with relish and losing that gleam of mischief in her eyes. I quietly exhaled my relief and Cade turned to study me, a soft look in his expression and a gentle curve at the corner of his mouth. Wait, what just happened? One minute Robyn was swooping down, talons open, to tackle the mystery of Cade once and for all, and he just stepped right in and thwarted her with a simple little lie.
I turned my attention back to the fire. Robyn was never that easily diverted. She had been surreptitiously fishing for information; trying to get one of us to claim Cade and I were a couple, and he had stopped her dead in her tracks. Normally such a question would be followed up by another more intrusive one, especially given his answer, but no. Robyn was content with Cade's response, one that neither claimed nor denied what our relationship status was. Had he used glamour to suppress her curiosity? I blinked and looked at Cade again. He was still gazing at me, his features calm, calculating. I swallowed. Could he be waiting for me to acknowledge our relationship? But how could I do that when I didn’t even know what our relationship was? Ugh!
“Well, I’m bushed,” Tully said, yawning as she pushed herself out of her chair.
Eventually, the fire died down and my three other friends claimed exhaustion and climbed into the tent. Robyn, of course, was the last one to rise.
“Goodnight you two, don’t stay up too late.”
In the dim light of the dying fire, the suggestive waggle of her eyebrows made her appear downright demonic. I glared at her and she chuckled, the harsh grating sound of the tent zipper sealing her inside and cutting her amusement off.
Cade and I sat in silence, side by side on the wooden plank of the bench, gazing into the orange glow of coals. I took a slow breath and swallowed back my rising fear very carefully. All week I'd managed to put off saying anything about what had happened between us on the battlefield with the Morrigan. At home my family acted as a nice distraction, but now I only had the gentle lap of the lake a few dozen yards away, the quiet rippling hiss of the fire, the general racket of fellow campers joking and enjoying the night, and my own heartbeat to chase my errant thoughts away.
Stop being such a coward Meghan! He said he loved you, didn’t he? And are you going to try and convince yourself that that kiss meant nothing?
I gritted my teeth, squeezed my eyes shut, and told my conscience to take a hike. I turned to Cade with every intention of bringing up the subject we were both avoiding, but the words died in my throat. First mistake: I should not have glanced at his face. Second mistake: I should have diverted my eyes right away.
“Uh . . . um.” I raked my hair behind my ears and glanced down. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t find the words. Cade sat there, patiently, expectantly, and I knew, somehow I just knew he was waiting for me to say something, anything. What could I say?
I licked my lips and tried again. “I-I think I’m going to go to bed. Do you mind putting out the fire?”
And because I was such a wuss, I stood up quickly and headed into the tent without so much as wishing him a goodnight.
Way to go Meghan. I think you just blew it. I didn’t even bother opening the tent quietly and I’m sure the muffled grunt was Thomas’s way of letting me know he didn’t appreciate being tripped over.
I pushed past the nylon divider that cut off the small room on my side of the tent and plopped down on my sleeping mat. I never liked sleeping zipped up in a sleeping bag; made me feel claustrophobic, so I was the dork who always brought a sleeping mat to lie on so that I could use my sleeping bag as a comforter. I yanked the sleeping bag over my head and did my best not to burst out of my own skin. I took several deep breaths and tried to calm my heart and settle my mind. It didn’t help.
Something tickled my cheek and I reached up, expecting to find a mosquito or some other unpleasant insect taking advantage of me, but when I pressed my fingers to my skin all I felt was moisture. I turned over on my side and burst into tears, great, big muffled sobs that I hoped no one else heard.
A few months ago I had had my heart wrenched from my body because I believed Cade was dead. And now he was here, right in front of me, and I didn’t even have the courage to tell him I loved him. No, apparently I only had the nerve to do that when he had no way of responding or understanding my declaration.
I can’t say how long it took me to fall asleep, but eventually my body stopped shaking and I dozed off, wondering if I had ruined my only chance to really tell Cade how I felt.
* * *
Sometime later that night I woke up with a start. I was lying on my side, staring at the outside wall of the tent, the bright moonlight shining down through the mesh roof above me. I strained my ears, thinking that maybe some noise had woken me, but I heard nothing except the soft snoring of my friends and the occasional cough from a neighboring campsite. I sighed and focused on getting back to sleep before I could remember why I felt so empty inside.
Meghan?
The sight of my name popping up in my head, blue script against a black abyss, made me jerk. An
d when I did, my shoulder came into contact with something, no, someone, just behind me. Cade?
Meghan, are you awake?
Blue again, but not as harsh. I could detect Cade’s essence in the words and I relaxed.
Yes? I sent back.
I was hoping we could talk, like this.
Oh. He wanted to have a conversation using shil-sciar, a conversation that no one else could hear. Why now, in the middle of the night? And then the memory of what had taken place around the campfire came rushing to my mind like an unexpected wave on the shore. My skin flushed with anxiety.
Alright, I answered tentatively as I tried to swallow.
I’m sorry I’ve been distant these last several days, but I wanted to give you space and give myself time to think. I've been trying to figure out the right words to use . . .
He sighed out loud, but then the silent words returned to that dark place in my mind.
What happened on that plain, with my mother and her Cumorrig, I didn’t want you to have to ever see me like that.
Ah, so here it was: the conversation I had been yearning for and avoiding at the same time. So far it sounded as if Cade was just as afraid as I was, and I guess I could understand that. He had been rather frightening when the battle fury took over. Both his appearance and what he had done to those mutated hounds was enough to give the Grim Reaper nightmares. Not that I blamed him, nor was I in the least bit ungrateful for what he had done. Maybe this was why he had been so quiet on the matter since coming back to the mortal world; perhaps he had been worried about my reaction all along.
And-
Cade’s word hung in the darkness for a long time, fading towards yellow in my mind.
And? I prompted, my heartbeat quickening.
He released another sigh, but this one wasn't physical. It was a feeling that appeared in my head as a wash of blue and green.
And I didn’t want you to think you were obligated in any way. I didn’t want you to feel like you owed me a debt for what I did.
This night, and the entire week if I was being honest, had been an emotional roller coaster for me, so my ability to process simple thoughts was a bit off. I rolled over to face Cade, hoping I might be able to discern something from his expression. I could see him clearly enough, his features limned in the silver light of the moon. His eyes looked darker than usual and his hair was slightly mussed from sleep. Only when he lifted a hand and placed his fingers gently against my cheek did I realize that he had crawled under my open sleeping bag with me. I tensed slightly as my heartbeat kicked up its pace once again, but the soft stroking of his thumb against my temple soothed me.
I meant what I said the last time I saw you in Eile, before I fought the Morrigan’s hounds.
All uncertainty was gone from his eyes. The entire week he'd kept his distance, being careful not to touch me too often or let his gaze linger too long. Now he looked as if he saw nothing else in the world but me; as if he had given himself a pep talk after my rude departure earlier that night and was ready for the challenge ahead of him. This was the Cade who had held me close before taking on the Morrigan’s monsters; he was holding nothing back. My toes and fingertips started to tingle, and I bit my lip, not allowing myself to breathe.
I am in love with you, Meghan Elam, and you mean more to me than you can possibly know.
The proclamation was so soft, so sincere, his words in my head so pale blue they were almost white. Tears began to form in my eyes and a cloud of butterflies took flight in my stomach.
I love you, he sent again, his thumb continuing its soothing caress, but I don’t want you to think that you owe me anything for what I did for you. I don’t want you to feel that you need to love me ba-
I cut off his thought process by leaning forward and pressing a kiss against his mouth. I don’t know what possessed me to be so bold. It was as if my mind had stopped working and my heart had taken control.
Cade didn’t miss a beat. He deepened the kiss, bringing both of his hands forward, lacing his fingers in my hair and molding his body to mine.
Reluctantly, I pulled away so I could catch my breath and suddenly I was ready to talk.
You didn’t hear me after you . . . after you died that day. You couldn’t hear me, I sent to him, my own words rich with emotion.
Cade’s fingers loosened their hold in my hair, but he didn’t let go completely. Taking a deep breath and trying to make my head stop spinning, I managed to continue. But I’ll repeat what I said when you were gone and as Speirling carried us across Eile: I love you too, Caedehn MacRoich, and I want to be with you more than anything else.
He smiled, his eyes shining in the moonlight.
And since my fear was now obliterated and since we were being so openly honest, I continued, I was afraid you had changed your mind. That you regretted what you had said to me.
Cade’s hold tightened for a split second and his face grew stern.
Never, his pale words whispered across my mind.
He drew me forward for another long kiss that sent me reeling, and then he wrapped his arms around me. I snuggled against him, resting my head on his chest, my heart glowing contentedly. Cade did love me after all, and now I had no fears about going to the Otherworld, for he would be with me. I fell asleep listening to his heartbeat and the occasional terms of endearment he sent into my mind as he drifted off. For once in what felt like a very long time, I was indescribably happy.
-Five-
Evidence
I think it was the horrendous screech scraping at my eardrums that woke me up again. I jerked and flung out an arm, wondering why I felt disappointed when it only tangled in my sleeping bag. Then I remembered. Cade had told me he loved me, again, after curling up next to me last night. And this time he heard me tell him I loved him back. I recalled falling asleep in his arms, but he was obviously no longer lying next to me. A black shadow formed above me and I nearly screamed, but it was only Cade, crouching low in the dark.
“Meghan,” he hissed, “there are some faelah in the campground. I need to go take care of them.”
I sat up, the color draining from my face. I knew this was going to happen! This was exactly why I hadn’t wanted to go camping in the first place.
Cade moved to stand up, but I grabbed his hand.
“Wait, I can help,” I insisted.
Sure, the thought of confronting faelah in the middle of the night wasn’t my idea of a fun camping trip, but I didn’t want to be that girl: the one who sat quivering in fear as her boyfriend took on the role of knight in shining armor. I grinned despite my fear and annoyance. Cade really was my boyfriend now, wasn’t he?
“No, you’ll stay here.”
It wasn’t really a demand, but I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes. “I've been practicing with my bow, which is in the back of your car, and this is a much more public place than the swamp. What if the faelah decide to start searching tents? The people two campsites down from us have a baby.”
Cade hesitated, then drew his mouth into a hard line.
“Alright,” he finally conceded, drawing me up so he could give me a quick kiss.
My stomach fluttered again and I was disappointed when he pulled away.
“Put on some shoes and a sweatshirt and follow me.”
I quickly obeyed and soon we were picking our way over the lumps of my sleeping friends.
“Wha . . ?” Robyn mumbled as she sat up from her sleeping bag.
“Shhh, lie back down Robyn,” I told her.
“What’s going on?” Will grumbled.
Robyn slumped back down and turned over in her sleeping bag. “Meghan and Cade are sneaking out for a lovers' tryst,” she huffed. “Go back to sleep, it’s probably three in the morning.”
I didn’t correct her assumption, nor did I grow annoyed at her claim. As much as I would have liked to be fulfilling Robyn’s hypothesis, I had more important things to worry about at the moment.
The sound of the tent zipper as Cade
opened it was much louder than I thought it should have been. We stepped out into the night, still bright with moonlight but obscured by the dark shadows cast by trees, trailers and tents. Cade took my hand again and we went straight for his car. He unlocked the door and drew out my bow and quiver, leaving his own behind. I gave him an odd look, barely discernible in the pale moonlight, but before he could answer my questioning gaze, he had somehow flipped the seat bottoms up in the back of his car to reveal an impressive collection of weapons. My eyes grew wide when he chose a sword. Not just any sword. This thing was a good three feet long, plus another foot for the hilt. Cade’s grin told me my jaw had dropped open.
“I need you to pick off the little ones Meghan,” he said. “Can you do that?”
I nodded numbly, wondering just what we were going up against. I had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t going to be those demented gnomes or even one of the bigger things I’d managed to take down over the summer. I got an arrow ready and started following Cade quietly, my heart beating a fierce tattoo against my ribs. I wanted to go back to the tent and hide under my sleeping bag. Then I gave myself a mental kick. Stop being so pathetic Meg! You wanted to go with Cade, and besides, you’ll be facing this stuff every day very soon. You won’t last a week in Eile if you can’t handle a few stray faelah.
Breathing deeply to calm my nerves, I crept silently along, always following Cade and keeping my ears open for stray sounds. I felt a little ridiculous sneaking around the campground in the middle of the night, dressed in my pajamas and tennis shoes, holding a bow like some sleepwalking nerd who had taken her hobby of live action role playing a little too seriously.
Luathara - Book Three of the Otherworld Trilogy Page 5