by Helena Vera
I’m glad for the semi-darkness of the patio which hides the ruddy color of my cheeks as I remember some of those conversations we’ve had. Asking her about having sex for the first time was probably the worst conversation but this seems even bigger.
“I met this girl,” I start to say not sure how to continue.
“How did you meet?” she asks to help me out.
I smile remembering how I’d met Joyce. “She’s my PA. She ran into me one day when I was at the office. Things haven’t always been smooth between us. In fact, I think I may have gone over to the extreme end for her.”
“Meaning?”
“She wanted to quit her job- hell she probably still wants to quit but I threaten her if she broke her contract.”
“Hmm. And what happened?”
“You’re not going to lecture me about how wrong it was for me to do that?” I ask in surprise.
She smiles knowingly at me. “I’ve known you for almost twenty years, Axel. I know you’d never do that. Did she call your bluff?”
“Yeah, she did.”
“Hmm. I think I like her already. Continue.”
“She ran out of town and I followed her, brought her back to Detroit. I just have these strong feelings for her that I can’t understand. Why the hell can’t I stop thinking about her? It’s even worse finding out she’s never been with another man. I can’t help being possessive of her but she likes her space, doesn’t like me invading her privacy or this so-called personal space she seems so fond of.”
“Axel, you’re in love with her,” Anne states simply but it couldn’t be as simple as that. “It reflects in everything you’ve done.”
I shake my head. “I’ve been in love before. It didn’t feel this way. This is almost like I’m obsessed with her.”
“Lucky girl,” she replied. “You’re a wonderful man, Axel. Yes, you have your faults but any woman would be glad to have you in their life. Don’t deny what you’re feeling. Once you do, you’ll see the truth in my words. You’re head over heels with that woman and that’s what’s eating you up.”
“Impossible,” I refute. “It’s just been a week.”
She pats my cheek like she had done earlier. “What does love car about time when we’ve found the right person?”
She breezes back inside the house, leaving me alone on the patio to my thoughts. Could she be right? Is this the feeling of love and if yes, what the hell am I going to do with it?
18
CHAPTER
Why hasn’t Axel called? I am going out of my mind. Every day that passes by without a phone call from him, I replay our last fight in my mind, trying to decide if somewhere I missed that we were over. How could it be over when it’s just begun? I’d just discovered my passionate side. That side of me that doesn’t mind Axel doing unspeakable things to me and me doing the same to him.
I dig the spoon hard into the frozen ice cream tub, pressing with all my might to get enough scoop to put in my mouth. I should have waited until it thawed out but I couldn’t. When I’m stressed, I crave sweets and I’ve been craving ice cream since Axe left. He’d said not to go in to the office either so my life now consists of watching reality TV shows, eating ice cream, occasionally crying and checking my phone for a call or text from Axel.
But still nothing. And this makes day four since he’s been away. He’d said he was going on a business trip but it sounds too convenient that he would go away right after our big argument. Then I start thinking maybe he had used me. He’d got what he wanted and I’d given it to him so easily too. Maybe the sex had not been as good for him as it had been for me. Maybe my lack of experience had thrown him off and driven him away.
I try to go over every single detail of our love making and decide it had been perfect for me. There’s not a single thing I’d changed about it, from him eating me out at the upper deck parking to giving him my virginity. And he’d seemed to enjoy it too. I could still blush remembering the things he’d said to me while we were having sex. If that wasn’t an indication that he had enjoyed the sex, then what was?
Each day I become moodier and I can’t seem to come out of this funk. I am scared at what I feel for Axel. I tell myself that I should stop thinking about him, move on, go out, live my life as normal but I can’t. Because in a week normalcy for me has been concentrated around him.
I am watching My 600lbs Life and thinking they’d better save a spot for me on the show if I continue eating junk like this, when Jess gets home from work. She’s early today because the students had been let out early for some kind of event the school is hosting.
Jess looks perfect and it only makes me feel worse. She looks like a runway model while here I am in my rattiest robe, lying in a pitiful state on the couch. Worse, I’m not concerned enough to even do anything about it.
“Ooo what drama is Kim and Kylie in now?” she asks, eying the television. Reality shows like these are more of her thing, than mine.
I shrug. “I don’t know,” I respond honestly. Most of the show has flown right over my head. My thoughts are way more amusing than these sisters and unless they could share with me when Axel will call me then I’m not very interested.
“Why don’t you call him already?” she asks, coming over to the couch to sit beside me. She plucks my legs up, sits and then places them over her lap.
“Are you crazy?” I quip. “I can’t do such thing and act like I miss him.”
“You do miss him or hasn’t your brain gotten that memo yet?”
“I don’t miss him,” I deny strongly. “I’m just bored with nothing to do.”
“So why not go back to work?”
“He told me not to go until he returns.”
“So you’re just going to listen to obey everything he says now?” Jess asks. “What happened to the girl who was brave enough to run out on him? I’m sorry girl but this isn’t how it works. Men get pussy-whipped and we get them to do what we want. Not the other way around.”
“Nobody can get Axel to do anything,” I snort at her.
“I hate seeing you like this,” she tells me. “Look at you. You just lost your virginity and here you are acting all sad about it.”
“I’m not sad about losing it. I- the sex was great.”
She grins at me. “I know you told me while you were blubbering and bawling your eyes out that you got into Axel for taking your phone and slapping him.”
I close my eyes and give a mock shudder. “I still can’t believe I slapped him and he did nothing about it. Except kiss me.”
“The man’s a keeper. If only you both would figure out why you’re not talking to each other.”
“We’re not mad at each other,” I protest lamely. “He’s on a business trip.”
“Hello, anywhere they have business trips, they also have phones and none of you are using it.”
I shrug not knowing how to respond to that truth. She is right. Axel could have called me if I meant anything to him but he hasn’t. At the same time, when have I ever known Axel to do anything conventional?
“Come on, go get dressed and let’s go to the mall,” Jess says getting to her feet. “Up. Up.”
“I don’t wanna,” I complain on a groan s she pulls me to my feet.
“Trust me, Joyce. It will make you feel better.”
“Alright.”
I doubt going to the mall would make me feel better but I get dressed. I start to pick just anything random to wear before I steel my back and say, screw Axel anyway. Why should he determine what mood I am in?
So I get out my favorite black skinny jeans, a black and white top and a red blazer.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Jess announces when she sees me. “We may even pick up some hot dudes at the mall.”
I have no desire to do that but I just smile at her and we pile into her Chevy. We go to the GM Renaissance Center located on the Riverfront. Jess talks me into getting a massage with her and it works wonders for the tension in my body.
While thoughts of Axel isn’t far from my mind by the time we pay and leave the massage booth, I’m feeling much better.
“Let’s get a bite to eat first,” Jess suggested. “Then we can walk off all the extra food by going shopping.”
We go to Volt though it’s a bit pricey but when you’re in a funk like I am, you don’t feel good without spending some money. I’ve never eaten there before but I like the contemporary setting and the fact that the 7—foot long bar gives a splendid view of the city skyline and the river.
As we’re eating at the bar and chatting about one thing or another, always keeping the conversation away from Axel, I notice two men who are seated at the other end of the bar, eyeing us. I’m thinking they are trying to flirt or something of the sort but when they catch me looking at them, they look away quickly, pretending as though they hadn’t been observing me. As soon as they think I’m not looking, they are sneaking peeks again.
“There’s something peculiar about those two men at the end of the bar,” I tell Jessica. “I know they are looking at us but every time I catch them, they pretend as if they aren’t.”
“Hmm. Oh I see them,” Jess responds. “I think they are looking more at you than me. They aren’t bad looking guys but not my time. Not the way they are dressed.”
“Come on, let’s pay the bill and get out of here. They’re making me uncomfortable.”
We pay the bill and leave the restaurant, heading to the first shop on our list of places to shop while we are here. I originally didn’t plan to buy anything but when we walk into Sassy Fashion Couture, I’m drawn to the eclectic pieces to their collections. We are deciding on lipsticks to buy and I notice the two men from the restaurant are standing just outside the shop.
I observe them with a frown and the way they are dressed, reminds me of the two men who had cornered me with Axel that day at Aldi’s. I don’t put it pass Axel at all to have his men following me around? But why would he do that and not bother to call? Have they been following me around since he left? Not that I’ve been out much so I wouldn’t have noticed them.
I try to push them from my mind and go back to selecting lipsticks.
“Oh, I have to tinkle,” Jess informs me. “There’s a bathroom somewhere nearby I think. Don’t go off without me. I’ll be back.”
“Where am I going to go? You have the car keys, remember?”
“Oh yeah that’s right.” She grins and hurried from the shop.
I browse through the collection of outfits, several catching my eyes but they are too expensive. I select a sexy dress, thinking I’d wear it the next time, Axel and I go out. If we ever go out again.
Drawn to the shoes on display, I sit on the padded bench and choose a pair of stilettos that catch my eyes. I buckle them up and stare at them, admiring the way they make my legs look. Hmm, I wonder if Axel would enjoy making love to me while I’m wearing them. They are extremely hot but damn they are pricey. Do I dare spend this much on shoes?
“I think they’re a perfect fit for you Joyce.”
At the unfamiliar voice saying my name, I look up to find a handsome blond man smiling down at me. I frown at him, not recognizing him at all.
“Are you talking to me?” I ask him in a puzzled tone.
He nods. “Of course. The shoes are a good fit.”
Is he a salesman? I don’t recall seeing him when I’d walked into the store. He couldn’t be a salesman the way he is dressed in a jacket suit.
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure who you are. Have we met before?”
He laughs, the sound a little chilling especially since the laugh isn’t reflected in his eyes. He seems amused, like in the way Joker would be amused at something that others wouldn’t necessarily find funny.
“We’ve seen each other around,” he answers. “I’m Jack. Jack Petersen. You don’t have to introduce yourself. Joyce Brown. You’re a very beautiful woman Joyce.”
“Uh thank you.” This whole thing is bizarre. Why does this man know who I am and acting like we’re acquaintances when I’m certain we’ve never met before? First the two men outside and now this guy. This is way too creepy and makes me feel uncomfortable.
“You’re welcome,” he replies and reaches out to brush my cheek with the back of his hand. “Such a pretty face too.”
I move my face away from his hand but before I can reprimand him for touching me without my permission, he is walking away.
“See you around Joyce.”
I’m relieved when Jess returns from the bathroom smiling. She frowns seeing my white face. “What’s wrong? Oh no, did Axel call and break things off?”
I shake my head. “No, just something weird happened a while ago. Do you think we could go home?”
“Already?”
I nod. “Yes, please.”
She must have noticed the worry on my face because she doesn’t argue. We pay for our purchases at the counter and go off to find her car. All the while I keep looking over my shoulder, not sure what I expect to happen but feeling very cautious.
Axel where are you? Why haven’t you called? And who are these creepy men I’m bumping into?
19
CHAPTER
“Totally useless!” I exclaim, dropping the burnt cornbread onto the counter. Didn’t I follow the instructions and time it perfectly? Why the hell is it black? The state the cornbread is in, it’s fit for only one thing and that’s to throw in the trash. As soon as the baking tin cools, that’s exactly what I would do.
Bored out of my mind, I’d decided to try and bake cornbread, using the recipe my grandmother had given me when I left for college. I’ve never tried to bake anything before and maybe never will again! Maybe it’s time to throw in the towel with this whole cooking thing. Like I should throw in the towel with the whole Axel thing.
A whole week and no word from him. My heart aches. I’m tempted to call him but what would I even say to him? He is the one who owes me an apology for going through my bag. He should be the one to call me but he doesn’t seem inclined to do this any time soon.
The ringing of my phone sends me heart racing. Is he finally calling? I grab the phone from the table where I’d dropped it in my haste to get the cornbread from the oven. My heart slows in disappointment. It’s my grandmother and not Axel.
“Hi Gram.” I force an upbeat voice which has me sounding falsely high pitched than I naturally am.
“Joyce, I haven’t heard from you in days. How are you?” Her tone is chiding.
“Sorry, gram. Had a lot of things on my mind.”
“Is everything okay between you and Axel?” she asks.
“Why’d you think anything was between me and Axel?” I return.
“Well, if there wasn’t anything between you two, the man would have hardly called me.”
I am so stunned at the news, I didn’t know how to react. “Axel called you?”
“A time or two. Just checking up on me.”
“Are you sure it was Axel?” Good Lord, is she getting one of those mental diseases that plague older folks?
“Of course I know it’s Axel. Why do you sound so surprised? You two are together aren’t you? I suspected that’s the reason you’re too busy to call me.”
I ignore her question to ask one of my own. “When was the last time you spoke to Axel?”
“He called me yesterday morning. Why dear? Is something wrong?’
Something is wrong alright. How could he call my grandmother, talking to her while he hasn’t called me not once!
“No, gram everything is fine.”
“That Axel Ash is a special sort of man, Joyce. It would be sad for you to lose him.”
“I don’t have him much less to lose him,” I respond at the same time a knock sounds on the door. “Gram, can you hold a sec. There’s someone at the door.”
“I’ve got to go anyway. Spare your gram a call next time.”
“I will gram. Promise. Talk to you later.”
I hang up and go to get the d
oor, wondering if it’s the guy from Orkin. They come every month to check the apartments to ensure everything remains pest free and I can’t recall them stopping by as yet for this month.
It’s not the man from Orkin. My heart leaps with happiness to find Axel lounging at the door. Wearing denim jeans and a T-shirt, he looks so good, my first reaction is to jump into his arms and kiss him. I almost do too before I catch upon myself and retain a strong grip on the door.
Seven days without a word. Seven days without a word. I keep saying those words like a mantra to keep me grounded.
“Can I help you?” I ask him flatly.
“That’s the greeting I get after being away for a week?” he asks with a frown. “Thought you’d show a little more enthusiasm that I’m back.”
“You could have stayed where you were for all I care!” I shot back at him.
His frown gives way to a smile and he backs me up into the house until I have no choice but to let him inside.
“Come here you,” he locates my waist with his hands and pull me to him. “Don’t you miss me?”
“No!” I deny too vehemently.
“I forgot what a liar you can be.” He chuckles and holds my chin so I can’t look anywhere but at him. “Well, I’ll be honest for both of us. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“You had a good way of showing,” I snort at him in disbelief. “If you missed me you would have called.”
“The same way you called me?” he returns. “And don’t bother denying it Joyce. I bet you couldn’t stop thinking about this either.”
This turns out to be a kiss that has me wrapping my arms around his waist, pressing my palms to his lower back. All my attempt at making him think I didn’t give much thought to him is foiled by my response to that kiss. My hands are fisted at the back of his shirt, my bod leaning into him fully, my mouth moving eagerly against his.
“So you do miss me,” he says in triumph against my lips. “Why don’t you want to admit it?”
“Because you didn’t call me,” I whisper. “Not even once. I thought…” I trail off not wanting to say it.