by Helena Vera
“Good morning, sunshine,” he greets me, walking over to the bed to give me a kiss on the cheek.
“What time is it?” I ask him.
“Seven forty-five,” he answers. “Or thereabout.”
I groan, throwing back the covers. “Why didn’t you wake me? No way I’m going to be able to get to work in time.”
“You’re the boss,” he states. “Delegate responsibility to those who work for you. And sleep in a little.”
“My poor assistant already has so much to do,” I tell him and walk over to him to brush an imaginary lint from his jacket. “Axel.”
“Hmm?”
“How about you not go to see Jack.”
“What?” He looks down on me.
“I don’t think you should go to see Jack,” I remark. “I think it’s a bad idea Axel. Jack cannot be trusted. What if he is trying to lure you to do something bad to you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.”
I hate the way he simply brushes off my concern but expects me to take his seriously.
“How do you know he doesn’t have something up his sleeve?” I enquire in irritation.
“Even if he does, I can take care of myself, baby.”
“Don’t baby me,” I snap at him. “You’re not taking me seriously Axel. I think he would hurt you.”
“I dare him to try,” he says stubbornly.
“Why won’t you listen to me?” I press. “Now you’re the one being pig-headed. You can’t go to see him, Axel. Better yet, why don’t you file a restraining order against him and leave the matter in the hands of the law.”
“Because Jack doesn’t care about the law,” he replies angrily. “Drop the subject, Joyce.”
“I will not drop the subject,” I refuse and run to the door to block his path. I point at him. “You need to listen to me. You’re always complaining that I don’t listen to you but you don’t do it either.”
“I’m a man Joyce. You don’t get to tell me what to do and not to do.”
“Of all the sexist remarks that you’ve ever made that has to beat them all!” I exclaim. “Jack is a threat to you and you need to avoid him, not provide yourself as open bait.”
“You don’t understand anything about a man’s affairs, Joyce. Sometimes we have to bump fists to get the point across to the other. And if that’s what Jack wants, then I’m prepared to give him just that.”
“Why are you being so stubborn?” I cry in frustration, tears of anger filling my eyes. “Can’t you see I’m simply worried about you and what that psychopath actually has planned.”
“I can handle myself Joyce. I’m not a defenseless female.”
His comment only makes me mad. He walks up to me to get me out the way but I surprise him by hitting at his chest with my fists.
“If you meet him I’ll leave you!” I shout at him. “I swear it Axel. If you don’t promise me that you won’t see Jack, I’ll pack all my shit and leave.”
His blue eyes turn steely cold. “Don’t you dare threaten me, woman. If you know what’s good for you, your ass will be parked here before I get off this evening or I swear…”
“You swear what?” I hit him again. “What are you going to do when I leave you Axel? You know you can’t live without me. If I leave you, you know nothing else can fill your life the way I do. Please.”
“Move, Joyce!”
“No!” I refuse, grabbing his jacket. “Please don’t go. I’m not joking Axel. I’m not going to sit by and watch you give yourself over to Jack Petersen to murder you in cold blood. I’d rather leave you!”
“You’re being unreasonable!” he shouted. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Move Joyce!”
When I refuse, he easily plucks me off my feet and place me on my feet out of the way. I launch myself onto him, grabbing hold of his jacket. If he would only listen to me and stop playing the hero, he would realize what I’m saying makes perfect sense. But Axel would never give me credit that I know what I’m talking about. He always has to be the protector, the alpha male while I should play the slow-witted wife.
“Joyce, for God’s sake woman!”
“If you go…”
Axel shakes off my hands and I’m pulling so hard that I lose momentum to find myself suddenly loose from him. I stumble, trying to regain my balance and fall.
You’re a good for nothing just like your ma! My father’s voice echoes in my ear as he pushes me hard into the wall, blinding pain searing through my skull. Blackness threatens to engulf me.
“Joyce! Oh my God!” Axel’s voice penetrates my haze and I recoil from his touch as he tries to assist me to my feet. “Are you okay baby?”
“Don’t touch me!” I cry and get to my feet, stepping away from him. “I’ll be gone before you get home.”
“Joyce, don’t be stupid.”
“I’m leaving you Axel,” I inform him stiffly, stepping back from him. “Go make your bed with Jack. I wish I’d never met you!”
The words which slip from my mouth were ones of hurt, desperation and anger that keeping him here arguing with me, will give me some more time to convince him to listen to me.
“Suit yourself,” he says coldly.
“I hate you,” I lie but his face taut with anger, he heads out of the bedroom and march stiffly down the stairs. My hands cover my mouth to stifle my sobs and cries from him. I want to bed him one last time to stay but I won’t. I’m sick and tired of him not listening to me. Sick of this one-sided relationship and sick of him manhandling me.
He is just like my dad. Rough and abusive. He’d let me fall by… pushing me?
Confused between him and what my father, I am not quite sure what had happened between us just now but I do know I am not going to be here when he returns.
34
CHAPTER
There’s no flight out to Birmingham until three in the afternoon, so I go to the office, traveling with Vinnie. He could report to Axel my whereabouts every minute of the day and that’s fine by me because none of them would be able to stop me. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced Axel had pushed me and that is unacceptable. That kind of behavior is how it started before it gets worst. My father didn’t just start hitting my mom. First there was the verbal abuse followed by a little push here or there, then slaps followed by full blown beatings.
I’m wired throughout the day as I take Axel’s advice and delegate responsibilities to Suzanne about what I want her to do over the course of the next days I won’t be in office. I’ve already walked through all the houses and have photographs and should be able to work on them from Alabama. I don’t plan to stay there for long but I need a few days to lick my wound. No place better than home to do this.
I’ve not even called my grandmother to alert her that I am heading home. At midday, I leave office and go back home to pack a bag. I don’t pack much. In fact, I just throw random things into the bag, wanting to leave as quickly as possible. The pictures in the bedroom of us on our wedding day jeers me from the dresser. We were so happy then.
Damn Jake Petersen. But could I blame Jake? This has always been Axel’s attitude, being the top dog. He rarely listens to anything I say which only makes for a very one-sided relationship.
Packed, I grab my handbag and ask Vinnie to drop me to the airport. He refuses. I had a feeling he would but I had to ask because I didn’t want to leave the car parked at the airport when I’m not sure how long I will be gone.
I’m surprised although I should have expected it when all the car keys have been confiscated along with their copies. I improvise and call Jess, telling her I want her to drop me somewhere without disclosing the full information. I remain secretive when she picks me up and I direct her at every turn without letting on where I’m headed.
When she sees the airport, she starts glancing at me nervously.
“Are you and Axel going on a trip?” she asks, driving to
the departure lane.
“No, we’re not.”
“But you’ve got a bag packed. Where are you going? Now that I think about it, why did you have to call me to drop you at the airport anyway?”
“I’m going home,” I answer.
“Home?”
“To Birmingham.”
“Are you crazy? Home is where Axel is.”
“Dammit, Joyce. Why’d you have to drag me into this mess? I like Axel. And we’ve always been friendly. Now he’s going to think I planned this whole thing with you.”
“Relax. He already knew from before that I’m leaving him.”
Her gasp is loud in the car. “You’re doing what? Why would you do such a foolish thing?”
“I don’t want to talk about it Jess. This way he can’t say you influenced me to do anything.”
“Joyce, please you’re carrying his baby!” she reminds me. “Remember what happened the first time you ran back home? He came or you. What makes you think he won’t do the same this time?”
I shrug. “Let him come. I don’t care. Nothing will change. I’m not going back to him.”
She cajoles and begs me to reconsider but I leave her standing there and head to the ticket counter to pick up my boarding pass. Because of the delay in having to get Jess to pick me up, I’m almost late and gets there just in time when they were making final boarding call announcements. I quickly stow my bag in the overhead bin and take a seat in the middle between a burly man and an elderly lady who is already sleeping.
The ride to Birmingham seems long and is uncomfortable given the two passengers I’m sitting beside but I remain stubborn that I’m doing the right thing. I fall asleep halfway on the flight and is jerked awake by the plane landing.
It’s a lengthy wait for the passengers at the back of the plane to disembark and I’m glad I don’t have any bags to claim. I call a cab service and is picked up within fifteen minutes. By the time I get home, it’s going on to six.
My grandmother is not home but I always keep my spare key, so I unlock the door and let myself in. I find the kitchen, the place where I found most comfort growing up and make myself tea. There’s lemon cake in the refrigerator and I cut a slice as I’m starving. The bigger this kid gets, the hungrier I am.
I finish the lemon cake and gram still hasn’t returned. I think about calling her to let her know I’m here but decide not to at the last minute. I’m lying on the sofa in the living room, flipping through the channels of the TV and feeling sad that Axel hasn’t even called when gram gets home.
And she’s not alone. A man who seems the same age as her, with shocking white hair is with her. I’ve never seen her before but I stare at the two in surprise while my grandma’s face goes red. Oh no. My grandma is seeing someone? Could they even at that age?
“Joyce!” she utters my name in embarrassment. “I never expected you to be here.”
“Hi gram. Not going to introduce your friend?” I tease.
“Umm, this is Norman,” she says after some hesitation. “Norman, this is my granddaughter I always talk about. Joyce. Norman was just- we were about to enjoy coffee.”
“Nice to meet you Mr. Norman,” I greet him from the couch, too comfortable to move.
“Please, just call me Norman,” he returns. “It’s nice to meet you too. I should go though. It is getting late.”
Very late. It’s almost nine. I raise my eyebrow at Gram as she goes to walk out Norman.
“Child, what are you doing here?” she asks when she returns to the living room. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?”
“So you could hide Norman from me?” I retort.
“Don’t try to change the subject on me,” she scolds me with a frown. “What are you doing here and where is your husband?”
“That stubborn man isn’t my husband,” I reply.
“I sat there and watched you take your vows and I know you meant them,” she says and sit across from me in the sofa.
“Things have changed.”
“I don’t believe that for one minute. The love I witnessed between you two isn’t so easily broken. So what sill reason do you have for running away this time?”
“He pushed me,” I said softly. “Axel pushed me.”
“I don’t believe that for a second!” Gram cries in disbelief. “You must be mistaken, Joyce. He would never lay a hand on you. He’s a good man.”
“I fell,” I add. “I don’t know. At first it was him then there was my dad standing there and him again. We had a very heated argument and I hit him.”
I start to cry because I’m really confused trying to sort through the past and the present. Both had merged and I wasn’t sure how to pick apart one scenario from the other.
“I don’t know Gram,” I say honestly. “I thought he did but I may be wrong.”
“Joyce.” Gram moves to sit beside me on the couch, rubbing my foot comfortingly. “You’ve got so much hang ups about what your father did and you’re still carrying it around in your marriage. Your husband is nothing like your father.”
“I- I know.” I am crying harder now. “But he’s- he’s so forceful at times and it scares me.”
“And that’s because you don’t trust your husband. Joyce let me ask you. Has Axel ever attempted to hit you before?”
I shake my head.
“Does he strike you as the kind of man who would ever hit a woman?”
Again I shake my head, realizing it is true. Axel would never hit a woman. That’s the image I have of him. Why then am I blaming him for something that’s an accident. I hadn’t fallen because he pushed me. I’d stumbled.
The answer is clearer now but there’s still so much to sort through. I’ve become such a brat, walking out on him when he is having the hard task of having to deal with Jack.
“He’s so stubborn,” I whine, not liking the sound of it even to myself but trying to justify why I am here. “He wouldn’t listen to-”
“Joyce, no,” Gram interrupts me. “I don’t want to hear what went on between you and Axel. You’re a married woman now and you can’t expect me to solve your problems. If you have a problem, you turn to your partner. That’s why you took vows to become as one. Now you need to go back to your husband and fix whatever is that happened between you two. And quickly too. The longer we put off doing these things, the harder it is to make it right.”
All that she is saying sounds good except for one thing. “If all you say is true, why hasn’t he called me. Not even once. Why didn’t he try to stop me from leaving and why hasn’t he come for me? Gram, if Axel really wanted me home, he would be on his jet, flying here. And that bothers me. Maybe he is sick of our marriage.”
Gram’s hands tightened on my foot. “I don’t believe that for a second. I see the way Axel looks at you, his heart on his sleeve, Joyce. That boy would do anything for you. But a man also has his pride and you might have pricked his by deciding to walk out on him. Again, the longer you wait to do this, the harder it becomes.”
35
CHAPTER
Axel
“Is there anything else that you need, Mr. Ash?”
I turn to regard the housekeeper and see the pity in her eyes. Joyce has been gone for two days and by now most of my household staff knows my wife had left me. Mrs. Johnson is trying her best to cater to my whim, even staying beyond her regular shift to set my place at the table and share me a plate.
I wish she hadn’t. I would have been able to do it for myself but her doing it only serves to remind me that Joyce had really left me.
“No, thanks Mrs. Johnson, I’m fine,” I respond to her and she nods before leaving.
I proceed to eat my dinner of baked stuffed potatoes, steak and roasted garlic Caesar salad. Mrs. Johnson is an excellent cook so I’m sure the dinner is tasty but I can’t tell. I ignore the steak and I love steak and concentrate on finishing the bottle of Merlot I’d taken from my wine collection.
Had I pushed her? Or was it an acci
dent? The questions have been plaguing my mind since I walked out on Joyce. As far as I can tell, she stumbled and fell but I was in such a rage that she wouldn’t leave well enough alone that I couldn’t rightly tell. For a minute she had looked at me like I’m a monster, making me feel as though I had pushed her for real.
“I’m off now Mr. Ash,” Mrs. Johnson announces, poking her head in the dining room. She looks from the mostly undisturbed plate of food before me and to my face. She regards me compassionately. “I hope you have a restful weekend.”
“Thank you,” I reply, trying to muster the corner of my lips to move upwards in the semblance of a smile. “You have yourself a great weekend too.”
She nods and leaves. I wait until I hear the front door close before leaving the dining room and going to the kitchen to throw out the dinner. If I had done it with her here, I would have hurt her feelings and it is bad enough I already have one woman mad at me.
I take the bottle of wine with me to my office where I try to do some work while drinking but I can’t concentrate. All sorts of thoughts are running through my mind. The most dominant one is of her on the floor and me walking away from her. I should have never left but I’d been so livid and thought we both needed some time to cool off before attempting a conversation about Jack again.
She was worried about me meeting Jack. I understood that although at the time it had been more a problem of ego and a challenge of my manhood. If I couldn’t keep my wife safe who the hell was going to do it? I do know how to take care of myself and wasn’t trying to act all smug when I told her that. I have a permit to carry and since Jack has been leveling his threats at her, I never go anywhere without it.
My hand itches to pick up the phone and call her but I don’t know what to say. Fuck it I should have called her from the very same day she had left. Instead I’d let her go and then put a bodyguard on her tail. I know where she is and would let her cool off for a bit. I’m glad too that she’s out of harm’s way so I can concentrate on meeting Jack.
It’s painful to see someone who you were close to at one point so fucked up in the head. I understand the drive to be successful and rich. After all I’d been intent on making my first millions outside of what I’d inherited from my father. But Jack is obsessed with power and control and won’t stop to have it.