It was already a whole morning later and I was still throbbing between the thighs waiting for Levi to finish what he started. And boy had he started, that mouth of his surprisingly being good for more than just getting on my nerves. But you would’ve thought he had already met my body in another lifetime, knowing exactly where to kiss and lick with precision to make me come alive. In fact, the only thing he hadn’t done was make me come alive.
But since that was my responsible decision - to stop while I still had a functioning brain - it was simply something I would have to live with until further notice. Because that was the thing… I wasn’t sure I could even lay eyes on Levi without thinking about fucking him. I couldn’t go into the kitchen without thinking of his face lodged between my thighs. So even if I had saved myself for now, it was practically inevitable that I’d find myself in a similar situation later.
Or maybe not.
Maybe Levi was completely turned off enough to never go there with me again. Maybe he would stay in his room, or stay late at the dealership, or hell, even stay late at his basketball workouts all to avoid me the same way I wanted to avoid him. I had already stayed in bed long enough to hear the front door close and lock with his departure to work. And since I pretty much knew his daily routine at this point, it wasn’t impossible for me to be able to keep it up.
If you want to keep it up, Jules...
I was just getting ready to pull myself from the bed when my phone began to ring on the nightstand. And while the number wasn’t one that I had saved in my contacts, I recognized the area code from my hometown which was enough for me to actually accept it thinking maybe it was just an old friend.
But once I said, “Hello?”, I immediately realized the mistake I had made in answering the second I heard his voice.
“Julia. Julia, is this really you?”
“Dad?” I asked, as if I didn’t know the answer to my own question. But then again, I didn’t understand. I mean, he was the one who had written me off. I was no longer apart of the family, no longer welcome. So how was it even possible for him to have not only found me, but willingly reach out?
A chill ran down my spine as I heard the smile in his voice when he said, “You still remember my voice. That’s good to know.”
“Can I… help you with something?” I asked, growing more and more uneasy with every second that ticked by.
And my heart just about stopped when he finally answered, “We… me and the boys… we miss you down here.”
Wait, what?
Again, none of it made sense. While I couldn’t help but notice how the name of the woman he expected me to call stepmom was missing from his admission, I was also hung up on the fact that he claimed to miss me as if he wasn’t the one who had pushed me away; as if he wasn’t the one who had ousted me for my choice. And not only that, how could my brothers miss someone they hardly knew? They were older now; wiser, more mature, and probably even more like their father which meant they surely hated me just as much as he did no matter how much his phone call seemed to contradict that.
But since he was still on the phone, I somehow found it in me to reply, “That’s... interesting. I mean, I’m surprised they even remember me considering the way you and Laura practically erased me from every family photo.”
This time he sighed, and I could only vaguely remember the face he more than likely paired with it. “Julia, I’ve been praying day and night, asking God to help me figure out how to get my eldest daughter back and you know what he told me? He said, reach out to her and I’ll do the rest. He said, let me work. So here I am, reaching out to you and letting God work.”
“What do you mean, eldest daughter? Do you have another one I don’t know about?”
He sighed again. “Laura is pregnant.”
“Jesus Christ, Dad. You’re almost sixty-years old! What are you going to do with a newborn?!” I yelled as I stood up from the bed, pacing back and forth in the confines of my room while I digested the new information.
I have a little sister on the way?
Is she even my little sister?
I suppose she was just as much of my sibling as my half-brothers were. But then again, it wasn’t like I’d ever have the opportunity to see her, or meet her, or influence her the way I had been able to do for them before I left. Though I was sure they had erased all of my teachings from their memory the same way they had been forced to erase my existence no matter how much my father insisted otherwise.
“I never question God’s blessings, Julia,” he finally replied as if that somehow justified having the child who really could’ve been his granddaughter.
And I could only shake my head as I told him, “I’m just sure you don’t, Dad.”
“Now tell me, are you done following the devil’s lead? Are you ready to come back home? Where you belong?”
I should’ve known this was coming...
This time, it was me sighing as I clarified, “I’m exactly where I belong. God told me so.”
“God did no such thing.”
“And you know that because you’re God, right? That’s how this works?” I challenged, rolling my eyes that for whatever reason felt on the verge of tears.
“Julia…”
“My name isn’t Julia anymore. My name is Jules,” I corrected.
But of course my will - not to mention my legal papers - didn’t matter to my father as he replied, “God blessed me with a daughter named Julia. Your name is Julia.”
“Well you know who else’s name is Julia? Your deceased wife! You know, the one you refused to help even though you knew how miserable she was. The one you literally controlled to death. The one you did away with the same way you did me, leaving her to die alone. You didn’t even let me go see her! You… she was on her deathbed and you just wrote her off like some damn animal.”
My chest was heaving up and down as I held the phone to my ear with one hand while I used the other to swipe at the tears that had finally been freed; the tears I hadn’t shed over my mother in a long time. In fact, I wasn’t sure if I had ever properly mourned my mother’s suicide. And it certainly didn’t help that my father forced me to believe her actions were aligned with the devil which meant it wasn’t for us to even acknowledge.
“Julia, you and I both know your mother was under terrible influences when she did what she did to herself. The people she wanted to hang around, the life she wanted to live, that wasn’t God’s plan. And you know what happens to people who don’t follow God’s plan.”
Again I corrected, “Actually I don’t know. But I bet I’m going to find out by being out here, huh?”
“Loving the devil’s work will send you straight to his home.”
“I remind you of her, don’t I?”
He coughed, clearing his throat before he asked, “What are you talking about?”
“She wanted to be free, but you didn’t let her. And now that I’m doing what she always wanted to do, following the footsteps she never got the chance to create, you can’t stand it. You can’t take that I’ve survived all of this time without your Gung-ho for Jesus ass.”
His voice was dangerously low when he said, “Julia, don’t you speak that way to your father.”
And I could only laugh as I repeated, “My father. Wow. The father who pops up all of these years later to do what exactly? Because if you’re looking for some sort of reconciliation, this ain’t it. I mean, maybe you aren’t as in tune with your God as you think you are. Might want to check the connection, give those wires a jiggle...”
“Julia, that’s enough!” he shouted, making me jump as if he was actually in the room with me.
But he wasn’t. I was alone. And I planned to keep it that way when I told him, “You’re right. That is enough. Goodbye, Dad.”
“Julia!” he shouted again, only to be met with me hanging up the phone. And even though he was gone, I could somehow still feel his wrath as I plopped down on the bed and burst into tears.
&
&
nbsp; I should’ve called in.
Being at work - being around people in general - had my blood boiling as I replayed the conversation with my father over and over again in my head. I wasn’t sure what he expected me to say, what he expected me to do. But if coming home and dropping to my knees to praise him was what he had in mind, he had clearly dialed the wrong number.
I used a washrag to wipe circles against the already spotless bar top, doing just about anything to keep myself sane until I could make it home. Though it was clear I wasn’t the only one who was aware of my frustration as I peeked up to a set of curious eyes.
“Yo, Jules. What’s going on with you? First it was the glass, and now you’re about to scrub a hole into my damn laminate?”
I sighed, continuing my cleaning as I insisted, “I’m fine, Kelvin. Just… stressed.”
“Stressed? It’s not like you to be stressed. I mean, you’re usually one of the bubbliest people I know.”
While I had definitely shed more tears in the last few weeks than I had in my adult life as a whole, this time I was able to at least crack a half-hearted smile as I told him, “Well everybody isn’t happily celebrating new engagements and babies like you, boss man. Some of us have real world problems.”
He sat down at the bar, crossing his arms on the counter to ask, “What happened? You didn’t get a part in a show? Missed out on a modeling gig?”
I laughed as I turned around to grab his usual beer, cracking it open and setting it in front of him as I admitted, “I haven’t auditioned in a long time. A really long time.”
“Then maybe you should. I mean, that’s when you’re the happiest, right? When you can get in front of the camera?”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. It’s been so long.”
Kelvin took a quick swig of his beer, then a second before advising, “You gotta do what you love, Jules. Go after what you want. I mean, I know you ain’t tryna serve and clean up after these greasy ass niggas around here for the rest of your life.”
I laughed a little harder, tossing my towel his way as I told him, “Maybe I am. I mean, the gig pays pretty well. And I even get to drink for free when I’m not on the clock.”
He shook his head as he took another sip. “Those are both terrible excuses. But seriously, Jules. Maxwell and I both want you to succeed. We want all of ya’ll to succeed in whatever you’re after. I mean, you see Mia just landed the gig of her dreams. Hope is almost done with law school. That means you’re up to bat, homie.”
He was right.
Bartending was never supposed to be a full-time thing, and it definitely wasn’t a career no matter how much I had my eye on the new manager position the guys had just opened up. But I wasn’t out here to serve drinks, to rely on tips for my livelihood. I was out here to chase the career of my dreams, to do what I loved, to make my mother proud.
So instead of avoiding the topic any longer, I simply told him, “I’ll think about it.”
“Time is going to pass regardless,” he added as I turned around to the register to cash out my tips.
And once I was done, I slipped from behind the bar, stopping to pat him on the shoulder. “Thanks for the pep talk, boss. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He gave me a little nod as I peeled my feet from the floor with each step across the sticky bar floor. And to my surprise, I actually felt like I had gained a little energy from our conversation. But once I made it home, all of that new found energy was drained from the sight waiting for me on the couch.
Levi was the first to turn around from the sound of my arrival, his expression neutral as he offered, “Jules… what’s up? You remember Layna.”
I suppose his announcement was enough to make Layna turn around to peer at me before turning back towards him to ask, “Am I missing something?”
He shook his head. “Nah. We’re just roommates. Ain’t that right, Jules?”
I couldn’t believe that his words actually stung, forcing me to swallow hard as I answered, “Yup. Just roommates.”
Layna stood up from the couch, smoothing her hands down the dress that was way too fancy for just hanging out before she announced, “I’m… gonna go. Maybe we should try my place next time?”
“Yeah. You should,” I answered for him, crossing my arms over my chest as I watched her stroll to the door in the stiletto heels I had been eying for months now.
Of course that annoyed me even more than I already was.
“Let me walk you to your car,” Levi said as he hopped up from the couch to follow her.
But she was quick to turn around, putting a hand to his chest to stop him and say, “I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll text you when I make it home, okay?”
“Or nah,” I chimed in from behind, earning a sigh from Levi and an eye roll from Layna, both equally satisfying as far as my ego was concerned. But watching her give him a little kiss on the cheek was enough to bring the tension back even though it was followed by her leaving like I wanted her to.
“Jules, what the hell was that all about?” Levi fired my way the second the door shut behind her.
And I remained in my defensive stance when I asked, “Just roommates? Your face was between my thighs last night and now we’re just roommates?”
“Yeah. Actually we are,” he replied nonchalantly, blowing past me to head into the kitchen that really should’ve been cut off with caution tape considering the scene that had occurred during the aforementioned night.
In fact, the details of that night were just enough for me to toss back, “Wow. Did you kiss her? Please tell me you kissed her. I’d love to hear how much she enjoyed my flavor on your lips.”
Levi didn’t even turn my way, instead keeping himself busy yanking open the fridge as he replied, “That’s none of your business. I mean, why do you even care? You don’t want shit to do with me no way.”
“And obviously that’s for good reason. Good grief. First I had to deal with my father and now I’m dealing with this shit. Can my day get any worse?” I asked more to myself than him.
But it was clear he had picked up on my words as he inquired, “Your father? What does your father have to do with this?”
I sighed, feeling like I had nothing to lose by telling him, “He called. He asked me to come home. And he… reopened just about every wound he left.”
“Shit, maybe I do have something to lose…” I thought to myself as I felt the tears welling up in my eyes yet again.
But there was no way in hell I was going to cry in front of Levi, even when he offered a genuine, “Damn, for real? I’m… I’m sorry to hear that.”
Of course I brushed him off. “No you’re not. Save your bullshit ass apology. I don’t need it.”
“I’m serious, Jules. I mean, I’m sure that fucked with your head. And to answer your question, no I didn’t kiss her. She hadn’t even been here for that long before you came home.”
While he appeared to be telling the truth, I couldn’t help myself in spewing, “Well thanks for that warm ass welcome. It’s so greatly appreciated.”
Then I yanked at the fridge door he had just closed, pissed when it wouldn’t open thanks to the extra suction no matter how hard I pulled. And Levi only made the moment more embarrassing when he stepped in and opened it with ease.
I rolled my eyes, sidestepping him to reach inside for the street tacos I had leftover from lunch. Then I slammed the door shut before tossing them in the microwave.
“Jules, are you alright?” Levi asked as I pressed the numbers to add a few seconds to the clock.
And as I pressed the button for the time to start, I asked, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Jules, you just put foil in the microwave.”
“Shit!” I screeched just as the foil began to spark. And I was already going for the door when I asked, “Why didn’t you stop me?!”
Instead of being as frantic as I was, he only shrugged. “I don’t exactly know my place around here anymore.”
“Your place? You wan
na know your place? Let’s start with out of my damn way,” I replied as I got on my tippy toes to grab a real plate from the cabinet.
And of course he couldn’t help but to offer assistance even though his reply completely contradicted his actions. “Only if you vow to do the same.”
“Me? I never get in your way,” I told him as I accepted the plate he grabbed for me with an attitude.
But it was clear I was the only one upset as he plastered on a smirk to ask, “Oh yeah? Well what was that with Layna then?”
Now it was me shrugging as I told him, “Consider it a favor, dumbass. If you knew anything about her, you’d know she’s a notorious ho. The VIP section at The Max is her favorite preying grounds. Hell, she’s probably just fuckin’ with you so she can write about it on her blog when she’s done with you. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Layna is cool peoples. You’re just a hater,” he insisted as if he suddenly knew more than me. As if I was just… making it all up.
But instead of being offended, I focused on getting my taco plate in the microwave. If nothing else, they’d ease the extra stress that was sure to come from me challenging, “A hater? What is there to hate on? I don’t want you.”
Levi’s smirk remained as he said, “Yeah alright, Jules. Keep telling yourself that lie.”
Was it a lie? I wasn’t even sure.
But none of that seemed to matter as I released a heavy sigh, the hot plate making my fingertips tingle as I told him, “You know what? I’m drained. All around drained. So if you really believe Layna is cool peoples, then go for it. Have your fun. Live your life. I have a hard enough time keeping my own shit together. The last thing I need to be doing is adding yours to the agenda.”
Levi
“You know you fucked up, right? I mean, it’s one thing to flirt with the girl. Hell, I would’ve even taken you going to her spot to blow her back out one good time. But to bring her to your crib? The crib you share with her arch-nemesis at that? What’d you think was going to happen?”
I sipped from my water bottle, trying to make sense of Wes’s logic as I worked to catch my breath. While he was only working out to keep in shape during the last remnants of the offseason, I was working harder than ever to ensure this would be my last time off. I wanted to get back in the league so bad that I was doing just about everything in my power to make it happen.
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