“I enjoyed you too,” she said with an innocent smirk that was soon covered up by her napkin.
“Maybe we can do it again some time. If you’re free.”
Even though I knew I couldn’t get into anything serious with Jules, her company acted as a balancing act for everything else going on in my world. Whether she was chewing me out for leaving my basketball shoes in the middle of the living room floor or laughing at my corny jokes, spending any amount of time with her seemed to give me the boost of energy I needed to keep pushing towards my goals.
Being able to do the same for her was purely a bonus.
“If I’m free? You mean, if you’re free? You’re busier than me,” she insisted as she gathered her trash in a pile.
And as I followed her lead, doing the same and pushing it to the side to clear the space between us, I told her, “Not really. I just happen to be busy during the times that you’re not.”
“Well, you make time for what you want, Levi.”
“Jules, you already know what I want,” I told her, knowing my intentions hadn’t changed since the first day I met her.
Still, she acted unsure as she leaned into the table, licking her lips before asking, “What’s that?”
“I want to get back into the league.”
For a second she froze, looking surprised - almost irritated even - as she fell back from the table. “Right. The league. The faster you can get back in, the faster you can get back to your old life.”
She was already climbing from the table when I stood up to catch her by the hand. “Hey. What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing,” she answered, though the way she snatched her hand away completely contradicted her response.
“Jules, don’t lie to me. What’s wrong?”
“I said nothing, Levi. Come on. Let’s go home,” she replied as she grabbed her trash and headed towards the garbage can, confusing me even more.
And while I wasn’t interested in causing a scene, I still grabbed my trash and caught up to her so that I could ask, “Go home? But I thought we were having fun.”
She nodded, avoiding my eyes as she replied, “We did. And now we’re done. So I’m ready to go.”
There was no way I was going to hold her against her will no matter how much her sudden change of attitude puzzled me. In fact, her attitude flip served as the perfect reminder that I shouldn’t have had any real expectations for what was happening, couldn’t rely on Jules to be consistent in her feelings towards me.
But for some reason I couldn’t help myself in asking, “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. This was my fault. I shouldn’t have been so… hopeful,” she answered, practically speed-walking down the block towards my car.
And as I worked to keep up with her, I pushed, “Hopeful? Hopeful for what?”
She shrugged, slowing down just slightly but still on a clear pursuit. “I don’t even know to be honest. This is just… it’s nice, you know. And when you experience something nice, you don’t want it to be temporary, or used as a way to just pass the time. You want it to be real. You want it to be substantial. But again, my fault.”
“Nah, it’s not your fault. And you’re not wrong. It’s just… I can’t guarantee you anything beyond right now. I don’t know what my life is going to be like over the next couple of months. Hell, I could get the call tomorrow from my agent and be shipped clear across the country, even overseas, within a week. I don’t want to do that to you; to us. I don’t want to put you through that. I just wanna… do this.”
“Because going on dates and fucking each other like rabbits can’t possibly be the way to a woman’s heart...” she muttered, surely rolling her eyes as she stopped just short of the car door.
But instead of unlocking it or pulling it open for her, I grabbed her at the wrist so that I could turn her around and tell her face-to-face, “You’re right. We should probably put this shit on ice while we still have the option, huh?”
“Should’ve listened to me when I told you this was a bad idea,” she replied, gnawing at the corner of her lip as she waited for me to agree.
And I did agree, no matter how distracted I was by her cleavage spilling out of my t-shirt. In fact, I couldn’t help myself in running a hand from the crook of her neck down the crease she had unknowingly created as I told her, “I should’ve.”
“I mean... what were we... even thinking?” she asked, her voice fading and her eyelids slipping lower and lower as I continued to graze her skin with my fingertips.
And they had already made it to the nape of her neck by time I said, “I know, right? Trippin’....”
Since we didn’t have much of an audience, the streets dead with it being a weeknight, I didn’t feel at all inclined to hold back on what I wanted to do to her, what I wanted to communicate even if both of our words were saying the opposite. But before I could actually bring my lips to hers for a kiss, her little whisper stopped me.
“Levi?”
“Yeah?” I asked, my face hovering hers as I waited for what I assumed to be permission.
But leave it to Jules to trounce any and all expectations as her eyes tightened when she snapped, “Do us both a favor and leave me alone.”
Jules
I couldn’t have timed the trip better myself.
Well, technically I had timed the trip myself. But when I planned the Las Vegas Bachelorette excursion for Elizabeth, I certainly didn’t think my own love life would be in such a jumble that I needed to escape it.
To be honest, it was a stretch to even call it my love life since Levi and I weren’t exactly pursuing anything love-related. We were just… doing the exact same stuff people did when they were which made it really, really easy to confuse the two.
And boy was I confused.
I didn’t even tell him goodbye. I slept in my own bed two nights straight for the first time in weeks, and jetted out before sunrise to avoid running into him heading to his morning workout session, even if that meant being at the airport a whole hour early. But the last thing I wanted to do was see Levi, which meant being attracted to Levi, which also meant being reminded that Levi and I could never be.
He had his world and I had mine. And no matter how much us crossing paths for these few months said otherwise, that fact remained unchanged. I’d end up doing whatever I was supposed to be doing with my life, and he’d end up doing exactly what he had always planned; being the superstar basketball player - albeit, controversial - with plenty of money and women at his disposal.
The plane ride was numbingly quiet. No babies crying, nobody playing music out loud as if headphones didn’t exist, no jokes from the flight attendants over the intercom. It was as if the world knew to just leave me alone the same way I had asked Levi to do, even though I really didn’t want him to actually do it. But I knew it was for the best considering more time spent in that gray space equaled deeper heartbreak later; the last thing I needed to be adding to my long list of life’s misfortunes.
I released a heavy sigh as I lifted the window shade so that I could search the clouds for some sort of clarity. But the slightest whisper of, “Excuse me,” interrupted my gazing before it could really begin.
I turned my head just as the woman pulled her headphones from her ears and continued, “Hi. I was wondering if I could borrow your black girl magic for a second. I’m reading through this script my agent sent over for a show I’ve been asked to produce, but something about it seems… off to me.”
“You’re a television producer?” I asked, my eyes wide as if she was an angel sent from heaven.
She really did have an angelic glow about her, her mocha skin perfectly highlighted and her diamond earrings popping, not to mention the rock glistening on her wedding finger. And it made perfect sense once she turned in her seat and answered, “Just a producer who accepted her first television opportunity.” Then she extended her hand to introduce herself. “Alexis. Alexis Martin-Ross.”
“Jules Tyler
. Pleasure to meet you,” I told her with a nod while also racking my brain for why her hyphenated last name sounded so familiar.
But before I could get lost in my internal search, she spoke again. “Now tell me. Does this really sound like a group of millennial black women talking to you? Cause to me, they sound like black girls written by goofy ass, middle-aged white men.”
She turned her laptop my way as I leaned in to read the screen line for line. And while I could definitely see the direction the writers were taking - even found myself excited about the show’s potential -, the deeper I got, the more I realized how valid her point was. But considering she had already been tapped to produce the show, I tried to give a neutral response when I told her, “Eh… I mean, the jokes are kind of funny. If you have a dry sense of humor.”
“Dry. Exactly. I mean, I would never say this kind of stuff to my friends,” she replied with a laugh as she scrolled through the document, stopping to read, “Girl, your outfit is so fleeky,” and tossing her head back with another laugh.
And I couldn’t help but join in as I told her, “Me neither. It would be more like, “Bitch, whose man are you trying to take in that dress though?””
“Yes! Me too! See, I knew I wasn’t trippin’. Thank you so much,” she replied with a pleasant smile before turning to her computer to make a note. Then she turned back my way, her face pulled into a curious gaze as she said, “Hey. You wouldn’t happen to be a writer, would you?”
For whatever reason, a bout of nerves rushed over me as I shook my head. “Uh… no. I mean, I never have. I just know how scripts work.”
“Because you’re an…”
“Actress. I guess,” I answered, feeling more and more uneasy now that I had said it out loud.
Even though Alexis was a complete stranger who I would never see again, her confidence about what she was doing with her life was palpable while mine was still… under construction, making me feel lesser than though I knew it wasn’t on purpose. In fact, she was far more worried about…, “You guess? What do you mean, you guess?”
This time I shrugged. “I want to be an actress. Just haven’t caught a break yet.”
“Yeah? Well, what’s the issue? I mean, are you any good?” she asked as she closed her laptop, giving me her full attention which honestly made me even more nervous about the conversation.
And my voice was just above a whisper when I answered, “So I’ve been told.”
“Have you been auditioning?”
I shrugged again, looking down at my lap and gnawing on my lip as I replied, “Probably not as much as I should be if I expect to actually win.”
While Levi had been on my ass trying to get me to go to more and more casting calls, his push hadn’t amounted to anything more than a few, “Thanks for your interest” emails and automated phone calls; two to be exact.
Still, his extra interest and my lack of real effort thankfully didn’t stop Alexis from asking, “If I gave you an opportunity to win, would you take it?”
“In a heartbeat,” I answered more quickly than expected, as if the hunger for success came from a place I hadn’t been able to tap into until she asked. And while I wasn’t even sure what she meant, I found comfort in the way she smiled as she dug in her purse for a pen before snagging the napkin from under her cup to hand to me.
“Here. Write your information down. I’m sure we’ll be holding auditions soon, and I’d love to give you a shot at one of these parts if you’re serious.”
“As a heart attack,” I told her, feeling myself on the verge of having one as I scribbled down my information before handing the napkin back to her.
She took a peek at it, making sure she could actually read my handwriting, before slipping it into her purse. “Cool. Once we get things set, I’ll be sure to shoot you the information. You have to be ready though, Jules. I can only provide you the opportunity. It’s up to you to make something of it.”
“I’ll be ready. I promise.”
&
“Bitch, you’re about to be famous!”
“And you’re about to be married!” I squealed as Elizabeth pulled me into a hug so tight I thought I would burst. But I needed it - all of it - especially after the interesting series of events that had played out in my life, allowing me to add, “God, I’ve missed you so much. I can’t believe you left me out there to fend for myself.”
“You’re not exactly alone,” she gushed as she let me go, heading towards the in-suite bar she had clearly already raided without me.
And as I tossed my bag to the side in the room we would call home for the weekend, I was sure to remind her, “Oh, I’m definitely alone. And Levi was sure to remind me of that with his, “I’ll fuck the shit out of you until the lease is up, but that’s about it” speech.”
I plopped down on the couch, replaying the moment outside of his car in my head as I thought about the different ways I could’ve reacted. Maybe I should’ve just kissed him; taken him up on the arrangement he was offering even if it meant disaster later. Or maybe it wouldn’t be a disaster; maybe it would just fade to black like a movie, never to be picked up or explored again.
No matter how confused I was about it, that didn’t stop Elizabeth from shoving a drink in my hand as she suggested, “That is not what he said, Jules.”
“Might as well have,” I muttered as I took a long sip, quickly realizing I would’ve been better off making it myself considering how strong it was. And it was clear Elizabeth had made the drink to her taste as she took a sip from her own, hardly even blinking as she plopped down on the couch next to me.
“Well… at least he kept it real with you. I mean, he could’ve just dribbled your heart like a basketball until he was ready to slam dunk it in the trash can.”
“That might’ve felt better actually. A clean break is much easier to heal than a partial one,” I insisted as I took another, longer sip knowing the more I drank, the better it would taste.
“I’m not sure if there’s any real science behind that, but I’ll let you hoop,” she replied with a smirk.
A smirk that only annoyed me even more as I told her, “Oh my God. Will you stop with the basketball zingers? I’m here to celebrate you, not be reminded of the shit show I’ll be returning home to.”
“Levi doesn’t seem like a shit show, Jules. He actually seems like a nice guy. And that little picture he posted on Instagram of the two of you was so adorable. Little baby.”
I shrugged, holding my glass in front of me as I explained, “It was just a tagteam petty stunt.”
“Tagteam petty stunt?”
“He was all upset because of that article Layna wrote. So to get back at her, he used me to make her big mad,” I emphasized, thinking about how the picture had quickly shown up on her blog with the tag, “New Couple Alert” as if she wasn’t the one trying to go at Levi in the first place. But I suppose her throwing her support behind us - whatever us was - was her way of waving the white flag since Levi had been one of the few to actually fight back.
Still, regardless of what I knew the picture to be, that didn’t stop Elizabeth from suggesting, “You looked happy, Jules. Like, genuinely happy.”
“Because pettiness brings me great joy, Liz. If anybody knows that, it’s you.”
“Nah, that was a different kind of happy. I mean, you said you guys were having a good time together before things went left,” she reminded, causing a mix of emotions to run over me as I gave myself another highlight reel version in my head before peeking down to the tattoo on my wrist. And while it would’ve been easy to play it off, easy to brush off as nothing, I knew it was useless to hold back since she already knew the details.
So instead, I was completely honest when I told her, “That was the most fun I’ve had on a date in… ever. But it doesn’t mean anything now.”
She grabbed my free hand, squeezing it as she said, “Yes it does, Jules. You can still enjoy his company. Just have to ween yourself off of his peen.”
&n
bsp; “That’s impossible. I’m already going through withdrawals,” I told her as I pulled my hand away and started scratching at the back of my neck, making Elizabeth laugh as she smacked a hand against my thigh before standing up to head back to the bar.
“Girl, you better have Nori give you the hook-up with some of those toys from Pleasures-R-Us and call it a day,” she yelled over her shoulder, clearly amused as she refilled her drink. And her mention of Pleasures-R-Us gave me the opportunity to match her amusement as I reached for my suitcase, digging past my clothes to find the first of many wedding gifts.
I pulled it from my bag just as she turned around, her eyes going wide the second she realized what it was. “Jules, this is…”
“Huge, right? Don’t use it too much though, or Marcus might think you cheated on him. I mean, I’m sure he’d fall right in trying to follow that up,” I told her with a laugh as I tossed the oversized dildo at her.
And she was quick to dodge it like it was the real thing, letting it fall to the ground as she replied, “I’m marrying him for a reason, Jules.”
I stood up, heading towards the bar and almost tripping over the damn thing on my way as I assured her, “Well tonight, we’re going to party like you don’t even know that nigga.”
I was already refilling my glass as she replied, “Now that’s what I’m talking about.” Then she held her glass up for a cheers; a cheers that I met even though I was getting ready to kill her vibe.
I swallowed the sip I had made to perfection, moistening my lips before I delivered the news. “Actually, Marcus’s sister isn’t really about that life. And neither are your sorors. So we’re gonna... eat our cute little meal, have one non-carbonated beverage, and go to that snoozefest of a piano bar they recommended,” I told her with a slow roll of my eyes, already dreading the stuffiness.
And it was clear Elizabeth was just as frustrated as I was when they suggested it in the first place as she asked, “You’re kidding me, right? You actually agreed to that?”
Accidental Arrangements Page 18