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by Matt McIntosh


  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ .

  I moved into a house last night. A huge place with probably five or six sets of stairs, and I’m in the loft beneath a window so that this morning I was woken up by an intense light, so intense that I thought I’d overslept and missed work, and when I jumped up and found a clock, it said, 5:30. The sun will do that to you. The people are all very alright. There are 14 of them, mostly from Australia and New Zealand, one American girl and it is going to be fun I can tell, so I am happy. I will be writing more regularly from now on. I’ve been writing a lot of letters, but I wanted to mail them all together once I was settled, maybe they wouldn’t seem so sad then, because for a while it looked hopeless though I knew it wasn’t going to be like that for long. And the head was very bad for awhile and now its just bad, which is good, strangely, and I’m getting over the flu and didn’t think I was going to make it, only three days ago, a very bad time. And work is boring and pointless but I don’t mind really, since I am getting paid for it, I would have liked to be hired by a publishing firm. And I wouldn’t mind being through with this part of life, not the travelling part, because that is what I like but the part before I am published in a big way. My book is progressing, but slowly, I’m writing the whole thing over because now I have a much clearer picture and it will be very good, I know. I just want to be done with it. Its my lunch break right now and I’m typing very fast in the hopes of having enough time to eat. Which is why this letter is very unfocused and rambling but I’m trying to think of the most important things to say. I have to go eat now. I will mail the letters on Friday when I will have money. Probably write another one before then. Anyways I miss you and love you even though you’re not my real family.

  Love,

  Matt

  —The Pollutionist?

  —Yeah.

  —What’s it about?

  Well, it’s virtually impossible to summarize but if I were forced to I would say it’s about this guy named Joseph Ashe who, before the book begins, goes on his honeymoon to this tiny tropical island with his bride. The people on the island had all been subsistence fishermen—they’d all been poor—they’d lived in huts, had almost no possessions, but they’d had exactly what they needed, and were happy. They spent a few hours a day fishing and collecting coconuts or whatever, and the rest of the time they spent with their families, lying out on the beach, relaxing, playing sports, having fun. There was no government, no church. They didn’t have currency, they traded and bartered with each other for what they couldn’t make or gather themselves. Then one day a diamond mine was discovered on the island, and each citizen became instantly rich. But they were wary, because they knew what wealth did to people in the world outside their island, how it caused war and strife, how it separated and grouped people into classes. They didn’t want this. On their island everyone shared what they had, and were equal in every way, and they liked things the way they were. But at the same time, they understood that it was in their natures as human beings to desire more and, if they had the means, to build for themselves bigger and nicer things, live in big, fancy houses, drive imported luxury cars. So a meeting was called and the whole island showed up, and at the meeting, after much thought and debate, they decided to create a new position within the community. Some of them were to be what were called pollutionists. The gist was that when the villagers were constructing their enormous houses to replace their huts, these pollutionists would come in behind the work crews each night and destroy what had been done during the day. Or if a Rolls-Royce arrived from the mainland, as soon as it was parked in front of the villager’s hut, a pollutionist would come along and wear out the tires, scratch and rust the paint, damage the engine, rip out the hoses, break the windows, fuck up the interior. In this way, they found they could keep themselves from being corrupted. Nothing was ever grand, nothing was ever luxurious, no one could say that what I have is better than what my neighbor has—so life on the island stayed pretty much the same, and the people were happy. Everything was as it had been before the diamonds had been discovered. But as time went on the pollutionists became power hungry—and instead of agreeing to the terms originally provided by the community, they formed a coalition amongst themselves and began to decide, themselves, what and whom would be polluted. And they became jealous and greedy, and paranoid. They began to fight, rivalries developed over the years and became turf wars, murders and assassinations, intrigue and espionage. When Ashe arrives on the island, it is years later and there are no diamonds anymore, the island has been gutted, and the people are back, for the most part, to their old lives. Most of the pollutionists have killed each other off, and only two remain—the Snowman and ‌ ‌ —the last of the rivals. But ‌ ‌ is more powerful, and the Snowman knows it’s only a matter of time. Ashe meets the Snowman on the beach late one night, where the Snowman is hiding out from ‌ ‌ , who he knows is coming for him, and they talk for a while, and the Snowman tells Ashe the history of the island, and of the pollutionists, and Ashe immediately takes to the idea. He’s always seemed to naturally destroy everything he’s ever touched, and he likes that the pollutionists wear suits and carry briefcases. He feels that he would be well suited to the job. The next day, he passes the Snowman on the street—the Snowman is in disguise, dressed like a poor old fisherman, but Ashe recognizes him and calls out to him—the Snowman ignores him and keeps walking away, and Ashe runs after him, calling out his name. And the Snowman starts to run, Ashe chasing behind, still calling his name, because he wants to ask him a question. But before they’ve gotten far, a tall man dressed in black from head to toe, a black bowler on his head, and his face obscured by a white mask— ‌ ‌ !—steps out of the shadows and shoots the Snowman five times in the belly, killing him. This is all going to happen in the middle part of the book, in a flashback.

  The girl who shared Angie’s room moved out a few weeks after I’d been in the house. So I moved into Angie’s bed.

  [The shot of the changing window, seen both at night and the next morning, was deliberately filmed to avoid the obvious—and the censors. Off-screen, George spent the night and had sex with her, contravening the laws of society and the factory—with disastrous consequences that ultimately lead to his downfall.]

  —I don’t know why this is happening—it’s never happened to me before. It’s probably the pills.

  —It’s all right, mate. Don’t worry about it.

  —Yeah. But I really want to be with you bad, I just don’t understand it. You’re beautiful.

  — I know I’m not beautiful, mate.

  — You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

  — Come up here. Try ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

  Hazel:Hi, this is Hazel. Welcome to Round Table Company. I’m proud to announce that our firm was just named by Inc. Magazine to the “Inc. 500” list of the fastest growing private companies in the US, for the third year in a row! We provide client
s access to experts in all fields. May I help you locate an expert today?

  Sophia:Well, this is a neat feature! Am I speaking with the computer?

  Hazel:Thank you for the appreciation!

  Hazel:I am a live person, Sophia :)

  Hazel:May I ask if you are an attorney seeking expert witnesses, or a money manager looking for experts? Or are you seeking speakers or corportate education programs?

  Sophia:I am just amazed with the technological advances! How did you know my name?

  Hazel:Yes, I must say that the technology never ceases to amaze us!

  Hazel:Last time you came to our site or any of our customer’s sites you must have given us your name, it is just a function of the software to remember the name once we have it.

  Sophia:You’re joking, I assume. I have never been to this site before. Is this a part of a script? Shall I refer to you as Hazel?

  Hazel:You may have visited any of our customer’s websites and provided the website greeter with your name

  Hazel:You surely can refer to me as Hazel as that actually is my name :)

  Sophia:OK, Hazel. Well, this is quite bizarre because as a rule I NEVER give my personal information over the internet!!!

  Hazel:I am sorry if this situation is uncomfortable; we are just trying to provide our website visitors with a high quality of customer service!

  Hazel:May I ask if you are looking for a particular type of expert or speaker?

  Sophia:Well, we have truly entered the 21st century, haven’t we! It’s quite amazing to think of how long we humans have been on this planet, weather you believe in evolution or not, we have been here a very long time. And here we find ourselves in the INformation Age!

  Hazel:I couldn’t agree more!

  Sophia:You are a very good conversationalist, Hazel. I bet you’re told that all the time, in your line of work! :)

  Hazel:Thank you for the kind words Sophia :)

  Hazel:I try my best to be of assisance to our website visitors

  Sophia:You are doing a great job!

  Hazel:I am glad to hear that, thanks again

  Hazel:Would you like to submit a request for an expert or a speaker?

  Sophia:How would I go about doing that, Hazel? I bet no one knows the answer to that question better than you! ;)

  Hazel:Ofcourse;)

  Hazel:The process is fairly simple

  Hazel:Here is how our process works:

  Hazel:We discuss your expert needs with our highly trained professional staff of lawyers, MBAs, and PhDs.

  Hazel:We will search our network of experts and, if necessary, conduct an external global search.

  Hazel:We will send you resumes of qualified and interested expert candidates.

  Hazel:We will send you resumes of qualified and interested expert candidates.

  Hazel:And we will arrange for telephone and in-person interviews

  Hazel:Giving you the choice to choose from the available options!

  I don’t care what your former girlfriend thought, or what your former girlfriend said. What did you do?

  Uh, I didn’t do anything.

  You didn’t speak to the police?

  They didn’t want to talk to us! They said—

  You didn’t call the district attorney, you didn’t do anything?

  No, uh, um, I didn’t call the district attorney, but somebody called us, and gave my former girlfriend and I, a phone, uh, a phone interview.

  So you did speak to someone eventually.

  Yes, yes.

  And you told them that you saw Miss Blainey hit Miss Lynn with a weed whacker.

  Yes.

  And then you saw Miss Lynn take the weed whacker and hit Miss Blainey with the weed whacker.

  Yes.

  OK. Now, the only issue that I have, Miss Lynn,

  Yes, ma’am?

  is who hit who first?

  I have, the uh, investigator’s, report, of, different witnesses that saw, and they all have the same story, which is—

  Well, I’d like to see the reports. Are those the police reports?

  Yes, ma’am.

  I’d like to see them.

  I have a police report also, Your Honor.

  I’d like to see them.

  Here’s all that.

  W: It’s so weird, people with no teeth, when they do that weird thing with their…lips.

  I also have the reports—the police reports with her record of assaulting other people.

  M: Yeah.

  Sophia: Wow you are a fast typist! How do you type so fast???

  Sophia::0)

  Sophia:Are you sure you’re not a computer?

  Hazel:Yes, i just checked my pulse

  Hazel:Its still there and i think that proves that i havent turned into a computer yet :)

  Sophia:lol! You have a great sense of humor!

  Hazel:As for being a fast typist, i have to be extra vigilant!

  Hazel:Thank you for humoring me, Sophia :)

  Hazel:Would you like to provide me with some details about the expert/speaker you are seeking?

  Sophia:lol! I can’t remember when I’ve laughed so hard!

  Hazel:Glad to know that i managed to do that for you!

  Sophia:It’s fun to laugh, isn’t it?

  Sophia:Were you laughing too?

  Hazel:It sure is fun to laugh and ofcourse it’s the best form of medicine there is!

  Hazel:Yes, just a little

  Sophia:Just a little? That sounds like sarcasm!!! lol!

  Hazel:Kindly describe the credentials of the expert/speaker you’re seeking?

  Sophia:I’m sorry, Hazel. What’s wrong? I hope I didn’t offend you accidentally.

  Sophia::(

  Hazel:I am sorry to have given the impression of being sarcastic

  Sophia:I didn’t mean sarcastic in a BAD way, I meant it in a FUNNY way, like in those movies where the girl is so witty and dry!

  Hazel:I really appreciate that Sophia, thank you.

  Hazel:I just didn’t want to laugh out loud at this hour of the night and give the security staff a chance to think that I have gone crazy

  Sophia:Thanks for the reply, Hazel. You really put my mind at ease! I know what you mean about not laughing too loud. I have to try not to wake up my cats!

  Hazel:You are more than welcome!

  Sophia:May I ask you for your advice, Hazel?

  Hazel:Sure, how can I be of assistance to you?

  Sophia:Well, I know this isn’t your field, probably, but I need to have an objective opinion about an important matter and I really don’t have anyone to ask, at least no one with the good sense you have! :)

  Hazel:I am really flatered by your kind words!

  Hazel:I’d certainly try and assist you with your concern here and later someone from our offce will get in touch with you to discuss the matter further!

  Sophia:Sometimes I feel as if I’ve been whisked away from an ideal place that I can no longer remember, to a very dark place, a terrible Kingdom.

  Hazel:I am sorry to hear that Sophia

  Hazel:But everyone of us goes through these feeligns of ebb and flo at one time or another.

 

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