I’m being a prick, I know it, but she’s pushing my buttons. She’s been patient, so patient, but it seems today is the day that patience has finally run out. Well, she can join the fucking queue, because mine is well and truly run out too. If she’s looking for a fight, she’ll get one. I need to feel again – anything. And if the only way I can feel is by going to war with her, then so be it.
“I know I haven’t exactly been her biggest cheerleader.” Her voice is soft – not what I was expecting.
My anger all but evaporates when I see her face and the genuine worry and concern written all over it. Rebel is a lot of things, but I know she’d go to hell and back for me. She’s a good friend.
I raise a brow at her.
“Okay fine, I was a total bitch to her.”
“You were a bitch who’d sucked on a ‘fuck you’ lollipop,” I amend.
“Whatever, we’ve already had this argument.” She rolls her eyes. “That’s not important right now. But look, I’m not even sure I like the chick, and even I can see that something doesn’t add up here. She’s in love with you, Ryan, it was as plain as day to see. I never want to see you get hurt, and I can’t say I didn’t have my doubts about her based on the situation, but she really does love you. I just know. I’ve been waiting until you had your shit together enough to see sense, but since that’s not happening anytime soon, we’re going to do this now. That girl loves you. Women don’t just walk out on the man they love for no good reason.”
I’d thought so too. Darcy looked at me with so much love in her eyes. I really thought we were going to make it.
“Obviously you’re wrong.”
“Doubtful.” The retort is quick.
I manage a small chuckle at that. Rebel has a lot of strengths, but admitting that she might ever be wrong is not one of them.
“You said she was beside herself when she left – that it felt like she was rehearsing lines.”
I nod. That’s exactly what it was like. I’ve relived those moments hundreds of times, and I can see now that leaving was the last thing she wanted to do. It was as though she was lying to me, but I can’t figure out why she would. She left with Jacob of all people.
She shrugs, not understanding that piece of the puzzle either. “You can’t just do nothing.”
“If it’s what she wants then it’s what I have to do.”
“And what about the baby? Even if Darcy has gone off the reservation, you’re that kid’s dad.”
My words get caught in my throat as I think about even considering never meeting my child, but I choke them out anyway. “I told her there were no conditions. If she doesn’t want me to be in their lives, then I have to respect that.”
She ignores me. It sounds like bullshit even to my ears, so I can’t exactly blame her. I know I told Darcy that, but that was before. Things have changed, everything is different now and there’s so much more at stake.
“Exactly how big of a prick is your brother?” She’s pacing the room now, classic behaviour from Rebel when she’s trying to figure something out.
“Imagine the biggest prick you’ve ever met,” I suggest.
“Doing it.”
“Now go up about twenty levels and you might come close.”
She stops pacing and stares at me. “I think he’s behind all of this. Maybe he’s forced her to go back somehow.”
I’ve been hurt to the point of breaking, so much so that I’ve barely been able to think straight, but I have considered that he’s manipulating Darcy in some way – one of my 3am conspiracy theories. But it makes no sense. She owes him nothing. He has nothing over her. There’s no reason for her to go back to him other than love or desire.
“Maybe she really does love him. Maybe I was just the closest replacement – only good enough until the real deal came back and claimed his spot.”
“Oh, fuck off,” she snaps, clearly tired of my pity party for one. “I smell a rat. Something is off and you know it.”
I shrug.
She’s one hundred percent right, but I’m not sure I can afford to think that way. If I try – if I do something about it and I’m wrong, and she really does love him, I’d have to relive this heartbreak all over again, and I’m not sure I’m built of strong enough shit to survive another round.
“What does your gut tell you?” Rebel asks gently.
I know what it tells me. The same thing it’s told me every second since she walked out the door.
I sigh. “That she needs me.”
She nods her head, one short, sharp bob, my words confirming what her instincts had already told her. “Then pick up your bottom lip and go figure out what needs to be done.”
She’s right. I hate that she is, but she’s so fucking right.
I stand up, a new wave of hope flowing through me.
“And for the love of all things holy, take a shower.”
I smirk at her, and it’s the first real smile that’s crossed my face since Darcy walked out of my life.
21
Darcy
I don’t know what terrible thing I did in a former life to deserve this, but I hate every second of my life.
I feel numb.
I’m having a baby – this should be the most exciting time of my life, and all I feel is numb.
Ryan’s there, I’m here, and all that’s left is nothing real.
“Try me, jackass.”
Those are the only words I clearly make out before I hear the door to my bedroom swing open.
I know it’s Steph, she’s been calling me all day and I’ve let every single one go to voicemail. I heard the commotion when she arrived at the apartment too. Jacob is actually home for once, and less than impressed by the presence of my friend, if the five minutes of muffled yelling between them I’ve just heard is anything to go by.
I barely speak to the man, and he’s never actually asked me what Freya and Steph know about this situation, but I’m sure he’s aware now – knowing Steph, she wouldn’t have held back now that she’s finally had the opportunity to speak her mind.
I’ve been in bed all day, watching Netflix, but not actually absorbing a single thing. This murder documentary series has been playing for hours, and I don’t have the faintest idea what the main guy’s name is, let alone who he supposedly killed or why.
I’m eating, but not tasting anything.
I’ve turned down more work from the magazine.
All in all, I’m failing at life. I can’t even Netflix and chill correctly for fuck’s sake.
Steph doesn’t say a word as she walks in and closes the door behind her. I shift my eyes to watch her without moving my head; that seems like too much effort right now.
I can basically see the steam pouring out of her ears. I don’t know what Jacob said to her, but she is pissed. Maybe it’s not what he said, maybe it’s me. I’ve definitely pushed her to her limits lately.
She stalks across the room, stepping over piles of clothes and shoes to get to the large, floor-length blind that’s currently blocking every last bit of sunlight from entering this room.
She raises it, not giving a flying fuck about doing it slowly and letting me adjust.
I groan and throw a hand over my eyes.
“Like a fucking vampire,” she grumbles to herself.
I look up, squinting against the harsh light that is now pouring in the window.
She’s crouched down, collecting handfuls of clothes and washing off the floor.
I want to argue with her and tell her to leave it, I really do, but honestly, it’s an absolute shit hole in here. Things might not be going well for me right now, but I’m not blind. I can see I’ve let this go too far.
I silently climb out of bed and waddle around, picking things up as I go and putting them away.
We work silently, side by side for about fifteen minutes.
She even takes all my dirty dishes out to the kitchen and, by the sounds of it, dumps them in the sink for someone else to deal with.
“Sit,” she instructs when she re-enters the room, once again, closing the door behind her.
I do as I’m told and sit on the bed, scooting up to rest my back against the headboard.
She climbs on and sits up next to me.
“What are we going to do here, D? I can’t let you live like this.”
I sigh. It’s the question of the century, and one I’m not closer to finding an answer to than I was the day Jacob showed up at Ryan’s house and ruined my life.
“I don’t see a way out, but if you do, then by all means, tell me what it is.”
“You could talk to Ryan.”
I almost roll my eyes. I’m sick of hearing this from her. It’s the only solution she ever comes up with. And I get it, yes, in a perfect world, I would be able to talk to Ryan and he’d swoop in and save the day. But that’s not reality – that’s fantasy. Jacob was right… there is no prince charming coming to save me. There’s no white horse.
“Ryan can’t help me. I’d only be taking him down with me. This is the best way. It’s the only way.”
“You know you’re only punishing yourself, right? You have a shot at real happiness here and you’re wasting it. Ryan loves you, D, he loves you. Not because you’re pregnant, not because he wants to beat Jacob, he loves you because you’re you. All you have to do is let him.”
“It’s not a matter of letting him. Jesus, Steph, do you think I don’t want more? That I don’t know I deserve better? I’m miserable here. I want more than anything to call Ryan and tell him everything. I want him to save me, but the reality is that he can’t save me. I’d just ruin him. Jacob would ruin him.”
“But he’d try, isn’t that better than nothing?”
I know she means well, she really does, but the answer is no. It wouldn’t be better. I don’t see the point in the struggle – the loss – when the outcome is certain. There’s no way around this.
“Short of fleeing the country, every scenario is a losing one.”
She raises a shoulder. “You could.”
“I’m not fleeing the country,” I reply quickly. “No one is uprooting their entire life to save mine. It could be worse. I’m safe, warm and fed. There’s a hell of a lot more injustice occurring in the world right now than what I’m dealing with.”
“Oh, that’s great, D, just because he’s not beating you or depriving you of food, you’re good, right?”
I’m so far from good it’s laughable, but plenty of people have it much, much worse. I know that comparing myself to others doesn’t help me in any way, but it’s all I’ve got right now, and God knows I need something to hold onto.
“I need you to stop, okay? I can’t keep doing this. We’re going around and around in circles, and nothing is any different than when we did the last lap. I know this is a shit show. I know Ryan is miserable, but he’s better off without me. We wouldn’t be together if not for this baby. He never asked for any of this, and the best thing for him is to just move on with his life and forget about me.”
I’ve never seen someone look so disappointed in me.
Steph just shakes her head at me, gets up and leaves the now clean and tidy room.
I don’t call after her. I don’t blame her. I deserve every ounce of her frustration.
I’ve hit rock bottom.
Ever since the night of that awards dinner – hearing Ryan and Rebel’s name being called out, knowing that they’d been acknowledged for all their hard work, thinking for a split second that he might be there – that I might get to lay eyes on him… it was all too much for me.
Jacob’s tense stance next to me, with the fake smile plastered across his face was the icing on the cake.
I folded like a piece of paper.
Even Jacob, who couldn’t give a flying fuck about me, could see that I needed to get out of there, and fast.
He made up some bullshit excuse about me feeling unwell due to the pregnancy and got me out, looking every bit the doting father-to-be as he did it.
It was all a lie.
He spent the entire car ride back to his apartment on the phone, while I coached myself out of a full-blown meltdown.
I knew it was coming, but I’d just wanted to make it to the safety of my bedroom where I could do it in peace.
I’ve barely left the room since. That was an entire week ago.
22
Ryan
“I was right. He hired a fucking private investigator to spy on her,” I hiss down the phone as I slide into the driver’s seat of my car under the cover of darkness.
“What are you getting all high and mighty about, you’re essentially doing the same thing,” Rebel replies, full of sass. “Only difference is you’re the one sneaking around in the dark and acting all stealth.”
“I’m not sneaking around in the dark.”
I’m completely sneaking around in the dark, but shit I hate it when she’s right. I’m also not entirely hating this. I’ve always loved a mystery; I just wish that Darcy and our baby weren’t in the middle of it all.
“Just tell me what you found out, some of us have a business to run. We can’t all be out playing vigilante.”
That makes me feel a little guilty. I’ve left her high and dry at R&R’s lately. Firstly, because I was too much of a wreck to even get out of bed, and now, because I’m on a mission to find out what the hell my brother is up to. I’m a shitty business partner, but Rebel is taking it like a champ. She knows I would cover her arse the same way, and this is what we do – we pick up each other’s slack. Secretly, I think she’s just glad to see my personal hygiene standards return.
I’m finding relief in action. I’m finally doing something.
I just met with an old buddy of mine – Rusty. I still don’t know what he does for a living, in fact, I don’t even know his real name, but whatever his secret business is, he can find out anything about anyone. He’s come in more than handy over the years, even though it tests my ethics and morals every single time.
“Rusty gave me the name of the guy that Jacob hired. This PI had eyes on Darcy for about a month before she left me. I don’t know how he did it, but he had a copy of the PI’s notes and the report he gave to Jacob. It’s all in there, every last thing, right down to the dates she saw our doctor for ultrasounds.”
“Creepy.”
“Understatement.”
“So he knows you knocked up his wife then?”
“She’s not his fucking wife. She’s not his anything,” I snap.
“That’s not what the gossip columns are saying.”
“I don’t give a shit what they’re saying, get your head out of the fucking Women’s Weekly and go and do some work, would you?”
She snorts a laugh. “What are you, eighty? No one buys magazines anymore, it’s all online.”
I blow out a breath. She’s wrong though, I still buy them – more importantly, one. “The sentiment still stands,” I say, my patience running thin. “Do you have anything genuine you want to contribute or are you just here to see how far you can get my blood pressure to rise?”
“Oh calm down,” she retorts, completely unfazed by my outburst. “I’m just saying, she’s something to him. But if I had to guess, she’s a pawn – a possession. This is all about image. I’m assuming he knows that your swimmers made it to her egg.”
“He knows,” I confirm.” And you’re right… everything is about image with my father and him. His goal in life is to take over Steele Enterprises. He’d never get the green light from our old man unless everything was perfect. And I doubt that a runaway groom and a knocked-up ex is the definition of perfect.”
“Your dad sounds like a real wanker.”
“Only one out there worse than my brother,” I reply. I don’t even feel guilty for thinking of my own flesh and blood in that way anymore; I’ve made my peace with it. Just because you share DNA with someone, doesn’t mean they have to be in your life.
It’s not until that thought crosses my min
d that it hits me.
We share DNA. Not only do we share it, but it’s bound to be identical, because we’re identical.
Oh my god. The pieces of the puzzle click together before my eyes.
“I know what he has over her,” I say quickly, my voice shaking. “Holy fuck, it all makes sense.”
“Oh god, it’s bad isn’t it, I bet it’s bad.”
“The baby’s DNA...” I breathe. “It’ll match mine, and his.”
“What?” Rebel demands, confused, quickly followed by, “Ohhh. Oh my god. That son of a fucking bitch.”
That doesn’t even come close to covering it. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner. He’s blackmailing her, I know it.
“But why wouldn’t she just tell you? You would have helped her.”
“I don’t know. Fear? I get that she’d be afraid of him. He’s a powerful man. Weak where it really counts, but powerful at getting what he wants. And I’m no match for the money and standing that comes with that company. I could spend everything I have, and it still wouldn’t come close. They’ve got judges in their pockets, friends in all the right places... and I’m just the rogue son who threw away his key to the kingdom.”
“Best move you ever made, buddy.”
Her words hit me right in the chest.
This is why I love Rebel; she might be a total pain in the arse, and an absolute nightmare when she wants to be, but when I really need her, she’s got my back. She gets me.
“So, because you’re twins, she wouldn’t be able to prove that you were the father and not him, and therefore, it would become a custody battle. One that you’re telling me he would win.”
My blood runs cold. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”
I’ve seen how ruthless Jacob can be in business, it was never something that came naturally to me – I cared too much about the people working beneath me… about the companies on the other end of the business deal. But not Jacob, he cares about no one, and nothing more than he cares about Steele Industries and making it to the top. I shouldn’t be surprised he’s willing to stoop to this level, but I still am. This is so much bigger than business. This is Darcy’s life. My life. Our child’s life. I don’t know how anyone could stoop so low.
The First Rule: A Standalone Second Chance Romance Page 16