“Mom?” Danielle said. “Dr. Lee wants you to come in.”
Claire closed her iPad as fear shot through her. “Is everything okay?” she asked as she gathered up her handbag. She thought Danielle was doing so well. She knew that Danielle’s relationship with Sam had cooled, but Danielle always had boyfriends who came and went. Her issue had never been related to that.
“I’ll wait out here,” Danielle said as Claire hurried into Dr. Lee’s office.
“Claire,” he said. “Sit down.”
“Is something wrong with Danielle?” she asked.
“No, no. Danielle is doing quite well,” he said. “It’s you I want to talk about.”
“Me? Why?”
“Danielle tells me your boyfriend is moving away soon.”
“Thursday,” she said.
“This is the same man who abandoned you in high school.”
“He didn’t abandon me exactly.”
“No, I understand,” he said. “It was all a misunderstanding. But it felt like abandonment.” He paused a moment. “For over twenty years.”
Claire took a deep breath.
Dr. Lee was right, of course. “We probably shouldn’t be talking about me,” she said.
“I know. It’s hard to talk about yourself.”
Claire laughed and shifted in her chair. She’d come here for Danielle. Now Dr. Lee was wanting to delve into her brain.
“I’m okay,” she said.
“I’m sure you are” he agreed. “I’m just wondering how you’re coping with all this.”
She pressed her hands together. “We’re still going to see each other.”
He nodded.
“I know. We planned to see each other last time, too, but we were kids. We weren’t in control of things that happened.”
“You feel in control now,” he said.
Claire shifted again. “No. Not really.”
“But you’re okay with him leaving.”
“I’m not okay with it. I just don’t have a choice.”
Dr. Lee nodded again. And waited. “You’re very brave,” he said.
“I’m not brave,” she said.
“You seem brave to me.”
“Do I?” she asked with a little laugh. “Because I’m not brave at all.”
“You do a good job of hiding your fear.”
She nodded. “I was trained to not show emotion.”
“That can be a good quality to have at times.”
“And not at others. I know.”
Dr. Lee sat quietly studying her. “Is there anything you’d like to discuss with me?”
Claire shook her head. “No, but I appreciate your concern.”
“Can I give you some unsolicited advice?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t keep it all bottled inside. Find a way to let yourself feel. Not all the time, just during a time that you choose. When you’re alone. I think you’ll find that you can cope much better if you let yourself feel emotions from time to time.”
Claire nodded. “I do. I do feel emotions with Grayson.”
“That’s good.” Dr. Lee took his glasses off. Claire had watched him enough with Danielle to know that it was a sign he had something significant he was about to say. “Have you found that you’ve been able to forgive him?”
“Yes,” she said.
“But do you sometimes have lingering doubts that maybe history is replaying itself all over again?”
“Yes,” she said. How had he known that? She hadn’t told anyone.
“That’s a difficult thing to get past.”
“It is. But it’s possible.” Claire wasn’t sure if she was telling him or asking him.
“It takes a lot of faith and a lot of strength. I admire you for being able to start over with someone who hurt you so much.”
“He didn’t hurt me on purpose.”
Dr. Lee smiled. “Again, I admire you for being willing to give Grayson a second chance. He’s a very lucky man. And I think I can safely say that Danielle likes him. She thinks he’d make a great stepfather.”
Claire laughed nervously. “That might be a little difficult living so far apart.”
Dr. Lee just nodded.
After Claire left Dr. Lee’s office, she turned to Danielle. “You told Dr. Lee about me and Grayson.”
“I tell him everything.”
“I see.”
“He’s really easy to talk to,” Danielle said.
“Uh huh.”
“I guess you have to get used to somebody getting into your business.”
“I think you’re right,” Claire admitted as they walked together down the hallway toward the door to the parking lot. “You know, I never told you, Danielle, but I really admire you for how you’ve opened yourself up this past year and let people help you get past those feelings of hopelessness that you were feeling.”
Danielle grinned. “Thanks. I admire you, too.”
“Why?” Claire asked.
“Why? For everything. You’re so successful. And you let Grayson come back into your life without even a hitch. I think that means you really love him.”
“I do love him,” she said, the admission warming her heart. Other than Grayson, she hadn’t told anyone else. Not even Danielle.
“No,” Danielle said, as they climbed into the car and closed the door. “I mean you must REALLY love him.”
Claire smiled. “I do.” Then she grew serious. “Does that bother you? I mean… Daddy.”
“Are you kidding? If you and Grayson get married, that means I would have the two most awesome dads ever.”
Claire sat quietly on her sofa, reading her novel as she waited for Grayson. She’d gotten used to their routine – dinner together every night. They didn’t even talk about it anymore. It was just understood. Instead, they talked about where they would eat or what they would cook. What they would watch on TV – a series like Game of Thrones or a movie.
Sometimes they just sat quietly and read.
It was going to be lonely without him here in the evenings.
When the doorbell rang, she went to answer it. He was earlier than usual.
When she opened the door and saw him standing there, leaning against the post, with one hand behind his back, her heart melted.
She held out her hand.
“What?” he asked.
She smiled, but kept her hand out.
He reached out and took her hand in his.
She laughed and reached behind his back, but he twisted away and laughed with her.
“I know you have it. I have eleven in the vase. So tonight makes twelve.”
“Uh oh,” he said, feigning horror. “I knew I was forgetting something.”
She reached behind him again, but this time, he let her grab the rose that she had known would be there.
“You’ve spoiled me,” she said.
“You think so?”
“Yes.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet.”
“Is that so?” She took the rose inside and added it to the vase on the kitchen table. There were twelve now. He’d started bringing her one every night, excluding the time they’d spent in San Francisco. He’d even managed to make it work with them being out for two nights. It occurred to her that he must have been planning that trip longer than he’d let on.
Maybe he wasn’t as spontaneous as he led her to believe.
She turned and he was standing behind her. He swept her into a hug. She put her arms around him and her fingers dug into his shirt.
He backed away to study her face. “Are you still sore?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “But I’m thinking maybe I need to add cycling to my workout. So I’ll be ready next time for whatever you come up with. Marathons. Bike rides.”
“You never know,” he said.
“Nope. I never know.” She settled her head back against his chest and told herself he wasn’t gone yet. “So how far in advance do you plan these activ
ities?”
“That, my lovely, is a secret I’ll never reveal.”
“Ah. Secretive and mysterious.”
“You’ll never be bored with me around,” he said, nuzzling at her ear. “What do you want to eat?” he asked.
“I thought we’d make a fried green tomato po’boy.”
He laughed. “That’s different.”
“I have them all the time for lunch with Danielle.” She bit her lip. “I’ve never made one though.”
“Do you have all the ingredients?”
“I’m always prepared,” she said.
“Okay,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her with him to the kitchen. “I’m starving.”
She laughed. “You’re always starving.”
“It’s true. You’ve found me out.”
Later that evening, Claire and Grayson were curled together on the couch like a couple of kittens. Charlie was there with them, coaxing Grayson to rub under his chin. He was getting bigger and Claire pointed out how big his little paws were getting.
“So…” Grayson said, “I don’t think you ever answered me.”
“Hmm. About what?”
“About having another child.”
“That’s not something that can be easily answered.”
“Danielle told me that Noah’s wife is expecting. You two are about the same age, aren’t you? And it’s her first.”
“I think she might be a little older. And, yes, Danielle told me that, too.”
“Well?”
“Our situations are different.”
“You’re so avoiding answering me,” he said, kissing her earlobe.
“Oh no. You’re leaving tomorrow.”
“What?” he asked innocently.
“We are so not going down that road again.”
“Don’t worry. When I ravish you, I don’t plan for us to leave the bed for a week.”
“A week, huh?”
“Yep. I just can’t decide between a cruise or holing up in a mountain cabin.”
“The cabin sounds nice. But it sounds like we’re gonna need room service. Besides, I’ve already done the whole honeymoon cruise thing. It’s overrated.”
“See there, I have you already planning our honeymoon.”
“You’re kinda sneaky, aren’t you? I didn’t know you were such a planner.”
“You have no idea how much work goes into being spontaneous,” he said.
“You’re right. It’s much easier to plan things.”
“Are you sure I can’t talk you into driving with me? We can stop off at the Grand Canyon and spend a couple of nights.”
“I thought you didn’t allow time for sight-seeing.”
“For you, I would be late.”
“Not a chance,” she said. “You’ll be fired before you even get there.”
“I’ve got until Monday.”
“You know I would, but I’ve got that fundraiser Saturday. It’s been planned for months.”
“And you’ve only known me for weeks,” he said.
“Yet somehow it seems like years,” she said.
They laughed, then sat quietly with the television playing a movie neither of them were watching.
“So, I’m thinking I’ll call you every night,” he said.
“Okay.”
Grayson didn’t want to leave. Once he walked out that the door, he ran the risk of destroying the fairytale life they’d created.
A year – even nine months – until next May was a long time.
So much could go wrong.
He may not be able to find a job back in L.A. He could live off his retirement from the military, but Claire would expect more out of him. He needed to have another career.
To be successful and make her proud.
Besides, he’d seen too many good men crash and burn after retirement. It was crucial for a man to keep working. He couldn’t risk ending up psychologically disabled.
But he had to leave. He had a long day of driving tomorrow.
He held her close. He would be back.
It’s a temporary separation.
He needed to believe that.
A long-distance relationship was one thing. A long-distance marriage was another thing entirely.
I’ll make it work.
He had to believe it.
“You should go,” she said, sitting up.
“I don’t want to.”
“Good. I don’t want you to either.” She stood up and tugged on his arm. “Come on.”
“I should have known you’d kick me out eventually.”
“It had to happen.”
“Come on,” she said again, “I’ll walk you to the door.”
At the door, they held on to each other as the seconds ticked past.
Until she nudged him again. “Go,” she said. “You need to be well rested. I don’t want to be the reason you fall asleep at the wheel.”
He kissed her softly. “I’ll see you soon,” he said. “my love.”
Her eyes were closed. Charlie meowed and stood up to put his front paws on Grayson’s jeans.
“He’s saying goodbye, too,” Claire said, picking up her kitten and holding him to her.
“Be safe,” she said.
Grayson turned and went out the front door. His eyes stung from unshed tears.
This was one of those thing in life that felt so very wrong.
He’d set a course for himself that he longer wanted to follow. But he had no choice. He had to honor his commitment.
A soldier followed through.
He listened until he heard the door lock and her alarm beep into place.
Then he went down the sidewalk, got into his car, and backed out of her driveway.
His heart ached. He needed to get this over with so he could get back to her.
Chapter Sixteen
Claire went to the kitchen and, after feeding Charlie, sat at the little table and slid the vase with the roses toward her. A couple of the roses were already dead.
Soon, they would all be dead.
But she would keep them, she decided.
She would keep them because they represented so much planning and thought that Grayson had gone through for her. A rose a day for two weeks giving her a dozen roses.
They represented the love that he had shown for her this summer.
She could only hope and pray that they hadn’t gone from high school sweethearts to a summer romance.
She wiped at the tears at her eyes before they could fall from her lashes and pushed the roses back to the center of the table.
She had to trust that whatever was supposed to happen would. She got up and headed upstairs, Charlie scampering at her heels.
Time only moved forward.
Claire woke at her usual time. She’d left the curtains open in her bedroom so the soft morning sunlight was streaming across her face.
She stretched. Everything was as it should be. Danielle had come home late, but was tucked safely in her bed. Claire knew because she’d waited up. Danielle thought she’d gotten lost in the novel she was reading on her iPad, but in truth as soon as Danielle stuck her head in the door to say goodnight, Claire had been out.
But as her brain came more awake, she knew that everything wasn’t as it should be. Grayson had left last night. And although they had ended their early evening with kisses and promises to stay in touch, it was going to be different. They’d seen each other every single day for the last few weeks. Now they would merely have phone calls and perhaps at most, monthly visits.
Claire couldn’t help comparing this separation with the one twenty years ago. They’d been kids then. She wasn’t even out of high school. They’d had sex their last night together before he shipped out. Sex for the first time.
This time they hadn’t had sex, but they had been attached at the hip.
They’d been more physically intimate last time and more emotionally intimate this time.
Claire climbed out of bed and got
into the shower. She did her best thinking in the shower, but not today. Today she was unable to sort through the emotional tangles in her head.
Today was the first day of trying to get her life back to normal.
She’d known going in that Grayson would be leaving. Knowing that had made their time together bittersweet. She wasn’t the teenager anymore. The one who believed that anything was possible.
She knew that them having careers on opposite sides of the country wasn’t going to work out. Relationships couldn’t work that way. Sure, it would be exciting for a little while to visit and see each other. She’d go to Pittsburgh and see some snow.
But if anyone knew how hard it was to stay connected in a long-distance relationship, it was Claire. She’d lived with Noah, her ex-husband, but he’d been away from home more than he’d been there. Even if she’d wanted to have something deeper with him, it would’ve been next to impossible with that physical distance.
Time moves in only direction. Focus on the future.
She got dressed for a meeting with her board of directors. Woke Danielle to say goodbye before she left home. Stopped on her way to work for a latte at Starbuck’s.
Kept her attention on the moment.
Halfway through her meeting, her phone buzzed with a text from Grayson.
I miss you. I hope your meeting is going well.
How much longer would he know her schedule?
It wouldn’t be long. He’d get caught up in his own world. The excitement of his new job.
She shook off the feelings of negativity.
Day by day.
That’s how she’d get through it
It’s how she’d gotten through it last time he’d left and it was how she’d gotten through her marriage with Noah. Then her divorce.
One day at the time.
She picked up Danielle and they went to the York and Orleans for lunch.
“What’s wrong, Mom?” Danielle asked, minutes after they had sat at their table.
“Nothing,” she said.
“It’s okay to miss Grayson,” she said. “I miss him, too.”
Claire forced a smile on her lips. “We’ll see him soon,” she said.
“Of course, we will,” Danielle agreed.
Claire asked Danielle about her upcoming orientation for Fall classes and listening allowed her to sit quietly and focus on her daughter.
Love Again: Love's Second Chance Series Page 16