by Anna Collins
“I don’t usually beg, but I need you to be well. I just found you, and I don’t know if I can live through any kind of heartbreak. I have this vision of us making love in the afternoon until the sun goes down,” Tristan said as if he was trying to bolster my spirits and give me a reason to weather whatever this was.
“I will say you drive a hard bargain, Mr. Rhodes. I will do whatever I can and damn the person who did this to me. I have never been a person who was capable of revenge, but I have thought about hurting this person quite a few times now. I don’t just mean through the police authority, I’m talking about cold hard vengeance by my own hand in ways to make this more personal. I want this person to suffer, beg for my mercy and never find it in my cold dead eyes,” I said remembering the pain and feeling it strike a nerve, making me sound as if I had come unraveled.
“I don’t want you to talk like that ever again. You can’t stoop to their level. That will make you no better than them. I understand how you feel. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I’m not in your shoes. Don’t allow the person you are to be lost underneath contempt and the need to hurt the person responsible for your state. Can’t you see I don’t want to lose the person you are? I know you can’t stand the pain, but hopefully, you won’t have to go through this again,” Tristan said as he tried to lower my blood pressure boiling with this desperate need to wrap my hands around somebody’s throat.
“If it’s any kind of consolation, I don’t think I really have it in me to be that vindictive. I’m glad you’re here with me. I know you are only trying to pump me up for the fight ahead. I’m just spouting off, and it’s not as I would actually go through with it,” I said thinking about those visions, knowing I wasn’t sure I was very convincing.
I was feeling some of my strength coming back, and I was soon able to sit up on my own power with Tristan lovingly holding my hand. I was brought back to life. It was debilitating and cruel to feel as if my whole body had shut down. I thought I was in control of my own destiny, but somebody had taken that away from me.
I felt something flowing down from my nose, and Tristan was right there to stanch the blood with a tissue. He made me lean forward with his two fingers placed on the bridge of my nose. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. This was a poison meant to make me hurt in the worst way possible. This wasn’t just to kill me; somebody had taken it personally. I had no idea what I had done to deserve this kind of treatment, but it was a question for another time.
The blood slowed down, and I finally got up on wobbly legs. I felt like each step was a task in itself. I had to stop every so often and tap Tristan on the shoulder to let him know I needed some time to collect myself.
“You are a remarkable woman although you don’t give yourself enough credit. You have shown some incredible courage under the most difficult situation. Not many people could have had this kind of grace under pressure. I’m going to help you back to our room, but then I will return here to give this my undivided attention. I have some research on my computer which might hold some of the answers we are looking for. Right now, both Leslie and I are grasping at any straw we can find. I know that’s cold comfort and you really want this to be over with,” Tristan said as we went up the elevator.
I stumbled down the hallway, but he was there to guide me as if I was some old woman without her walker. There were some things I would like to forget, including this poison. The one thing I could never forget though was the smile on Tristan’s face and the way he made me feel like I could overcome anything. It was a very romantic notion that love could conquer all. It was written in the stars; we were meant to meet in this way, even though I would have hoped for a far better venue than fighting for my life.
I wasn’t a rock of strength, but in his presence, I became one, and there was no way I was going to let my own body fight back against me. I was not going to look at this as something unreal. I could not stick my head in the sand and deny I had a long way to go. Even if I was able to find out how to fight this, then I had another battle which consisted of finding the person responsible and putting them in the hot seat. The one glaring question was why. I had done nothing to warrant this kind evil act. I was no saint, but I did not consider myself to be a sinner.
He took me back to my room, sat with me and listened to me grumble about how I felt like this was somehow my fault. I couldn’t fathom how anybody could take anything I did so seriously they would want me to feel like I was dying a hundred times over. It wasn’t right, and there was something vastly wrong with this person’s head in need to be addressed. It could be that it was some crazy person who had decided my not giving them a dollar when they were panhandling was the reason for all of this. I had gone through everything I could come up with for who might be responsible and still nothing really slapped me in the face.
“I could give you a false platitude like ‘time heals all wounds,' but I’m not going to subject you to something like this. It’s not fair, and we both know it. If we can make our peace with that, then we can show this thing no mercy. I want you to know sleep is not even an option. I might even consider going on the same drug Leslie is on, but only on the premise she knows she’s on it,” he said with a cold washcloth on my head as apparently, I was burning up with a fever, making me hallucinate.
“The only thing I need from you, Tristan is your bedside manner. If I thought I could convince you, I would grab you and bring you into this bed with me. My strength diminishes every so often, and then I get this burst of energy I’m quite surprised by,” I said looking at the ceiling, wondering how my life had come to this.
“If I thought you were up for a roll in the hay, then I would leave Leslie to do all the work on her own. I have a lot to offer. My research has been a lifetime in the making. I look back and I know I was wrong to push people away. It’s not what you are remembered for, and it’s more of what kind of effect you had on others before you pass that makes for a legacy. I have been this way for all of my life. I look back, and I see a lot of regrets. I didn’t treat people kindly. Even my relationship with Jessica, it was more of two bodies colliding like exploding stars,” Tristan said as I felt my eyelids heavy, dropping with the energy to keep them open.
“I have been through a lot in the last few hours being treated like a pincushion. I’m going to rest, and I do hope I find you in bed with me when I wake up. I’ll understand if you’re not, but it would really be a boost to my morale if you were here staring down at me with loving eyes. You don’t have to mean it. I have no tears left. I’m cried out. I regret a lot in my life, and I don’t think I would do the same things again,” I said letting the world darken and the sound of his melodic voice being the only thing I could hear, like a siren of the sea drawing me back to reality.
“I want you to rest. I hope you’ll have something to celebrate when you wake up. I’m going to hand you over to the Sandman. It looks like he has a bit of influence on you, but I hope not too much. I won’t leave your side until you are asleep,” Tristan said as he held my hand, letting me know my future was now tangled in his.
Chapter 14
I had some strange and disturbing dreams with doctors laughing maniacally, seeming more animated than lifelike. I think in some small part of my mind, I knew it was a dream, but I couldn’t hide from it. I had to chalk it up to the poison affecting my mind. It was my body’s self-defense against something which shouldn’t be in my body.
When I opened up my eyes, those dreams vanished, and I was left with something I could try and reach for but had no intention doing so. They were so strange and disturbing I had no interest remembering them. I could feel it was right there in my grasp, but I let it go before I was able to make any sense of it.
I turned with my hand touching the cold spot on the other side of the bed. The sun was shining, and the birds were chirping. Life had a tendency to continue and let the world turn despite those who were looking out from the inside of a hospital.
I hoped Tristan
would be there to greet me with the smile I had asked him for, but he wasn’t. It kind of made me want to get out of this bed, go storming down into the lab and trash everything in front of their eyes. That would have surely sent a different kind of message. That sort of hostility was not necessary. There was no room for my anger, even though it was burning through my veins. I wanted to hurt somebody and to give them a taste of their own medicine.
I got up slowly, stretching my limbs, feeling my bones crack and knowing I was in desperate need for some yoga to center my being. I got into various poses, breathing and concentrating. It wasn’t meditation, but it was a way to give my body a new understanding I wasn’t going to give up. There were a couple of poses I wasn’t able to accomplish. I didn’t have any problem with them in the past, but that was before my body was in the process of disagreeing with me.
I was practically upside down in the downward dog when I saw I had a visitor between my legs. I thought for a moment it was Tristan, but then I turned and found myself looking at Spencer. He was looking around confused, and then he stepped back into the hall as if he had lost his way. I was worried about him. I had more to worry about with myself, but I had found time to care for him as if he was my father.
I found the things I had brought with me folded nicely in a dresser. There were other items of my size and how he could possibly know it was beyond me. I put on a pair of black stirrup pants and a red shirt top over it, and I made my way out into the hallway looking for any sign of Tristan.
I heard a door slam, and I had to believe it was the master of the house trying to compose himself long enough to greet us for breakfast. I had a feeling I would find Tristan in the lab. He probably lost all track of time, and it was not something uncommon for those in the research field. I was beginning to learn a lot about him. I was half expecting to find him and Leslie crashing against the furniture with their heads thrown back and their bodies writhing against one another.
What I found instead was what seemed like they had been working together for years instead of only a few hours. They were completing each other’s sentences, clapping each other on the back and looking as if they had found their purpose in life.
“Do I take what I see here as encouragement things are looking up?” I asked as they both turned with looks on their faces which told me not all news was good news.
“I know I promised you I would be there in the morning, but I thought it would be a better use of my time to get to the bottom of this. I believed I would be with you in just a few more hours. I could almost hear you calling me in your state to come and be with you. It feels a little empty not having you look at me when you open up your eyes. I’m going to let Leslie tell you what we have found because I’m just not sure I have the strength to disappoint you,” Tristan said as we both turned to Leslie who seemed ready to give me her findings.
“I wasn’t very hopeful when I began, and I had every reason to feel this way. I want you to know I’m not giving up, but this poison really is a bitch. I don’t know how else to describe it, and it’s like it knows what I’m going to do before I do it. This poison will kill you in less than a week from today. You won’t feel the full control it has on your body until the last few hours. There will still be unheard of pain from time to time, but I think I can manage this with medication. That being said, we did find something encouraging from a scientists’ point of view. I can kill the poison, but it comes with a cost, and I’m not sure you can pay it. I put it up against many stimulants, and I came up with one that killed it. Unfortunately, it’s the kind of heat contained within the fires of hell,” Leslie said with me standing there looking at her as if she had lost her mind.
“I want you to tell me that what you’re saying is because of sleep deprivation,” I said staring at her wild eyes, knowing she was fighting the natural urge to close her eyes.
“I want to give you good news, but this isn’t the answer you are hoping for. The fires I’m referring to are the kind used mainly for cremation. You wouldn’t be able to withstand this. I’m going to continue to work and I have to say having Tristan here has been a godsend. I don’t think I would have been able to get this far without him,” she said with far more praise than I was comfortable with.
“I didn’t do as much as she has alluded to. I have had some success, and I was able to share this with her through my research. I haven’t even looked at this research in quite some time, and it took me a few moments to understand it myself. We do know it can be killed. That’s more than we knew before we started this. This can’t be easy to hear, but I don’t want you to think we are giving up. We have only begun to fight, and we will rage against this for as long as possible. I know you want to get back to your life, but being here with all of these machines at our disposal is the right thing,” Tristan said as I stood there and wondered if this was the beginning of the end.
“I know both of you think this is an amazing discovery, but I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the efforts, but this still doesn’t get me any closer to finding a cure. There’s a part of me that wants to give up and live my life for the moment. I don’t want to contend with a week in this place. I’m sure it has a lot to offer to keep me occupied, but there comes a time I need to look after myself. I know this sounds selfish, and I don’t mean it to sound like that, but this is my life we’re talking about,” I said feeling like I was letting them down, but knowing I needed some time to make sense of all this.
“I don’t see any reason why you can’t go beyond the property. The only thing I ask is you leave some way for us to contact you. I have everything I need from you already. There’s no reason to keep you any longer than you want to stay. I’m worried that if I do find a cure, you will be unable to get back here in time to utilize it, though. It’s up to you, and you know your body better than anybody. If you think you can manage this on your own with the medication I’m going to prescribe you, then, by all means, do what you need to do for yourself,” Leslie said with about as moving as a speech as she could muster under the circumstances.
“Are you sure about this? You know I’m going to go with you, and it is something I will not negotiate. You may not think you need me, but I don’t care. I’m not letting you out of my sight. You tell me what you want to do and we’ll do it together. Every time I look at you, I see a woman who has far more to live for than she sees. I want you to wake up every morning with a smile on your face and a reason to keep going. I can give you that, but only if you let me,” Tristan said as I took his hand. I was never going to let it go.
“I was hoping you were going to say that, Tristan. I don’t know what the future holds, but I want you to be a part of it beside me. There’s a purpose and a reason for all this, but I have yet to find out what it is. Everybody wants to be free, and right now I feel like I’m a prisoner without conjugal visits. I want to do more than what we have done together, but I don’t know if I can be anything more than a dead fish. I can barely stand up, and I don’t want you to hate me because I can’t give you what you want,” I was worried sex was the only thing keeping us together.
“Time is a commodity in short demand. Sex is only a small component of what our relationship is all about. I’ll take whatever I can get. You might not think you have anything to give, but I can argue about the contrary. You’re the one who attacked me and turned me into a personal toy. I do want you, but I’m more than willing to do the work. We start off with something small, and we can work our way up to where we are spent and in need of a cigarette,” Tristan said as we walked away from the lab. I had no interest looking back.
We didn’t get any further than the front door before Spencer himself stopped us with a hand out as if he was directing traffic. He didn’t look happy at all and how he could possibly know about my plans to leave was making me feel like there were eyes everywhere. I didn’t want to believe I was a prisoner but seeing it up close and personal I was starting to.
“I have just been informed there has bee
n a breach of my trust. I don’t want to alarm you. I’m not at the liberty to say anything more than that. I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist that you stayed. You’ll be my guests until tomorrow. I would like to keep my investment close. I have been very fortunate to find Leslie and her unique bedside manner to go along with her expertise in the field of research and medical discoveries. She may have said you can leave, but I’m not of the same sentiment,” he said as he had one of his men clad in black army gear and flak jacket to show his might with a gun in his hand.
“I’ll stay until tomorrow, but then we’re going to have to go through with this. If you think for a second I’m going to go back to that lab and be used as a Guinea pig, then you have another thing coming. You need to know I’m not going to take no for an answer. I’m not at all happy about staying here, but I can see you are a man of great conviction,” I said.
I hungered for Tristan’s touch. I figured why not make the best of our surroundings. Time was something I thought was constant, but now it was slipping through my fingers one second at a time. Without a cure, I was getting closer and closer to knocking on death’s door.
“I don’t think it’s fair to ask her to stay. She has done everything in her power to help you at a great cost to herself. She came here under the belief you could help her, but I’m not even sure you are willing to do that. I can see through you like a cheap suit made of paper. You’re selfish, and you only want what you feel you are due. You claim to care for Willa, but I do not see this from everything you have said and done,” Tristan said as he was protecting me, not caring about the consequences.