by Anna Collins
I was aghast that I had caused him to feel this way. I looked around hoping that I could make it right, but he had left me in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t feel very safe without him by my side. I gathered up my robe and put on the flip flops going in pursuit of the man that was screaming and running away from me like a crazy person.
His easel was lying there on the ground. I probably shouldn’t have said anything. I thought that it was time that we pulled off the band-aid. I wasn’t the only one that was hiding. He was using this place as a way to stick his head in the sand.
I chased after him, trying to avoid the slapping branches coming back against my face. I heard him still screaming the word ‘NO’ over and over again. I could only hope that I didn’t shatter his mind into something that was unrecognizable.
I tripped and found myself face planted into the ground. Thankfully, I had used my hands to break my fall. I dusted myself off, got back on my feet and continued to follow him in his madness.
I caught a glimpse of him going into a side door on the other side of the house. I was getting a little winded and I thought that I was going to pass out from heat exhaustion.
I went up to the door and checked it to find that it wasn’t locked. I opened it to find photographs of Lily adorning the walls on either side. She looked, so full of life and carefree that it was almost impossible for me to think of myself that way.
I stood there looking at what I could only assume was some kind of shrine to a woman that he had this deep devotion for. She looked like a woman that lived her life with no regrets. Her smile lit up the room and made you think that anything was possible.
I had been waiting for him to change, but it was impossible if he was going to hold onto her like this. I felt like I was standing in the distance waiting for him to come to me. This wasn’t healthy and somebody had to do something to open his eyes. Those that were employed by him and even friends felt like it was their duty to take his constant criticism and abuse. I was in the unique position to show him that the attachment to a woman that was dead was wrong.
I wanted to believe that he could change, but this disturbing display had told me otherwise. He had redeeming qualities, but something had to finally give him peace. If he didn’t get that soon, then he would lose the battle for his own sanity. That was not a battle that I wanted him to lose
I went forth and I came closer and closer to where he had disappeared around the corner. The door was open and I saw him sitting on a wooden stool. He looked despondent and I was worried about his mental health. He was always this close to losing it and maybe what I said had finally broken the man. It was kind of ironic. He was the one that wanted to break me, but it was the other way around.
“She has never been that far away from me. She was always closer than anybody could ever imagine. I needed her and the only way to keep her memory alive was to keep her close,” He said with his hands covering his face in what I could only assume was shame for his actions.
I touched his shoulder and then I saw something that didn’t seem possible. I was trying to grasp the concept of what he was trying to tell me. I didn’t want to believe it, but the proof was staring me in the face. There was another wooden stool in front of him with a sheet draped over it. This was not another masterpiece forgotten. There was the silhouette of a body underneath it.
I walked around in front of him taking a hold of the sheet and looking back at him to see if he was going to say something in his own defense. I could only think of one scenario that made any sense. He had somehow kept the body of Lily and underneath this sheet was what was left of the woman that he claimed to love.
I didn’t want to see her years in decomposition, but I think we both needed some kind of closure. I was going to make him see that what he was doing was wrong and maybe then he could find a way to close this chapter on his life.
Chapter 23
I stood there and wondered what kind of game he was playing. He had lost his way and he needed my guiding hand to bring him back to the reality of the situation. I’d somehow unlocked the secret of why he was doing all of this. He probably didn’t think that anybody was capable of uncovering the truth, but he had literally left me bread crumbs from the moment that I had arrived on the island.
He had his hands covering his face and he was shaking like a leaf. I didn’t want to believe that he would be, so caught up in the past that he would hold onto it like grim death. He seemed like a strong man with convictions, but underneath he was fragile like a broken doll.
“I don’t want you to be here. I don’t want you to see me like this. I’ve never wanted anybody to see me like this,” He said with his hand still hiding his shame.
“I don’t think that you would have come here unless you wanted somebody to follow you. Maybe you are finally ready to admit that things have spiraled out of control. This woman has been holding you, hostage. You’ve been allowing it to keep her alive in your memory and in your heart,” I said with my hand poised on the cloth covering what I could only presume was the body of his beloved.
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I feel like I’m coming apart and that you might be the only one that can understand what I’m going through. My friends and even Angelica think that I’m losing my mind. They believe that it’s my condition that’s causing me to act irrationally and maybe in some small part it is,” He said while standing and walking around in a circle.
I could hear the angst in his voice and he was now chewing on his nails nervously. He looked completely out of it with his eyes wide and tears streaking his cheeks.
“I think that it’s time that we finally shed some light on this,” I said while pulling back the sheet and hoping to god that what I thought was underneath wasn’t there at all.
There was a body, but it was not what I thought it was. It was his sick way of keeping her alive when her body was most likely buried on this island someplace. It wouldn’t surprise me in the very least to find a grave dedicated to her memory and the love that they used to share.
“You’re definitely a man of surprises. I’m glad to see that you have not totally gone around the bend,” I said as I looked at the likeness of his lover in paper mâche.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of the way that she had come alive by way of the secret art of paper mâche. It was amazing and there were no bounds of where his artistry could take him. I was amazed by what he could do with a brush and with the written word. What I didn’t realize was that his condition made him the creative genius that he was today.
“Don’t you think that I know that it’s sick to hold onto her like this? I lost a piece of my heart and my soul the day that she died. I thought that I could immortalize her, but all I’m doing is hurting myself. I come here every day and I think it’s time that I get rid of those things that remind me of her. I don’t want to ever forget, but I don’t need her face to haunt me in my waking day,” He said with an air of finality that made me believe that he might be ready to live again.
I put my hand on his shoulder and I led him from the room and away from the thing that he feared the most. He was allowing this woman to have too much power over his well-being. He thought that she would want this, but I don’t think that she would have. She would’ve wanted him to start over.
We walked through the shrine of her photos adorning the walls. I had definitely struck a nerve and dug the knife into an old wound that had not healed. That was never more evident by the way that he had gone off the handle and tossed his work into the sea.
The strong and confident billionaire had been replaced by a man that was this close to losing his mind. By shining a light on his problem, I was giving him license to let her go finally. He needed somebody to tell them that it was OK and that he didn’t have to live with her memory haunting him.
“I know that it can’t be easy, Devlin. She was a big part of your life and I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to replace her. I don’t think that anybody could. No matter ho
w much you want them to. I will never be her, but I can promise you that the one thing that you don’t want is a carbon copy,” I said as I led him out of the building that held a knife to his throat metaphorically speaking.
His back went straight and he showed more confidence that I had seen in a long time. Coming here had been a detriment to his mental health. For him not to know that meant that others did not have the guts to tell him where the bear did his business in the woods.
I didn’t know what to make of the way that he was staring straight ahead. He looked like he had decided something. This was a huge step in the right direction, but there was still a lot of work to do. I wanted him to know that I was there for him, even if he was treating me like some pet project.
“You didn’t come here to see me break down like a little girl. I have something that I want you to see. Tomorrow, we start a new chapter in this ‘relationship’. I never want you to think of me as damaged. I’m through allowing the past to have that kind of power over me,” He said while I was still holding his shoulder.
“I knew from the moment that I met you that you were eccentric. I also knew that you were unpredictable, but what I didn’t realize was that you were hurting this badly. You’ve been hiding from it, but I think now you are willing to accept your own flaws,” I said while holding his gaze and trying to determine what this man was made of.
This softer side of a man that I feared and admired at the same time was a little hard to digest. He was supposed to be this awe-inspiring force, but it did show that he was human. He was not unfeeling or callous. It was only an act that he was portraying to others. He didn’t want them to know that he was that close to being institutionalized.
“I think that it goes without saying that I’m a captive audience. I’m actually looking forward to seeing what else you can possibly do to shock me and confuse me. I was actually looking forward to seeing your latest work, but you denied me that by throwing it away in your haste,” I said while I saw a change in his demeanor.
“I don’t have any right to ask, but I am begging you not to say anything to anybody. I want you to forget what you saw here today. The only thing that I can promise is that it won’t happen again. I’ve tried to handle these things on my own, but it’s not easy to do when you feel like you’re being pulled in two different directions,” He stated with his footsteps now more confident and heading back towards the house.
“Nobody will ever hear what I saw coming from my lips. I know that nothing is a certainty, but I think I see signs that you might be feeling something for me that scare you. I wasn’t sure how to bring it up in conversation, but this is as good a time as any. I think I saw some jealousy in your eyes when you saw me with another man,” I said with my eyes taking in the island and knowing that I had not even scratched the surface.
“I appreciate that and I don’t want you to think that this makes me weak in your eyes. I decided to not let this play with my mind anymore. I do get jealous, but I’m a little too confident to admit such a thing. I may have had a moment of doubt, but you showed me that you’re capable of seeing past the way that I treat others,” He said while opening up the door and allowing me to step back into sanity.
“It’s been a long day and maybe we can talk about this when I see you again. I don’t want to beat a dead horse. It’s going to be up to you to determine if you can move on or not. Ultimately, it’s your decision one way or the other, but I think that you’re man enough to stand up on your own two feet,” I said as I made my way up the stairs and away from the scene that sent an icy chill through my veins.
“At dusk, I want you to come down dressed for a hike. I want to show you some of the wonders that only my island provides. I want to show you those things that others have not laid their eyes on. I’ve only shared this with one other person and I think you know of who I speak of,” He said as he turned on his heels and walked away from me.
It was kind of interesting to see that he didn’t want to put a name to the woman that was causing him this much pain. He was trying to put it in the past and I could only hope that he could. He had been living this way a long time and going cold Turkey was not going to be easy by any means.
I had never been very much for the outdoors, but this island was meant to be explored. I had no idea what was around the next corner, but I was almost salivating at the chance to find out. Everything up to this point had been one surprise after another and I had a feeling that those surprises were not close to coming to an end.
Chapter 24
I didn’t think that I would have anything in my closet, but apparently he had taken care of that. I don’t know when he had the time, but somehow he had performed a miracle of getting a safari outfit that was perfectly suited to my frame. The beige cargo pants and the vest to match had me feeling like I was about to walk into an African wonderland. There was a pair of binoculars and other assorted implements that he probably thought that I would need.
I did wonder who was going to be our guide. When I walked downstairs, I found myself face to face with almost a carbon copy of the same outfit that I was wearing. Devlin had a rifle hanging on a strap around his shoulder. He looked like he was in his element. This was the confidence that had been missing. I was glad to see that it had come back even stronger than it was before.
“Normally, I would wait until morning to show you the wildlife, but I don’t think that I can wait. I’m anxious like a schoolboy about to ask his first girl to dance. I think seeing this through your eyes will do me a world of good. This is why I brought you here and it wasn’t all about the experimental sex. That’s a big part of all of this, but there’s so much more that I need to open your eyes to,” He said while checking the gun to make sure that it was loaded.
“I’m looking forward to it. I’m glad to see that you’re back to your old self again. I was really worried about you, but I guess you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for,” I said while looking at his facial features to see if he was really OK or if he was just putting on airs.
He motioned me to go outside and we stood there looking at the sunset. I found it to be a worthwhile excursion. I think by holding my hand he was starting to wonder if maybe his feelings for me were genuine.
Usually, when the sky is that red it means that a storm is swelling. I was a little worried for our safety, but I don’t think that he would have steered me wrong. He turned towards me and I felt something different about him. It was in the way that he was staring at me.
“I built up these walls around me and what I’ve done is essentially make my own prison. I don’t want that to be the case anymore. I want this to be special and something that we can share together,” He said.
“I think that you might have disturbed me with all your antics up to this point. I saw real honesty in you today. I think today gave you a better perception of what you really want. You have to shed the person that you were for the one that you want to be. I believe that you said something to that effect to me,” I said as I felt something big was about to happen that was out of my control.
There was something out there and the air was ripe with tension. It was like that feeling when you’re about to win a medal and you’re throwing your hands in the air like you just don’t care. It was pushing and prodding and grabbing at me. I could feel it down to my very bones. I didn’t want to say anything, in case he thought that I was trying to put a damper on the wonderful surprise that he had for me.
We went outside and down a path to the other side of the house. There was this beige Wrangler Jeep that complemented to our outfit to the letter. I climbed into the passenger side. I’d always wanted to own one of these things, but never had enough money. With the funds that I was receiving from this interesting vacation of sorts, I could practically afford anything that I wanted.
“I want to see the look in your eyes. I think that I’ve seen a light grow inside you. I don’t see you running for the hills and that gives me hope for what we might have.
Dare I say that this might not be just some transaction…it could be something more. I didn’t think that it was possible to love another, but it appears that I may have been wrong,” He said as he was revealing a part of himself that I didn’t think was possible.
He had made me speechless and I could only stare at him in disbelief that he was actually saying the words that I wanted to hear. I just hoped that this wasn’t some nasty trick to lull me into a false sense of security. He had done it before and I didn’t think that he was above doing it again.
“I was waiting for you to say something, but I never thought that it would actually happen. I thought this was all a game and that I meant nothing to you other than a reprieve from your boring days. I honestly didn’t mind being your distraction, but I also didn’t expect to feel the way that I’m feeling,” I said while watching the path become overgrown.
There were only tire tracks and very faint ones that were indicating that this was not a well-traveled area. I had a feeling that he didn’t enjoy what his island could give him and maybe he was starting to realize that time was getting by him. I wanted to believe that we could have something, but I wasn’t sure if he could love me in the way that I wanted him to. Only time would tell. I was willing to put in that time to find out one way or the other.