by Nana Malone
Micha shook her head. “Why wouldn’t you tell us? Were you sitting in my apartment when I creepy stalked Caleb? I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t want you guys to worry. Or judge me."
Micha leaned forward clasping her hands. "Honey bunches of oats. Now you know I love nothing better than to form judgment about people, but you—why would we judge you?"
Ricca shrugged. “I don’t know. I just wanted to keep it private for a while, I guess.” How the hell to explain this? “I mean, clearly I’ve had this thing for Beckett for years. I mean, the only person it was a secret to was him.”
Jaya put down her drink after a long pull. “I can’t believe he sold you on this stupid benefits idea. I love him, but God, he can be so selfish sometimes. I mean, you were vulnerable, and he has to know how you’ve felt about him. God, I could—”
Ricca cleared her throat. “It was my idea.”
Jaya’s mouth hung open.
Micha just grinned. “Hot damn. Look at you taking charge of your sex life. Me hearts it. Now, get to the good stuff.” Micha put her hands up about a foot apart. “What are we talking here? Gifted and talented or…” Her voice trailed off.
Ricca blushed, blood heating her face.
Jaya guffawed. “Micha! For the love of all that is holy.” She rolled her eyes. “You’d have a pretty good indication if you ever saw him swim.” She turned to Ricca and winked. “Congratulations.”
Ricca had to laugh. She deserved a little ribbing. They could have given her a hard time, but true to form, they were just her friends.
Jaya touched her hand. “Honey. I love nothing more than the idea of you and Beckett together. It’s like a fantasy come true. Like watching 90210 Brandon and Andrea get together or something. Except you are so totally hot."
Ricca slunk back. "Shit, I’m not that pathetically in love, am I?"
"No.” Jaya cringed. "Not at all. I’m just saying that’s the level on which I would want you guys together. Every girl in America watched that show and wished it would happen. It’s just in reality that Beckett is, well, Beckett. Neither one of us wants you to get hurt. I mean, you and he are one of those couples you think you'll never see in action because he's not mature enough to make it happen.”
“I don’t need it to happen. I’m good with how things are,” she lied. “And he makes me feel…” She let her voice trail for a moment. “I feel sexy. Like I’m a Goddess. And every time he kisses me—it’s like I finally get what all the fuss is about. I’ve always liked sex fine, but never felt like holy shit, I can’t go without it. I know what that feels like now. Especially the other night on Jaya’s Balcony.”
Micha grinned. "Hot damn, you lucky bitch. I knew you were up to no good."
Jaya nodded. "Okay, yeah, that's wow, um. Okay."
The three of them collapsed into giggles.
Jaya chewed her lip. "So what you're saying is, I almost got an eyeful at my party?"
Ricca had the urge to hide so no one would notice her. "Yes,” she squeaked.
Micha just chuckled. “I never thought you had it in you."
"And normally I don’t. But I don’t know…the chemistry is so off the charts. You know that tingly feeling when you're aroused? It’s like I'm walking around with that kind of haze all the time."
Micha took the lead in her characteristic way. "Does he know you’re in love with him?"
Ricca snapped her head back as if she'd been slapped. "I'm not in love. Not anymore. That was years ago. I’m just enjoying the sex."
Micha raised a delicately arched eyebrow. "That goofball grin you've been wearing around for weeks—we thought it was the new gig."
"And the silly smile you have plastered on your face.” Micha laughed "You're in love."
The truth Ricca had been avoiding and hiding from for weeks stared her in the face. Her heart hammered. If the two of them knew, it was probably visible to anyone watching. Especially Beckett.
"May I join you ladies?"
The regal voice stopped Ricca's thoughts mid flow. Holy Mary, mother of the apocalypse, Adele Westhorpe wanted to join them for a drink? Sure, she was Jaya’s mother-in-law to-be, but she terrified Ricca. Suddenly Ricca lost all power to speak. She could feel her jaw working, but no words came out. Even Jaya seemed tongue tied. Only Micha seemed completely unfazed.
"Sure. Slide on in. What are you drinking?"
Adele cocked her head and smiled at Micha. "You're not immediately terrified of me. I like you already."
Micha barked out a laugh. "No one said I was smart. I get the impression it might be smart to be a little afraid of you."
Adele shrugged. "You’re probably right about that." She patted Jaya's hand. "How is everything? I really wish you’d let me get you a wedding planner to assist."
Jaya smiled but resolutely shook her head. "Too much of a control freak. I won’t be able to sleep if I’m not touching everything."
The older woman nodded. "Well, if you change your mind."
She then turned her attention to Ricca. "How is your young man?"
At first, Ricca wasn’t sure Adele was talking to her. And her mouth still did the whole guppy out of water thing.
Micha spoke for her. "Uh, they actually broke up. The little turd wasn't so nice about it either."
Adele drew her eyebrows down over her eyes. "Are you talking about that portly gentleman she showed up at the Gala with?"
Ricca finally found her voice. "Who else would you be talking about?"
"That gorgeous slice of a swimmer you were arguing with the night of the Gala. That’s Beckett Mills, right? I saw him in the Olympic Trials years ago. He's currently trying to buy some building in the East Village. I heard about the unfortunate fire the other night. Word is, he wanted to turn it into a swimming pool for underprivileged children. I'm on the board he's petitioned for part of the funds."
There. It did it again—Ricca’s voice poofed into thin air like an American Idol runner up. When she finally found it, all she could muster was, "Oh, he's not mine. We aren’t—um. We're not dating."
Adele raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Well, I didn’t think you'd be dating dear. If you were smart, you’d get him in bed with a quickness. I know if I were thirty years younger, I would."
Several things happened at once: Jaya covered her mouth and gasped; Micha cackled, a full belly laugh kind of laugh; and Ricca just stared as Adele Westhorpe, the Adele Westhorpe, took hold of Ricca’s untouched martini and slugged it down.
The old lady smiled at her and said, "Now, how about we get me a real drink, and you tell me how I can live vicariously through you. I could have sworn my plan would work."
"Plan?” Ricca stumbled out, then stared at her empty glass. She'd wanted that drink.
"From the moment you walked in at the Gala, he was staring at you. Then I saw the two of you talking. Any idiot can see the two of you were dancing around each other."
Wait, Adele had been playing matchmaker? Her whole tidy life had been turned upside down at the whim of a billionaire? Jaya was in trouble with this one as a mother-in-law.
Adele eyed Ricca. "I would almost say I was sorry...if I was. But the way I figure it, you should be happy. Why aren’t you?"
Jaya chimed in to help out. “It's been a little complicated. Now Ricca's gone and fallen in love."
Adele nodded. "And Beckett?"
Ricca sighed. "Not so much."
Adele signaled the bartender, and he started pouring bourbon into a glass. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. I know men. So when are you going to tell him the good news?"
Ricca's eyes popped. "Never."
Adele chuckled. "Well that sounds like an imperfect plan. But what I really meant to ask is how are you going to show him the light? Sometimes men need a little nudge."
Chapter Twenty-One
Beckett coughed up another round of soot and phlegm. Shit. Two days had gone by, and he could still taste the ash on his tongue. Ricca had him on suicide watch or s
omething. She texted every few hours to see if he wanted to go out or get out of the office. Braedon kept calling too, but Beckett’s brother couldn’t seem to find any words, so they sat in silence until one of them hung up.
Beckett scrubbed his hands over his face. He had a huge decision to make. If he kept on this path and tried to rebuild, he'd need a lot more money. Insurance would cover some of their costs, but after talking to the adjusters, they would be starting from scratch, the damage was so extensive. The bank wouldn’t give him that kind of loan, and Braedon, like Beckett, had already sunk all his cash into that building.
Bitter disappointment, anger, and the gnawing failure clenched at his gut. He’d let their mother down. All this work and they would have to start all over again.
He didn’t want to think about it. He'd made such a fucking mess of things. The building. Ricca. This job.
A brusque knock at the door had him bringing his head up. "Micha?" He tried for a smile. But he was confused. They were friends, but not exactly BFFs. He could count the number of times they’d hung out alone on one hand. "What’s up? You looking for Ricca?"
She smiled as she came in and closed the door behind her. Beckett momentarily feared for his life. Micha had a way of intimidating most people, and she wasn't afraid of anything, even when she should be. He liked her. She was fun. But he always had a feeling that she saw too much and was making hidden judgment calls on him, so he steered clear. She also had a no-nonsense bullshit meter.
"Actually, I came for you. Can I sit down?”
“Yeah, sure. What’s up? You have a dead body or something to move? You don’t usually come for me.”
She shrugged. “I wanted to let you know how sorry I am about Swim on J. If you want any help raising funds to rebuild, please let me know. I can leverage the magazine’s resources.”
Wow. He sniffed, worried for a minute there that he might actually break into a sniffle. “I don’t know what to say.”
The corner of her mouth tipped up in a smirk. “Don’t go getting all emotional on me. It’s not like we’re going to hug it out or anything. But you were doing a good thing, and I want to help where I can.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it, even without the hug. I’m not sure yet if I’m going to rebuild. I’m starting to think that place is cursed or something.”
She pursed her lips and nodded her head ruefully. “You going to give up?”
His anger simmered to life. “It’s not giving up, exactly. Sometimes you just have to know when to say die.”
“Bullshit. You think I don’t know you very well, but I know you’re a fighter. Besides, with Ricca in your corner, I think you’ll figure out how to see things a little more clearly.”
Beckett raised his eyebrows. He was right—Micha Bennet saw too much. “You know all this about me?”
“You and I are a lot alike. We talk the game, but neither one of us is willing to be vulnerable. I also know what it's like to think you don’t have what it takes to do something. Or worse, be with someone."
Beckett’s mouth went dry. "Micha, I—"
She held up a hand. "Look. I know it's none of my business. I get that. And I know, if it’s possible, you love Ricca more than I do. But I also get the feeling that this isn’t fun and games for you. I've been seeing you watch her for ten years now. I didn’t think you'd actually ever pull the trigger."
He chuffed out a breath. “She told you?”
“Yeah. She did. Though I can’t really figure out why you two kept it all secret.”
"I, um." Micha was one hell of an interviewer. "She wanted it quiet, so I respected that. I care about Ricca. I don’t want to hurt her."
Micha frowned. "That’s easy—then don't. But most importantly, don’t hurt yourself. You two could be good together. Don’t run for the sake of running. It won’t do you any good. She grounds you."
What a surreal conversation. "She was pretty clear that I’m the practice boyfriend." He set his jaw. “She thinks of me as a friend doing her a favor. Letting her be adventurous, trying out some stuff before she finds Mr. Right."
"And if you believe that, you’re a moron. Or rather a bigger moron than I thought. She's been in love with you since she was eighteen. She hides it well. And to her, you've always been that unattainable goal. But now she has you and has convinced herself that she has to keep it casual if she's to survive you."
His skin felt hot. Ricca loved him? Not like her friend, but actually loved him. "Are you supposed to be telling me this? Why the hell would you go out of your way to get us together?"
Micha shook her head. "Because I see you. And because I want what will make her happy. If you don't think you can get your shit together, then leave her alone. Start dating another string of supermodels and back off. If you do it now, you can return to the way things were sooner or later. But if you continue down this path and do anything to hurt her, I’ll annihilate you."
Ah here it was, the warning him off part of the conversation that he’d expected. "So you want me to back off."
"Actually, no. I want you to get your panties out of a knot and tell her how you feel. Then make a decision one way or another. Ricca is not a limbo type of girl, no matter how much moxy she borrows from me. She deserves to actually be in love and not run around hiding."
"Trust me, you and I are on the same page."
"I doubt it. Because then you'd know that I think you deserve to be happy too. Stop running away and tell her how you feel. It's your choice, honestly. But you have to know what you want and go after it. Either way, this limbo thing can't go on forever. Ricca will get hurt, and this will only prolong your pain."
Beckett blinked at the woman he'd always only seen as an auxiliary friend. Someone with so much confidence it scared the hell out of most men. Himself included. But she was emotionally smart and sensitive. She also didn’t want to see him hurt. And that was a first. "Micha, I don’t know what to say."
She shrugged and stood up, tossing her wild mane of curls over her shoulder. Her long legs extending and unfolding underneath her. "Your choice. You both deserve happiness. I happen to think it’s with each other."
Later that night, as sat in Synthesis Bar and waited for Ricca, Beckett fiddled with his beer. He knew what he had to do. Never mind how painful it was going to be. He had to—Micha was right. He either needed to push Ricca away or make an honest man of himself.
The closer the two of them became, the more terrified he was that he’d screw up. Braedon was right—he was falling in love with her, and knowing himself, he’d fuck this up royally. It was better if they ended it now.
He spied her across the room, and his whole body jerked. She wore a low-cut, black jumpsuit that made her look taller. She saw him and immediately grinned. She came right up to him and leaned in for a kiss.
He immediately turned his head. If their lips met, he’d keep kissing her, take her home, and forget that this was for her own good. He’d be slaving for years to get this building back on track; she needed someone who had their shit together. Not him.
She frowned and sat across form him. “What gives?”
“I—uh…I think we need to cool things off for a bit.”
Ricca sat shock still. “Do you mind me asking why?”
Because I’m completely in love with you, and you deserve some guy who’s got his shit together. “Because things are too muddled, and I’d rather just have my friend.”
Her brow furrowed, and he would swear an oath that her lip quivered. “You know what? Maybe this is for the best, Beckett.”
Wow, she was letting him off the hook? She was taking it easier on him than he was on himself. “I—uh—huh?”
“Because I’m starting to have actual feelings for you. And the person I deserve to be with is someone who isn’t scared of going all in.”
A cold fist enclosed his heart and squeezed. She had feelings for him? No, let her go. You’ll only hurt her. “Ricca, this has nothing to do with you, I just—”
> “One question, though.” Her voice was calm. “That night on the balcony, were you trying to break things off then?”
That cold hand squeezed again. “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you just come out and be straight with me?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“And somehow this was better?” She stood. “You know what? Save it. I knew what I was getting into. I was just a fool to believe you were different underneath it all.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Paradise.
The smell of incense woke Beckett up in the morning. As soon as he and Ricca arrived in Morocco, they'd set up their rooms and checked in with the client. Given all the near misses they’d had on these fantasies, it was a miracle the client wanted to continue.
They’d changed up the original plan and a complete change in game plan at the end was going to be tough to work with, but they could do it. After all, the client got what the client wanted. It was their job to make sure it happened seamlessly, without incident. But they’d been so tired. After their meetings to get the client back on track and their long trip, all he and Ricca had wanted to do was pass out.
He’d waited for Ricca to go to sleep first though. He wanted to make sure she was getting rest. The shadows under her eyes bothered him. Her fury at him sliced like a knife in his chest. She was slipping away, and he had no idea how to fix it. How to get them back where they were before this stupid competition had fucked it all up. Before he'd fallen in love with her.
He wasn’t stupid enough to believe he could pretend they were just friends. But he wasn’t stupid enough to believe they could have a happily ever after either. Yet he wanted her so bad he thought he'd die with the need. And now that he'd had a taste, there was no way he wouldn't close his eyes every night and not see her beautiful body laid out for him. Still, he knew he couldn't keep her. Micha was right—limbo didn’t work for them. She deserved better. Deserved someone like Carter, except without the asshole gene. Someone like Roberto. It was so obvious how much he loved Lila.