Unlike Sami, I’ve been very lucky in love.
Once we were a couple, things happened very quickly. We have so much in common, and there was never a question in my mind that he was Mr. Right (I know that sounds pretty cheesy, but it’s absolutely true!).
After dating for several months, Dave gave me a big-time clue of what the future might hold. “Someday,” he said, “I’m going to ask you to marry me, and we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.” Wow! That was so amazing! That’s not something that you’d expect to hear from most guys. But early on, he was already thinking about making a commitment. Well, guess what: I was already feeling the same way!
I’ll never forget my first Valentine’s Day with Dave. It was sooo romantic! Now, Dave doesn’t particularly enjoy musical theater, but it’s never been a secret that I absolutely love it! (Hey, remember our Moulin Rouge productions at Fan Weekends?!). So (leave it to Dave!) he planned a Valentine’s evening for us at the theater, which meant so much to me (I knew it wouldn’t have been his first choice of an ideal night on the town). We also had a very romantic dinner in downtown L.A., not far from the theater in an incredible high-rise restaurant with a spectacular view of the entire city. It was an absolutely wonderful evening (Dave, I still remember that Valentine’s Day—it was so special!).
By the way, now that Dave and I are married, Valentine’s Day may be even more important to us. Once you’re married, it’s less about trying to impress the other person and more about taking the time to have some special moments together; it’s a wonderful occasion for spoiling your significant other, setting aside some time for romance and cuddling, and keeping the fires burning (if you get my drift!). Because our respective schedules can be so hectic, we often end up celebrating Valentine’s Day sometime in the vicinity of February 14th when both of us have free time, but often missing the exact day. Both of us also have a knack for finding humorous, sweet cards for one another, and we usually exchange small personal gifts. But the most important part is that we’ve set aside a night to be together.
Well, I’ve already given you examples of how romantic Dave can be. But I haven’t described the night he proposed marriage. That’s a night I’ll never forget! We went to Catalina Island—26 miles off the coast of Los Angeles—for a quick getaway. Nothing seemed particularly out of the ordinary—Dave appeared easygoing and low-key when the weekend began. But then it all changed. At his suggestion, we took a stroll along the boardwalk by the ocean and exchanged small talk for a few minutes. But once we reached a secluded spot on the sand, the mood changed (did it ever!). I looked over and Dave had knelt down on one knee. Oh my God, I almost died! Before I could catch my breath or say a word, he proposed to me on the spot. I was so shocked—and so happy! Fortunately, my part in this monumental and memorable event was pretty small: All I really had to say was “yes”—Dave took care of everything else! Now, that was definitely one of the most romantic moments of my life!
One of Sami’s many wedding styles…she should write a book!
Although Dave and I didn’t get married right away, it seemed like the planning was upon us before long—and let me tell you, making all the arrangements can be very involved and time-consuming! I knew that this was the one and only time I’d ever get married, and I wanted everything to be just right. But I didn’t realize that there are so many things to organize, to plan for and keep track of, and it’s so easy to overlook some of the tiny details if you’re not careful.
At first, I wanted Dave to help me plan everything—but that didn’t last long! Yes, we both picked out the location, agreeing on an outdoor wedding near the ocean; we reached those kinds of really big decisions together. But he finally admitted to me that he would prefer to let me do all the “girly” stuff that he didn’t have much interest in, which was just fine. I continued to ask his opinion on a lot of things—but I called a lot of the shots myself (with the help of my mom!), and I just hoped Dave would agree with them (which he usually did). Even when my mom and I differed on some of the details, we’d sit back and say, “Let’s think about what each of us has in mind, and we’ll come back and work it out so everyone’s happy!” And we always did!
Everybody had told me in advance that when I went shopping for my wedding dress, I’d know it when I saw it (although I had my doubts about that). On Days of Our Lives, I had already worn three wedding gowns on the show, and so I wasn’t sure that I was going to have this magical feeling when I finally chose the one for my own wedding. I spent a lot of time visiting different shops and trying on plenty of styles. I listened to everyone’s opinions. Luckily, my best friend Carrie was there with me—and more than looking at each dress, she’d look at my face, and she could tell right away if the dress was “the one” or not. Once I had found the dress that I eventually chose, guess what? The first time I tried it on, I knew immediately that this was the one…this was the perfect dress for me. I was certain it was right, and I never had any second thoughts.
Dave and I were married in July 2000, and before the big day, Entertainment Tonight’s producers contacted me about sending a camera crew to tape the event for airing on their show. Well, as I’ve mentioned, Dave doesn’t seek the limelight, but he said OK about the TV coverage, although he did add, “Just don’t make me talk a lot!” I know he liked the idea of having professional cameramen cover the wedding from beginning to end (we were promised a copy!), and they sure did a great job—there were shots of me getting ready (with the curling iron working overtime!), images of me walking down the aisle with my father, the vows themselves, the exchange of rings, and the reception afterward, including our first dance. And, of course, there were glimpses of the cast of Days congratulating us, and partying into the night.
Dave’s dad and my mom performed a duet during our wedding ceremony. Here we are applauding their beautiful performance.
Of the Days cast, Bryan Dattilo, Arianne Zucker, Jensen Ackles, Matt Cedeno, and Josh Taylor were able to attend. I have such a great photo of all us toasting with champagne. And my dad was so cute—he mentioned my “Days Dad” in his Father-of-the-Bride speech. What a day, and thanks to Entertainment Tonight, we have a great wedding video, and of course, some wonderful memories. It also meant a lot to me that my fans got to share in our special day when it aired on ET!
If you’re a young woman thinking about or actually planning your wedding, here’s my advice: Never lose sight of the fact that this will be one of the most memorable days of your life. So don’t let yourself stress out too much over it. On Days of Our Lives, I’ve taken part in many on-screen weddings that were wrecked by one unbelievable disaster or another—but I just knew that my own wedding was going to be great, and that any minor glitches sure weren’t going to spoil the party. Nothing was more important than enjoying the day. And we sure did!
A few months after Dave and I were married, two of my best friends on Days—Ari Zuker and Julianne Morris—and I joked with Ken Corday (our executive producer) at a Christmas lunch that we were all going to walk into his office on the same day and announce that all of us were pregnant! Now, wouldn’t that have turned his life upside down?!
Friendships and Relationships
When you think of Sami Brady, it’s hard to imagine anyone who is more adept at ruining relationships, including her own (OK, maybe there are a few other characters on Days who could give her a run for her money from time to time!). Nevertheless, despite Sami’s sinister side, fans still often write to me for advice, figuring that I probably bring more sanity and common sense to these issues than Sami might.
One subject they ask a lot about is friendships, although I’m not sure I’m a real authority on the topic. When I joined the cast of Days, I was in my teens, and even though everyone was very nice to me, I saw my fellow actors as “work friends”—not to be confused with “personal friends.” I frequently kept to myself on the studio lot, often doing homework in my dressing room. But I eventually realized that these cast members were very spe
cial people, and I became much more comfortable around them. I started hanging out with people like Julianne and Ari, and today, some of the Days cast members are among my best friends. Those friendships were there right in front of me the entire time; I just didn’t realize it. Overall, I learned it is more important to have a handful of great friendships than a plethora of mediocre ones. I work to make time for my girlfriends and my husband, and they are all rewarding and meaningful relationships.
But while friendships are a common theme in my fan mail, there’s a much more pressing issue that girls and young women often ask about—how can they get guys interested in them? Or how can they keep boys from hurting them? Or how far should they go? Or what’s the best way to break up or make up with boyfriends? These letters come mostly from teenage girls who somehow think that I hold all the keys to successful dating. (Little do they know….)
When those letters arrive, however, I do answer them, and sometimes give some general advice. (I’m no Dr. Laura, but I do have an opinion about almost everything!) Thinking back to high school, those teenage years can be such a challenge—just trying to make good friends, much less having and keeping a boyfriend. In my own case, I was terribly shy and insecure, consumed with the belief that I was overweight and very average looking. When it came to school dances and parties, I certainly wasn’t part of the popular crowd, and to me, my life seemed pretty uneventful and uninteresting compared to theirs. I wanted to have more friends than I did.
So I struggled with friendships for such a long time. Having a boyfriend almost seemed out of the realm of possibility—at least that’s the way I viewed it. Looking back, I wish I had been a little more assertive with boys. I sometimes tell teenage girls not to be afraid to make the first phone call or the first move with boys. I had such a lack of confidence during adolescence that it never crossed my mind that boys might actually like me. Only years later did I realize that, yes, maybe some of those cute boys in school did give me a second glance from time to time.
Dear Ali—I know you’ll be married soon so you have experience with relationships. People say I’m pretty nice, but my problem is that guys always hurt me. I’ve been crushing on a guy from work for a long time. He knows how much I care for him because we’re friends. And we dated a lot last summer. But then he started pulling away. Tonight someone made an innocent comment about him having a girlfriend. I felt like I had been punched. So my questions are, “How do you get guys to stay interested in you? How do you know when someone really cares about you or if they’re just using you?” This person is someone who knows so much about me. And I always believed he cared. He’s not just a “talker.” Still, why couldn’t he tell me the truth?
I know you probably don’t get many letters like this one. So I’m sorry. I shouldn’t dump my problems on you. I just look up to you and would appreciate any thoughts and advice.
Love, Kelly
When I answer mail like this, I may include comments from the vantage point of someone in her mid-twenties with at least some life experience. More than anything, I tell fans that no matter what their age or circumstances, be true to yourself when it comes to boys and men (and everything else in life, for that matter). I know that’s sometimes so hard to do. But step one: I encourage girls to work on building their self-confidence and on liking the person they are.
Too often, of course, we don’t make the best decisions when it comes to boys and men. One colleague of mine had a boyfriend who’s an actor, and many of her waking hours were devoted to keeping him happy. She had suffered from anorexia in the past, and amid the stress of this relationship, found herself slipping back into eating behaviors that bordered on self-starvation. She tried desperately to compete with the models he dated when he wasn’t going out with her. She wanted his attention so badly that she was literally willing to put her own health on the line. All for the “love” of a man.
Another friend had a boyfriend who didn’t treat her well at all. In fact, he beat her up, and did it more than once. (How disgusting is that?!) But here’s the ironic part: Not only is she beautiful, outgoing, and funny, she is also one of the strongest and most assertive young women I’ve ever met—except when relating to her boyfriend. She finally found the strength to untangle herself from that relationship, but when she told me and the rest of our friends about the abuse she had taken, we were so upset that we were ready to kick his ass ourselves! She did eventually learn to stand up for herself, and she has created very healthy relationships for herself since then. (It’s like that Christina Aguilera song, “Thanks for making me a fighter!”)
I’ve also known young women who have gone through one imperfect relationship after another and have become so desperate for marriage that they’re willing to settle for something less than what they really want. One of my girlfriends comes immediately to mind. All she wants is to meet the right guy, get married, and raise a family with him. At one point, she tried to convince the rest of us that the man she was dating at the time was perfect for her. Yes, he was very good-looking. Yes, he was definitely in love with her. But there was a “minor” problem: She wasn’t in love with him. Even though she really tried to make herself love him, it just didn’t work. Yet she still drove herself (and at times the rest of us) crazy trying to convince everyone that she could somehow make their relationship work. That’s how much she wanted a family, the house in the suburbs and the picket fence.
Future prom king and queen?
The dating world really is a jungle at times, isn’t it? Maybe I’m lucky that before Dave and I began dating, I really didn’t go out that much. I guess you could say that the dating scene wasn’t my thing—okay, to be more accurate, I was really picky!! I didn’t go out just to be going out. I just didn’t enjoy spending a lot of time with someone I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with. Yes, there was a group of friends of both sexes who I hung out with a lot—we’d socialize as a group, play volleyball at the beach, or organize a tag football game. I went on individual dates from time to time, but looking back, I was ultraselective and not willing to put up with the craziness of dating if it wasn’t for real. (No regrets!) In fact, Dave was the first and only man I ever had a serious, long-term relationship with—and I knew right away that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with!
For most of my life, my best friends have been actors, but I always had trouble seeing myself dating one. But here’s a bit of trivia: If you want to go all the way back to high school, Bryan Dattilo was my date for the prom, and it may have been particularly memorable because a waiter recognized us from our work on Days! It was the first “fan experience” for both me and Bryan, and when you’re not used to getting that kind of attention, it makes an impression!
A Word About Sex
Well, I know what you’re thinking. With all this talk about men, boys, dating, and marriage, what about sex? As with most of these interpersonal issues, I’m not an expert, although you’d think I was, judging by the number of letters I get on the subject.
Here’s what I do know: Many young girls are dressing more provocatively these days and seem to be having sex earlier than ever. While sex can be a wonderful and deeply fulfilling experience, it’s also something that can undermine your self-esteem if it’s not with the right person at the right time. As I sometimes tell teenagers, no matter what your friends are doing, and no matter how much pressure you’re feeling, you should always feel free to say no. It’s okay to wait if that’s what you really want to do. There may be a lot of reasons to have sex, but if you decide to become intimate because you think it will help you keep your boyfriend or because it will help you fit in with one clique or another, that usually doesn’t work.
When I was in high school, our teacher in human sexuality class quoted a study that described the ultimate fantasy that girls have for their first time. Here’s what it involved: The love of their life, romantic candles, and a bearskin rug. (Sound familiar?) But according to the study, 90 percent of the girls surveyed ne
ver get close to that dream. So I tell girls not to be held hostage by their (or his) hormones, and to use good judgment. Be true to yourself, and don’t put yourself in situations that are difficult to get out of. (One recent study found that one in ten girls reported being raped or physically abused on dates.)
Having the right make-up artist and hairdresser are key—I am very lucky to be friends with such talented artists!
The bottom line: Sex is wonderful but it’s also pretty serious business (no kidding!). Move at your own pace. Go slowly if that’s what feels comfortable. Your time will come. And remember, it’s your body. It’s your life.
Fashion Statements
As an actress, I have to do photo shoots from time to time, and they can be a fun part of the job. It’s a great chance to play dress-up, wearing a lot of different clothes that are provided for you. The costume designers and wardrobe stylists usually bring in a ton of dresses and outfits to choose from—although the stylists I work with on Days know pretty well the kinds of clothes I like, and those that I wouldn’t wear in a million years.
I’ve always found these photo shoots to be so liberating. Once I’m in front of the photographer, and he’s snapping one roll of 35mm film after another in rapid-fire fashion, it’s a time when I can be absolutely uninhibited. I can strike sexy poses. I can make faces. I can act absolutely crazy. What a blast!
All The Days Of My Life (so Far) Page 19