by River Savage
“Don’t sweat it, girl. We’ll be here tomorrow. We can chat then.” Kelly steps forward and brings her arms around me. I can’t help but tense. Forcing myself to relax into her hug, I focus on my breathing. Over the last eighteen months, I’ve been working on my reaction to any sudden movement. The self-defense classes have helped, but sometimes it gets the better of me and I react.
“Okay, well thanks for everything. Umm, can you tell Beau thank you.” I start to fidget in my spot, anxious to leave. I feel terrible ditching them after they have just welcomed me in, but I need space to process the last forty-eight hours.
“We will, sleep well, and know you’re safe here.” Kadence steps forward this time. She doesn’t put her arms around me; instead, she reaches for my hand and squeezes it firmly in a comforting gesture.
“Thanks.” I pull back, and look over at Bell and Holly, giving them a wave before turning on my heel. The idea I am safe settles over me as I make my way to my room.
Safe.
When was the last time I truly felt safe?
The night Beau sat with me in hospital.
Forgoing a bath like I had planned, I pull back the covers on the double bed and crawl in. My eyes are so heavy I don’t know how I’ve functioned for this long.
Letting out a defeated breath, I pull the blanket up to my neck and close my eyes. It doesn’t take long for sleep to take me, and for the first time in a long time, I know I’m going to sleep well.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m here, or because of why I’m here.
Only time will tell.
Past
Mackenzie
“Okay, I’m heading out.” I stop at the door on my way out to say goodbye to Chad.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He looks up from the television and eyes my outfit. Dark-wash jeans and a pale pink camisole set off with a black jacket and matching heels cover my body. I was going for casual with a hint of sexy and judging by his stare, I might have just pulled it off.
“With Heidi.”
“What about my dinner?”
“I told you last week, Chad. I’m going out for dinner for Heidi’s birthday.” A look I can’t read washes over his face before he stands and walks toward me.
“So you’re just going to leave me here with no dinner and go out?” At first I think he’s joking. The last few months have been great between us.
“Quit playing, Chad. I’m going to be late.” I shake my head just as he steps in front of me. He’s the same height as me when I’m wearing heels so I don’t have to look up to make eye contact with him. “You can cook your own dinner or there are leftovers in the fridge if you don’t want to.”
“But I want you to cook for me.” His voice is controlled, his pout only just gracing his lips. I roll my eyes, thinking we’re playing a game here, not realizing how wrong I am. My slip in my reserve costs me. Before I can react, I’m pushed up against the wall. Hand to my chest, pinning me with his weight.
“Chad?” I ask. Fear ignites, working its way through my body and washing away the last four months he hasn’t laid a hand on me.
The last time Chad hit me I passed out in the bathroom. I woke up in our bed with him hovering over me with the most distraught face I had ever seen on him. At first, my instinct was to leave. No man was ever going to hit me and expect me to put up with it. But stupid me believed him when he broke down in tears and promised me he would never do it again. Who was I to throw a good marriage away for one mistake? So I stayed. And everything went back to normal. We had our fights, sure. But not once has Chad raised his hand to me again.
Until tonight.
“You ever roll your eyes at me again, you’ll regret it, Mackenzie.” His alcohol-tainted breath hits my face.
“I didn’t mean it.” My need to placate him takes over. I’ve gone back to the woman he needs when he’s like this.
“I thought you were learning, Mackenzie.” His free hand moves to my face, holding my jaw in his tight grip. I know it’s not a question, but I answer anyway.
“From now on, Chad. I’ll remember. I’ll learn. It was a slip. I’m sorry.” I sound like a pathetic, weak person to my own ears, but I don’t care. I just need to stop this before it gets out of hand.
“Do you like it when I punish you? You like being taught a lesson?” His fingers tighten, making it harder to talk.
“No.” I barely gasp through the hold he has on me.
“Then why do you insist on pushing me?” I don’t have an answer right away. Do I like pushing him? Maybe some part of me wanted to push. Do I deserve this as a result? No. Do I want this type of love?
“I… I don’t know why. But I promise it won’t ever happen again.” I scramble for the words he needs to hear, attempting to calm the beast I know is almost free of his cage, but I’m too late. It’s too late.
The slap comes next. The sting burns my face, bringing stars to my eyes.
“You do know why. Don’t lie to me. You like it when I’m angry. If I put my hand down these jeans, I’d know how much you like it. The thought alone makes my cock rock hard.” I swallow, forcing the impending vomit from coming up as he eases his zipper down. He wouldn’t.
“Please, Chad. Not like this,” I beg. The last time he touched me, I believed he loved me. I thought we were moving past the ugliness he had tainted our marriage with. Now, in this moment, it only brings back the hate, fear, and disgust I felt that night in our bathroom. And as much as I despise him for making me experience all those emotions, I hate myself just as much for believing he changed. For what I have let happen to me at the hands of the man I pledged my love to.
He holds my stare for a moment, neither one of us speaking until he finally comes back to himself, re-zipping his pants.
“You’re right. Not here. I have a better idea. Go clean up. You and I will be eating out tonight. Call Heidi. Tell her you’re sick and won’t make it.” I nod, watching him step back and run his fingers through his hair.
On shaky legs, I begin to walk back to our bedroom. The last thing I want to do is cancel on Heidi, especially on her birthday, but there is no other option. He won’t let me leave tonight, not after what just happened. He’s on the cliff and I don’t want to push him. For your safety, Mackenzie, don’t push him.
“Oh, and Mackenzie, you know how much I despise disrespect. Don’t make it hard on yourself. Next time, I won’t be so forgiving.” A shiver runs through me at his words. It isn’t a threat, but a promise. One I know he will keep. I don’t know how but I have to get out of here. If the last four months have taught me anything, it’s that people don’t change.
I’ve been stupid to think he could.
Four
Beau
“You wanna tell me what the fuck’s going on, Beau.” Nix’s first words spoken since we took a seat at the club table don’t hold back his concern or frustration at what having Mackenzie here could possibly mean for us.
“I’m just as fucking surprised as you are, Nix.” I give it to him straight. The last thing I was expecting when I sat down for a quiet night was to have Mackenzie Morre walk into the clubhouse.
“Fuck. You know what this means? More fucking shit we don’t need.” He rubs his hands down his face roughly and I almost laugh at the predictable action from him. It’s his tell, something the asshole does every time he’s stressed and trying to regain his composure.
Nix has been Prez of this club for over ten years with me as his VP, and my best friend for even longer. Growing up together we never had plans to follow in our fathers’ footsteps, but when shit happened with a rival club, involving the death of Nix’s mother, our future was decided right then and there for us. I don’t regret it or hold on to any what ifs. There’s no reason to. We’ve always been family. Our choice was simple. I’ve seen the way our pops’ lived their lives, and while it wasn’t what I wanted, once Nix and I took the lead, life has been a hell of a lot better. We’ve grown both individually and with the club.
We moved away from the illegal shit, and now we own three businesses that keep us busy. Only one said business just landed us in more shit. Shit we could do without.
“What do you want me to do? Tell her we can’t help her?” I pull my head out of the past to respond to him. The rest of the table is quiet as they let us talk this shit out. We don’t normally butt heads, both of us usually agree along the same lines, but if I have to go head-to-head with him over Mackenzie, I will.
“Just clue me in on where you’re at, Beau. What are we getting ourselves into here and for who?” His tone drops from pissed-off Prez to the friend who has always had my back, so I take a second to gather my thoughts and process this entire situation.
What is really going on here?
In the brief time my path crossed Mackenzie’s, we connected. It may have been fleeting, maybe even one-sided, but the night I took her out of her hell, something changed. Yes, my mission is to assist Tiny in helping women escape abusive homes, to aid anyone who truly needs the help of this club, but now having her back, what are my real motives? Part of me wants to say it’s my need to make sure we follow this through, ensure Chad Morre doesn’t win. But it’s more than that. Maybe it’s only a small ripple in a roaring sea, but it’s deeper than a simple act of service. This hold she has on me is something I’m not ready to acknowledge yet. I felt it the moment I picked her broken body up and placed her in the back of the van. When I held her in my arms and took her to the hospital for emergency surgery to fix the damage her fucking asshole husband caused her. But then I lost it all when we finally managed to move her to the next drop off point.
Knowing I wouldn’t see her again, it fucked with me in a way I haven’t experienced in a long time. Since…her. My sister.
“He’s messed up by her.” Sy, the quiet fucker of the bunch, speaks out, pushing all thoughts of Missy away. If anyone knows how messed up I am over Mackenzie, he would. He was there the night we saved her. Sy saw firsthand how affected I was by her.
“Don’t think you know what you’re talking about, brother.” I flick my gaze briefly to him, but don’t give him the pleasure of seeing what his words do to me.
Messed up is a fucking understatement.
“Ever since we picked her up, you haven’t been thinking right. Taking chances when you shouldn’t be. Bringing danger to the club because you aren’t executing well thought-out plans.” I keep my stare on Nix while Sy lays it out. I know he’s right. I fucking have. The shit I pulled a few months back with one of the Warriors’ women was dangerous, but he can hardly blame Mackenzie for it. That’s just me. I saw the woman in danger and I reacted.
“You done?” I ask when he stops throwing me under the bus.
“You gonna deny it?”
“I don’t have to fucking do anything. You think you understand, but you don’t. Any one of those women I’ve helped over the last two years walked into this clubhouse asking, seeking, fucking looking for help from us and I’m gonna do the same thing I’m doing right now for her.” I fold my arms in front of me waiting for his comeback. The room keeps quiet and I know he’s done.
“I want you to keep your head clear on this one, Beau.” Nix finally speaks again. I know he doesn’t want to undermine me on this. This club is just as much mine as it is his. We’ve both been through our own shit, but we’ve always had each other’s back no matter what.
“Not gonna lie. She’s under my skin, but I’m not going to go there. She’s not what I need and I’m sure as fuck not what she needs.” I give it to him straight. No point fucking around. Yeah, her being here is messing with me, but fuck if I can have a taste of it. We’re both way too screwed up for each other.
Nix holds my gaze a moment longer, still not speaking. I let him have his play and wait to see where he goes with it.
“What’s the plan then?” He finally sighs, and I hold my breath a little longer before relaxing back into my chair.
“We give Tiny a heads up, see what he has to say. Either way, it’s out of his hands but we’ll need his help. Jesse, I know you have shit with Bell going on this week, but we get Jackson in on this, see what we can throw at Chad, legally, and we go from there.” Jesse’s slight nod tells me he’ll set it up.
“Other than put feelers out, what else can we do?” I look back to Nix. This issue with Mackenzie isn’t going to be an easy one. Chad is dangerous because he has powerful connections. We need to go about this carefully, so we don’t become caught up in all of his political shit.
“She stays here on lockdown until we know what they know. She needs something, we bring it to her. Until we know for sure what they’re planning, we play it safe,” Nix gives his orders and I agree with everything.
“I give him to the end of the week before he knows we have her, so we have to keep our eyes and ears open. We should bring a lawyer in on this, see where we stand. Maybe we can look at a protection order for her. I’ll make the call and give him the run down,” I add, looking around the table. They all nod, agreeing with the plan I just laid out. “And she’s off limits.” I look directly at Hunter considering he’s the only fucker left without any regular pussy.
He laughs to start off with then stops immediately when he sees I’m not fucking around.
“You think I’m fucking stupid, Beau?” His body shakes with laughter, but I don’t know what’s so funny. I’m fucking serious.
“Just nod and agree.” Brooks knocks his shoulder giving him some sound advice. Hunter does as he’s told, but it only placates me a little. I know I’m probably overreacting. If anyone needs to stay away from Mackenzie, it’s me, but it doesn’t mean the others don’t need to be warned. Hunter specifically.
“Right, well let’s get this shit done.” Nix taps the table, ending the meeting just as fast as he had called it. The rest of the guys stand without another word and walk out one by one. I don’t shift from my chair, knowing Nix well enough to appreciate he’ll want a word with me privately. My prediction is right when Sy walks out, leaving us alone.
“You sure you know what you’re doing here, Beau?” He closes the door and rests his shoulders against it.
“You know me, asshole. I say I have it under control, I have it under control.” I look up and watch him regard me carefully.
“I know, but they don’t. You sure this doesn’t have anythin’ to do with Missy?” My sister’s name grabs hold of me and I’m thrown back into the past. The past I wish I could change.
“You know this is why I do this gig, not gonna hide it.”
“No, I know why you do it. We’re all aware. But it’s no secret the last few months have been messing with your head and clouding your judgment. It can’t happen with this, with her, Beau. If it does, we’re gonna have problems. Problems we might not be able to come back from.”
“I do it for Missy. I fucking miss her every day. But this shit right here, by no means is messing with me. I’ve got this,” I assure him one last time. It will be the last time I do it too because I don’t have anything to prove. Yeah, I’m twisted, but not for the reasons he might think.
“She’s hiding something.”
I laugh, not because I don’t believe him but because he picked up on it too. “I thought so too, but I don’t know why. Could be just jumpy from the run in?”
“We’ll give her a few days, see how she settles,” is all he says, and I know he won’t question me any further.
“Your wife staying to cook me some dinner?” I change the subject, eager to end this conversation for good, so I can go out and speak to Mackenzie.
“Fuck off, find your own wife.” He flips me off, then turns and walks out leaving me on my own. I laugh at the asshole and his protectiveness over Kadence’s cooking. The truth is if I had a wife who cooks like Kadence, I’d be the same way. Lucky bastard.
Taking one last breath to keep myself in check, I stand and follow him out.
Whatever happens from here on out, I gotta keep my cool. The last thing I need is to los
e my head, especially over Mackenzie. And the last thing she needs is more fucked-up shit in her life.
This is going to be interesting.
* * *
Taking a sip of my third coffee the following morning, I force myself not to look at the clock again. It’s been less than a minute since I last checked, and it’s not moving any faster.
After we had come out of our meet last night, I was disappointed to learn Mackenzie had gone to bed. I was tempted to knock on her door, make sure she had settled in, but Kelly was pretty adamant about not bothering her, promising me she was fine. So I stewed the rest of the night. Spoke to Tiny about the predicament we found ourselves in, then called it a night. It was a waste of time anyway. I tossed and turned all night wondering if Mackenzie slept well, if she was second-guessing coming here, if we would be able to keep her safe. Every fucking scenario played out, and every one of them ended with me fucking up with her.
Yep, I’m screwed up beyond all fucking belief.
“Morning.” Mackenzie’s voice breaks me out of my thoughts a few minutes later. Not expecting her company, I jump a little in my chair, my coffee spilling over the side of the mug and burning my hand.
“Morning,” I reply as I wipe my hand on the back of my shirt. She doesn’t step forward right away so I encourage her. “Come in.” She doesn’t make eye contact; instead, her hands fold over the front of her and clasps her upper arms. “You sleep well?” I ask, wanting her to look at me.
“Like a baby. Haven’t slept like that for God knows how long.” As she speaks, the tension leaves her body slowly and she finally looks up, giving me her eyes. She doesn’t make any further attempt to talk, so I take a minute to look her over. Besides the cut on her lip and the small bruise on her cheek, she shows no other sign of injury. Her dark hair is pulled back in a short ponytail. I want to ask her why she cut it all off, but I don’t. It’s not like she owes me an explanation. She’s wearing the same jeans and shirt she had on last night and I make a mental note to ask one of the girls to sort out new clothes for her today.