The fight seemed to go out of Maddy and she sank down beside him.
“Riley, honey.” She gathered him close.
“Maddy, don’t,” Chase told her softly.
She didn’t look up. “Remember how I told you Daddy had died? That he was in heaven?”
Riley looked at Chase in confusion.
“This Chase isn’t your daddy,” Maddy said. A single tear trickled down her cheek. “Your daddy’s dead, and he isn’t coming back.”
Riley looked up at her. “He’s dead?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry, baby. But he died.”
Riley looked at Chase again, his little eyes narrowing, his brain obviously working hard to comprehend what he was hearing.
Chase couldn’t for the life of him think of anything to say that would help.
Riley struggled out of Maddy’s arms.
She reached for him, but she didn’t seem to have any strength left.
He padded his way to Chase, seeming to search Chase’s face for answers.
Chase crouched down to meet him, and Riley immediately clambered onto his bent knee. Chase couldn’t bring himself to push Riley away, so he stilled and balanced him on his thigh.
“Daddy?” Riley said. He took a gulp of air and swallowed.
Even though Maddy’s expression pleaded with him to back her up, Chase couldn’t bring himself to tell Riley it was all true. Chase wasn’t his daddy.
“Daddy,” Riley whispered, resting his little cheek against Chase’s chest. It seemed like an eternity ticked by. “Are you getting a divorce?”
The words stunned Chase. His brain scrambled for a response.
“It’s not a divorce.” The hard lump in his stomach moved to his chest, and he held Maddy’s pained gaze as he spoke. “This is different.”
“Bobby’s daddy got a divorce.” Riley’s arms clung tighter and tighter to Chase. “And his mommy says he’s dead to her now.”
Maddy gave an audible sob. Her shoulders slumped, and she raised a trembling hand to her lips.
“This is different,” Chase repeated. “I was never—” He swallowed. He tried again. “I was never—” He couldn’t do it.
Silent tears ran down Riley’s cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” Chase mouthed to Maddy.
She shook her head. She clenched her hands together. Her voice was hoarse when she spoke. “What have we done?”
Chase didn’t have an answer for her.
In his mind, he went back over the night they’d met. Should they have said something the minute it happened? Or was there a point along the way where he should have spoken up, made Riley understand? Should he have at least tried?
He didn’t know. He couldn’t think.
For now, all he could do was hold Riley’s little form and pray there was a way to make him see reality without completely devastating him.
While the sun slowly sank behind the mountains, Chase mentally questioned all his choices up to this minute. The tears slowly dried on Maddy’s cheeks, and Riley’s breathing evened out as he fell asleep.
Chase broke the long silence. “He needs you.”
Maddy gave a nod. Her face was pale, and her eyes were hollow.
“I don’t need the money,” Chase said. “It’s just sitting there in the bank.”
“Chase.”
“No.” He wasn’t going to let her refuse. “I sold a place in Lethbridge. It was big. It was beautiful, and I’d planned to spend the rest of my life on that land. It didn’t work out.”
That was all he’d planned to say. But Maddy didn’t respond. She just watched him with those gentle, beautiful eyes that made him want to spill all of his secrets.
“I was going back to live in Twin River,” he told her. “My family has land there, and I was getting married, and we were going to have a family.”
Maddy’s eyes now went wide with surprise.
“But my fiancée—my ex fiancée—had other plans. Funny thing.” He could almost bring himself to laugh, almost but not quite. “She’d had other plans for a while. I just didn’t know about them. I sold the land in Lethbridge for her. She was the one who wanted to live in Twin River Valley, close to her family, close to her friends. So, once we broke it off…”
He stopped, not wanting to go any further down that painful path. He wondered if he’d made his point. Was it enough for Maddy to agree to let him buy her house?
“What happened?” she asked.
“I sold the land,” he repeated.
“Why did you break up with her?”
Chase had no desire to look like a fool. But he didn’t want to keep secrets from Maddy either.
“She slept with my best friend.”
“Oh, Chase.”
This time he did manage a chopped, cold laugh. “The baby was his.”
“She was pregnant?”
“I thought it was mine. I had this whole happily-ever-after thing built up in my mind. I came home that night to surprise her, to tell her I’d sold the land. And he was there, and they were together, and that’s when they told me I wasn’t the daddy.”
He found himself looking down at Riley. “So you can see. I don’t care about the money. The money is nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, Chase.” There was deep sympathy in her tone.
“I don’t want your pity.” He wanted her respect, but tonight wasn’t the time he’d be getting it. “Let me buy the house. Stay home with Riley. Help him get through this.”
She shook her head. Then she nodded. Then she pushed her hair back from her forehead.
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay?” His heart lifted.
“Okay, I’ll take Lucas’s money.”
Chase stilled. “You’ll what?”
“You’re right.” Her gaze went to Riley, and there it softened. “I need to be with my son.”
“Weren’t you listening? I can buy the house.”
“Lucas is my brother.”
“So what? I’m your—” Chase stopped himself. What was he going to say? Her lover? Her friend? Riley’s fake father?
“You were Lucas’s backup plan,” she said.
Disappointment washed through Chase.
But she was right. He wasn’t a part of her family. He couldn’t even be called a friend. He was just a guy, a stranger passing through who happened to look like her dead husband.
He forced himself to accept her decision. Then he forced himself to speak. “Do you want me to leave? Would it be easier if I left?”
It took her a long time to answer. “Maybe not tonight.”
The knot in Chase’s chest slacked off ever so slightly. “I think it would kill me to leave it like this.”
“I don’t know what to do, Chase.” Her eyes turned glassy with tears.
“We’ll figure it out.” He promised.
He’d never wanted to hold her more. He wanted to sweep her into his arms, cradle her tight, and soothe her fears. And then he wanted to carry her off to bed, make sweet, healing love to her all night long.
But he couldn’t do that. He was a bastard for even thinking of it. She was mentally and emotionally exhausted. The last thing she needed was Chase’s lust.
He rose slowly to his feet, supporting Riley’s head on his shoulder. “I’ll put him to bed.”
“I’ll help.”
Together, they made their way down the hall.
Maddy pulled back the covers and Chase laid Riley down on the sheets, placing his head on the little pillow. She turned on the nightlight, while he pulled off Riley’s shoes.
“I’ll clean up the kitchen,” he told her, tucking the covers around Riley’s shoulders. If he concentrated on Riley, he wouldn’t give in and pull Maddy into his arms. “Go take a hot bath. Have a drink. Get some sleep.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
He straightened, wishing with all his heart that he deserved her gratitude. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fa
ult.” Her shoulders drooped. “It just is.”
But nothing just “was.” Everything was the result of choices. And selfish choices had adverse consequences.
He’d been selfish to stay this long. He could pretend it was all for Riley, but that would be a lie. Chase had also stayed because of Maddy. He’d fallen hard for Maddy. But it was clear that what she needed right now was support from her family, not from him.
Maybe not tonight, but it was time for him to go. It was past time for him to go.
Chapter Seven
For several days now, Maddy had been climbing the walls. She missed Chase, and she hated that she missed Chase. Riley remained convinced Chase was coming back soon, and every day he begged to go to the next AEBR event in Missoula to watch the riders.
Maddy had told him Chase wouldn’t be at the event, but Riley wasn’t deterred. It was clear bull riding made him feel closer to his father. She didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She wanted him to remember his real father. She didn’t want him to keep mixing the two men up.
Then Piper offered to go with her to Missoula. It was the weekend of the teenage campout, and the trip would keep the sullen Tristan out of town while his friend partied. Maddy was desperate enough to agree. And Tristan had a learners’ permit, so offering to let him do part of the driving was just enough of a carrot to overshadow the campout.
Maddy had double-checked the roster to confirm Chase wasn’t riding. He’d said he planned to spend some time in Wyoming before rejoining the tour, so she decided it was safe to go watch Zane.
Early Thursday morning, they’d piled in Piper’s minivan for the nine-hour drive. On the way, they’d stopped in Billings for dinner. By the time they hit Bozeman, Tristan was worn out from driving. And by the time they hit Butte, both Riley and Tristan were sound asleep in the back seats.
“Quietest I’ve seen him in months,” Piper said from behind the wheel. “Well, except for Saturday and Sunday mornings. I swear a bomb could go off and he wouldn’t wake up.”
“I remember sleeping like that as a teenager,” Maddy said. “Well, up until I got pregnant. Morning sickness is no fun.”
“Is that why you and Chase got married?” Piper asked. “Tell me if it’s none of my business.”
“That’s okay,” Maddy said, focusing on the line of headlights passing the other way. “It wasn’t a real secret. My brothers never said anything at the time, but a baby that comes two months early doesn’t weigh eight pounds.”
“I guess not.”
“Funny, though. We never ever did talk about it. I hadn’t realized that until Chase pointed it out.”
“After Riley was born?”
“Last week.”
“What?”
Maddy became momentarily flustered. How could it be that her default Chase was now Chase Garrett?
“Maddy?”
“It was Chase Garrett who said something.”
“The Chase who just stayed with you?”
“I told him we hadn’t told my brothers that I was pregnant before the wedding. And he said they weren’t stupid. They knew. And he’s right. They had to have figured it out.”
Piper gave her an odd look. “You and Chase Garrett discussed your marriage? You getting pregnant with Riley?”
“We did. Does that seem weird?”
“It seems interesting.”
Maddy had said a lot of things to Chase Garrett, things she never would have imagined saying to a stranger, never mind a bull rider. But Chase hadn’t stayed a stranger for long. They’d been thrown together under the most personal of circumstances. Perhaps it was inevitable their relationship would become intimate.
“So, did you sleep with him?” Piper asked with studied casualness as she gazed out the windshield.
“Well, that was blunt,” Maddy said.
“And that wasn’t a no.”
Maddy glanced into the backseat to make sure Tristan was sleeping soundly.
She lowered her voice. “If I did, would that be bad?”
“I hope not.”
Maddy wasn’t sure how to take Piper’s answer.
“I’m guessing,” Piper continued, “that Chase was the first guy you slept with after Chase died. That was confusing, but you know what I mean. So I hope it was good. I hope it was very good.”
“He was,” Maddy said. “And it was.”
“I’m glad.” Piper glanced at her. “You don’t feel guilty, do you?”
“I don’t. Maybe I should. But… well… Chase, my husband Chase, wasn’t… exactly…”
“That good in bed?”
“What?” Maddy couldn’t hide her shock. “No. That wasn’t what I was going to say at all. I mean, he wasn’t great. He was fine.” She was getting more flustered by the second.
“Fine?”
“Okay. I’m going to say this. I’m just going to say it.”
Piper waited.
“I’m not sure I was his first choice as a lover.”
“Did he tell you that?” Piper sounded aghast.
“No. He didn’t. But I know he slept with other women. On the road. At events. I saw some text messages, and when I confronted him, he didn’t deny it.”
“Oh, Maddy.”
Maddy slouched down in her seat. “He had to marry me. He never said it that way, but looking back, I know he would have been intimidated by Lucas, Eli, Wyatt, and Zane. In the circumstances, the smartest thing he could do was pretend to love me.”
“I’m sure he loved you.”
“I’m not.”
Maddy had never said it out loud. She’d feared it more and more for the past couple of years. But she’d never admitted it to anyone.
“Are you okay?” Piper asked.
“Yes. I’m fine. Thanks for listening.”
“Of course. I’m happy to listen. I’m happy to do anything that helps.”
“It feels odd to admit it. And I do miss him, for my sake as well as Riley’s. But sometimes I don’t know how to act. I’m grieving, but not in the way most young wives would grieve.”
“There’s no set way to grieve. And all marriages have their problems. Scratch that. All lives have their problems.” Piper glanced in the rearview mirror at their sons.
“Riley thinks Chase Garrett is his father,” Maddy blurted out.
“What?” Piper swerved the minivan and quickly corrected. “What did you say?”
Maddy gave Piper the story in a nutshell. “Since the direct approach was an abject failure, I’m going to keep dropping breadcrumbs. I think I’ll have to wait for him to figure it out for himself.”
“He will,” Piper said with conviction.
“Eventually.” Maddy agreed with that. “But it’s so hard to watch. We miss Chase Garrett so much.”
“We?”
Maddy nodded, tired of holding it inside. “I miss him, Piper. He was pretty wonderful. He was great with Riley. He fixed things up around the house. He held me. I haven’t been held like that in… well, ever, I think. He’s got this big strong hug, and when I put my head on his shoulder, I could swear nothing is ever going to hurt me again.”
There was a smile in Piper’s tone. “I don’t need to ask if he was a good lover. He was a great lover.”
“He was a great lover.”
“I had that once,” Piper said. “It was so long ago, I can barely remember it. And it didn’t last.”
“Tristan’s dad?” Maddy asked, knowing Piper had been pregnant while she was in college.
“Tristan’s dad.”
“What happened to him? Did you ever consider getting married?”
“No. It was a fling. He went to a different school.” Piper flipped on the signal to take the coming exit ramp. “He doesn’t know,” she said softly.
Maddy wasn’t sure she heard right. She glanced back at Tristan again. He was stirring with the deceleration of the van.
She leaned close to Piper. “He doesn’t know?”
“He never will,�
� Piper whispered in return.
“Are we there?” Tristan asked from the backseat.
“Not yet,” Piper said louder. “We’re stopping for fuel.”
“You okay?” Maddy asked Piper in an undertone.
“It’s been a long, long time. And I’m better than okay.”
Maddy couldn’t help but admire Piper’s upbeat attitude. It had obviously been years since she’d seen Tristan’s father. And it was clear from her tone that she’d missed him.
Maddy tried to picture years without seeing Chase. She tried to picture years without experiencing the strength of his embrace. It left her feeling hollow and bleak.
She hadn’t even made it a week, and she missed it all so very badly.
*
Missoula had seemed like a natural meeting point when Lucas asked Chase to meet with him and his three brothers. Lucas told him that Zane was riding at the AEBR event, Eli was working just one state over, and Wyatt had been able to make a stopover on a cargo flight to Wyoming. Lucas, it seemed, could set his own schedule and had the resources to travel anywhere he wanted.
Chase had said goodbye to Riley a few days earlier, letting him think he was going to a bull-riding event—which he’d known then would eventually be true. His plan was to gradually pull away from Riley, maybe stop by in a month or so, just for the day, just to keep in touch. It would be hard on both of them, but he couldn’t see any other path forward right now.
Maddy had already told Lucas she’d take his money. But the brothers wanted to meet with Chase anyway. Chase was curious. He wondered if Lucas might not have all the cash flow he needed to follow through with his offer to Maddy. Chase supposed he’d find out soon.
He walked into a bar and grill off Main Street in downtown Missoula to meet the four Merrick men. It was a clean place, working class, with lots of wood, practical tables, and a gleaming bar that stretched around the center of the room.
Lucas was there with Zane and the other two. All were tall, fit, with dark hair and what looked like trademark blue eyes. Lucas was urbane in a suit. Zane was scruffy in dusty jeans and plaid shirt. Chase guessed Wyatt was the one with neatly trimmed hair, wearing cargo pants and a khaki green T-shirt. While the brawniest of the four had to be Eli, unshaven in rust-colored, double-front work pants.
Chase (American Extreme Bull Riders Tour Book 2) Page 11