‘Is that why Shelley was here?’
She jerked, startled that he would know that. Had he been watching her? He turned his face to the side as he reached out to lift a jar from a shelf and she saw his nose twitch.
Of course! He could smell that Shelley had been here. She kept forgetting how good the Were sense of smell was. Unclenching her hands, she said, ‘Yes. And no. My grandma took her over.’
‘Your grandma? Did her being here upset you?’
She bit her lip. She hadn’t meant to share this with anyone. But for someone who rarely said a word to anyone, he was surprisingly easy to talk to. ‘No. It was kind of nice to talk to her. But she spoke through Shelley and told me some home truths that were difficult to swallow. And if she’s right—which I’m desperately afraid she is—I’m not sure how to go about fixing it. And if I can’t fix it, then I’ll never be able to do my job properly or help the Were. Or help you.’
River shook his head. Still not looking at her, he placed the bottle back on the shelf and ran his finger over the next one. ‘Don’t worry about helping me. I’m beyond help.’
Bron sucked in a breath, as if he’d punched her. ‘You mean, you’re beyond my help. That I’m not powerful enough, not good enough, to help you.’
He was by her side before she’d even seen him move. ‘I could never mean that. You don’t see yourself clearly.’
She frowned, his words echoing familiarly in her ears. ‘That’s what my grandma said.’
‘Then she was right.’ He reached out, brushed his thumb over her face where a tear had dried. Her skin tingled and her breath caught in her throat. ‘You don’t trust yourself or your access to these new powers. I understand that.’ He looked down, his lips twisted wryly. ‘I’m having trouble dealing with this new world I find myself in, too. But you will get this. You’re powerful and clever and so full of life and joy it takes my breath away.’
His words brushed over her skin, leaving tremours in their wake. How could he know the doubts in her soul when even her closest friends didn’t know?
Their eyes met. Held. Leaned towards each other.
She sucked in a breath, the sound an explosion in the air between them.
He rocked back on his heels, his hand dropping to his side as his gaze slid away.
She wanted to grab it, bring it back to her face. It was so much easier to believe everything he was saying when he was touching her. And yet …‘You don’t know me.’
‘I feel like I have always known you.’ His lips twisted again as she stared at him. ‘Through Skye. The twin bond,’ he said in a rush.
‘Of course.’ She tipped her head to the side, staring at him, wondering why she was certain he wasn’t telling her the full truth.
He sighed. ‘You don’t believe me?’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘How can I, when you obviously don’t believe I can help you?’
‘I … That’s not what I meant. You are a powerful healer. You could do anything you wished. I trust you will find your way.’ He stood, paced away, turned back. ‘It’s just, you’ve got a lot on your plate and I’m the last thing you should concentrate on.’
Bron sat forward. ‘That’s not true.’ A surge of hope swept through her with his words—they echoed what her grandma had said. ‘Do you really trust me?’
‘Of course.’
‘Do you really think I’m capable of learning how to become Pack Healer? Learning how to use these new powers?’
‘Yes. Look what you’ve done so far. If not for you, I would still be swathed in bandages and look like a horror-movie reject.’
Laughter bubbled out of Bron and she clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘Sorry. I know you weren’t trying to be funny.’
He took her hand, pulled it from her mouth. ‘Don’t ever apologise for laughing. Your ability to see the light side is one of the things I …’ He dropped her hand, a look on his face that both disturbed and fascinated her.
She grabbed his hand, stopping him from turning back to his perusal of her workshop. ‘It’s one of the things what?’
His gaze slid to her and then away. ‘Just one of those things that draws people to you.’
She let go of his hand, disappointment she didn’t understand lodged in her chest. ‘Yeah. I bring the fun. It’s great. It’s my purpose.’
‘That’s not what I meant. And nobody thinks that of you. I certainly don’t.’
She could see he didn’t. It was a relief. ‘Then why won’t you let me try to heal you? If you think I can do this, then why don’t you want me to try?’
‘I …’
‘It will help me to learn,’ she rushed on before he could make more excuses. ‘I learned so much the other times I tried to use my power on you. I learned how to channel through the pack bond, and even though I know that’s not the ultimate answer, that I need to learn how to do it myself, you are the only one I’ve had any real success with.’
She could see him wavering. ‘My grandma told me the problem is I don’t think of the power as mine. Well, I think the only way I can feel it is mine is to use it doing something I really want to do. And I really want to help you. In fact, I have to help you.’ She put her fist against her chest. ‘I never felt quite as … whole … as those times I healed you through the pack bond. I need to feel that again. I need to understand it.’
‘But you passed out. I can’t let that happen again.’
She waved her hand. ‘That was nothing.’ She pushed up from the chair and began to pace as her swirling thoughts cleared and one thought took their place. ‘I just used too much power because I don’t know what I’m doing. But I won’t know what I’m doing unless I try. Unless I learn. Unless I accept what I can and should be.’
She was lost in her thoughts, so bound up with the idea of healing him that she wasn’t even looking at him. River was thankful she wasn’t. He was afraid she might see something in his expression he didn’t want her to see. The thought of spending time with her, of her hands on him, of helping her, was a dream he couldn’t allow himself to live. ‘Bronwyn, I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m a loner.’
‘If that were true, you wouldn’t have sought me out today.’
She was right, but he wasn’t going to admit to it. ‘I’m not the best person for this. Cordelia could help you. You should talk to her. And there are other Were you could help.’
‘I’ve spoken to Cordy, and I know I’ll be able to learn a lot from her when I’ve got a handle on these new powers. But everything she’s suggested to try to help me to meld the part of me that’s used to borrowing power from my Goddess and the new side that has power that doesn’t need to be borrowed, hasn’t worked.’ She took a deep breath, turning to face him, her cinnamon eyes huge in her pale face. ‘And the other Were … they’re not like you. The others want me to succeed so badly, they’re pushing at me through the pack bond. I’m still not sure exactly what that bond is and how it’s going to affect me, but I know what I’m feeling from it. I won’t know if they’re healed because of what I’m doing, or because of what they’re helping me to do. You’re different.’ Her cinnamon eyes burned with a fire of hope and excitement as she stepped closer. ‘I can’t feel you through the pack bond. But it’s not just that.’
Her brow creased and she bit the corner of her lip as she paced. He wanted to grab her, stop her restless movement, push her teeth away from the plump corner of her lips with his own and lick away any hurt they might have caused. Withholding a groan, he pressed his fingers against his legs, hard, willing the pain to bank the fire that ran along his nerve endings at the thought of kissing her.
She stopped pacing, and turned to look at him. Please, Gods. Don’t let her notice how hard I am. Someone was listening, because her gaze arrowed in on his.
‘You are so different from the rest. Your wolf responds to my power in a strange way, almost like it’s pushing me away, but I think that’s because I’m not accepting it or trusting it and your wolf is just protecting y
ou.’
River tensed—her words were far too close to the truth for comfort. His wolf was protecting him, but it was also protecting her—from him.
She didn’t seem to notice his tension as she began to pace again. ‘It’s a slap in the face,’ she huffed out a harsh chuckle. ‘But that slap in the face made me think outside the square the other night. And I need that.’ She cocked her head again, paused, a smile brightening her face as she turned back to him. ‘Although, your wolf allowed you to touch me just now, so there is hope. Not to mention I have a connection with you already.’
He jerked back at her words.
‘You can’t deny it. You came here now because you felt there was something wrong.’
River shook his head, panicked at the thought of how close she was to the truth. ‘That’s not … The pack bond is why … I’m not used to being with people.’
‘And that’s why it’s even more important for you to help me. You have to learn to be part of the pack again. Your wolf needs it. You do.’ She stopped pacing right in front of him, her hands clasped before her as she looked up at him. ‘We both need to find and understand the pack bond. With you by my side, holding my hand, it will make the journey easier. Don’t you see?’
River’s wolf whimpered. How could he deny those pleading eyes? She didn’t even need to say the words and he was already giving in. He was so weak where she was concerned. It was pathetic. But somehow, he made himself say, ‘Being part of the pack won’t help anything.’
‘I think it will. But I’m not going to force you to go to pack land and live with them. I just want you to work with me for now. I think I can learn what I need to learn by finding out more about what happened when I healed you and trying to find a better way of doing it.’
She laughed, obviously excited by the ideas formulating in her head. Her laugh was like a drug to him. It bubbled inside him, a golden elixir warming and brightening the cold, dark places. He wanted to make her laugh again. She began to pace again, the words bubbling from her, and he listened, lapping up her enthusiasm as if he was a starving man and it was manna.
‘I know you’re afraid of what will happen at the next full moon—that whatever is stopping you from making the full change will bring forth that beast again. But I think I can help you.’ She spun, pinned him with her cinnamon eyes. ‘Healing you can help us both, don’t you see? Please, River. Let me try. Let me help you.’
River closed his eyes. He had to say no. He couldn’t be around her more than was necessary. He was broken deep inside and no healer in the world could fix that. ‘What if you fail?’
‘Then I fail. But I’ll never know if I don’t try and I can’t try if you won’t let me.’ She reached out to touch his arm, hesitated for a moment.
He held his breath, stealing himself against the impact of that touch. But no matter how many walls he built, the moment her cool fingers touched him, a silken caress on his skin, those walls crumbled and it was all he could do not to pull her into his arms and crush her mouth under his.
‘Is that hurting you?’ she asked, her voice a little breathless.
He realised he was trembling. ‘No. It’s just … I’m not used to being touched by anyone but Skye and my grandmother. It’s … difficult.’
‘You are touch hungry.’
He almost choked on a laugh at her understatement. He wasn’t just touch hungry in the normal Were sense. He was touch hungry for her. As any Were would be for his mate. But he couldn’t touch her in that way. She deserved so much better than him. Like Adam.
His wolf snarled.
She snatched back her hand. ‘Your wolf doesn’t like me touching it.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘It just snarled at me.’
He frowned. ‘You heard that?’
She bit her lip and cocked her head. ‘Not hear as much as felt it.’ She touched her chest. ‘Here.’
Fuck. If she could hear his wolf through the bond, then he was further down the path to mating than he’d thought. ‘I have to go.’
She reached out to touch him but then pulled her hand back. ‘Sorry. I’m pushing. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.’ She looked away, the joy leaving her, despair surrounding her like a cloak. ‘I didn’t mean to lay my problems at your feet. I’m not your responsibility.’
Yes. You are.
She looked up at him as if she’d heard the words screaming in his head, searched his face then blinked and shook her head. ‘Go. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry yourself about me. I’ll bounce back.’ She sighed. ‘I always do.’
River watched her turn from him, the slump of her shoulders, the glow she usually wore fading before his eyes. He couldn’t bear it. ‘You can try to heal me. I’ll work with you.’
She turned, stared at him. ‘Really?’
Oh Gods, he was such a weak fool. ‘Really.’
She bounced over to him laughing and threw her arms around him. For one glorious moment he gave himself over to the sensation. But the longing to hold her, to not let go, to laugh with her, live in her joy, was too intense, so instead of returning the hug, he stiffened. His wolf whimpered.
She let go abruptly, a look of chagrin on her face. ‘Sorry. I forgot your wolf doesn’t like me. But I’m going to work on that. Everyone always ends up liking me. I’m a likeable person.’
‘My wolf already likes you.’
‘But it doesn’t trust me. That’s okay. I don’t trust myself. We’ll work on that together.’ She spun around in a circle. ‘This is so fantastic. Thank you, River. I won’t forget this and I promise, I’ll find a way to help you. We’re in this together now—you helping me and me helping you. It’s symbiotic. Just like the Were-Witch Pact is meant to function. This is going to work. I know it’s going to work.’
As he watched her spin around, River sighed inside, praying to whatever Gods listened to Were prayers that this wouldn’t make things so much worse than they already were.
Abruptly, she stopped spinning and began to flitter from shelf to shelf, gathering bottles and equipment into a basket.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m putting together some supplies.’
‘Why?’
She turned and looked at him with some surprise. ‘To help in your healing, of course.’
He almost choked. ‘You want to start now?’
‘The sooner the better.’ She turned back to collecting her supplies.
Shit! He thought he’d have some time to prepare himself and his wolf before she started. Perhaps he should go back on his word. His wolf snarled.
She spun. ‘Did you say something?’
‘No.’
She pierced him with a look he felt under his skin. ‘You look on edge. Are you worried that I’ll hurt you?’
‘No.’ His wolf lunged, wanting to get closer. He almost stumbled at the force of it in his mind, but rather than give in to its impulses, he stopped moving, forcing himself to stillness. ‘I’m worried I’ll hurt you.’
‘You won’t hurt me. You didn’t the other night, even when the Beast was on the surface. But you are worried about something.’
Damn! How could she read him so well?
She folded her arms across the basket, her expression suddenly serious. ‘You’re humouring me, aren’t you? You don’t think I can help you.’
He heard the hint of hurt in her voice and it took everything in him not to give in to his lunging wolf. He clenched his hands by his sides and shook his head. ‘I think if anyone has a chance of helping me and my wolf, it’s you.’
Her sudden smile was like sunrise breaking over him, banishing the nightmare, drying the horror-sweats from his skin, washing him clean.
‘I needed to hear that. Thank you.’ Her voice was a soft song weaving around him, lifting him with joy. Too overcome with sensation, he could only nod.
She turned back to gathering her things and night descended again, although in her presence, it was a night with the light of a m
illion stars and no moon. A pretty night. A night he was happy to stand in forever.
‘There, that should do it.’
He looked at the almost overflowing basket of bottles, herbs, candles and creams. ‘What are those for?’
‘Some are for me, to help centre myself so I can study my power and yours.’
‘I don’t have any power.’
‘Yes you do,’ she said, surprised. ‘All Were have power flowing through them, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to change.’
He snorted. ‘Yeah, well, I can’t change, can I?’
‘No. Not entirely. Although, the fact you can partially change gives me hope.’
‘Really?’
She nodded. ‘It means what I originally thought is true, that whatever was done to you didn’t irrevocably break your ability to change, it just blocked it. Or transmuted it.’
‘That sounds very much like the Curse at play.’
Her brow creased and her fingers drummed against the handle of the basket. ‘Yes, it does, doesn’t it? But the Curse is broken, so that’s not what your problem is. Maybe it made it worse, but the problem started with something else.’
‘The rogue coven. They stopped my change with whatever they shot me with the night they tried to kidnap Skye and me.’
She nodded. ‘Yes.’ She bit her lip. ‘If only I knew what they shot you with, it would help. But it was too many years ago and despite the fact it’s still affecting you, I doubt there’s a trace of it in your bloodstream. I wonder …’ Her gaze seemed to fog over for a moment as she fell silent.
‘Bronwyn?’ She didn’t answer. He risked taking a step closer, touching her arm.
‘Sorry.’ She shook herself as if coming out of a daze and looked down at his hand on her arm. Then the full force of her beaming smile was aimed at him. ‘See. Your wolf likes me better already.’
He forced himself to pull back. ‘I promise you, that is not the problem.’
She looked at him curiously and then nodded. ‘No. You said it wasn’t used to people. I get that. But it needs them. You need them.’
No. He only needed her.
Moon Bound Page 6