He goes over to the corner where a little round table with two Windsor chairs sits in front of the opening to a tiny kitchenette. One of the chairs has broken spokes on that back. He drags the chair that isn’t broken over to the living area and brushes it off with his hand.
“Why don’t you sit here? This is clean.”
I look around. The entire kitchen and living area are as big as my bedroom at home. There is another door that leads to what I presume is either a bathroom or a bedroom. I’m not sure which because the door is closed. A small television sits in front of the window. It’s probably older than I am.
“I usually put a blanket on the sofa, but I haven’t done laundry yet.”
He doesn’t sit and suddenly that makes me nervous to be doing so myself.
“Your place is…”
“A piece of shit,” he says laughing. I’m amazed he’s not mortified by it. I know I would be. But he seems to take it in stride.
I chuckle as quietly as I can. I don’t want to offend him. But I have a feeling that a man like Gus Jennings doesn’t offend easily.
“Then why are you here?” I ask.
“My parole officer is Mrs. Beachman’s cousin. He cut me the deal.”
My mouth drops open. “Your parole…”
“Officer. Yes. Mrs. Beachman usually rents this place out weekly, but she agreed to rent it to me for the summer as a favor to Edmond.”
“Your parole officer.”
He chuckles. “I take it you’ve never met someone on parole?”
I close my mouth and try to act like I’m not the sheltered princess I’ve been for the past twenty years. But that’s ridiculous. Gus Jennings probably pegged me a mile down the beach. I feel more exposed sitting here with him looking at me than I’d felt when I’d first caught him staring at me on my way to work.
“You watch me.”
“Yeah?”
“That’s all you’re going to say?”
“What do you want me to say?”
I open my mouth and then close it, thinking for a minute. “Why?”
“You’re a smart girl. Harvard, right?”
I nod and wonder just how much Penny has told him about me. I wonder if he’d been the one to ask like I had.
“Then you know why.”
“You like looking at me.”
“Don’t be stupid. I’m not the only man who likes looking at you, Lily.”
I smile. “So you do know my name.”
“Penny called you Lily.”
Heat sears my cheeks. “You’re slick.”
“Yeah? It’s called streetwise.” He pulls a single cigarette out of a half-full pack on the table and then picks up the lighter that has been sitting next to it. He flicks the lighter until there is a flame. But he doesn’t light the cigarette. “A smart girl like Harvard wouldn’t come to my door.”
I sit up straight in the chair, but with the motion, I get a whiff of disinfectant floating on the breeze coming through the window along with the butane from the lighter that he’s just let die out.
“Want to take a walk?” I ask.
He chuckles low. “Not particularly.”
“You enjoy being a prick, don’t you?”
“You’re in my house. Some people would throw you out on your ass for that kind of talk.”
“But you’re not going to.”
He lifts his chin. “You’re so sure of that?”
“You watch me every morning. You like watching me. Why?”
Gus just stands there by the kitchen staring at me for a long moment. I keep my gaze directed on him. I want to know more than I want to take my next breath.
“Is that why you’re really here?”
“I want to know.”
“I already told you.”
“No, you didn’t. You said I know why. You said I’m smart. You also told me not to be stupid, which I’m not.”
“Then why are you still here?”
“I want to hear it from you.”
His expression softened just enough for me to see something human. He wants me to believe he is an asshole. Up until now he’s done a damn good job of proving that.
This one moment changes everything.
“You’re beautiful when you dance. The way you move. The way your face looks when you look up at the sky. But it’s not just when you’re dancing. It’s the way you move. Graceful. Almost like a piece of silk floating on the wind. Do you even know you’re doing it?”
“Of course,” I say. But the heat fills my cheeks again, only this time it’s not from humiliation. “Well, not the graceful silk part.”
“Sure you do. You have to know you’re doing it. Even when you’re not dancing, you move that way. Smooth as silk. It’s like it’s just in you. I’ve never seen anyone move like you do.”
“You’re kidding?”
And in an instant, asshole is back. “All that shit is probably for show, huh? Like posing for a camera?”
I shake my head, determined to hold on to whatever it was that made Gus come out from behind that steel wall he’s been hiding himself behind. I don’t know why. We all do it. Heather does. For sure Penny does. And maybe I do too. I just don’t see it in myself.
“I become a different person when I dance,” I say, feeling more naked than honest about my admission. “Sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing it. At least, that’s what my mother used to say when I was little. ‘Stop dancing, Lily.’ It’s like it’s part of my DNA. So they enrolled me in dance classes when I was five and I’ve been dancing ever since.”
He’s looking at me as if he gets it. He’s listening and I want him to say something. But he doesn’t.
“I didn’t think anyone was watching. Until I saw you.” I lift my gaze to meet his and our eyes lock for a moment. There were so many questions there. So many emotions that passed between us in those few seconds.
He taps the end of the cigarette on his palm. “So you want to learn to paddleboard?”
And then it’s gone. Poof. Disappeared. It surprises me how much I miss something that was so unexpected and so fleeting. Gus wasn’t exactly asshole guy again. But the man I’d seen just moments ago has disappeared.
“Yeah. I saw you earlier,” I say, getting up from the chair. It almost feels like an inquisition just sitting there while he stands over me in this dark and dank room. I can’t believe he lives here. But then, what the hell do I know about living or choices. And maybe he’s had too many choices gone bad.
“Paddleboarding isn’t like dancing.”
“You need good balance, right? Dancers have that.”
He eyes me as if I’m trying to sell him some property on the moon. I half expect him to push me out the door and then hit me in the ass when he slams it.
“Are you working tomorrow morning?”
“Yes.”
He nods as if he’s considering it. “Four o’clock then. If you’re not too tired. Whether or not the weather is good, I’ll be out here with my board. If you want to learn a few things, I’ll show you. If you’re late, I’m leaving without you.”
What does that mean? That he won’t come back in to get me if he sees me on shore? I have a feeling it does. He’s setting boundaries. And I’ve had too many.
“I’ll be here.”
I turn and walk to the door and then pause, feeling braver than I’ve felt in my whole life. Even braver than when I’d snuck out of class to audition for a Boston dance company that was ready to go on tour for a year. My mother was livid when she’d found out. It didn’t matter. I didn’t make the cut. But I’d learned a thing or two about taking risks that day. And some risks were worth it.
When I get to the door, I turn to see that Gus is still standing in the same position he’s been in the entire time we’ve been talking.
“You know, it’s okay if you watch me dance. I like it. It’s okay if you watch me walk away, too.”
His lips lifted to a slight grin that made him sexier than a man had a righ
t to be. “I fully intended on doing just that.”
#
Chapter Four
Gus
Smarts didn’t get me thrown in juvie when I was fourteen. I had plenty of smarts. It was stupidity. I’d learned long ago that smart people could be stupid. An oxymoron for sure and I had to be a fucking moron to agree to teach Lily Carlson to paddleboard.
I pull on a wet suit and grab my paddleboard and paddle. As I head out the door, I hear Mrs. B yelling on the phone with someone. I kill the urge to stop and listen, to see if I can tell who she’s talking to. Memories that I’ve fought long and hard to forget come crashing into me like the surf on the beach. Powerful. Jolting. But unlike the surf, which I welcome each day when I run to it, I hate the memories.
It’s ridiculous. I’m in control of my own destiny now. I don’t have to sit at a breakfast table eating Corn Flakes with people who pretend it is just another day only to have a case worker arrive at school to pick me up and usher me to a new foster home. The people I’d just had breakfast with didn’t have the fucking guts to tell me they didn’t want me around anymore. They let someone else do the deed.
But it always started with that morning phone call when I was walking out the door. And every time the phone rings as I’m leaving, that’s the memory that hits me as I hear Mrs. B whispering.
Fuck it. A lifetime of days have passed since I was fourteen years old and had no choices. Granted, Edmond would say my choices since then sucked. But at least they were mine and not someone else’s.
I take my time heading out to the water. I love the feel of the sun on my face and the breeze bringing in the scent of the salt water and seaweed. But I know I’m dragging my ass a little for another reason. This whole thing was Lily’s idea, but I half expect her to chicken out and not show up. I almost don’t want her to be there on the beach. She’s clean and pure and beautiful and unlike any woman I’ve ever known. I touch her and I dirty her. What good is going to come from that?
I drop my board on the sand just near the edge of the surf and look around. The beach is still crowded. Now that Memorial Day has passed, the island is getting more and more crowded. Lifeguards have started patrolling the beach. The sound of whistles breaking into the calm of being on the water is annoying but…
“You’re late,” I hear.
I twist around and find Lily standing behind me holding a brand new paddleboard by her side. Her already tanned skin glowed under the pink two-piece bathing suit she was wearing. Over the bathing suit, she wore a white crochet cover-up that was open on top framing her breasts. Blue turquoise earrings dangled from her ears and matched the ankle bracelet on her left leg.
My mouth watered in a way it hadn’t in a long time. Lily sure as shit knew how to strut her assets and she was definitely putting them out there today.
One afternoon. I’ll give her one. Then I’m walking away. If I keep myself together this summer I’ll have Edmond off my back. I can head out west to somewhere where no one knows me and no one is going to look at me and my past and judge.
“You’re going to need to take that shit off.”
Her expression changes from teasing to confusion when I don’t reply to her comment about being late. She looks down at her get-up.
“I wasn’t going to wear the cover-up.”
“I mean the jewelry. That thing on your ankle. It’s not practical and you’ll end up losing it when you put the ankle strap over it.”
She drops the paddleboard to the sand and then drops down next to it, and then unclasps the ankle bracelet.
“While you’re at it, lose the earrings, too.”
One of her eyebrows tilts upward. “Why? Am I going to have a strap around my neck?”
“Only if you want to. And I’m not really into that sort of thing.”
She gives me a slow grin that lights her eyes more than the sun. “Too bad.”
I can feel myself grow hard with her comment. What the…
“Earrings are a hazard,” I say a little too harsh. “Those damned things are so long you might end up ripping half your ear off.”
She touches her ear and looks at me as if I’ve offended her by calling her ugly or something. Far from it. But I don’t need her playing with me. Slowly, she pulls off the earrings and drops them into the little backpack that looked more like a pouch wrapped around her back.
“Have you ever kayaked before?”
She shakes her head, looking more pissed at me than the hurt I’d seen seconds ago.
“Surfed?”
“You were late.”
I stare at her for a moment.
“So. Ten minutes. That’s nothing.”
“Weren’t you the one who said you wouldn't wait for me if I was late? I was fifteen minutes early.”
I pick up my board and grip it against my body using the handgrip. She’d been early. Waiting for him.
“Good.” I can’t stop the smile that’s pulling at my face. “You could have gone out on the water without me. I would have found you.”
She slipped her black sandals off her feet and tucked them into the bag. Then she pulled off her wrap so she was just standing in front of me wearing nothing but that damned sexy bikini. My mouth watered. I wanted to touch her. I could feel the itch in my fingers. And I hated her for it because Lily Carlson wasn’t some slut from downtown New Bedford working the streets for a hit. I’d known plenty of them and despite their wanting no strings sex, and despite knowing my place with women like that, I’d always turned away. I’d seen enough of what comes from what they offered.
Lily wasn’t like those girls and standing here in front of her I realize that I don’t know how to be near a woman like this.
“Pick up your board like this,” I say, demonstrating the way I’m holding my board. “Walk it about ten feet into the water. Make sure you’re out far enough or the fin is going to get stuck in the sand.”
She looked much like a human Barbie doll I’d seen one of my foster sisters playing with when I was little. Lily’s legs were long and sleek. Her movement was graceful and deliberate. And as I give her each instruction, her concentration was intense.
I pulled my gaze away from her body and concentrated on instruction. I hate that damned pink bikini because I love looking at Lily in it. I hate even more that I can easily picture her out of it.
“Can you swim?” I ask.
She drops her board into the water, steadying it with one hand and shielding her eyes with her fingers as she glances at me. “Of course.”
“Well enough so that I don’t have to save you?”
“Would you do that?”
“If I had to.”
“You make it sound like it’s such a chore.”
“Look, paddleboarding doesn’t have to be dangerous. But every so often some yahoo wants to do tricks on waves and they have no clue what the fuck they’re doing and they get themselves tangled up in some other poor bastard’s board. Then someone like me has to untangle them and keep them from drowning before the lifeguard reaches them.”
She smiles. “I’m not a yahoo, and I don’t intend to do anything I can’t do before I’m ready.”
“Good.”
I glance up at the sky. It had been threatening rain earlier in the day. I’d almost hoped it would rain so I could just go out on the water and be by myself. But now that I’m here with Lily, I’m glad the weather turned nice. The sun is bright and warm on my face. My skin is warm under my wet suit to the point where if I didn’t get in the water, I’d be overheated.
I turn away from Lily in that damned pink bikini.
“Strap your board to your ankle and then walk out into the surf. You want to get past a few of these breaks before you try to mount the paddleboard or you’ll just roll around on the waves. Hold on to your board with one hand and just walk it for now.”
“Okay.” Her expression shows how nervous she is. Good. Paddleboarding isn’t hard. But it certainly is something you need to take seriously, especi
ally on a beach where you don’t know if there is an undertow or rip currents. Chances are the lifeguards would be pulling people out of the water if there was any real danger. But it was still good to be on guard.
When we get waist high in the water, I glance over at Lily and see her frowning as she inspects the water.
“What are you doing?”
She glances up at me quickly. “Looking for sharks.”
“What?”
“Didn’t you see that report about the population of seals on Cape Cod increasing to like ten times the population and now they are worried about sharks coming into shore?”
“Maybe we should have done this in one of the resort pools,” I say.
She looks up at me quickly and then shoots me a sarcastic grin, splashing some water at me.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I say. “You might attract sharks.”
They were out in the water far enough.
“The first thing you’re going to do is learn to mount,” I say.
She gives me a teasing wink. “I already know how to do that.”
Fuck. An image of Lily out of that pink bikini flashes through my brain at lightning speed. My body grows warm beneath the wet suit and I feel myself get hard as the image replays itself over and over in my mind. I want to reach out and touch her.
Instead, I focus on getting through the next half hour or so, so I can set her free.
I act like I’m ignoring her even though my body is fucking hard and aching.
“Grab the strap in the middle of the board with one hand and hold on to the side with the other hand.”
“Like this?”
I look at her hold and use my hand to help her make a tighter grip on the board. “You’ll lose the board if a swell of water comes your way if you don’t grip it good.”
I focus on her hands and nothing else. Everything else will get me in trouble.
“Now climb on the board like this.” I demonstrate how to slide on the board on my belly. “Don’t try to stand right away. You want to make sure you’re on the board and secure before you do that.”
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