by A. T Brennan
“Allie!” He jumped up and grabbed her as she started to fall, cradling her as he carried her over to his bed. She buried her face in his chest as she sobbed and cried, unable to get the image of his lifeless body in a coffin out of her mind.
Ben just held her close, stroking her hair as he let her cry.
He’d wanted to tell her last night. He’d started to tell her as they’d been dancing, but he’d lost his head and hadn’t had a chance to say anything before they’d made love.
He’d wanted to tell her before anyone else. He’d thought he’d be telling his best friend about his plan to enlist, not telling his girlfriend he was leaving her right after grad. Being with Allie was the best thing that had ever happened to him, but the timing was horrible. They’d only just gotten together and now he had to leave her.
“Allie,” he said softly. “This isn’t the end of us.”
“You’re leaving.” She pulled away from him. Her eyes were red and tears were still leaving wet trails on her cheeks. He felt horrible seeing her so upset. “We finally get together and you’re going to leave me.”
“Not forever.” He shook his head. “We would have been separated if we were both going to school. That wouldn’t have stopped us then.”
“You think we can make it work?” she asked as she wiped her eyes.
“I know we can.” He smiled at her. “We’ve pretty much been together for ten years. It’s not like we just met and are trying to drag out the inevitable.”
She looked at him hopefully.
“I don’t want to lose you, Allie. I want you to be proud to stand with me.”
“I’ll always be proud of you. I just wish you didn’t have to do this.”
“I know, but I do.”
“I know.” She sighed. “Can we at least make the most of the time we have left, until you have to leave?”
“Of course.” He hugged her tight and kissed her hair as he held her. “I want to spend as much time with you as possible.”
After a moment she started to kiss the side of his neck, and Ben groaned as her lips played over the sensitive skin under his ear. He’d thought she’d be angry at him. He’d half expected her to kick him in the shins and storm out swearing to never talk to him again. He’d never expected her to want him, but as her hand slid down his chest he pushed her back against the bed and lay over her.
He cleared his mind and gave himself over to the moment. He wanted to memorize every inch of her so he could hold onto her after he left.
Chapter Four
They spent the next two weeks together. They had exams to write, but when they were free they were together.
Ben had told his family about his plans after he’d passed his medical, and they’d reacted much the same as Allie had. His mother had tried to talk him out of it. When that hadn’t worked she’d cried. His father had tried to be supportive, but he’d also tried to get him to reconsider. Nicole had been on the fence. She’d been supportive because it’s what he wanted to do, but she’d been worried about him.
Allie had always been a fixture in their house. They knew all about her home life and what she had to deal with, so there was always a place for her at their table. They were happy to find out she and Ben were together and they were very supportive. They still held a place for her at the table, and they let her stay with him overnight.
They were both eighteen and about to graduate from high school. His parents had asked that they not have sex in the house, especially when others were home. They respected that Ben and Allie were adults, but there were some ground rules.
They respected the rules and at night they cuddled as they slept, but when they were alone they couldn’t get enough of each other. They were so comfortable with each other they were able to explore their sexualities. Allie had never even heard of half the things he wanted to try, but she trusted him and enjoyed exploring sex with him.
They experimented with different ways to pleasure each other and tried pretty much every position they could think of. Some of it was kind of awkward and some just didn’t work at all. Some of what they tried was incredible. Allie had never felt so happy in all her life, and Ben was the most incredible and attentive boyfriend she could have ever asked for.
They graduated together and walked the stage with the rest of their class, smiling and posing for pictures with his family since her parents hadn’t bothered to show up. She really hadn’t seen them for more than a few hours since the day after prom, and she really didn’t care. They got their space and she got to spend all of her time with Ben.
The day after grad Ben got the phone call she’d been dreading. The army was offering him a job. He went down to the recruiting center to sign the paperwork and get his instructions. She’d wanted to go with him but he’d gone alone. Hearing the dates and seeing him sign would have been too real, and she didn’t think she could have handled it.
* * * * *
“One week?” Allie asked softly. “You’re leaving in one week?”
Ben just nodded as they sat in his car.
He’d gone straight home after signing the papers at the recruiting center and had picked her up so they could talk about what he’d learned. He’d driven to the school and parked in the back lot. It was the only place they could guarantee would be empty at three in the afternoon on a Tuesday.
“So what happens now? What’s the process or whatever they call it?”
“I have my swearing in on Thursday.” He leaned back against his seat. “Then on Tuesday morning I leave for boot camp.”
“How long is it?”
“Twelve weeks.”
“And I’m guessing it’s nowhere close.”
“No.” He shook his head. “But even if it was there’s no contact with the outside world. We won’t have access to the internet or anything.”
“Phone?”
“Maybe, but they said only every other week, and we could lose the privilege if we screw up.”
“Letters?”
“They said yes, but the post can be slow so there’s no guarantee I’ll get them all.”
“And then what?”
“I have grad and then they send us for our infantry training.”
“Like where you learn your job?”
He nodded.
“How long is that?”
“Fifty-two days.”
“And then you get sent somewhere?”
“To a base.”
“And it could be anywhere?”
“You can request where you go, but if there’s no space open or they need you somewhere else they send you where they need you.”
“So in twenty weeks you’re going to be trained up and at your new base?”
“Yeah.”
“And in one week you’ll be going to boot camp, then for three months I won’t really hear from you.”
“No.”
“Can I go to your grad? Or is that a military only thing?”
“You can go. I want you to be there.”
“Will you have any time off after grad?”
“No, not really.” He shook his head. “From what I understand the ceremony is on Friday afternoon and we fly out that night. We might have a few hours but I honestly don’t know.”
“A few hours? That’s not a lot of time.”
“I know.” He reached out and took her hand.
“I’m trying to be supportive. I’m trying to support you, but it feels like my heart is breaking just thinking about you leaving.”
“I know, baby.” He sighed and squeezed her hand. “I hate that I have to leave you.”
“What if I blow off school? Then when you’re trained and sent off or whatever they say, I can move to you?”
“I can’t let you blow off school.” He shook his head. “I know how important college is for you. Ever since we were kids you’ve talked about getting an education so you don’t have to be like your mother.”
“I can do school next year, after you move to your new p
lace. I can just start there.”
“There’s no guarantee it will be near a college and I might not be there for four years. You’d either have to drop out or stay behind to finish.”
“What about community college—”
“It’s the same thing, Allie. I don’t know where I’ll be and there may not be any schools near me.”
“I hate this.”
“Four years is a long time, but it’s not forever. I’ll be living in barracks and making money so we’ll be able to see each other. I’ll come home for all of my leave and you can come see me during the summer. We’ll talk on the phone every night and we’ll email and write letters.” He smiled. “We can make this work.”
“I believe you, but it’s just so hard to think of you not being here. I know you were going to be leaving for school, but this is so different.”
“I know, babe.” He sighed. “But we can make it work. If anyone can, we can. I love you, Allie.”
“I love you too, Ben.” She squeezed his hand. “What do you have to do to prepare for boot camp?”
“They gave me a packing list and where to be to catch the bus. Other than the swearing in, I really don’t have much to do.”
“Can I go to your ceremony?”
“Of course. I want all of you there.”
“One week.” She sighed. “Wow.”
“Yeah, they don’t mess around.” He nodded.
“Why did you choose the marines? Why did you choose a job that’s so dangerous?”
“When I went in I looked at a bunch of different things,” he said after a pause. “This is the one that seemed right.”
“But infantry, why the marines and the infantry?”
“Allie—”
“Why a job where you’re going to be fighting and marching into danger? Couldn’t you pick something less dangerous?”
“I need to do something.” He shrugged. “I’m young, I’m in shape and this is something I can do to make a difference.”
“I just wish it wasn’t so dangerous.”
“It’s only dangerous if we go overseas.”
“And what are the odds that you won’t? Troops are leaving all the time, it’s all over the news—”
“I’ll be fine, Allie. I’m not going anywhere.”
She bit her lip as she squeezed his hand.
He knew she didn’t believe him, hell, he didn’t even believe it himself. There was a very real chance he could be sent overseas to fight, but it’s what he had to do. This was his calling, it was what he was meant for. He was signing up to go to war, and he was going to come home.
Chapter Five
The next week passed by in a blur. Allie had gone with Ben’s family to his swearing in ceremony and sat and watched as he and a dozen other young men had pledged their loyalty to the country, the flag and the forces. They’d all gotten certificates and then taken pictures and headed home.
After that they had four days left. It had taken him awhile to get everything he needed together, and he’d gotten more information so she now had a mailing address for him and a list of what was acceptable to send and what wasn’t. Essentially she could send letters but nothing else.
Ben tried to split his time between his family and her, but as the days passed everyone was getting more and more anxious. He was spending most of his time trying to assure everyone that this was what he wanted and he would be okay.
On Monday night they all went out to dinner and when they got home they’d just sat up and reminisced, and around midnight everyone had gone to bed.
As soon as they’d gotten to his room Ben had swept her into his arms and kissed her as though he never wanted to let her go, and she’d given in to him.
They’d made love as quietly as they could, and when they were finished they’d lain in bed together, holding each other as they tried to forget how he would be leaving in less than eight hours.
“Allie,” Ben said as he rolled over and looked down at her.
“Yes?”
He took a deep breath and sat up.
She didn’t like the look in his eyes and she sat up with him, pulling the sheet up to make sure she was covered. He looked as though he was going to say something terrible and her mind immediately jumped to him telling her it was over and he didn’t want to try to stay together after he left.
“Ben, you’re scaring me,” she said softly when he just stared at her.
After a pause he reached over and opened his bedside drawer. She could only watch as he reached inside and pulled out a small ring box.
“Ben?” she asked when he turned to her, holding the box in his hand as he looked at her.
“Allie,” he started, “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, and I don’t want you to just be my girlfriend. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He paused and extended the box to her. “Alison Chase, will you marry me?”
She just stared at him for a moment and then launched herself at him.
“Yes,” she whispered in his ear as he caught her and held her close. “Of course I will.”
He let out a sigh and held her until she was ready to pull away.
When she finally did she shifted so she was sitting beside him and he could keep his arm around her. She needed to feel connected to him.
With a smile he picked up the ring box he’d dropped when he’d had to catch her, and she smiled as she took it from him and opened it.
The ring was beautiful. It was a simple solitaire and it sparkled beautifully. It was small and understated, and it was perfect. As she was staring at it he pulled it out of the box and held it out to her.
She felt tears sliding down her cheeks as he slipped it on her finger. It was a perfect fit.
“I love you, Allie,” he said softly as he wiped the tears from her face.
“I love you too, Ben,” she whispered against his lips as she moved to kiss him.
They lay back on the bed together and held each other. Neither wanted to fall asleep because that would mean the night was over, but somewhere around four in the morning they both drifted off, still wrapped up in each other’s arms.
* * * * *
The next day was the hardest day of Allie’s life.
The bus was leaving at eight a.m. and they had to be there at seven-thirty.
They’d gotten up at six and his mother had made everyone breakfast. No one had been hungry and they’d all sat around picking at it. At seven they’d packed up the car and his parents and sister had driven together while Ben had driven her in their second car.
His parents hadn’t been thrilled they’d gotten engaged. They felt they were too young to make such a big decision, but had been placated when they’d promised they would wait until after Allie graduated and they were settled somewhere before actually getting married.
When they’d arrived at the pickup spot the bus had been ready and it was time to say goodbye. Everyone had cried, even his dad had cried as he’d hugged him goodbye. When Ben had given her one last hug letting go of him had been the hardest thing she’d ever done.
They’d all watched him get on the bus with the others and then watched the bus drive away.
His dad had driven his mom and sister home, and after Allie had composed herself she’d driven the second car home. Then she’d been at a loss.
His family had told her she was always welcome and they were there for her if she ever needed anything, but with Ben gone she didn’t feel comfortable spending all of her time there. She needed to go home and get ready to start her own post-school life.
They would be her family soon enough, but right now she had to deal with starting school, and with Ben being gone.
Chapter Six
June 23rd 2002
Dear Ben,
I know writing you the day you leave is a little clingy and silly. It’s only been three hours since you left, but I need to feel close to you.
I love you and I support you. I know you’re doing what you have to do and
I’m proud of you, but watching you drive away in that bus was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I know this has to be harder on you, we might have watched you drive away but you’re the one who’s leaving. You’re the one who’s going to be doing something incredible while we’re going to continue on with our lives.
I just want to tell you I love you and I don’t want you to worry about me. You need to focus on you and on getting through this. I’ll be here and I’ll be okay. I have less than three months until school starts so I’ll be busy. I’ll miss you, but I won’t sit around moping. We’ll both be doing what we need to do so we can start our lives together.
Good luck on your new adventure, and I hope it’s everything you hope it is. I promise to look in on your mom too, make sure she’s okay. Your family has been better to me than my own and I feel like a part of it already. This has to be harder on her than it is on me. You’re my partner, but you’re her baby.
Stay safe, love you forever,
Allie
July 6th 2002
Dear Allie,
I can’t tell you how amazing it was to get your letter so soon. When I saw your name on the envelope it was like my entire day turned around, and when I read your words it made me feel like you were sitting with me.
Things are different than I thought they would be. I watched the videos and talked to the recruiters, but I never thought it would be like this. Fifty guys to a room, bunk beds and footlockers, and every day it’s inspections, drills, class and punishment. I know they’re doing this to break us so they can build us back up, but it’s really hard to remember that when the entire barracks gets trashed because some asshole didn’t put his boots out right or didn’t organize his locker the right way.
We really have no time off. We’re busy and it keeps us in line, but I miss privacy. I miss being able to eat at a normal pace or shower for more than ten seconds, but it’s not so bad.
Some of the guys here are struggling and I don’t think everyone is going to make it. Physically it’s not bad but mentally it’s tough.